It probably doesn't need it, but I went ahead and raised the rating to T for language in this chapter. Just a warning for any that have a problem with that.
Chapter 2- The Drunk's Contract
When Bilbo marched off to the sanctuary of his bedroom, he spent the next two hours thrown on his bed sulking, crying, and indulging in self-pity. Isengar had come by with second breakfast and elevensies at that point, but Bilbo wasn't hungry. He was in the mood to lay there and waste away. Then he turned on his side and saw his Oakenshield. A sight that filled him with...unbelievable anger.
His mother filled his head with stories of true love, destiny, that he was always cherished, and always protected all the while hiding a stupid marriage contract behind his back. Why didn't she just tell him? What exactly was her reasoning? And why him specifically? He had so many cousins that were lesser Took princes and princesses just like him. What was special about the firstborn of the ninth child of the Thain?
Bilbo jumped out of bed pacing the floors of his bedroom. To top it all off, the person he's been dreaming about, romanticizing in his head, was just a grumpy old dwarf with deplorable manners and a bad attitude towards helpful hobbits. He buried his head in his hands, gripping his hair tightly. Some birthday this day turned out to be. His eyes cut to his window where he could already hear his uncles coming and going to the Party Tree and making small talk along the way.
He wanted so desperately to be upset with them, but this wasn't their fault. Had he been in their position, he wasn't sure he would have handled it any better. He just rather wished he could have remained blissfully naive a little longer. He would have taken Adlar or Siggy down to the Green Dragon and introduced them to the dwarf just to feel less like a disappointment. Even if neither decided to go, which he couldn't have seen them going anyways, he would have followed through and proved his worth. It was a bit disconcerting how much he craved Thorin's approval, but he decided not to dwell on that point.
So, the way he saw it, he would have to go down to the Party Tree, pretending all was right in the world. He would probably pull his grandfather aside to discuss the contract in more detail, and then being the perfectly proper prince that he was meant to be, would write to this dwarven prince to ask for an audience now that he was of age. Of course, Isengrim didn't mention anything about a time limit and clearly had no plans to tell him of the contract today, so he supposed he was in no rush on that front.
That's when it hit Bilbo. He was under no obligation to fulfill his contract right away. Now, he was by no means a Breaker, but he could postpone that meeting. In fact, in theory, if he were unavailable due to aiding his soon-to-be fellow dwarrows on some sort of quest…
Bilbo dove under his bed wrangling out his mother's old traveling pack. He gleefully pulled open drawers and his wardrobe as he stuffed it full of anything and everything he thought he would need. Traveling clothes, maps, a hunting knife, his pipe, a sleeping roll, and onward until the pack was nearly bulging. The last thing he grabbed was his Oakenshield. He let his thumb brush the dwarven rune before shoving it into his pocket with finality. This was the right thing. Meeting his "blue eyes" was a sign.
The last thing he did was write his dear uncles a small note to ease his guilt of leaving them so abruptly. He really did feel terrible about how he was leaving them, but he knew that Isengrim would do everything in his power to talk him out of this. Hildifons would probably insist upon coming along only to baby him the entire journey. And poor Isengar would blame himself as if Bilbo's wanting to leave was his fault. No, as much as it hurt, he was doing the right thing. He was incredibly thankful that he didn't spill where exactly he was going.
Feeling resolute in his decision, Bilbo straightened out his new red coat as he opened up his window to slip out. He checked that there were no comings and goings down the lane as he pushed and wriggled his body through the small opening, regretting slightly that he didn't take off his pack and slide it through first. When he finally managed to worm his way out, he landed on his side in an undignified heap in the dirt. Quickly, pulling himself up and casually brushing his pants off, he looked around to see if anyone noticed. Satisfied he got away clean, he snuck around the back free of any windows, and took off running down the hill as fast as he could.
He got all the way to the water's edge before he allowed himself to slow down. There, now he was far enough out of the way of Hobbiton that he could just follow the stream south to Bywater, and he would be at the Green Dragon before anyone realized he was gone. He gave a short nod, pleased with his daring escape when a voice rang out.
"And just where are you off to?"
Bilbo gave a jump in fright before spinning around coming face to face with his three best friends. Adalgrim, or Adlar to him, was about the only elder Took cousin Bilbo could stand. Sigismond, or Siggy Took, was exactly two months younger than Bilbo, and they were as thick as thieves. Hobson "Roper" Gamgee, was not related to Bilbo, which was a positive in his opinion, but just as devoted to him as if they were family. Adlar was grinning wildly, Siggy held his stare with a raised eyebrow, and Roper just wrung his fingers together for a lack of anything else to do with them.
"So where are you off to on this fine afternoon, Mister Baggins?" Adlar questioned again as he began to circle him.
"A stroll." He answered clipped as sweat began to drip down the back of his neck.
"A stroll leading where exactly?" Siggy pressed joining in Adlar his circling.
"South." Bilbo barked.
"And just why exactly does a stroll leading south require such luggage?" Adlar inquired as he played with the strap on Bilbo's pack.
"Okay, fine!" He snapped pushing away from his curious cousins. "I'm going on an adventure."
"An adventure?!" The three gasped in varying degrees of excitement, surprise, and worry.
"What kind of an adventure requires you to sneak out your bedroom window?" Roper demanded aghast.
"Wait. You saw?" Bilbo pouted.
"Of course, we saw. It was about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen." Adlar teased.
"We were going to fetch you to have a pint with us before the big party." Siggy began clearly begging for the rest of the story.
Bilbo hesitated. He really didn't want to get found out already, and he would never put his friends in a position to Lie for him.
"It's just...I don't want my uncles to know just yet." He told them with no small amount of uncertainty.
"Well begging your pardon, Mister Bilbo, but standing here in the view of the road won't help that none." Roper pointed out.
Bilbo fought against it, but Roper managed to wrangle a small smile and a sigh out of him.
"Very well. Would you fine gents care to escort me to the Green Dragon?" Bilbo asked with no small amount of pomp and mock bowing.
"We would be delighted Mister Baggins." Siggy answered in the same manner before hooking Bilbo's arm tight in his.
Adlar gave the both of them a hard shove before taking off running in fear of retaliation. Siggy caught up and launched himself onto Adlar's back causing the both of them to fall in a pile of tangled limbs leading to much mirth and howling all around. If their goal had been stealth, they were failing miserably, but Bilbo had the sobering realization that this could be his last chance to act like a complete imbecile with his mates for months, possibly years, to come.
After that, Bilbo began to tell them of his day from meeting the dwarf with the "blue eyes", where he endured their groans, to his fight with his uncles about his secret marriage contract. By the time he finished, the inn was just coming into view, and Bilbo stopped knowing he couldn't allow his friends to go any further.
"So you're just going to take off after a company of dwarves into the wild while all of your friends and family are waiting and expecting you to show up for your coming of age party?" Adlar questioned. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Yes." Bilbo answered. "Which is why you guys have to go back and cover for me."
"No way." Siggy denied. "I'm not missing out on meeting the "blue eyes" that have nearly forced me to expel lunch on way too many occasions."
Bilbo rolled his eyes. "Yes, you are. Eventually, my uncles are going to come looking for me, and you…"
"Are coming in to cover for you." Adlar cut him off mid-rant.
Bilbo shook his head adamantly. "Don't become Liars for me." He practically begged.
Roper scoffed. "If we could convince Farmer Maggot that you weren't the one to make off with his award-winning pumpkin during the Harvest Festival without Lying, I think we can handle your uncles."
"Roper has a point." Siggy grinned wrapping his hand around Bilbo's shoulders. "Besides who do you trust more to cover for you: us or Ol' Agil Twofoot."
Bilbo frowned realizing that was a solid point. Actually, now that it was being pointed out to him, how did he expect to escape the notice of all the staff and patrons alike who would most definitely know him by name? Bilbo's non-answer seemed to be all the encouragement they needed as Adlar and Roper strode forward towards the inn, and Siggy patted his back before following. He could just walk away right now, and none would be the wiser. His eyes darted up the road to Hobbiton before he put on a rather sullen expression and followed after his friends.
"Ack! Tooks in my pub! Hobson, how have you not cleaned your hands of this lot yet?"
"How else am I to get a story to impress the fine lasses of your establishment?" Roper jeered back.
Agil let out a deep bellowing laugh as Bilbo came around to see his friends standing before the innkeeper looking vaguely put out and exasperated. His eyes glittered with surprise when they came to rest upon Bilbo.
"Well if it isn't the young Master of Bag End himself. Don't you have a party to get to, lad?" He inquired running a hand down his dark mutton chops.
Bilbo opened his mouth to speak, but Adlar beat him to it putting his hand on Bilbo's shoulder in a show of support.
"You know how my cousin is with parties, Mister Twofoot."
"Aye, we thought to bring him down for a draft of your liquid courage before sending him back to the wolves." Siggy added.
Agil released another round of his strong chortles nodding along.
"Mighty fine indeed. You boys just don't overstay your welcome! I'll not be dealing with charred furniture this time around!"
"Of course, Sir. We'll just find a nice quiet spot in the back." Roper eased, taking the lead and dragging Bilbo in after him.
"And if any more Tooks come around asking for Bilbo, could you just send them our way?" Adlar asked the innkeeper.
"Didn't tell old Isam what you were planning beforehand?" Agil insinuated.
"Planned?" Siggy gasped. "How dare you accuse us of having any forethought."
"Then you may want to take the table by the window to shove poor Bilbo out of when he comes round asking." Agil winked before walking off with another set of hearty chuckles.
Adlar and Roper were trying to keep their snickers contained as Agil would have no idea why they found the idea of Bilbo climbing out a window particularly funny. Bilbo was stuck between glaring at the two, and trying to pull his hand out of Siggy's grip as he pulled him nearly around the whole length of the pub before settling on a spot. The four found a place out of the immediate view of the entrance and scampered into their seats with Bilbo staring at them in barely restrained fury.
"I thought you were going to sneak me in, not announce me to the entire bloody bar!"
"We never used the word 'sneak'." Adlar pointed out while signaling the barmaid for four pints.
"Besides, the best place to hide something is in plain view." Siggy argued.
"What is your plan when Uncle Isam comes barreling in here?" Bilbo asked.
"Just leave that to us." Adlar winked.
Bilbo shook his head trying to reign in his overactive imagination and all the ways this adventure was going to go wrong before he even got started.
"So where exactly are these dwarves of yours?" Roper asked Bilbo.
That's right. He came here for a reason. Bilbo perked up and looked around, but besides the occasional ranger or man of Bree, there were naught but hobbits.
"Did you say something about dwarves?" Poppy asked, carrying over their drinks.
Poppy Twofoot was a rather pretty lass with her auburn ringlets framing moss green eyes. A fact that Siggy found especially intriguing, more so with a few pints in him. Despite acting aloof to this fact, Poppy never failed to be the one to wait on them when they came.
"Yeah, heard there were a few out and about today. Know anything?" Siggy leaned forward with a flirty smile.
Poppy looked back and forth as if to make sure their conversation wouldn't be overheard before hiding her face behind her tray.
"They rented out the back room from Pa. Real secretive that lot. Didn't want him to tell no one."
They thanked Poppy for the ale and the information as they collectively looked in the direction of where the dwarrows were probably meeting at that very moment.
"Should we just knock on the door then?" Siggy questioned after taking a sip.
Bilbo contemplated it before shaking his head. "No, I doubt they'll hide away their entire stay."
"What makes you so certain?" Roper asked.
"Because...why would he send me here if he wasn't expecting to receive company?"
"No, you're right." Adlar raised his eyebrows. "From your accounts earlier, this Thorin seems to be in the pentacle of good manners, and would know all about the receiving customs of hobbits."
Bilbo shot his older cousin a dirty look before twitching his nose and swallowing down a large mouthful of ale.
"Well we certainly don't have to act rashly. We have all night." Bilbo pointed out.
Everyone agreed with that sentiment as they dumped back their first pints and signaled Poppy for another round. The second round passed slower due to the jabs and crude jokes shared by the group, as did the third. When Roper was asking for a fourth set, Bilbo came to an important realization. He had not eaten anything besides the berries he picked from the thicket so long ago. While he wasn't hungry, he did accept the fact that he could quite possibly be drunk already. He started pressing down on his nose laughing at the numbed nerves. Yep, definitely drunk.
"Already?" Siggy asked, recognizing Bilbo's tell.
"Haven't eaten today." Bilbo slurred.
"Breakfast, elevensies, lunch, supper?" Adlar cried in dismay.
"Nope!" Bilbo cheered making sure to pop the 'p'.
Roper immediately called Poppy back over to order Bilbo whatever was being served from the kitchen that night. Bilbo didn't want food though. He wanted his dwarf. His handsome, rude, breathtaking, annoying dwarf. Bilbo slapped his hands down on the table with the finality of his decision.
"I don' know WHAT they're talkin' bout. But I need in there." He demanded.
"In where?" Siggy grinned loving drunk Bilbo.
"In...in the dwarf room, of course!"
"Okay, take it easy. Not that long ago, you were saying that we should wait for them to come to us." Adlar reminded.
"No! NO! I don't want that!" Bilbo complained loudly.
The three were trying to shush him while laughing noticing Agil poke his head in to laugh at Bilbo as well. However, then he pointed his finger around the corner as if directing someone.
"By the Lady's green gardens!" Adlar cursed. "Get Bilbo under the table."
Siggy and Roper managed to push the still complaining hobbit under them and shush him just as Hildifons came into sight. Siggy and Adlar felt the sweat drip down the back of their necks. Isam was a formidable foe, but they had been confident in throwing him off the scent. Hilde was an entirely different story. He was the one to teach them their tricks after all, and suddenly it seemed that protecting their cousin and remaining Unbreakable was a colossal challenge.
"Where is he?" Hilde snapped, his eyes glittering with barely concealed anger as soon as he reached their table.
"Where is who, Uncle Hilde?" Adlar played innocent.
"Yeah, we know a lot of people. You'll have to be more specific." Siggy joined sipping from his pint.
"Cut the horseshit!" Hildifons demanded bringing his fist down on the table. "Agil says you've been with Bilbo, and I want to know where."
"Well...we did see him up by the Hill." Adlar answered.
"And?" Hildifons pressed.
"He said he was headed south."
"South?" He repeated dumbfounded.
All three nodded.
"What else did he say?"
"Said he was going on an adventure." Roper added solemnly.
"About where he was going?" Hildifons raged.
"To find the dwarves." Siggy replied.
Hildifons looked five seconds away from pulling the three of them off by the ears to their mother so Adlar played about the only card he had left.
"Is Bilbo really trapped in an arranged marriage?"
All of the fight seemed to leave Hildifons as he stared at them forlorn. He seemed about to respond before he just heaved a sigh and gave a sharp nod.
"Look, I know you guys know more than you're telling, and I'm not going to push you into selling out your friend. But can you just let him know that...we're worried? He can still be mad at us, but we just want him to come home."
A bit shocked at the fairly emotional display from their usually happy-go-lucky uncle, the Tooks couldn't help but feel a bit guilty, and Roper looked beside himself with the need to point under the table. Instead, they promised "if they saw Bilbo again" they would repeat what he said. With that Hildifons turned and walked away, rejection in his every step.
"I don't know Bilbo. Maybe you should go back and talk this through with them. Hilde looked pretty upset." Adlar murmured under the table.
He waited for a response. And waited. And waited. He very slowly turned to the other two as they all had the same thought. It was way too quiet under that table for Drunk Bilbo. They peered underneath only to jerk up out of their seats. He was gone. His pack was missing as well. Before they could start to panic, they almost simultaneously realized where he would be.
"THE BACK ROOM!" They cried in unison as they clambered over each other to be the first to get there.
Meanwhile, Bilbo had felt his instincts kick in the moment he realized it was Hildifons in front of their table. He started scurrying back and away without anyone being the wiser. He congratulated himself on this fact with a slap to his own back as he headed to the back room.
Dwarrows. He had to meet the dwarrows right now. Damn their secret meeting! Thorin did invite Bilbo after all. Blue eyed Thorin, his Oakenshield. How could someone look the way he did and still be such a cock? This wasn't a question he realized he had asked aloud until he caught a raised eyebrow from the table nearest to him. Actually, that might be because he was still on his hands and knees. Maybe he should stand up. Nope! The room definitely did not like that.
His head felt funny. He might throw up. Wait...Thorin. He was so close to the door, and with no forethought to what he would say or do, he burst forth into the room.
"Unless, we can find a hobbit ready to join us, we're sunk."
"I told you. I already tried. They don't leave their 'preciousShire' for anything!"
"Hey! There's one now!"
He had something very clever on the tip of his tongue, but a quick assessment told him there were a lot more dwarrows than he thought there would be. And they had all become dead quiet and were all looking straight at him. There was something else that was very apparent to him.
"Has anyone told-sold-told you lot that you...have very im-fressive beards."
Roaring laughter broke out at this, and Bilbo took this as a good sign to proceed into the room.
"Had a little too much ale, lad?"
"Are you lost, Master Hobbit?"
"I'm not lost." Bilbo chided the talking mustache beard. "I know exactly what...I'm doing. I'm here for an adver-adverb-adventure! That's it! Advent-ature!"
There was more laughter at this with some egging him on. Bilbo decided he liked these beards, but he was looking for something. No, someone. No, something, blue eyes! That's it! He was looking for blue eyes, and he found it right at the end of the table. He ran forward only to trip and almost fall before he got there. Stupid jumping flagstones.
"Mister Thorin!" He greeted with a large grin.
The dwarf in question raised an eyebrow over those stunning blue eyes.
"Mister...Billy?" He returned.
Bilbo frowned as his heart began to hurt. Did Thorin not even remember his name?
"You know this hobbit?" One of the large beards...goodness! When did it get so tall?
"This is the burglar I met this morning." Thorin snorted in amusement.
"Bilbo…" He paused only just remembering Thorin didn't like to give his full name. "Just Bilbo, at your service." He declared with a bow. One that ended with him on his butt.
Now Tall Beard was really tall.
"Are you okay?" Bilbo questioned in worry.
Tall Beard snickered before helping him back to his feet and sitting back down. He was still Tall Beard.
"Mister Bilbo…" Thorin sighed pinching his nose.
Bilbo bounced his way over to his side looking up at Thorin hopefully. He grasped Thorin by the face surprising all including Thorin as a very red blush appeared under his blue eyes. Whistles and gasping giggles went up causing Thorin to glare at the offender before turning to Bilbo with a burning gaze.
"I suggest you release me...now." He demanded.
"But I have to tell you something." Bilbo whispered, keeping his hold on Thorin's face.
"What?" He hissed.
"You're my Oakenshield."
"What?!" He cried again pulling back causing Bilbo to fall...again. "Will somebody do something to get him out of here?" He demanded the table.
"No wait!" Bilbo cried aghast as he jumped to his feet. "You need me!"
"I can assure you, Master Hobbit, that I absolutely do not!" Thorin insinuated his words like ice.
"But…" Bilbo's eyes were watering. "You were looking for a hobbit to join. You in-fired, expired…"
"Inspired?" Grandpap Beard prompted with a grin.
"Insp-red me!" Bilbo repeated confidently. "I am ready to take back my life! My Took blood is boobling hard!"
Grandpap Beard stared in surprise. "You're a Took?"
"Yep!" Bilbo proclaimed at the same time Thorin complained.
"By Mahal's Forge! What cruel twist of fate is this?"
Grandpap Beard looked over at Thorin with a raised brow. "This may be our only chance."
Thorin groaned his face stuffed in his hands. "Just give him the damn contract."
Bilbo wanted to cry again. Why was he hiding his blue eyes? Hello, what's this now?
"It's just the basics with a journey of this size." Grandpap Beard explained.
Bilbo gave a whistle of appreciation as the contract unrolled to be nearly as tall as him. Grandpap Beard was still talking, but it just sounded like noise to Bilbo as he tried to make sense of the paper in front of him. Wait...was that part even in Westron? He nodded along as if he understood everything being said to him.
"Questions?" Grandpap Beard asked after he finished.
"Just one." Bilbo held up his hand. "Well maybe two. Where are we going and what are we doing?"
Groans went up around the room.
"Thorin, please tell me the jest is over. Him? Really?"
Before Thorin could answer Short Beard, the door slammed open once more as three hobbits came sprinting into the room.
"BILBO! NO!"
"I did it!" The little hobbit cheered holding the end of the contract and a quill he retrieved from who knew where.
With that firm declaration, he promptly passed out with the contract fluttering to lay on his chest.
"Well, we have our hobbit."
Thorin glared at his friend before getting up and heading up to his room. His only wish being that he could go to sleep and find this whole thing to be some hallucinogenic nightmare.
I love the hobbits! They're so much fun to write, and Drunk Bilbo is almost more than Thorin can handle. ;) Bilbo will find out the names of his dwarrows next chapter, but I'm curious if anyone was able to guess who was who by their beards? :D Breakers and Liars is a reference to the 9 Unbreakable Laws of the Fae. I hope that's not too confusing right now, because I plan to have Bilbo explain them by the next couple of chapters, but as a reminder if you need to take a peek for yourself, they are on my profile.
As always, thanks to PoneyRose for the continuous reviews each chapter, and thanks to PrincessCuppycake for joining the follow/favorite. It makes me happy to know there are people out there enjoying my story. If you're new to Once Upon a Dream, feel free to follow/favorite/review yourself!
See you next week,
Sunny