Beginning AN: This fic takes place at some point during season one, after the events of Irrational Treasure. One of the things I love about Dipper is how sassy and snarky he can be, and it's a shame that some folks in the fandom gloss over that quality. So I wanted to write up a short story that's essentially humorous banter between Dipper and Grunkle Stan.
Working part-time at the Mystery Shack was a drag for young Dipper Pines. The curious adventurer could be out exploring the woods with his twin sister Mabel or solving the various mysteries that lay within Journal 3. But he was wasting away a golden afternoon working for his money-obsessed Grunkle who paid no heed to child labor laws.
The place was empty, given that it was a Wednesday afternoon and not many tourists came by to visit, and it was just him and Grunkle Stan inside the Gift Shop. Soos and Mabel were busy washing the golf carts outside and Dipper was left to sweep the floor while Grunkle Stan manned the cash register since Wendy had called in sick.
Dipper had finished up cleaning the floor and scanned around the store, satisfied with the hard work he put in. His gaze moved from the floor up to one of the bins where an antique magnifying glass caught the young detective's attention. The boy walked over to the bin and gingerly picked up the precious magnifying glass. He carefully inspected the item, noting the quality condition of the glass and brown handle. Grunkle Stan must have stolen this item since it didn't match the shoddy quality of the other items up for sale.
He also pondered over the practical uses he could have with the magnifying glass. Sure, Journal 3 already had a magnifying glass attached to a string, Dipper only occasionally used it when reading through the mysterious text each night before going to bed. Dipper figured that he could use a portable magnifying glass during his excursions through the enchanted woods or at the library, where he would conduct research on the town's history. And a part of him wanted to emulate his favorite fictional detectives, Sherlock Holmes (whom Dipper outsmarted earlier in the summer), and The Sibling Bros., one of his favorite YA protagonists.
The magnifying glass looked too valuable to be placed in a gift shop filled with cheaply-made trinkets, like Mr. Mystery bobble-heads or other items that matched his Grunkle's ego, and he would not stand idle and allow a blissfully ignorant tourist purchase it before he could. The antique item truly was a diamond in the rough, and Dipper was determined to obtain it by any means necessary!
Grunkle Stan was busy counting up the money cash register while filling Wendy's post in her absence. "Called in sick, a likely story..." Stan thought to himself. He stopped counting the money in the cash register when he noticed Dipper looking at a magnifying glass he recently put in stock.
"You know the rules kid, hands off the merchandise." The con man gruffly reminded the boy.
"Actually, I want to have this if that alright." Dipper insisted.
"Well then you're gonna have to pay full price." Stan countered.
"Oh come on," Dipper groaned, frustrated that his own family would make such a ludicrous demand. "Couldn't you give me a family discount at least?"
Grunkle Stan knew Dipper would bring this up, but he came prepared with a counterargument. "I let you and your sister pick out one item from the Mystery Shack for free."
Dipper adjusted his iconic blue pine tree hat. He was grateful to get another one after losing his old hat in the woods during a battle with the gnomes earlier in the summer. Even though he appreciated Stan's first subtle display of affection, it did not negate how annoyed he was of his Grunkle's grubbiness when it came to business transactions.
"Now I don't want you gettin' any more freebies or discounts from the gift shop." Stan asserted. "What do you think I pay you kids for anyway?"
"You don't pay us jack squat!" Dipper objected. "You know, the more I think about it, I feel like the Mystery Shack could benefit from a workers' union!"
It was at that moment that Stan became infuriated. He had just enough from this little smart alec. "Okay wiseguy, you're paying an extra five bucks for that magnifying glass!" The con man shouted, crossing his arms smugly. "Now that'll be ten bucks, kid."
Dipper rolled his eyes and turned away from the cash register. Of course, Grunkle Stan would want to jack up the price in retaliation. He reached into his vest pocket and felt a crinkled up dollar bill. But it was no ordinary piece of American currency, but rather an outdated piece of money granted to him by Quentin Trembly the Third Esquire, the Eighth-and-a-Half President of the United States of America.
Dipper grinned menacingly, knowing that he had the upper hand.
The boy turned around, playing the role of the defeated party as he wore a sullen frown. "Okay Grunkle Stan, I surrender. I should be more grateful that you pay me in food and lodging as opposed to minimum wage."
"You're darn right, Dipper!" Stan emphasized.
As soon as Dipper placed the bill into Stan's calloused hand, he took his prize and sprinted towards the exit. "Success!" He thought to himself as he made his escape.
Grunkle Stan smiled to himself. "Aha! Victory is mi-" He inspected the dollar to find not the face of Alexander Hamilton, but the face of some mutton-chopped weirdo with -12s on each corner. What is this malarkey?!
"A negative twelve dollar bill!" Stan yelled in disbelief. "This is absolutely worthless!"
Suddenly the bell rang as the door to the Gift Shop opened and Dipper poked out from behind. "It's less than worthless!" He replied before slamming the door shut.
Grunkle Stan was left alone in the Gift Shop, feeling like a complete goon. He looked at the less-than-worthless currency in the palm of his hand. To think that his nephew had duped him out of some magnifying glass. Dipper had played him like a fiddle, and yet, he wasn't upset at the slightest.
In fact, Stan was very proud of Dipper.
Tears of joy started swelling in his eyes. He had hoped to teach the kids valuable lessons in the art of pulling off schemes. Heck, their first bonding lesson of making counterfeit Benjamins had landed him in jail. But Stan had been smarter about his crimes. The last family bonding they had involved stealing decorations for Summerween, and only paying the cashier using Stan Bucks. Now Dipper had learned from the best and even added his own flair to his little crime. Instead of making up his own fake currency with amateur doodles, the kid used some sort of negative money that resembled a typical dollar bill to avoid paying extra for some magnifying glass, and he actually got off scot-free!
Ever since Dipper and Mabel arrived, all he ever wanted was to connect with the kids, even using his unorthodox measures of pulling off cons and schemes. He was overjoyed that Dipper took it upon himself to beat him at his own game.
"Heh. Conned by my own nephew." Stan said to himself as he looked at the fake money in his hands.
Additional AN: Wow, it's been a while since I last published a fanfic online. I was really busy with my jobs during the past two years and I never really got around to writing during my off-time. But now that I had some free time, I was able to write up a nice little Gravity Falls fanfic featuring the most overlooked character dynamics on the show.
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