** Reverie - Isaac Gracie **
Music for this chapter
"As soon as Olivia enters the room, she is faced with the curtains and window open and Alice sitting on the bed.
— Good morning, my love!
The little girl with blond hair and blue eyes looks at the detective and opens a huge smile:
— Nonivia! — she jumps into the detective's arms and rubs her nose against hers. — I dream you were leaving... — Alice widens her eyes and pinches the detective's cheeks. — Promise? Promise you never leave?
Filling the child with kisses, which hugs her tightly around the neck, Olivia replies:
— I'm not going anywhere, my love... — Alice doesn't let go and the detective strokes the small body stuck to her. — Hey... it's okay, Alice, I will never abandon you... never!
Looking intensely into her mother's eyes, Alice smiles sweetly:
— Really? Pinky promise?
Smiling, Olivia places the little girl on the bed and gives her little finger on her right hand:
— Promised promise! — the two cross their little fingers and the detective kisses her on the forehead. — Last week of school, my love! Isn't that nice? What do you think about going to school in a costume today?
Her blue eyes widening, Alice smiles with her mouth open and exclaims:
— I LOOOOVED! LET'S GO DRAGON!
— That's it, my love, let's go as a dragon! — Olivia claps her hands with the little one. — I'll get your costume, meanwhile pee and wash your face.
— Yaaaaay! — Alice jumps on the bed and runs to the bathroom. — Let's go dragon! Let's go dragon!
Putting her dinosaur costume on the sofa in the living room, Olivia steps forward to the dining room, where the breakfast table is set and smiles at the housekeeper:
— Miss Grennier, thanks for the table! — Olivia kisses the gray-haired lady's cheeks. — I don't know what we would do without you!
— Olivia, Alex left early today, said she had a meeting and should be back late. — Miss Grennier exclaims embarrassed and points to Alice down the stairs. — My goodness!
In a crazy way, Alice goes down the stairs wearing her brown dragon costume.
Looking at her daughter running through the dining room, Olivia smiles sighing heavily and murmurs:
— What would I do with my life without you?! — she takes her cell phone out of her pants pocket and signals to the child: — Come on, my fierce dragon! I want to make a really cool photo to send to mom, huh! — Alice immediately poses several times and lets out grunts, making Olivia smile while taking several pictures.
— Nonivia! Why you are not in fantasy? — Alice questions pointing her "paw" at the detective. — Put on your fantasy, put on! I don't want a photo if you don't put on a costume too!
Raising her arms as she hands the phone to Miss Grennier, Olivia laughs running into the living room and puts on her dinosaur costume. As soon as Alice returns to the dining room, she jumps up and shouts happily:
— Aaahhh, Mama Nonivia is beautiful! You are beautiful! — Alice screams cheerfully jumping excitedly and points her "paw" at Olivia — Come! Come, Mom Nonivia, take a picture for Mom, come on!"
As soon as Olivia enters her duplex, she hears Alexandra's laughter and smells pizza. How long have they eaten a pizza and how long has been since Alexandra laughed?!
Olivia locks the door, hanging her gun belt and badge on the hook at the back, and looks into the living room, where Alexandra is watching something funny on TV and eating pizza. She smiles in a corner, feeling her heart warm just by hearing Alexandra's wonderful laugh again, and walks to the kitchen, where she washes her hands in the sink, then helps herself to pizza on a plate.
After sitting on the couch, next to her wife, Olivia says:
— Hello, my love...
Alexandra says nothing immediately, kisses the detective's mouth lightly and quickly, but without taking her eyes off the TV, which plays one episode of Modern Family, one of the series that the promoter loves most.
At that moment, caring little about the program on television, Olivia smiles while keeping her eyes locked on Alexandra for a few seconds and notices that she looks calmer, lighter and more receptive. There is a certain sparkle in her eyes, a beautiful smile on her lips, which makes the detective somewhat happy. What could have happened?
— I bought pepperoni, Liv, because I know it's our favorite flavor. — Alexandra comments without taking her eyes off the program.
Realizing that, for the first time in months, Alexandra is talking quietly to her, Olivia bites a piece of the pizza on her plate and says:
— Thank you, my love... — she puts a lock of the blond hair behind Alexandra's ear and sighs lightly, without taking her eyes off the blonde. — Did you have a good day?
— Yes... all right! — Alexandra replies while sipping a red wine from her glass. — And you? How was your day?
Questioning what could have happened to leave your wife like that, looking miraculously good, Olivia replies:
— I had a busy day. And, to make matters worse, I couldn't work very well...
Alexandra says nothing and Olivia, looking around, asks curiously:
— Where's Thunder?
Standing up with the plate and the empty glass in her hands, Alexandra walks to the kitchen, where she puts the things in the sink and pours more wine into her glass, when she finally answers:
— He's in Merida's. Since she lives in a house and I haven't been out for a walk with Thunder, I saw that, with her, Thunder would have a more active life. She told me that she runs every morning and, from what I saw, she is very athletic.
Widening her eyes, not liking that story at all, Olivia walks to the kitchen, also depositing her plate in the sink, and looks worriedly at her wife, who is quietly drinking wine:
— When did she come to pick up Thunder?
At that moment, Alexandra supports the glass in the sink, folds her arms and looks seriously at Olivia when she answers:
— I called her in the late afternoon. Why? Can't I ask your friend a favor? Besides, I'll be spending the weekend in LA with my sister.
Then, moving away from Olivia, Alexandra leaves the kitchen, starting to climb the stairs, when the detective asks in shock:
— How is it?! Are you going to LA with your sister?!
— We'll go tomorrow at lunchtime and we will be back in a couple of days, Olivia, no big deal!
Olivia opens her mouth in amazement and quickly goes up the stairs, following Alexandra, and finds her brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Then she stops behind her wife and crosses her arms questioning:
— And when were you going to tell me about it?
— Excuse me?! I'm telling you now, Olivia, stop the drama. — Alexandra replies snorting.
— Alexandra Cabot Benson, as far as I know, you are still my wife and, therefore, we owe each other respect. And why didn't you tell me you spoke to Merida? Since when have you talked? As I recall, Alex, you never really liked my friendship with her when I told you about her. And when did you decide to travel?! — Olivia speaks quickly and irritated, tired of that somewhat inconsequential attitude of Alexandra, and opens her arms: — Couldn't we take a few days to talk only both of us?!
Alexandra, trying not to say what she knows she will regret later, opens her eyes wide and, after drying her mouth and hands, turns to face the woman:
— I do what I want and when I want! Olivia Benson, you don't have the right, not even the morals, to demand anything from me! We need to spend time away from each other and with that, who knows, maybe this marriage will get saved!
Olivia opens and closes her mouth several times without being able to find a plausible answer to the absurdities her wife says, but she knows that, as things stand, her marriage will not survive long. Then, crossing her arms, Olivia says:
— I want to talk about everything now, Alex! I can't stand living the way we are anymore! You keep blaming me with your eyes and the harsh words you let out in a veiled way, but forget that I also lost Alice! — she hits her chest and tries not to cry. — I am also the other mother who lost her daughter!
Shaking her head, not being prepared for that conversation, Alexandra grabs the cold marble behind her and, with teary blue eyes, says:
— You have no right to say these things! I don't want to and I won't talk to you about it!
That said, Alexandra leaves the bathroom, walks to the bedroom and, before she sits on the bed, is taken by the arm by Olivia, who turns her gently to face her.
— Alex, please! Let's talk! Please, my love, I beg you... We need to talk about Alice...
— No! We don't need to talk about anything, especially about her! — Alexandra exclaims, shaking her head repeatedly and hating herself for crying the way she does. — We will remain as we are until this scar heals itself and then, yes, we can talk about whatever you want. But... about our little baby... no! Not about her!
Running her hands through her hair, no longer putting up with the suffocating suffering in her throat, Olivia puts her hands on her hips and says:
— We can't pretend this way, Alex. Please, you were always rational! You were always the most sensible of this relationship! How can you suggest that we don't talk about it and let everything go by as if it were something trivial?!
— And how can you be rational when it comes to your 3-year-old daughter being murdered?! Huh?! Come on, Olivia, how?! — Alexandra asks when closing her wrists and looks intensely at the detective.
Listening to that hurt voice and exaggerating beyond the blue eyes all the suffering of a broken soul in Alexandra, Olivia tries not to weaken and, wanting more than ever to comfort her wife and be comforted too, says in a weak voice:
— I don't know how it is done, Alex, but we can find this together... If we stay together and help each other, I am sure that, day after day, we will be able to survive this mourning... — she reaches out a hand to the blonde and cries weakly. — You just need to give me your hand...
Softening her gaze at the woman she loves most in this world and watching the suffering in those brown eyes, Alexandra knows that Olivia, like herself, is blaming herself for what happened to Alice. After all, Olivia was also the other mom that lost Alice, and the prosecutor knows that, but...
— No! — Alexandra exclaims as she takes two steps away from Olivia. — I, more than anyone, know how much you dedicate yourself to cases of missing or molested children, Olivia. I know how much you move worlds to bring justice! However... when this happens to our daughter... — the prosecutor's voice breaks for a few seconds, making her wipe the tears that run down her face, and continues: — Our Alice was cruelly murdered and you did absolutely nothing! Nothing!
— This isn't true! — Olivia exclaims loudly, unconsciously, feeling tired of those accusations. — I did! I did a lot, Alex! I did everything to find our daughter, I didn't sleep! I didn't eat! I did nothing else but look for her!
— And even then it wasn't enough, Olivia, because she was killed! — Alexandra says imperatively and points to the detective. — You simply allowed her to be murdered! Our baby! Our sweet Alice!
— You don't know what you're talking about, Alex! — Olivia replies trying to keep a little of her sanity, but the memories of the criminal using her daughter as a shield and preventing Olivia from shooting him in the head torment her insanely. — You weren't there, Alex! You can't say anything!
— I didn't need to be there to imagine that you tried to persuade that man! You should have done whatever it took to save our daughter and you didn't! — Alexandra exclaims impatiently.
— And you wanted me to shoot our daughter?! — Olivia exclaims loudly and rudely, unable to contain her impatience and hating for not forgetting the image of her daughter crying and stretching her arms towards you.
At that moment, an uncomfortable silence falls between them, where Olivia sits on the bed, running her hands through her hair, and Alexandra stands, looking at her astonished.
— How... What?! — the prosecutor swallows, fearing that the detective's response will make it worse than it already is. — What are you talking about?
Seeing in her mind her 3-year-old daughter trapped in that man's arms and looking at her crying, Olivia allows several tears to fall from her eyes when she replies:
— I never told you about the truth of that day, Alex... I did it to save you to suffer more, as I suffer day after day... — she looks at her own hands and realizes that it was time for Alexandra to hear how everything ended that day. — When we found Reeves in that abandoned shed, he had a knife in his hand and, as soon as I had the aim in his head, almost pulling the trigger, he put Alice in front of him.
Alexandra widens her eyes and covers her mouth with her hands, unable to imagine her daughter trapped in the arms of that grotesque man.
— Well... — Olivia continues after taking a breath and looks up at her wife's blues. — What should I have done?! When he did that, everyone lowered their weapons and I didn't, I couldn't. All I really wanted at that moment was to shoot that motherfucker several times and get our daughter out of there! And she... she... — the detective stops for a moment to speak, because she cries to the point of sobbing and the words don't seem to come out.
— What?! And she what?! — Alexandra questions fearing to hear the truth. — And what, Olivia?!
Listening in her mind Alicia's cry and seeing her arms outstretched to her, Olivia cries more when she answers:
— And she stayed there... looking at me... crying... calling me with her hands.. And I felt helpless... for a few seconds, looking at our Alice in that vulnerable way, I felt completely useless... Until, pulling the trigger hard, I hit Reeves, but before I pulled Alice into my arms, he cut her in the throat...
Feeling sick and her heart was breaking up, Alexandra took two steps away from the detective and shook her head when she exclaimed:
— No! You told me that... you had told me that she was not at the scene... you told me that she had already been found dead! No, Olivia, our baby...
Nodding with her head, pressing her hands against each other, Olivia replies:
— I just said that so you wouldn't suffer more than you were already suffering, Alex... — she looks at the weeping blonde and stands up too. — I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you too had this image that I see every day in my mind... From the time I wake up, until the time I go to sleep, I see Alice crying for me and calling me with her tiny hands...
Turning her back to the detective and looking out the huge window, Alexandra tries to control her crying by asking:
— And then?! Where were the paramedics?! What did you do?!
— I ran to her and, sitting on the floor, pressed Alice against my body and tried to prevent her from losing more blood than she already did. She died in my arms, Alex... — Olivia says in a weak voice. — I live with this image day after day of my life and I know that I will live forever with that image... I loved our little baby, I loved her too much and you know it very well. — the detective walks to the bedroom door and, before leaving, says firmly: — Now, before acting as if you were the only one to have lost a daughter, remember what I just told you, Alex. I just omitted all of this because I love you and I didn't want you to live what I live every day by remembering the cruel way in which our little girl was murdered. I was the one who held Alice's dead and bloody body while I asked her not to die!
And as soon as Olivia goes down the stairs, Alexandra hugs her own body and cries without any fear, trying to imagine the terror that her daughter may have felt when being trapped in the arms of that criminal.
— I should have been with her... I should have... My little girl was alone… No… — she sits on the bed and with the image of her daughter dying in Olivia's arm.