A/N: still catching up... can't believe it's all ending so soon :[

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As they entered the elevator for the long ride to the surface, Weller kept a close eye on his wife but was trying to be discreet about it. Which ended up being unnecessary because Jane was clearly caught up in her own anxieties, chewing her lip while sneaking worried looks at him; unaware of anything except what was occupying her mind.

Kurt's chest clenched at the expression on her face, the tightness in her body. He had rarely seen Jane so stressed out, despite all the intense situations they'd been through. And soon they would have to separate and go their own ways to Hungary, even though he didn't want her to be alone with her thoughts at the moment.

All that talk about turning herself in to try and make a deal for the rest of them – it scared the crap out of him. Even though he was fairly sure he'd talked some sense into her, helped her remember that they couldn't trust any deal that Madeline offered. He hated hearing her say stuff like that and it broke his heart knowing that she blamed herself for everything that had gone wrong in their lives. Even if the thread ran all the way back to Jane climbing out of that bag in Times Square, it didn't make her responsible for what was happening with Madeline now.

But of course Jane didn't see it that way, still carried so much guilt over giving ZIP to Roman and the aftermath of all that, including Roman bringing HCI global into their lives. And now, with the threat of an imminent ZIP attack, all that trauma was rising to the surface again.

Weller glanced at Jane again, just as she was also sneaking a look at him. Their eyes met for a nanosecond before Jane flashed hers away, focused again on chewing her bottom lip.

"Hey," he said, slipping his fingers into hers and grasping tight. "Breathe."

For a moment there was a frozen silence and Kurt had the sense that he'd said the wrong thing, that Jane was about to growl at him. But then she just let out a long exhale, followed by an equally long intake of air.

Kurt looked down at her, a grin tugging at his mouth, and found Jane's eyes glancing up at his.

"You're going to do fine," he said. "I know you will."

Jane frowned, tried to pull her hand away even though he refused to let go.

"But what if I mess it up? I couldn't even get it right in the bunker when I wasn't dealing with the real thing."

Weller shook his head, found it both endearing and terrifying when Jane had lapses in self-confidence.

"I have seen you do a hundred impossible things and not once have you screwed things up," he replied. "So no matter the situation, I wouldn't want anyone else there with me."

Jane turned towards his once more, some sort of struggle clearly going on in her mind. Her eyes flashed from a vibrant green to a murky bronze before settling on iridescent jade.

"I'm so scared of losing you," she whispered haltingly, as if she didn't even want to voice the words. "If anything were to happen to you…"

It took him a moment to make the connection but then he remembered Jane telling him how all her nightmares were of Madeline taking away everything that she loved. Then she had woken up with ZIP on her mind, been worked up all day.

"Hey, is this about your dream?" Kurt asked, wishing he'd thought to question her about it earlier. The elevator was near the top and they needed to split up as soon as they got to the surface.

Jane didn't reply, just kept frowning at him anxiously as he searched her eyes for an answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She gave him a tiny shake of her head, then avoided his eyes by staring down at the floor. Weller exhaled in consternation even though he knew that there wasn't enough time to discuss anything and that Jane would talk to him about it when she was ready. He just didn't like the idea of leaving her while she was still so stressed out.

"Then come here," he said, pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms around her.

Jane remained apprehensive for a moment, her body rigid against his. But when he didn't let go, she eventually gave in and laid her head on his collarbone, sank into his embrace.

There were fewer than thirty seconds left before they got to the surface and he spent all of them holding her as tight as he could, telling her that everything was going to be okay. Then when the doors started to open he lifted her head and ran his thumb along her cheekbone before kissing her hard.

"Better?" he asked.

"Better," Jane said, looking up at him with a little nod. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Kurt replied, caressing her cheek once more. "Now be safe and I'll see you there."

Jane nodded in his hands, then pressed her forehead into his chest for just a second before pushing herself away and stepping out of the elevator.

"See you there," she said, looking back quickly as she strode off, visibly looser than before.

Kurt stayed in place until she was out of sight, even though he knew she wouldn't look back again. Despite all the fears that plagued her, Jane was as determined as ever, he could see it in the way she moved. Watching her disappear into the street, he felt his heart thump extra hard just thinking about how impressed he was by her resiliency. Then, finally leaving the elevator himself, Weller headed off in the opposite direction, reminding himself to put away his proud smile and focus on the mission ahead.

###

After pointing out the 'go' signal from Allie, Weller watched the video all night, looking for any other clues. And, for much of that time, Jane watched him; worried about Allie and about Kurt. Worried about everything in their lives, really.

She had so many things going on in her mind but, as usual, her main concern was Kurt. She had been so proud of him for holding it together at the factory in Hungary, not giving into his emotions and finishing the job with her. But now she could sense that it was starting to overwhelm him again as he kept going through the clip, over and over.

For awhile she gave him some space, let him fixate on analyzing the video. But when it was apparent there was no more info to be gleaned, Jane finally walked over and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning her head lightly against his.

"Hey, I know you're worried about Allie," she started. "But I think it's time to stop watching that."

Kurt grunted his disapproval, looked up at her with a frown. But when he spoke his voice was soft, almost pleading.

"How can I be sure that Madeline doesn't have Bethany too?"

"Oh Kurt," she said, squeezing him as hard as she could. "You know the answer to that, you don't need me to tell you. But I will if you want me to."

The little nod he gave nearly shattered her, stole her breath away for a moment. Again she grasped him tight, searching for the right words.

"Bethany would have been on camera with Allie if Madeline had her," she began. "There's no reason Madeline would hold back that info if she's trying to get you to turn yourself in."

"And this is Allie we're talking about. She's one of the best at what she does. She would never let Madeline get her hands on Bethany, especially if you're right and she's helping send us clues. She wouldn't do anything risky like that unless she was absolutely sure that Bee was safe. I'm sure of that and I know you are too. Right?"

Kurt looked up at her for a long moment before finally nodding.

"You're right. And she wouldn't be saying the mission is a go if Bethany's in danger."

"Yeah, exactly," Jane murmured against his temple. "Allie's a professional, she knows what she's doing. If there's anyone I trust to keep Bethany safe other than us, it's her."

Kurt nodded again and she felt a bit of the worry seep out of him, though his muscles were still too taut. Pressing into his back with her palms, Jane started to knead his shoulders, digging her thumbs into his tension spots until he softened and sank into her touch.

She rubbed his back for awhile, enjoying the simple pleasure of having her hands all over him. It felt like a rarity for the two of them to find a quiet moment together when neither was in a panic. And after almost losing him to ZIP that day, she needed all the time with him that she could get.

Kurt getting ZIPped and forgetting her had become one of Jane's biggest fears ever since they had figured out Madeline was stockpiling the drug. It certainly scared her more than losing her own memory again. At least she'd experienced it once before and had faith that she would always love Kurt, no matter who she was. But him falling in love with a former terrorist? She figured that was the result of a once in a lifetime situation; that a memory-less Kurt, with no emotional ties to her wouldn't understand why he married her after everything she'd done.

Even just thinking about it again made Jane's heart rate rise again, reminded her of how on edge she'd been that day, how it had culminated in almost panicking when the ZIP got on Kurt's jacket. He had been so patient with her, talked her down so many times. She was so glad she could do this for him, help him relax as much as possible in the face of bad news.

"I'm sorry I was so stressed out all day," she murmured against his ear. "I just can't believe we have to deal with ZIP again, that Madeline's making ZIP bombs."

Kurt nodded, then turned his head to glance up at her.

"I know," he said. "I can't imagine what it's like for you though. To know how it feels, to lose your whole life. And to think it could happen to millions of people."

Jane felt her chest tighten, an image from her nightmare flashing through her mind.

"I dreamt you got zipped, that you thought I did it to you," she said, her worry unintentionally spilling out of her mouth.

"I don't want you to forget me, forget us. I don't know what I would do."

Kurt turned fully then, stood facing her and brought his hands up to frame her face. He had a pensive expression on, tilted his head at her with a hint of a smile.

"Ah, you'd win me back again," he said, his voice full of confidence. "I didn't last half a day the first time I met you."

Jane wrinkled her nose at him, furrowed her brow a bit.

"Shut up, that's not true," she muttered.

"Okay, maybe it was a week," he replied with a shrug. "But I loved you from the start, and I always will."

He looked so goddamned sincere when he said it, like there wasn't a doubt about it in his mind. But she'd once thought she loved another man, would have married him in a different life. And in this one she'd killed him, for trying to take her memories a second time.

Jane tried to shake her head but Kurt wouldn't let her, restrained her movement gently and instead brought his lips to her forehead, laying a long kiss there.

"Shh," he soothed. "You will always have my heart, no matter what I remember."

A part of her still wanted to argue but then she fell into another memory, both relatively recent and yet from another life. When Kurt had part of her heart, despite her not remembering him; how much she had hated it, had wanted to hate him.

And yet she had loved him, even if she'd been unable to admit it to herself. So Jane forced herself to believe him, at least for the moment. Embraced the thought that they would always have each other, even in a memory-free world.