Day 117

She took a sharp breath in through her nose.

"Ohh..." she released it in a shaky sigh.

She leaned her head against his and closed her eyes while his chin rested against her shoulder. They clung to each other, the naked flesh of their chests pressing even more tightly together as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Their breaths came in time as they both rested in and came down from their high, the occasional movement of one or the other's hips a temptation into further passions. But they were both absolutely spent.

Her breathing began to calm and she focused on the feel of him, his skin hot and his muscles tense within her embrace.

Her eyes opened. He was shaking.

She began wondering at that but had only barely started before her own insecurities started knocking at her mind's door.

What on earth had they been thinking? What had she been thinking?

His tension and shaking seemed to be growing and she became aware he was holding her tighter. And then, a drop of moisture hit her shoulder. Was he crying?

She began loosening her grip on his back and found herself immediately released. She moved off of his lap in one swift motion and had her back to him as she pulled the bedcovers down.

"Come on," she said as she slid beneath his sheets, grinning but not making eye contact. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna get a good night's sleep."

He was more slow to join her in the bed, but when he did she briefly caught sight of his anxious eyes. He was still shaking. And he lay down a good two feet away from her in the massive bed. She gave him a content smirk and grabbed one of his hands before closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep.

There was no point in stressing about what had just happened right then. She could analyze everything in the morning.

Shego's eyes opened as the dream faded into darkness. She stared without focus into the artificially-lit and slightly greenish glow of Drakken's bedroom in the morning.

'Why did I dream about our first time...?'

She glanced down to where his arm lay heavily across her middle under the blankets. The bedcovers had slid down slightly during the night, and she could just see the reflecting glint off of his gold ring. She moved her hand to rest atop his, entwining their fingers so their rings were side-by-side. She felt a rush looking at the two symbols of the commitment they already had in their hearts.

'I want to marry you, Drakken...'

She felt him shift slightly and realized he was awake too. She twisted her head back to smile at him, but was startled to see a look of anxiety similar to that from her dream on his face. She rolled onto her back to see him more comfortably, and he blinked away the look to smile at her tiredly.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

His eyes widened and he glanced away, clearly uncomfortable with being caught. She brought their joined hands up to rest on her chest as she watched him in concern, waiting. After several seconds his eyes returned to hers with a sigh.

"I was just...wondering..." he began uneasily, "if you...um..."

She rolled on her side to face him and set her arm around him, trailing her nails lightly up and down his back. She smiled encouragingly.

"You...love me," he stated, clearly the precursor to a question. Her brow rose and she smirked lightly as she nodded. "Do you love me for more than...um...this?"

She watched his cheeks redden and his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously. It took a few seconds before his meaning hit her. She chuckled even as another rush of joy flooded her senses. She pressed into him and kissed him softly.

"Mmm, this is just a bonus," she said, running her nails up his back again.

"Ow!" he hissed and pulled away from her.

Her lips parted in shock and she leaned up on her elbow to look at him.

"What?"

"You touched the burn," he said, settling back down cautiously.

"Burn?"

He blinked at her and then his eyes narrowed. "Yes."

"What?" she asked, her brow furrowing.

"Where you burned me last night."

They stared at one another in confusion, and Shego peered at his shoulder where his skin was definitely blistered.

"I...what?" she said.

"You don't remember?" He looked a mixture of confused and wary.

"No... Did I pass out or something?"

He shook his head as he pushed himself up to sit cross-legged. "I don't think so... Your eyes were closed, but..."

Shego thought of the previous night's passions. "...I was screaming?"

Drakken nodded.

Shego rolled her eyes at herself. It hit her that maybe if she would leave him more room to talk, he would; he hadn't said much the night before that she could recall, but his silence didn't bother her anymore.

"What happened? How did I burn you?"

He blushed slightly. "Your hands lit up while you were holding my shoulders, and I grabbed your right wrist and told you to stop. But you...didn't seem to be listening. And when I got your left wrist my shoulder was already burned."

She frowned as her vision clouded. She didn't remember any of that.

"Then what happened?"

Drakken looked at her curiously, and still a bit warily.

"I held your wrists up so you wouldn't burn me or...anything else. Until it stopped. You weren't listening to me."

Shego's brow furrowed in concern. She pushed herself up and after covering herself with her hair, hugged herself.

"You...don't remember that?" he asked tentatively.

She glanced up. He looked...almost afraid of her. She hugged herself tighter and looked down, shaking her head.

What he was implying was very disturbing. Except for right after the comet struck, she couldn't remember a time when she'd not been in total control of her glow. And twice now she'd been totally unaware of the danger she had posed because of it. Danger to him...and to herself and the baby, if she had caught the bed on fire.

'Why don't I remember?'

She glanced up again. "I was screaming?"

He nodded, still looking wary.

She considered the short list of things she might have said, but none made sense in the context of their activities and him trying to protect himself at the same time.

She took a deep breath and grit her teeth as blood rushed to her cheeks. "What was I screaming?"

"...'Don't stop'."

She looked away and scowled at herself as her cheeks darkened further. She could imagine a moment like that, but she wasn't sure if it was a memory or not. And she still didn't remember her hands glowing.

"When did the glow stop?"

"A few minutes later," he said, shifting to lean on his hand and right hip.

As she looked at the wariness that didn't show any signs of fading from his eyes she began to feel a churning deep in her stomach that had nothing to do with morning sickness.

"Why? How?" she asked, as she stared down at her hands which she'd moved to rest atop her folded knees.

He shook his head slightly. "There...didn't seem to be any reason."

"Oh."

She was racking her brain, trying to think of any moment that reflected what he was telling her. But she couldn't remember. And he said she hadn't passed out.

Staring at her hands they suddenly felt foreign, as if they weren't hers. She lifted them and ignited them, slowly intensifying the glow until she could feel the heat herself. Drakken leaned back from her experiment, watching her cautiously. She diminished the glow and let it die, the power responding to her commands in the reflexive way it always had.

Nothing seemed to be wrong. And yet Drakken was still looking at her as if he was almost afraid. And why couldn't she remember!?

"Sorry," she said, dropping her gaze to her lap again. A weight was settling onto her chest as she considered all the possible implications of her apparent lack of control. What if something was wrong with her? And what new dangers could that bring?

The mattress sank slightly as he shifted closer to her, and she looked up for a brief moment of eye contact before his arms gently embraced her. He didn't look as cautious as he had only moments before.

"It's all right," he said. His tone was a bit flat. She wondered...if he would always be afraid of her now when they wanted to be intimate.

She set her chin on his shoulder and hugged him loosely around his waist. She sighed heavily and let her mind wander... And it wandered back to her dream, and the question he had asked when she woke up a few minutes earlier.

"Did anything else happen?" she asked, slowly pulling back to look at him.

His expression darkened slightly. "You don't remember?"

She rubbed his arms up and down as a tiny smirk found its way to her features along with a flush. "I remember you're incredible."

He blushed, but his expression became anxious again. She let her hands fall to her lap as she shifted back slightly.

"How come...you only say sweet things when we...?" He trailed off, and she was tempted to laugh off the question. But she could see by the dark look in his eyes that he took it very seriously. So she considered for a long moment before answering.

"Don't know if you've noticed..." she began slowly. "But I'm not exactly a 'sweet' person."

His lips twitched.

"It's easier to say that kind of stuff when we're like this." She leaned back in and gently set her arms around him, watching out for the burn on his shoulder. "It's just easier. And..."

She considered briefly her assessment of herself. It was true, she wasn't naturally affectionate or doting or any of the things that seemed to come more easily to him. And he'd fallen in love with her the way she was. However...it couldn't hurt her to operate outside the box, just a little...

She lowered her voice to a near-whisper. "I fall in love with you more every day. So I have more to say than I used to."

She pressed her lips to his ear in a soft kiss. She began moving them around to his lips when he leaned back with a sudden gasp.

"It's after six!" he cried, peering through the dark at the digital clock in his headboard.

Shego grimaced. "You really know how to kill the mood, Doc."

"We slept for five hours!"

"Pretty sure we were very awake for at least the first thirty minutes," she smirked at him.

He scoffed and shook his head as he leapt out of the bed and dashed for the bathroom. Shego sighed and lay back down, resting her hands over her midsection. She'd gotten him to get a little sleep, at least...

The idea suddenly hit her that she could seduce him every night if it meant getting him to sleep more. But she realized he would probably figure it out, and who knew what the ramifications of that type of manipulation might be. She shook her head as she grimaced.

'Bad idea...'

She sighed and listened to the running water of the shower that signaled he was dead-set on starting the day. She wondered if he would remember to eat something or if she would have to force him into consuming one of her protein bars while he hovered over the half-built ventilator. Probably the latter.

She yawned and sat up slowly, stretching as she peered around the room for his robe. After shrugging into it she lay down again and started counting the seconds. Knowing how Drakken was when in a rush, his shower would take less than five minutes and then she could hop in.

Her thoughts drifted back to his explanation of the uncontrolled burst of her powers. The burn she had given him was very slight, but considering his claim that she had apparently been fairly lost in her own world, and that he had held her hands up for several minutes until her glow went out...and that she couldn't remember any of it... It was an issue of great concern.

What if it happened again?

She hated to add another problem to what was already the most difficult situation they had ever found themselves in, but it was serious.

She heard the water stop running, and she hurried over to the bathroom.

"Yahh!" was Drakken's startled cry as she threw open the door, holding a towel up to his chest protectively. "Oh. It's you," he said, chest heaving as he relaxed and leaned against the bathroom counter.

"Who else would it be? Look, we need to figure out what's wrong with my powers."

She watched Drakken's face as he dried off, weighing what she had said against everything else going on she was sure. Finally, he sighed.

"It will have to wait."

"I have records—" she blurted out, and then stopped. He looked at her with a raised brow as he secured a towel around his waist. She bit the inside of her cheek.

"Records?" he probed.

She stepped past him and turned the shower back on. She hadn't meant to say that. She had never told...anyone...

"What kind of records?"

She glanced back at him, and then stared blankly away into a corner, her eyes glazing over. Her heart was beating hard in her chest. But she forced herself to begin speaking. And once she had, the words came in a rush.

"From after the comet hit. I stole them when I escaped from Global Justice. They ran tests on my brothers and I for years. I've read them before, but I don't understand most of it."

She said it all in one breath and drew in a huge lungful of air as she leaned up against the frame of the shower stall. No one knew... No one had ever known... She had worked so hard to erase the past...

"Global Justice?" she heard him sneer after a moment.

She couldn't look up, for fear her excited nervous system would collapse if she saw what she knew would be curiosity in his eyes. She forced her lips open one more time.

"They created Team Go."

She leaned forward and rested her forehead on the cool metal of the shower stall, trying to calm down. She hadn't gotten worked up like that...since she thought Drakken was dying.

"Shego... What's...your real name?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment, she pursed her lips and shook her head. Drakken could find out whatever he wanted to about her past after she handed the records over to him. He would have more luck deciphering all the scientific aspects of it than she ever had, and then maybe—she grit her teeth—run some tests on her and figure out what was wrong.

She suddenly found it hard to breathe and sat down right there on the bathroom floor, leaning up against the wall and drawing her knees up to her chest. She leaned back and stared into the darkness of her eyelids as she listened to the running water of the shower and forced herself to breathe slowly. But it didn't seem to be helping.

She startled suddenly as she felt Drakken sit next to her. She opened her eyes and stared straight ahead to where the stream from the shower was hitting the tiles below. Hot steam was rising and beginning to cloud the small room.

He carefully lifted her left hand off of her knee where it had rested, and then her right. She glanced over as he brought her hands up toward his face, the fluorescent light from above causing her diamond ring to sparkle. He kissed her left palm long and soft, and then her right.

A lump rose in Shego's throat. He glanced down and made eye contact with her.

She nearly knocked his head back into the wall as she threw her arms around him and pressed her face into his neck, a dry sob escaping her chest.

"How do you always know what to do?" she asked as she pulled back to look at him, tears stinging her eyes.

He was without answer and shrugged after a moment, his concern for her having taken over his features.

She kissed him and then leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling the reassurance of his arms protectively surrounding her. He wouldn't use her past and all of her secrets to manipulate her... She could trust him.

He kissed her cheek. "Take the day off."

She grimaced, but nodded.

"I...need to go back to the lab," he said hesitantly. "But I can start working on this too."

She sat upright and shook her head. "You were right. It's not a priority."

"Of course you are," he said, kissing her cheek again.

Then he was on his feet and starting toward the door. She stood up as he hesitated, looking back at her in concern.

"Go on," she said, waving him away as a tear slipped down her cheek.

He left her alone, and after a heavy sigh she discarded his robe and entered the hot shower, adjusting the temperature of the water before stepping beneath the stream.

Her nervous system was probably a neurologist's nightmare at the moment for how on edge and fearful she was about disclosing her past, all while being flushed with adoration and desire for her husband-to-be.

He was a dream come true. Not any dream she'd ever actually had, but...thinking back to her impulsive kiss nearly four months prior that had started everything...she never could have imagined being in love the way she was at present. They had gone from terrified, awkward, lustful, and distant...to confident, comfortable, loving, and closer than she knew was possible.

And it wasn't because the pandemic had forced them together... 'No,' she banished that thought as it resurfaced. It was just them. Both of them being brave enough to try.

She remembered her odd dream about the first night they had spent together on New Year's, as close physically as two people could ever be but emotionally distant as their fears had reigned. She knew from experience that fear was one of the most powerful weapons... But she herself hadn't been its prey for years, until they had taken what might have been a premature step.

She wondered then how much of Drakken's drive to create the vaccine was motivated by fear, and just what it was that he might be afraid of. They had both survived, their baby was healthy, and the henchmen... Well, he did care for them. But he was also just as likely to fire them for an inane mistake and get new ones the next day.

She knew he was still grieving his mother, and had an empathy toward anyone suffering in that regard; no matter how evil he claimed to be, he hadn't lost his humanity.

She thought about his constantly bloodshot eyes and ridiculous insistence that if he just never slept that somehow they could finish the vaccine sooner. Killing himself wouldn't make it go any faster. There were biological processes involved that would not be rushed, no matter how many hours he stayed awake.

Shego turned off the shower and made to dry off, feeling more grounded about her own circumstances and determined to both help Drakken succeed, and make sure he came out of the crisis with his health intact. It was far, far too easy to dwell on their microcosmic world inside the lair and forget...

Everywhere in the world there was someone facing crisis, just like them. Other people were sick and wondering if that day would be their last on the Earth. Other people were dealing with the loss of loved ones, both unexpected and sudden, and slow, lingering deaths. Other women were pregnant and worrying about the health of their child.

And like her, other people were struggling with the isolation and inherent feelings of facing the fight alone that the quarantine had brought. Many people...probably were alone.

Shego selected some comfortable clothes, her resolve growing. Maybe it was everything she had just considered that had been driving Drakken throughout the pandemic—the awareness and empathy for people suffering. After all...she had never thought him to be quite as evil as she was.

She startled as the door unexpectedly slid open, Drakken rushing in with his lab coat flapping behind him and his hair still damp. A lump leapt into her throat at the horror-stricken look in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked quickly.

"Phil is dead."