A/N: So I was creeping on kate-dammit-run's tumblr and saw a request for matching missing scenes of Jane watching the video and Kurt on the train. Next two chapters are my attempts, hope you enjoy! Also, on a similar vein of throwing an ask out there into fandomland, will someone with gif making capabilities and a stomach for bloodiness please make a gifset of the surgery scene in all it's gory glory? Or at least the scene where Jane tells them they're going to do it together? Please, please please! In exchange I'll write any scene/fic that you request (PM me what you want) :D
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"She's asleep!" Rich said in a loud whisper. "And she still doesn't look so good. I don't think we should wake her. And should we really be stressing her out with this? I mean she just had bunker surgery, I think that warrants more than like a couple hours of sleep."
"Weller said we all needed to watch this," Patterson replied. "I'm pretty sure he meant Jane too. Do you want to be the one to tell her that we didn't wake her for this? Because I don't."
Jane groaned as tiny hints of consciousness seeped into her sluggish brain. Her body felt entirely used up, not an ounce of strength left in any of her cells. She tried to shift and gasped at the searing in her side, bit down on the pain to try and focus on the voices she could just barely register.
Latching onto the pull of Kurt's name, needing to know if they'd found him, she fought her way to the surface. Her head felt as heavy as her body, unable to think about anything except her missing husband. She tried to speak, call out and ask if he was okay but all that came out of her was a strangled croak, barely a squeak.
Jane grunted, forced her eyes to stay open as she breathed through the pain that engulfed her. She had to find out what had happened. And to do that, she had to get off the makeshift blood-soaked surgery table she was still lying on.
Jane looked at the IV in her arm and saw that the bag it was attached to was empty so she pulled it out. Then she tried to push up to a sitting position but only made it onto her elbow before nearly screaming, having to stop and rest.
Looking around, she saw a fresh needle and an ampoule of morphine next to the bed that Patterson must have prepped for once the transfusion was done and her blood pressure was back up. Desperate for some relief from the burn in her side, Jane propped herself up higher on her elbow with some effort. Taking a few more breaths to steady herself, she used her other hand to grab the little bottle and bring it down to where she could grip it with both hands and break it open. Then, after another similar struggle, she managed to fill the syringe in a similar fashion and injected it about half of it into her side.
Jane put the needle away, hoping that the amount she'd taken would allow her to move yet keep her mind clear enough to deal with whatever Rich and Patterson were talking about. Then she eased herself back down to the bed as she waited for the drug to take effect.
She could still hear Rich and Patterson arguing faintly, was annoyed she couldn't just go out there and solve the issue. She tried to shout at them again and still only managed a loud mutter, followed by a grunt of pain. Irritated, Jane lay back, unable to do anything but listen as she waited for the morphine to kick in.
"Look, Zapata said Weller was still tripping balls when he said we all needed to watch it," Rich argued. "He wasn't in his right mind. And, he would not want us to wake her up for anything if he knew how much she looks like a ghost right now!"
"That's why we need to watch it right away!" Patterson responded. "He was on who knows what, he doesn't know what he said. If he gave them anything specific we have to get out of here as soon as possible. And either way, we're going to have to wake her up."
Jane's ears flared at the mention of drugs, her heart instantly clenched at the thought of what Kurt had been through. She had to see whatever it was, couldn't let a little weakness get in her way.
Again she pushed to her elbow, then this time she managed to sit up all the way, though still leaning on her hand for support. The morphine was starting to work its way through her veins, lending her a little strength as she pushed her legs over the side of the table, nearly biting through her lip at the agony of moving her torso.
Waves of grey passed through her vision for a moment as she considered putting her feet down on the ground. The idea sounded monumental, absurd. But she had to find out what had happened to Kurt, know if he was okay.
Jane was just about to go for the plunge, had closed her eyes for strength before pushing all the way off the bed when a clattering of frantic feet and voices came at her, stopped her before she could get any further.
"No, no, no, no, no," Patterson was yelling, running towards her with outstretched arms and pushing Jane back onto the table. "Lie down, Jane, you shouldn't be moving yet."
"Jane! What the hell!" Rich hollered at the same time. "Why are you even awake? I know you're like a fucking bionic woman but you definitely should not be getting up."
Jane lay back down with the pressure of Patterson's hand on her but glared at her teammates as they stood over her.
"I'm fine, I took a little morphine," she said, her voice still barely a crackle. "Is he okay?"
"Kurt's going to be fine," Patterson answered, her hand placed soothingly but firmly on Jane's shoulder. "He was drugged and interrogated but he escaped and he's alright now. Zapata's got him, they're on their way back."
"What are we supposed to watch?" Jane asked. "I heard you arguing."
Patterson and Rich glanced at each other, then back down at her.
"There's a video of the interrogation," Patterson replied. "Weller wants us to watch it to see if he gave anything up about our location."
"But we don't have to do it right now if you don't feel up to it," Rich chimed in. "You really should still be sleeping."
Jane glared at him, then turned her head towards Patterson.
"I'm positive he didn't give us up but we have to watch it to make sure," she said. "If there's anything in there that can lead them to the bunker we have to get out of here as soon as possible."
Patterson nodded in agreement but when Jane tried to sit up again, both of her teammates pushed her back against the table.
"I have to come watch it," Jane grunted, glaring at them both. "I can get up. I want to get cleaned up anyways."
She saw Patterson and Rich exchange frantic looks, hold some sort of discussion just with their eyes.
"You stay here, I'll go get the laptop," Rich declared, running out of the room.
Patterson continued to push her down firmly yet gently, her blue eyes full of empathy.
"It's alright, you don't have to move yet," she soothed. "Just lie down for now and you can watch it here. And then we'll help you get changed and into bed okay?"
Despite the half-hit of morphine in her bloodstream that was giving her some capacity to move, Jane had to admit even sitting up was mildly masochistic, so standing was likely a terrible idea. Giving in to Patterson's suggestion, she lay back down, exhaling in relief as the pervasive pain faded for a moment.
A moment later Rich scurried back in with the laptop and handed it to Patterson with an uneasy expression on his face, stepping back as if the machine was poisonous.
"Look, I still don't know about this," he commented. "Do we really all need to watch this? I mean, shouldn't we let Jane watch it alone first? It just seems extremely personal, you know. And usually I like personal a lot but this might just hit a little too close to home, if you know what I mean."
Jane groaned to herself, both annoyed with Rich's blathering and the fact that he was right in a lot of ways. Ideally, she could watch the video first, in private. See what they'd done to Kurt before deciding if anyone else needed to witness it.
But tactically, they needed to watch it as soon as possible and she was on morphine, just out of DIY surgery. And she assumed the contents of the video would be difficult to bear, even if she wasn't weak as hell. So Jane didn't entirely trust herself to catch everything, needed their eyes as backup.
She was just gathering her strength to answer when Patterson came to her rescue and glared at Rich while setting the computer up beside the bed.
"Keep it together, Rich," she said. "Yes, you have to watch it. Jane is on opiates and I don't have the time or the desire to watch this more than once. So I need you to back me up on hearing everything the first time okay?"
Rich groaned and pouted but gave in and agreed to watch the video with them, pulling up a chair as Patterson helped Jane get propped up on a bunch of extra pillows.
"Ready?" she asked once Jane was settled somewhat comfortably.
Jane nodded and Patterson pressed play, filling the laptop screen with an image of Kurt, tied to a chair and arguing with Ivy, trying to resist her ploys. At first it all went according to script, just the two sides sussing each other out, both putting up a good front. But when Ivy pulled out the phone and showed Weller the surveillance footage of Jane falling to her knees, that was the first time her heart clenched uncomfortably.
It had been one of the only positives she could come up with, that he hadn't known she'd been shot so her injury couldn't be used against him. But watching the video she could see the emotional toll that it took on Kurt, seeing her collapse on the street and being unable to do anything for her. It was like seeing him now, knowing that he'd been through something terrible and she hadn't been there for him.
It was only just starting and already she bled for him. Then, when Ivy injected him with the drug and he started to ask about what he would see, she could hear the hint of real fear in his voice. To her knowledge, Kurt had never been subject to psychotropic drugs and she could sense his nervousness through the screen, feel it in her own chest.
When he actively started hallucinating, Jane had to remind herself to breathe as she wondered what he was seeing. At first he said very little even though he was clearly agitated, his eyes shifting as he watched his invisible tormentor.
But then Kurt shouted out the most unlikely combination of words and her heart contracted sharply.
"She may have loved you once. But we have each other now. I know exactly who she is."
Jane gasped with realization and leaned towards the screen, then moaned with the sudden movement, hazy for a moment.
"Jane!" Patterson called, pausing the video. "Breathe, alright? Do you want the rest of that morphine shot?"
Jane gritted her teeth, exhaled through her nose with her eyes closed.
It's okay, she told herself. He's okay. Even in a drug induced state he knew the truth, how much she loved him.
"No, press play," she said slowly. "I'm fine."
"Um, I don't know why but I'm not really believing you on that lately," Rich said, giving Patterson a pointed look. "And did I mention this seems extremely personal? Should I really be watching this?"
Thankfully, Patterson ignored Rich and pressed play, but Jane found it hard to concentrate now that she knew Kurt was hallucinating Oscar. She never thought he had any fears relating to her former fiancé but then again they hadn't exactly had a chance to talk about it since she'd gotten all of her memories back.
Jane felt her stomach drop, wondering how much her past still haunted him, if he still subconsciously doubted her love for him in any way. She found herself yearning to reassure him, tell him that none of his fears about her were true and didn't tune in again fully until Kurt mentioned the bunker, making her turn sharply to the screen.
She cringed, held her breath. But then he didn't say anything else about their location and even followed up with a decoy about going to St. Louis. Jane sighed in relief, knowing that Weller must have realized he made a little slip and had been able to correct course right away.
"That's it, Kurt," she whispered to the screen. "You've got this."
But then he started to cry, started to beg, and she knew exactly what he was seeing. He was suffering so much from missing his little girl, being unable to be there for her. Jane forgot to inhale for a long moment, wanted so badly to pull him through the screen and hold onto him. Yet of course he still resisted the hallucinations, pushed back and held on strong.
Jane kept watching, tears in her own eyes too. She was so fucking proud of him; how hard he was fighting.
For a moment Kurt seemed to break through, gain an edge on reality. But then his father showed up in his mind and things started to quickly disintegrate, all of his most deeply rooted fears coming out.
She tried to not hold onto hate anymore, after having had enough hate for a lifetime. But she hated Bill Weller for everything he'd done, all the pain he'd caused Kurt. She knew how much Kurt feared being a bad father, how personally he took the pain of being away from his daughter. He worried about it constantly even though he loved her so dearly, did his best to be a good dad to her. And all that anxiety came from having an absent alcoholic murderer for a father, a cost he'd had to bear his entire life.
Jane watched as the drugs tortured Kurt's mind, as he spilled tear after tear at the terrors put before him. He argued with his father about being a killer and that pain reverberated in her as she remembered exactly how it felt to question your own soul.
For her though, the question had been well justified; still was in many ways. But knowing how he'd dedicated his life to justice, it was distressing to see Kurt struggle so hard with the same thought.
Jane was still stuck in the hurt of it, aching at his struggle when Kurt stopped talking to his father and turned to Ivy on the screen, clearly seeing someone else in her place.
Whatever he saw then almost wore him out, she could tell that even from the grainy video. It was almost too much to bear, watching him suffer like that. But she had to see it all, witness everything he'd been through. It was a requirement both as the team lead and as his wife, especially since she hadn't been able to save him from the torture. At least Jane almost didn't feel her own pain anymore; she was so fixated on his.
When he finally got the jump on Ivy and held a gun to her, Jane's heart skipped a beat. After everything he'd just been through at her hands, she wouldn't blame him for killing her. Especially considering he was still under the influence of whatever she'd given him, wasn't himself at all.
But she knew what it would do to him psychologically, especially after seeing how scared he was of being a killer. And more than anything, she needed him to come back to her with his goodness intact, his soul unharmed.
Jane found that she was holding her breath yet again, staring at the video. The others were equally silent, even Rich hadn't made a comment in ages.
Please, Kurt. Just leave her and come back to me, Jane mentally shouted at the screen.
If he killed her it would haunt him forever, she knew that already. No matter if Ivy was the enemy, no matter if she'd just tortured him. She was lying on the ground unconscious, it would no longer be self defense in any way. Killing her at that point would damage him badly, especially considering everything he'd just been through.
But in the end Jane didn't need to nearly pass out worrying about it, grinding her teeth until her jaw was sore. Kurt turned away from Ivy and reached towards the camera, ending the video. Which left the three of them sitting around her bloody surgery table, still gaping at the screen.
"You know, I'm usually all in on experimental drug cocktails," Rich finally said. "But count me out on Ivy's pharmaceuticals, that looked like one hell of a bad trip."
Jane's heart was still convulsing in sync with the pain in her gut; reminding herself that Kurt was safe the only thing keeping her from going over the edge. The anguish she'd seen in him sat so heavily on her though, especially knowing that he'd likely be battling those demons for a long time to come.
"Hey, Jane, you with us still?" Patterson asked, finding her hand and squeezing it.
"Yeah," Jane muttered. "I'm good. And Kurt did good, right? You guys didn't hear him say anything more specific than being in a bunker."
"Yes, Kurt did good," Patterson agreed. "Ivy knowing that we're in a bunker really doesn't do much to increase her odds of finding us. There are just so many abandoned bunkers in from World War Two and the Cold War and this one isn't on any map."
Jane sighed in relief at Patterson's assessment, then sagged down to the table, suddenly depleted of energy.
"Hey, hey, hey," Patterson called. "I think we should give you the rest of that morphine shot and put you to bed. It's going to take Weller and Zapata awhile to get back here and you need to rest."
For once, Jane had no objection to taking the meds, was looking forward to some physical and mental oblivion after everything that had just happened. So she let Patterson inject her with the syringe and sighed in relief as drug took effect. Then she lay back down so that Patterson could cut off her blood stained shirt and re-check her wound while Rich fetched her fresh clothes.
Once she was clean and dressed, Jane felt immeasurably better, ready to face the idea of moving. Letting Patterson and Rich ease her off the table, she managed to bite back a moan as they shuffled her slowly into her bunk and helped her lie down.
Jane settled into her bed, thinking how the little bunk had never felt more inviting. She was shaky and cold from her ordeal and she could barely keep her eyes open. It had already been a really long day, and she still needed to make sure that Kurt was okay. Her chest clenched again at what she'd seen, just wanted to hold him to her and tell him how proud she was of him for fighting through it all.
"Wake me up when he gets here," Jane mumbled, the morphine pulling her towards sleep. "I need to see him."
"I know and we will." Patterson said, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "But first you need to sleep Jane. And when you wake up, Weller will be here."
Jane nodded, knew that she had to rest, pull in some energy so she could be there for Kurt when she finally had him in her arms again. So she stopped resisting the pull of the drug, let the dark slip over her once again.