Day 109
Shego slept late the next morning. She felt guilty about doing so...and also didn't. If he had really wanted her in the lab, he'd have come to wake her. Because she knew she was right; one of the smarter henchmen could do data entry. Her unique skill-set wasn't needed for the type of engineering he was doing. If he wanted the work done, he'd get it done without her. It was fine that she slept in. And besides...
Now she was afraid to get up.
He had left the night before...actually left. She had thought he would stay. Why hadn't he stayed? Why hadn't he apologized, or at least kept arguing, or given her an answer about the future after the work was done?
Shego had never thought she would be in love. But now she was, and she had never considered the possible doubts that might accompany the condition.
How did someone know what love really was, anyway?
She finally got out of bed and went through her morning routine on auto-pilot, dressing in what had become her new typical attire of black stretch pants, bright green t-shirt, and a loose, darker green jacket. It would be childish to hide out in her room all day, so...she might as well have some breakfast—alone, as usual—and then go to the lab to see if he had found someone to replace her at the computer.
And if he had...or if he hadn't, she would still drag him out of the lab to talk to him. As much as it now frightened her, after the night before...she had to talk to him. He couldn't hide behind excuses about the vaccine. She didn't know how the two of them were supposed to be yet, but she did know that his ignoring her and the baby in favor of work wasn't right. And...she also knew that her contempt of him the night before wasn't right. She owed him an apology, too.
Maybe couples in love did this. Maybe they actually sat down and had conversations about the time they were supposed to give to each other.
It sounded...too clinical for love. But, she had never been in love before. And again...how does one know what love really is?
She put her boots on and crossed her small bedroom toward the exit, her brow furrowed in anxiety. The door slid open and...Shego nearly jumped back inside.
Drakken was sitting on the ground leaning against the wall next to her door. He had one leg out straight and the other bent at the knee, and his head was leaned back against the wall. His eyes were half open revealing prominent red blood vessels, and his dark circles were deeper than ever. He looked...like she had never seen before. And she had seen him at his worst.
"Drakken...?" She stepped through the door and looked down at him as he stared at a point on the wall opposite. "Have you...? Have you been there all night?"
His eyes slowly lifted to meet hers, and the raw emotion she saw in them frightened her. She backed away from it until she bumped into the opposite wall. He was staring at her, his eyes tortured and desperate.
"Drakken?"
"What did I do wrong?" he said weakly. "I thought...I thought we... What did I do wrong?"
His breaths came in shallow heaves as he stared at her in hopeless despair. She found herself slowly sitting down opposite him, trapped by his eyes and pain inside them. She took a halting breath.
"...You forgot about me," she said slowly. "I could be gone, on vacation somewhere. You wouldn't even notice."
He opened his mouth to speak—
"All you care about is that vaccine."
His jaw closed and a frown of contempt joined the pain. She felt a lump form in her throat.
"You're mad at me because I want to save millions of people from dying?" he hissed.
"No. It's because you're acting like it's the only thing in the entire world that matters. What happens when it's over?"
"What?" He narrowed his eyes, but the gesture was weak.
"Say that you do it. Say that you create this...miracle vaccine and save the world. Then what?"
He slowly shook his head, the contempt leaving his eyes as he stared at her in despair. "I don't understand."
She scowled at him. "You're not doing anything else! You live and breathe that vaccine! What else are you living for?"
His jaw worked silently for a moment as he stared meekly. "I thought...I thought..."
"What? What did you think you were doing by...just treating me like your side-kick, and not like...like..."
She trailed off as the lump in her throat grew. The worry she had been trying to ignore came into focus as she stared at his confused, injured eyes. What if their being together was just...something temporary, brought on by the crisis and the fact that they had a baby together? What if the love she thought they had...the love she had discovered she wanted...wasn't really what was between them?
"I thought...I was doing it for us too," he said timidly.
Her eyes narrowed. "Huh?"
"We need a world to live in," he continued. "If there's nothing left..."
"So what happens if you can't do it?" she said quickly, cutting him off. It was so much easier to argue, than to be...vulnerable. Like he was... She took a breath. "What if you can't create a vaccine? And, given your track record, that's the more likely outcome. Are you just gonna keep at it relentlessly and keep the cycle going forever? Keep me and the henchmen trapped here obeying your whims even after the world is destroyed? What then, Drakken? What happens to us if you fail?"
He seemed afraid to speak as he answered. "We go on," he said cautiously.
Her lips parted to speak, but she hesitated. She suddenly found herself shaking.
"What does that look like?" she asked.
He stared at her then, with something different in his eyes that she'd not seen before. It was clear he had an answer...but something was holding him back from giving it.
Probably her, she realized, and the way she kept leveling accusations at him without telling him what it was she really wanted.
"Dr. D.," she said pleadingly, drawing her knees up to her chest.
Whatever it was that was in his eyes quickly retreated and hid behind fear. She fought back the tears that wanted to form.
"So...you...want me to stop working on the vaccine?" he asked slowly.
"No, I just... Just want you to have some balance," she said.
'Tell him the truth!'
"And...I..." She balled her fists and growled. Why was it so hard? She looked down at her knees and let the words come. "It doesn't...feel like you love me, when...when you just spend all your time working, and...don't pay any attention to me."
Her chest hurt. Her throat hurt. She couldn't look up. She felt so childish, saying something like that. To beg for his attention...especially when he was working on something to save the world, was selfish in the extreme. But she didn't have the energy to fight herself anymore. She just let her heart speak for her.
"I'm sorry," she continued, knowing how ridiculous she sounded. But she couldn't stop. "Dr. D., how... How do we even know what love is?"
The echo of footsteps turned both of their heads quickly toward the end of the hall where a henchman appeared. He saw them sitting on the floor opposite each other and his brow rose behind his goggles and respirator.
"Uh...uh... Never mind," the man said, quickly turning and leaving.
Shego looked down again. "You have to get to work..." she said quietly, the irony not lost on her. "They don't know what to do."
"...What did you say?" he asked weakly.
She lifted her head just enough to see him. "The next tests are done... They need you to tell them what to do next."
He shook his head. "No, you said...'how do we know what love is?'"
His eyes were shocked and full of fear, and he had leaned forward. Her heart hurt as she looked back at him.
"When this is over...no matter what happens...what do we do then?" she asked.
He kept staring at her.
"Are we going to take over the world? Are we...going to hide here until it's safe to go out again? Are we..." She stopped and looked down. "Are we going to stay here to raise the baby? Or go somewhere else...when we can..."
She set her face in her knees, diving into the darkness behind her eyes and focusing all her attention into it. She didn't want to think about the future... But it plagued her constantly. She wanted to believe that all the things he said when it was just her and him trapped in his room or alone in the park were real. But his existence revolved around the vaccine. Even when he had been recovering...his every waking hour had been spent staring at the laptop computer. He rarely gave her attention voluntarily.
She heard him move toward her, but she kept staring into the darkness of her closed eyes. She felt his fingers lightly touch her arm.
"Shego?"
She turned and lay her head sideways atop her knees and stared down the empty hall.
"Do you mean..." he said slowly and uncertainly, "that...you don't...actually...?"
She turned her eyes to look at his. There was so much pain and fear in them, but a wall was starting to go up behind them. It scared her.
"What?" she said quickly.
"You said...'how do we know what love is.' Do you mean that you...that you don't...really love me?"
Drakken seemed frozen, staring at her and waiting for a response. The wall that had been building behind his eyes hovered there, half-complete as he held his breath. Shego raised her head as she stared at him.
She had seen him on the edge of death, and she had seen him grieve...but neither compared to the fear and pain in his eyes in that moment. Everything she had been afraid of and upset with him about suddenly dulled as she saw what she had done to him. And she realized she was the only one with the power to change it.
She knew what could happen. The part of her she retreated to most often—the villain-part—could act on her insecurities and answer that she didn't know. And then that wall he'd been building would slam up and he would retreat far from her, and if that happened who knew when or if they could ever get back to where they were.
But there was still the fragile part of her...her heart...that was so afraid... She knew what to do. But all of the unknown that he seemed unable to answer...remaining in that unknown, was what scared her and held her back.
She pushed beyond it anyway.
"I love you," she said firmly.
His expression didn't change. He moved to sit next to her against the wall and leaned his head back, staring straight ahead. Her heart began racing. She leaned forward to look at him.
"Drakken?"
He took a slow breath. She was surprised to see that the despair in his eyes hadn't left, and was quickly being joined by anger. When he spoke, his voice was brusque and hushed.
"Then what did I do wrong?"
He turned so quickly that she fell back, startled. Then he was on his knees and starting to stand, a frown marring his features. Panic resounded like clanging alarms in Shego's head as her heart continued racing.
"Drakken?"
He walked past her and down the hall. She scrambled to her feet after him and followed him the short distance to his room.
"Drakken?"
He took off his coat and tossed it onto his bed and then lay down on his side and curled up, staring away at nothing. She wanted to sit down to be nearer to him, to look into his eyes, but she was suddenly afraid as she realized...
She had made a huge mistake.
"Drakken? Uh..." She sat down on the edge of the bed as she feared her legs wouldn't hold her up. Her heart was pounding. She was compelled to speak but found herself growing more afraid by the second. "You still love me too, right?" she blurted out before she lost her nerve entirely.
He rolled onto his back without looking at her and dropped one forearm over his eyes while his other crossed his chest. He drew his knees upward as he sighed. She held her breath as she waited for him to respond.
"Yes... Of course. I never stopped."
He was frowning now. She still wanted to move closer, but was afraid of the anger she knew was building in him. She took a breath and tried to keep her voice level and explain.
"It doesn't feel like it, when...you don't treat me any differently than when I was just your side-kick."
His forearm moved off his face to rest across his chest with his other as he glared at her.
"What?"
She glanced away nervously and shrugged. "You don't...act any differently toward me. You just order me around and obsess over your work. It's no different than before. No one would even know that we're...uh..."
What were they? She still didn't know.
He sat up, his intense eyes not leaving hers. She glanced away nervously. When he answered his voice was level and cold.
"I'm trying to save the world. To make sure we have a world to live in. What is it exactly that you want me to do differently?"
She couldn't look at him under his accusing stare. It was the most eye-contact he'd made with her in days, and it was unsettling. She realized that type of look would have only made her scoff in the past. Now it hurt.
"Maybe...just..." She set her hands on the bed as she felt her frame shaking. What had she done? This was her fault. Why had she done this? "Sometimes, just...look at me...like you love me... Instead of like I'm just here to print papers for you."
He didn't answer. When she looked up, she saw that his anger toward her had stalled as he processed what she had said. She latched onto that sliver of hope and continued.
"And you never...ever mention the baby. I can't tell if...if you're really happy about it or not."
His eyes met hers in alarm.
"I..."
She leaned toward him hopefully. But then his expression darkened with a frown again.
"Why did you do this to me? I thought..." He turned away and drew his knees up, setting his chin atop them as he hugged them. "I thought I had done something, and you didn't love me anymore."
She reached across the bed and set her hand on his arm. "No. I... I'm sorry."
He glanced at her warily.
She shifted a few inches nearer and let her hand fall. "So...tell me," she said carefully, "and tell me...specifically. If you can't make a vaccine...then what happens?"
His face fell. "How long will you let me try? I'm close, Shego!"
She thought about that. "Well...I guess until...someone else comes up with one first. But what happens to us?"
He shifted forward slightly and stared straight ahead at the wall. "We stay safe. Until the world recovers."
She looked down. It was the same answer, just like before.
"And if you do come up with something? Say...today. Say you figure it out today."
"Then—"
"What happens to us?" she interrupted.
"Then we get to go out a lot sooner."
She sighed and turned away, bringing her own knees up to rest her head upon. She felt his stare.
A moment later he was moving, and she looked up to find him in front of her, leaning down over her with his brow furrowed.
"What am I missing?"
She glanced down. She felt awful. Guilty. He was literally trying to save the world, and she was bothered that she was missing out on...what? She was tearing him down for nothing.
"Nothing," she said, resting her cheek on her knees again. "I'm sorry Dr. D... I don't know what love— What being in love is supposed to look like yet. I guess."
He sat down in front of her. She felt his stare and turned to see his calculating, wondering eyes.
"What love looks like?" he asked.
She nodded. He looked perplexed, but thoughtful
"Shego... If...none of this had happened..." He said slowly, seeming to choose his words carefully. She straightened up, listening intently. "If we hadn't gotten sick, or...or if the pandemic had never happened...what would we be doing right now?"
She blinked in surprise, feeling that anxious rush of fear again. That was exactly what she wanted him to answer. Because...she didn't know herself.
They had been so reckless at the beginning... They hadn't done anything the way she had she imagined romance and love when she was young. There had been no coy glances, flirtatious gestures, excited anticipation, or shy first kisses. There hadn't been any romantic dates or long conversations into the night or dreams about the next time they would see each other.
They had just acted on impulse and continued acting on impulse, skirting the issue of a 'relationship' until the virus had come and thrown their world into chaos. And she wondered...
"If it had never happened...would we be together?" she asked sadly.
His brow rose as fear started to come back to his eyes. But then it suddenly vanished as he looked at her with resolve.
"Yes."
Her lips parted and her brow rose in surprise. For some reason...she hadn't expected that.
"We would?"
"Yes." He affirmed, but looked a bit uncertain when he saw her expression. "If...if you wanted us to be."
She looked down again. It was one thing to say it, but...before the virus they had already been together for a month. And except for their illness and the baby, nothing else had changed. He still spent all his time on work and treated her like his side-kick, just as he had then. Their relationship wasn't built on anything real. It was only built on survival, and...on...
She looked up quickly, her brow furrowing.
"Why did you sleep with me?"
He leaned back, blinking in surprise. "What?"
"On New Year's. Why did you sleep with me?" she repeated, her cheeks coloring.
He was blushing a moment later, but his eyes narrowed. "You kissed me."
"You kissed me too."
"...Y-you kissed me first! Why?" he fired back.
She shrugged and rolled her eyes slightly. "I don't know... You had just been yelling for so long and I was sick of it and...you were right in my face."
She was shaking again, and wondered if it showed in her voice. She suddenly realized her biggest fear was that any day...could be the end of it. Because the reality was, all they did was fight. Every tender moment between them had been motivated by crisis or lust.
He huffed out a breath and looked away, his expression frustrated. He looked back at her. "So what are you saying?"
She could feel her lower lip tremble. She bit it lightly. "I just...want to know why you slept with me that night."
"You started it. You dragged me in here. Why did you want to sleep with me?" he asked.
Her brow rose. She thought even further back, to that moment in the lab after she'd interrupted his rant with a kiss and he'd pushed her against the wall. She had been nervous, waiting for him to move first...but she had already made her decision. She already knew that she wanted him. She wanted him to kiss her and keep kissing her until she'd had her fill of him, and still she knew it wouldn't be enough.
She didn't know why, but somehow, back then, before even the first tender touch...she already knew.
She bit her cheek as suddenly tears threatened her eyes. "Because I was already in love with you."
His lips parted in a soft gasp. Her eyes narrowed.
"Why did you go along with it? You didn't have to come when I pulled you in here."
His voice was awed and soft. "Because...I was in love with you."
She blinked at him in surprise. "What?"
"I was afraid..." he glanced away briefly, "if I didn't go with you that I would lose my chance. I didn't...I didn't think there was a chance you could love me," he said, shaking his head.
"What?" she asked, releasing her tight hold on her knees and moving closer to him. "You thought I was just...what?"
Her eyes narrowed as he shrugged nervously. "I don't know, I... I didn't know."
"You thought it was just a...a one-night stand?"
His cheeks colored again and he looked down, swallowing nervously. "I didn't know what to do, I...that...um."
Her frown deepened as she processed what he had said. He was already in love as she was, but had thought she just considered him a throwaway fling. Yet he slept with her anyway. And several times after.
'What kind of twisted, depraved mind—'
"Um, Shego? Will you...keep a secret?"
"Huh?" He looked even more nervous. His tired, bloodshot eyes kept darting to hers and then back to his knees which he had drawn up to his chest. "What?" she asked.
"That, um...on New Year's... That was...my first time."
Shego blinked and slowly processed his meaning. "What..."
He was blushing even deeper as he looked at her nervously. She thought back to that night and reconsidered all that had happened adding the new information he had just given her. Suddenly a lot of things made sense. He had looked terrified most of the time, and always waited for her cue before making a move. Yet he had never once let her have control of the situation. As soon as she'd made a move, he was making one back.
Despite her current concerns, she found herself smiling at the memory. It had frustrated her and thrilled her the way he refused to let her take charge, which only made her more determined, which then only made him more determined. It had led inevitably to a exhausted cease-fire, resulting in a slightly more calm and mutual pleasure in one another.
But she hadn't really thought about how scared he had looked.
That considered, it made sense why he had just gone along with her. He wasn't trying to take advantage of her. He genuinely had nothing to base a decision on, except what he had said: he loved her and was afraid he would lose his chance with her if he didn't just do it.
He was watching her anxiously. She smiled at him.
"Could have fooled me."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"
She shook her head. "I couldn't tell."
He looked surprised, but his expression started to brighten. "You couldn't?"
"Nope. But it makes sense now that I think about it. I've got a couple of things to teach you."
He blushed and glanced away as his eyes clouded again.
She moved to sit next to him on the edge of the bed, her feet dangling down to the floor. He watched her as she leaned gently into his side and set her head on his shoulder. His tension gradually released as he leaned back on his hands and set his feet down on the floor.
"So...go back to even before then. Before New Year's. You're in love with me. What is it you're dreaming of?"
She turned her head up slightly to see him as his gaze grew distant. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly...
"...You'll laugh at me," he said.
She raised her brow at him in encouragement. He took another breath.
"...Dancing with you in a field of flowers with rainbows?"
She snorted and set her face against his shoulder while her frame shook with laughter.
"I knew it," he grumbled.
She fell down sideways on the bed and laughed loud and long. Of course that would be his idea of an idyllic future. His head was always in the clouds. Until he got really focused on something of course, like the vaccine.
"Laugh it up," he muttered. "You did ask."
"Okay, okay..." she said, holding her stomach as her muscles began to ache. She brought her legs up to lay across his lap. "Besides that. Anything actually realistic?"
He looked a bit anxious again, but she was smiling at him now. He had always loved her... Even before their first kiss. What had she been so worried about?
"Mmh... I also thought...we could be emperor and empress of the world? I would give the orders, and you would enforce them."
She smirked. "That sounds better."
He smiled weakly and let out a shaky breath. The fear had left his eyes and relief was settling in.
"What about you?"
Her smirk vanished. This was what she didn't know. And she realized...her not knowing was why she kept asking him. What were they supposed to be? She couldn't think in rainbows, or a future where they actually succeeded in world domination. She had to think practically.
But...maybe...
"Wait...wait right here. I'll be right back," she said as she got up and hurried out of the room.
She ran the short distance down the hall to her own room, and inside she pulled open the drawer of her nightstand and grabbed a small rectangular box. She opened it briefly to be sure of its contents, and then hurried back to his room.
He wasn't completely off track with his flowers and rainbows.
When she got back he was sitting with his hands folded in his lap and his face downturned and thoughtful as he waited for her. He looked up curiously as she entered.
Her heart was pounding. She sat next to him again and looked at him shyly.
"Dr. D.? I know this is...probably the worst time for this, but..." She produced the box that she had concealed in her hands and opened it to reveal three gold rings, two the ones he had looked at for her on her laptop, and a men's ring she had found to match. She picked that one out of the box and held it up between them. "Will you marry me?"
His jaw fell open as he stared at the thin, matte-gold ring with three tiny stones embedded in it—a diamond in the center with an aquamarine on either side, like hers. He looked at her, and then down to the rings still in the box.
"Those are..."
"I saw your web search on my laptop. So...what do you say, Doc?"
She was shaking, even as she smiled up at him. She didn't know why; she was fairly certain what his answer would be.
But before he said it his arms were around her, holding her tight. She'd been taken by surprise and had the wind knocked out of her, so started hitting his shoulder with her hand that held the ring.
"Sorry!" he said as he released her and she choked in a few breaths.
Her brow furrowed in irritation as she gave him a sideways glance.
"What are you waiting for?" she said hoarsely, still sucking in air.
He smiled shyly and plucked the ring out of her hand, admiring it. He looked down at her and nodded yes, and she realized he was fighting back tears.
"Here," she said, taking the ring back and grabbing his left hand. She slid the ring on his finger.
"Shouldn't that wait for the...f-for the wedding?" he said, his voice shaking as he smiled at her.
"Who cares?" she said with a grin.
He sniffed once, and then reached carefully into the ring box and took out her engagement ring. She lifted her hand for him to put it on, and as she felt the cool metal slide against her finger as tears began welling up in her eyes.
She smiled at him. A second later his arms were around her again, less tightly this time so she could breathe, and she hugged him back and let a few tears stain her cheeks.
She relaxed into his embrace, all her worries vanishing like a puff of smoke as she leaned into his warmth. But then his hands were on her shoulders, pushing her back.
"Shego?" he said seriously, leveling a cautious but firm stare at her.
"Yes...?" she said, anxiety starting to creep back into her heart.
"If...if you decide you want to hurt me again, just...s-set me on fire."
Shego thought of the way he had looked when she had found him on the floor of the hall, utterly heartbroken. Sorrow gripped her heart and she reached up to stroke his cheek.
"I'm sorry." She pulled her legs up under her and leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry."
The tension left his face and he rested his forehead against hers.
"Dr. D.?"
He opened his eyes and pulled back a few inches.
"Stop treating me like I'm just your side-kick."
He looked confused.
"No, don't act like you don't get it. The way you treat me in the lab, it could be anyone else in there doing my job."
His eyes narrowed slightly. "You want me to...to act indecently toward you while the henchmen are around?"
She bit her cheek. "No... But...you could at least..." she hung her head and growled in embarrassment, "pay more attention to me."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "How?"
"I...I don't know. Figure it out. At least...look at me like you love me."
She sat back down and looped her arm through his as she rested her head on his shoulder. How could everything be so wonderful and still be so complicated?
A sudden stirring inside her abdomen caused her to jump slightly. She still wasn't used to the sensation, though she felt it every day. Drakken glanced at her curiously as she set a hand over her middle.
"The baby is moving," she explained almost reluctantly. She knew he wouldn't care. He might acknowledge what she had said, and then probably announce the need to get back to work. For some reason...he just wasn't interested in their child. It devastated her.
"Um. Can I..." Her eyes snapped up to his. "Can I...feel it?"
She found herself breathless as she nodded quickly, and then she watched his hand steal across her waist and displace hers on the small swell of her belly. She leaned back on her hands and turned her head up to watch his face.
He was almost frozen in concentration. And then the baby moved again. He gasped and light came into his eyes, followed a moment later by a gleeful smile. A joy and pain gripped her heart at the same time as she watched him finally, finally showing an interest. She barely breathed for fear the moment would end as he concentrated on feeling the baby's tiny movements, each one brightening his smile in turn.
He turned to look at her and his smile faded.
"Shego, why are you crying?"
She reached up and felt the tear tracks on her cheeks. Then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, too overjoyed for words. He seemed startled but was kissing her back barely a second later, his arms loosely encircling her waist.
She was tempted to push him down on the bed and show him just how much she loved him. But instead she pulled away and looked at him seriously, her hands moving to his shoulders.
"I didn't know...if you were happy or not. About the baby."
"What?" he breathed in shock. "I— Of course I— Why...?"
He stared at her in disbelief, and she glanced away uncertainly.
"You never talk about it, even after we found out nothing's wrong. And you ignore me when I talk about it..."
He looked confused but thoughtful. He drew her into a kiss again, but she pulled away and leveled a serious stare at him.
"You're happy?"
"Yes," he insisted, nodding profusely. "It's just..."
She followed his distressed glance and then lifted her hand to his cheek to turn his face back toward her. She felt her chest tighten.
He bit his lip and looked very nervous. "I don't know...what to do with a baby... I don't know..." He looked at the gold ring on his finger, and then away, "how to do any of this," he finished, giving a broad, frustrated gesture.
Shego blinked at him as all her anxiety melted away. It was suddenly clear.
He was just as afraid about everything as she was.
"Oh...Drakken," she said through an affectionate sigh as her lips found his again. This time she did push him gently down to the bed and climbed over him, weaving her fingers into his hair as she kissed him. After a moment he lightly pushed her shoulders up and frowned at her.
"It's not funny."
She shook her head as she moved her hands to his chest. "No, it's..." She glanced away briefly and took a deep breath. "I'm scared too."
His brow rose. "You...what?"
She shook her head. "This is all new to me too. I'm just as in the dark as you are."
He looked at her curiously as his hands moved to rest hesitantly on her hips. Just then she felt again the familiar movement of the baby, but a bit harder than usual. She brought a hand up to her belly automatically.
"Is the baby moving again?" he asked.
She nodded absently as she focused on the sensation. It was still fascinating to her.
"Can I feel it again?"
She blinked at him in surprise and then sat back over his hips. He reached up and cautiously set his hand next to hers.
"You don't need to ask," she said as she watched him smile.
His brow rose. "I don't?"
She shook her head. "No. It's yours." She set her hand atop his and laced their fingers together. "I'm yours... I'm all yours."
He had a curious look on his face as they felt the baby's movements together. And then she couldn't help herself. She lay over him again, pressing close as her heart fluttered in anticipation. She kissed him slow and deep and was rewarded with his hands on her hips, kneading her flesh gently. He hadn't done that before.
"So," he began as he pulled away for breath. She noticed the flush in his cheeks and the shy look in his eyes. "Wh-what were you going to teach me?"
She laughed in delight, but rolled off of him and snuggled into his side. His bloodshot eyes told a very different story than his words were.
"Not now. You're too tired."
His jaw dropped in surprise and then his lips came together in a pout. "Then why did you...why did you tease me!"
"You let me," she said as she sat up and smoothed her hair.
Something changed in his eyes then that she couldn't identify and it gave her pause. He was still pouting, but looked like he was on the edge of...doing something. What, she didn't know.
"You need to sleep," she interrupted his thoughts, looking at his dark circles and reddened eyes. She would feel awful about his sitting up in the hallway all night for a long time.
His pout deepened, and then vanished suddenly as he gasped. "But I need to work on the vaccine," he said as he sat up and reached for his coat.
"Not so fast!" she said, grabbing his arm and stopping him. "You were barely sleeping before and you were just up all night. Put your jammies on and go to bed. The vaccine can wait a day."
He frowned at her. "Over 5,000 people die every day."
"And you can't save the people who die today. Did it ever occur to you that you might figure this thing out faster if you let your brain have a good-night's sleep?"
The look in his eyes showed that clearly, he hadn't. But he was still holding onto his coat firmly and didn't look even close to giving in. She rolled her eyes.
"Okay, how about a compromise... You get the next round of tests started, then come back here and sleep. I'll stay in the lab and keep an eye on things, and...I'll wake you up when the next cycle is finished."
There was indecision in his eyes. A tiny smirk found its way to her lips as she moved closer to him.
"And after you get some rest, maybe you could delay going back to work, to..." she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "spend some quality time with me."
Her smirk grew as she saw him shiver once before looking at her and grinning devilishly.
"L-lessons?" he squeaked, his voice not at all matching the desire in his eyes. She chuckled.
"Just a couple things I think we'll both enjoy," she said, scooting behind him and hugging him. "Now. Get the tests started, then right back here for sleep."
After helping him into his coat they made their way to the lab, where the gaggle of henchmen on duty were milling around looking bored and perplexed. They snapped to attention when their boss entered, but still looked unsure since Drakken hadn't scrubbed up.
Shego paid close attention to the directions he was giving as she quickly began entering the results of the test that had ended in the middle of the night. She knew he wouldn't rest well if he had even the slightest doubts about the accuracy and precision with which the tests were being conducted. And she also knew it was entirely on her to make sure they were done right.
She realized his instructions had stopped, and turned back from the computer to look at him. He was standing near the workbench and peering into one of the microscopes. She stepped quickly to his side and leaned in to speak quietly over his shoulder.
"Do they know what to do?"
He straightened up with a sigh and nodded reluctantly. He looked absolutely terrible with his bloodshot eyes and dark circles.
"Then go sleep. I'll wake you up when the tests are done."
He made eye contact with her and she smiled encouragingly. He sighed again through his nose and then turned to leave.
The henchmen watched as their boss left the lab—something that he so rarely did, that she understood their fascination—but then they turned their goggled, masked faces toward her.
Her eyes narrowed. "Well, what are you waiting for?"
They all scrambled off to their various assigned stations and Shego walked back to the computer to finish the data entry she'd ignored the previous evening, plus the work that had been done overnight. She realized that many of the henchmen were keeping hours nearly as bad as Drakken was and felt even more guilty about her treatment of him.
Shego carried out the work automatically, but with great focus and double-checking everything. It was more numbers than she had ever cared to think about, and they were all starting to look the same. But with the importance of what they were now devoting themselves too, any mistake was intolerable. And so she would attend the task as minutes wore into hours—one of the few consistencies left in her life.
Shego yawned. The data entry was possibly the most boring thing she had ever done, and the unpleasantness from the morning was still weighing on her. If not for the distraction of worrying about Drakken she might not have had the energy for the work that day. Usually his frenetic presence was all it took to keep her awake, but his absence made the lab feel far more sterile than the scrubs, masks, and gloves they all wore.
"Um."
Shego turned at the sound of the henchman's voice. She looked the familiar-yet-unfamiliar man up and down once as he hovered three feet back. Even with the goggles and respirator, she could tell the man was nervous to speak to her. He held a stack of papers tightly in both hands in front of his chest.
"Tests done?" she asked, jumping to the obvious conclusion.
"Yes," he said, thrusting the papers out toward her. Shego wondered at his more-nervous-than-usual behavior. She realized that she had never interacted with the henchmen without Drakken around but to give a quick order and then leave.
"Thanks," she said as she took the papers and set them next to the stack she was almost finished with. She turned back to the computer.
After a few moments, she was aware the presence behind her hadn't moved. She turned back.
"So, uh..." the henchman began, his Indian accent thick, "what do you think about all the conspiracy theories?"
"Huh?"
"That the virus was really a bio-weapon created in a lab?"
Shego blinked. She hadn't heard that.
"I don't care," she said, turning back to the computer and the data entry.
She could still feel the man hovering, but she didn't acknowledge him again. After a few moments she heard his footsteps as he retreated. She glanced back and then her brow rose as she noticed for the first time that all of the other henchmen had halted their tasks to watch the exchange between her and their compatriot. When she narrowed her eyes at them they scrambled back to work, and she rolled her eyes.
She frowned as she considered what the man had suggested. None of the news outlets she and Drakken were watching had mentioned anything about conspiracy theories. It was all just the usual doom and gloom. Maybe they needed to broaden their viewing? After all, anyone deliberately creating a plague could be a potential ally...or a threat to their own plans for world conquest.
She also considered that the henchman had talked to her at all. She glanced back again at the men wearing scrubs from head to toe, the only recognizable element of their appearance their green goggles. She tried to pick one whose name she knew out of the crowd and realized she couldn't. She also realized...the last time any one of them had spoken to her about something other than Drakken's plans was at the last evil family picnic.
With a grimace, she pushed the chair back from the desk and adjusted her respirator before walking up to them.
When they noticed her approach some of them visibly recoiled. While Shego usually liked the fear-response she naturally induced, this time it caused her to roll her eyes.
"I won't bite," she said as she stopped in front of the terrariums. Some of the henchmen visibly relaxed, while others remained tense.
She scanned over the make-shift testing lab where the henchmen were observing mice and monkeys. One man appeared to be giving a physical exam to a monkey at the moment. There was a separate area where rows of tissue samples were being analyzed by others. Two of the henchmen were looking at samples under microscopes.
"So...you guys tired of this yet?" she said to break the ice.
The same man who had spoken before responded, apparently the most courageous.
"For me it is a nice change, since I went to school for medicine."
Shego peered at the man whose features were entirely concealed by his goggles and mask. "Yeah...what was your name again?"
"Ravinder," he supplied, lifting his goggles.
Shego studied the man, but she couldn't place him in any significant plot they had enacted before. She glanced over the other henchmen, a few of whom had paused in their work to watch her and had also lifted their goggles. Some she thought she recognized, and others she didn't. She looked for Phil, but he must have been off-duty downstairs.
"I'm Mitch," another man piped up who appeared to be giving an X-ray to a monkey.
A brief chorus of about eight more names, many overlapping, followed. Shego only caught maybe three of them. She crossed her arms, and that simple action caused a few of the men to tense.
"So this isn't driving you all nuts?" she pressed.
A few of the men looked at each other.
"Well, yeah," a man whose name she hadn't caught piped up. "But think of what we'd be doing if we weren't here."
"We'd just be stuck at home, not allowed to do anything," another said.
"No more basketball."
"Or baseball."
"No bars."
"No gym."
"No Cow & Chow."
"No dates."
They all nodded in agreement with one another and then looked at Shego expectantly. Her brow rose. Was she supposed to add something?
She declined. "Okay but, what about the fact that we're gonna be saving the world. Didn't you all sign on to do evil?"
This caused a speculative murmur to spread among the men.
"I like the idea of the fame," one of them—Jameson—said after several seconds.
A chorus of 'yeahs' followed, and Shego considered that. It hadn't occurred to her that fame would come with providing a world-saving vaccine, but, it made sense. She wondered if Drakken had thought of it.
"My cousin is a doctor," another man said. "The stress is killing him. And he's got a new baby, too. I want this all over for his sake. I don't really care how."
There was a heavy pause in the room and it took Shego only a second to realize what it was about. Even in the loose-fitting scrubs her condition was obvious to anyone paying attention. But the henchmen's healthy fear of her kept them silent, though she did catch a few casting furtive glances toward her abdomen. After a moment the henchman named Mitch cleared his throat.
"So, uh...the other day...before the testing started... You and Dr. Drakken were arguing and we thought we heard...uh...that is, you implied..."
Shego rolled her eyes and scowled as she threw her hands up. "Yes. I'm pregnant. Tell the world, why don't you..." The last was murmured as she crossed her arms and glanced away.
The henchmen had just unknowingly made her aware of another pressing issue. She was past the point of ignoring her condition, considering she couldn't work as hard in the gym and judging by the little research she'd done, needed to remove certain things from her diet. But before long the visible evidence would pass the point of 'inappropriate to ask.' Of course, the only people around were the henchmen...
Bowling and picnics were one thing. But the henchmen being her extended evil family while she was pregnant and surrounding her while she raised a baby were something else entirely. A sudden image of passing off a crying baby to a henchman while she fought Kim Possible flashed through her mind. She shook her head to wipe the image away.
She and Drakken would have to talk about the tough reality that raising a baby...raising a child...would actually be.
"So...uh...you and the boss...?" Jameson said cautiously.
"Of course me and Drakken," Shego said, frowning behind her respirator. "Who else would it be?"
Several pairs of eyes suddenly turned to a lankier, younger-looking man standing near the back of the group. Shego's eyes went wide as the man waved his hands wildly in protest.
"I'm not crushing on her!" he cried.
A few of the others began to laugh, and Shego rolled her eyes and turned to go back to the computer.
"Look, keep your sick fantasies to yourselves. The less I know..."
"Wait, uh...Miss Shego?"
"What?" she turned back to see Ravinder was speaking again.
"Phil's monkey didn't die."
Shego blinked. "Is that significant?"
"It might be...but...Phil was in charge of this one. And he's sick today. What should we do?"
Shego only heard the first part of the statement. "Whoa, whoa, wait. He's sick? What kind of sick?"
The men exchanged looks. "We don't know. He just called in sick."
Shego felt like smacking herself in the forehead. "How long has he been sick?"
A few of the men shrugged, and then Mitch raised his hand. "He was coughing a little last night. He's my roommate."
Shego shook her head. "Okay. Just...keep working and I'll check on him. And how important is it that the monkey didn't die?"
The men looked at each other again. "Well...it's the only one that hasn't died."
"Okay...okay," she said decisively. "I'll take care of it. Just keep working."
Shego debated waking Drakken then, or until after she had checked on the ill henchman. If the man had the virus...then there was a possibility that the lower level of the lair was contaminated. And she had no clue what the significance of an animal not dying was.
She went through the process of the ultrasonic bath, and then re-scrubbed before heading down to the henchmen's quarters. If the virus was down there, there was no way she was bringing it into the rest of the lair.
When she arrived at the much-smaller henchmen's quarters clearly having come from the lab, the group of men who were off-duty shied away instantly.
"Which room is Phil's?" she asked.
Several fingers pointed and she followed them to one of the closed doors along the far wall that led into a hallway.
"And relax, I put these on outside the lab," she referenced her scrubs as she made her way toward the hall. A collective sigh rose out of them, and she wondered at their fear. She had been sequestering herself deeper and deeper into the bubble of life that was the lair. And despite listening to news broadcasts almost every day, she was starting to get the sense that the outside world was...foreign.
Maybe she wasn't the only one who felt that way.
"Hey, Phil?" she called as she knocked on the indicated door with a gloved hand. "It's Shego, open up."
After a moment she heard the man call a soft, "Come in."
She turned the knob and poked just her face in as she realized she'd never seen the henchmen's bedrooms before. The room was smaller than the guest quarters Drakken had upstairs for visiting villains and looked like the dorm rooms she'd remembered seeing in college. Two bunk beds, a small closet, drawers that pulled out from under the lowest bunks, and only one desk.
It was worse than a dorm room.
Phil was leaning up on his elbow in one of the lower bunks, blankets pulled up to his chin. His eyes were bright with fever and anxious upon seeing her.
Shego sighed. "Yeah...you're gonna need to be tested again."
"I've been following all the rules," Phil protested with a cough.
"You could have gotten it before and not had any symptoms. Probably from me or Drakken..." she said with a slight growl. Drakken would be furious. And she could feel her own frustration building. They had done everything save quarantine themselves after getting well to prevent spreading the disease.
"Does he want me to come up to the lab?"
"No," Shego said, shaking her head. "Stay here... In fact, don't leave the room."
The lanky man pushed himself up to his elbows, looking almost frantic. "What if I have to use the bathroom?"
"Uh... Hold that thought."
She closed the door and turned back to where all the other off-duty men were staring at her.
"So...pretty sure Phil has the disease."
Anxious gasps and murmurs filled the small room.
"So...you'd better...um...disinfect yourselves and sanitize everything, and...oh, none of his roommates can go back in."
A man raised his hand and spoke. "How am I gonna get my stuff, M-Ma'am?"
Shego grimaced. "I haven't figured that out yet. I'll get back to you."
She started toward them and the phone sitting on an end table next to the sofa, causing all of them to take several steps back. The two men on the sofa scooted away into the far corner. The first man punched the second after he leaned into him. Shego rolled her eyes but then set her hands on her hips as she stared at the receiver. Anything in the room could be contaminated. How was she supposed to touch anything safely?
She shrugged and picked the phone up and dialed the number to the private line in Drakken's room.
"Huh...what? Who's calling?" the familiar voice came groggily through the line.
"Sorry to wake you, Dr. D.," she began apologetically.
"Shego? What's wrong? Where are you?"
"Down in the henchmen's quarters. It looks like one of them has caught the disease."
Shego listened to the gasp, followed by the frustrated growling that made a turn from anger to despair with characteristic rapidity.
"How do you know?"
"I just saw him. It doesn't look good."
The growling through the line continued.
"All right, just...bring him to the lab for testing. I'll be right there."
A dial tone rang in her ear and Shego replaced the receiver. The men crowded in front of her came back into focus, and they looked a mixture of scared and dismayed. She realized her pronouncement may have seemed a bit morbid.
She grimaced and sighed before turning back to Phil's room. She didn't want to worry or scare them in this particular situation, but...maybe they would be more cautious now that they knew one of their own was in danger. It might cut down the risk of death.
She knocked on the door hard three times before opening it a crack again. "All right, get dressed and do whatever business you need to. Drakken does want you in the lab."
She made sure to see Phil's quick nod of acknowledgment before closing the door again and heading back to the stairs. There was no need for her to wait for him down there. And she could get some fresh scrubs for them both anyway while he got ready.
About fifteen minutes later a very tired and worn looking Phil appeared. He'd scrubbed up more quickly than Shego would have expected, considering how rough he looked. When they entered the lab Drakken was already there, scrubbed and masked, but eyes still bloodshot.
"Ah!" he said brightly, approaching Shego and the ill henchman. "Ah..."
Shego coughed into her hand. "Phil."
"Phil!" Drakken exclaimed. "Let's get you tested and then back to bed for some rest."
Shego watched Drakken lead the man to the workbench with an arm around his back, patting his shoulder encouragingly. She blinked at the display, but only shook her head and went back to the computer. She had wanted Drakken to sleep for a few more hours, or at least until she finished the data entry.
After sitting in the chair she picked up the last paper she had worked on and then stopped. What was the point? Despite every effort, the disease was back in their ranks. Probably every one of the henchmen would get it now. They probably already had it. She put the paper down and spun in the chair.
"Drakken?" she called.
He had just swabbed Phil's cheek and was rubbing the swab into a Petri dish.
"Hm?" he said.
She stood and beckoned that he come close to her. But as he started walking, one of the other henchmen—Ravinder, if Shego remembered right—called out to him too. Drakken turned to face the crowd of henchmen that were clustered in the work area with a raised brow.
"Phil's monkey didn't die last night," the man continued.
"It didn't?" Phil said weakly.
Shego watched as Drakken's eyes went wide and he strode over to the testing area, the henchmen parting for him like the Red Sea. She shook her head and started for the door, ignoring the ultrasonic bath. One a day was enough.
She trashed the scrubs, not wanting to be too cavalier about the circumstance, and went to the kitchen. She got a glass of water and stood there staring for several minutes as she drank, and then refilled the glass. After drinking that one down too, with her mind fighting between going blank and dwelling on the various issues that were pressing on her, she went into the living room.
She realized she hadn't actually sat on the sofa since...since the day she found out she was pregnant. And immediately after had basically forced Drakken into having sex with her, even though he was sick and near death's door.
"Stupid..." she scoffed. "Stupid, selfish, irresponsible."
She pushed herself off the sofa and away from the memory and headed for the door that would lead to the beach.
The sun was high, but hidden by the crest of the ancient volcanic plug that was their favored Caribbean lair. Shego was sitting up against one of the smoother, short cliffs and watching the waves splash harshly against the black lava rock as the tide came in.
It was nice to be outside.
"Shego?" she heard Drakken call.
If only it could last.
She glanced back toward the door of the lair, several yards distant, and waited until he spotted her. She watched as he picked his away across the beach and then began climbing the dark rocks that were part of the lair's natural defense system.
"Shego, I was worried. I couldn't find you," he said impatiently as he arrived.
She didn't respond but to turn her eyes back to the horizon.
"...Shego?" he asked from where he now stood over her.
She sighed. "Did you re-test all the henchmen?"
She heard an answering sigh from where Drakken now stood above her. She looked up to see his scowling, disappointed face.
"Yes. Almost one-fourth of them have the virus."
Her gaze fell and she grimaced. They personally were now going to be responsible for the deaths of maybe several of their own henchmen. People who trusted them for everything, with only the tiny hope of a piece of the pie when the world was conquered and a meager paycheck in the meantime.
"What are you doing out here?" Drakken said.
She looked out at the white shine of the sun on the blue-gray waves.
"I want my—" She paused and considered. "I want our life back."
Drakken slowly sat down near her and crossed his legs, adjusting his lab coat over his knees. She looked at his curious, but tense expression.
"But...it's never going to be the same, is it," she continued. "Even if you...or anyone...does come up with something, or if the world actually works together and is able to stop this thing... It will be years before anything is normal again."
Drakken sighed. "Probably. It will be easier in some places..."
"We probably won't even have to fight Kim Possible anymore, now that her dad is dead."
"Nnh... Easier...to take over the world?" he suggested, though his melancholy eyes didn't match the mirth he had put into the words.
Shego turned her head slightly to meet his gaze. "So you still want to?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he said. His eyes again gave him away.
"Dr. D... Say you do come up with a vaccine or something... Are you gonna give it away, or sell it?"
Drakken's eyes went wide. Clearly that had not occurred to him.
After several seconds of silence and the troubled darting to and fro of Drakken's eyes, Shego turned her gaze down to the waves crashing against the rocks again.
It was a question that had been tearing at her for days, almost since they began the serious testing of the vaccine candidates. She'd been distracted from it though by her worries about Drakken's lack of attention toward her and the baby. But now, with that concern resolved...her light teasing of him that had begun days earlier wasn't so funny anymore.
Mad scientist and evil dictator...or benevolent savior of the world? Either assumed he succeeded.
She pinched her eyes shut and hung her head as the crushing reality struck once again, that no matter what happened...their lives would never be the same.
"Um..."
Drakken's voice was shaky. She looked up.
"One of the vaccine tests...appears to have worked."
Her eyes widened. "What?" she breathed, her voice lost in the roar of the surf.
"That monkey that didn't die... It was infected with the virus days ago and should have died. But it appears to be producing antibodies, thanks to the vaccine..."
Shego blinked rapidly. 'He...he actually did it?'
"What does that mean? That the vaccine works?"
"Well, on just this one animal... We're testing it now with some of the new ones that were shipped yesterday. And...we'll have to test it on humans."
Shego blinked again.
"Some of the henchmen have already volunteered. And it...ah, would be useful...to have another sample of your blood to compare the antibodies with the ones you made naturally."
Shego turned away with a scowl. "Is that why you came looking for me?"
The only answer he gave was silence.
Seconds passed where the only sounds were the waves on the rocks and the wind blowing the leaves of the few lonely palm trees that managed to cling to life on the narrow beach. Shego finally looked back to find Drakken's head hanging low and his eyes closed, his expression sorrowful. She stared for nearly a minute before he lifted his head and appeared surprised at her eye contact. His gaze turned to one of desperation.
"This is important, Shego," he pleaded.
She looked down. She was being selfish again. They had already had the conversation about how he gave attention to her. It had been one of the most painful things she had ever done, next to watching him almost die. Since really...her unnatural focus only came out of her own insecurity.
The sunlight glinted off the diamond on her ring, and she glanced at it before looking over for his. He was wearing his usual black gloves so his ring was concealed beneath.
"We might be able to save...some of them," Drakken continued.
"Hm?" Shego said.
"The henchmen," Drakken clarified, looking away with a pained grimace.
Shego reached across and set her hand on his knee as she interpreted his look. "It's not your fault they got sick."
"Of course it is! There's no one else! I should have just...just kept them quarantined and done all the tests myself."
Shego scooted to be nearer to him. "Come on, you know that's impossible. You already don't get enough sleep just doing some of the work."
"Our own men might die."
Shego considered for a moment. "Didn't you say some of them volunteered for the vaccine test?"
He looked up. "What does that have to do with it?"
"I think...most of them want you to win this time. Probably for their own reasons, but...they are..." she shrugged, "your men. They all came back after you sent them home."
Drakken rested his chin on his hand, his brow remaining furrowed in frustrated thought.
"It was Phil wasn't it, whose sister died from the disease?" Shego continued.
"Hm? Oh...yes, it was. Diabetes I think. He has it too."
Shego looked down. "Wasn't he the one who said he wanted you to succeed? Before any of the others did?"
Drakken nodded as his gaze fell, his expression morphing to sadness.
"He might not make it."
Shego nodded sadly. She resolved then to at least learn the henchmen's names. And based on the way they'd talked to her in the lab...they seemed to want to be on friendly terms, rather than threatened...
"Drakken..."
He looked up. She took a deep breath.
"Are we ever going to get our life back?"
She was staring at the waves again, but she could peripherally see him smirk. He set his hand atop hers on his knee and held it.
"Stopping the pandemic will be a start," he answered.
"And then...taking over the world with a baby?" she continued. "Babies don't stay babies... They turn into toddlers, and then kids, and teenagers..."
She caught Drakken's slight grimace at the mention of teens, but didn't take offense. It wasn't like they'd had any positive experiences with teenagers to frame an opinion on.
"Would it help...to say we have each other?" he said after a moment.
She looked out at the waves again.
"And we'll still have each other," he continued, "no matter what happens."
She turned her hand over on his knee and held tight to his.
"Yes," she sighed as she stared at the horizon. "It helps."