Chapter 13 - Wordless conversation

'Okay, what should I do now...?' My mind went blank for a while. After all it doesn't happen every day that your act gets exposed. And out of all the options it has to be in front of the son of the one that somewhat did take me under his wings. Talk about bad luck...

Yet, taking it from the other point of view, I seriously doubt that Sesshomaru was the type to talk about it openly. Maybe with his father, who would probably be able to figure it out either way... 'Come to think of it, there is very little I know about him, for I've met him just a couple of times.' My mind goes back to these moments - the first meeting, the fight with him, the time I saw him in the library... 'Wait. Back then he disappeared when he noticed Akemi approaching, so it was possible that he wasn't much fond of spending time with her, probably due to her childish personality.'

Suddenly, the whole situation didn't seem as bad to me whether it was just me trying to convince myself or not... I collected my courage and turned slightly to the right, meeting Sesshomaru's gaze in result. In the first moment I once again realise how familiar yet how different he is in comparison with Lord Inutaisho. His expression is unreadable, so can merely guess what he might be thinking.

Undoubtedly, my actions towards Akemi would make him question my sanity. Who in their right mind would 'mock' their superior in the way I did? 'I wasn't really aiming to mock her though... Okay, maybe just a little tiny bit, but I did it because of her unreasonable demands. Who would want to blindly run around the place without any good reason?'

I can easily imagine what would be a reply to that. Something between the lines of this being what those of lower status like me are supposed to do - obey orders without questioning the higher-ranked ones. 'Yet, what sense would it make if that action would only serve to the downfall of the inexperienced noble? Akemi is young and seemingly unaware of the world outside the protection of her father, and while she is older than me given years since our birth, she surely is the one with the more childishly naive nature.'

One could point out what makes me think that it's my business to care about Akemi's upbringing, which I partly have to agree with... but at the same time, it returns me back to the question why Lord Inutaisho chose to make me her lady-in-waiting. 'It couldn't have been just for his amusement, could it? I mean... he isn't one to do things without a proper reason - or at least judging by the vibe he gives.'

This could obviously lead to a long discussion of my presence in here, but that's not the crucial thing right now. If there indeed was a justifiable reason for me getting to spend time with Akemi, what was it? 'Maybe - okay, this might sound a bit strange, but I can't think of anything else - it was exactly to help her abandon her current behaviour and become more mature... Wait seriously? I suppose it would make sense though...'

Nevertheless, however I put it, me getting to somehow teach Akemi manners was not enough to explain my behaviour. The combination of disobedience mixed together with appearing subtle and throwing myself down seem to be mutually exclusive. Not to mention if was something that would go against one's pride… How could I possibly stamp so low and talk about myself with disgrace? 'Well, this might be a bit trickier to answer, but I actually don't feel ashamed of having done so. On the contrary, I would have felt much worse had I brought the dress here only to bring it back to Akemi's quarters. Moreover, the main strategy was to use the claims of my opponents against them and lead them to a dead-end, where they would either have to contradict with themselves or forced to accept my imposition – in other words making it go my way whatever they choose. So how could I feel ashamed when in the end it's me with the upper hand?'

Only a minute or two could have passed in this strange eye to eye connection, in which I have been reasoning with myself or with the possible questions of the young lord. There was one thing I knew for certain. I refused to just let others use me as their puppet even though I might be viewed as a lower form of living-being, and that I would use whatever I can to my advantage.

Something in the eyes of Sesshomaru might have changed... like as if there was a slightly different glow to them, almost as if he could guess or partly understand what was going on in my mind the whole time, but that could be just my imagination. Nevertheless, having mentally stated all that was going on in my mind, I suddenly felt there was no need to linger in the library for any longer and felt a strong urge to return to my room. Therefore, I lowered my gaze and hinted a bow with my body language while saying: "Please, excuse me now."

Turning to the door, I started to walk away and, fortunately, I was not stopped, which could have been partly expected since I didn't wait for confirmation of my request to leave. 'Guess I got lucky cause Sesshomaru could have easily stopped me if he wanted to.'

Slowly I walked back to my room, with my head still full of events that happened on this day. Of course that I will have Akemi to deal with tomorrow, but I might have entered on a thin ice with the son of Lord Inutaisho as well… 'Who knows what he might think of me now…?'

I mentally scolded myself: 'Does it even matter what others think of you? If you were to bother with it in your life you would have probably gone mad by now! So even if he thinks I'm an idiot, I shouldn't let it affect me!'

I sighed as I sat on my bed. 'I know I shouldn't, but in some cases it can't be helped…'

A/N: I said to update (hopefully) soon, but more than three months has passed since then... How typical of me. Sometimes I question myself if it is even worth to continue with writing this when the only thing I do is make you wait and lose hope for any new updates... Yet, for some reason in spite of "procrastinating" when it comes to writing this story, I still somehow don't want to end it. I'd like to thank Blu3b3rryT3a for being the first reviewer to send than one review and apologise it took me so long to put this together. Then there is , whose review in Spanish surprised me a lot. In all honestly I had to use Google Translate to figure out the message, for I don't speak the language, but it reminded me to get myself to write a new chapter soon. So, thank you a lot for that.

Published: November 23, 2019