More of a character emotional study than anything else. Absolutely no plot here, just wanted to write something focused on Raph and Donnie since there's almost zero of it in the series. Please heed the warnings, rated for sensitive material (nothing explicit but it's described and heavily implied), and language.

If there was an award for worst big brother in the world (or in the galaxy, Raph sarcastically amended), his name would be at the very top of the list to receive it. He could extend that argument even further and say that Leonardo should tie on that list as well, just so he could blame someone other than himself, but adding his name only made him feel even more like a failure.

That just meant there were two failure older brothers in the family who had massively fucked up. And at least Leo wasn't the one who let the entire thing happen in the first place.

Raph clutched the wastebasket closer against his plastron with a groan, his stomach continuing to dry heave despite having already expelled his entire dinner several moments ago. Not that it even mattered that it was empty now; he didn't think he would have much of an appetite for a long, long time.

"C'mon you hideous freak, I didn't pay five hundred for nothing; spread your fucking knees!"

Raph had massively, massively fucked up.

All he had wanted was to find out just what had happened to Donatello while he had been missing for almost a month. Raph had been getting agitated and anxious with the lack of any leads as to why his little brother was currently laid up in the infirmary, and no one else was in any rush to get answers anytime soon. Wait it out just in case whatever happened to Donnie is still out there, Leo had warned, but since when did their family ever sit on their asses and do nothing? They should be out there, finding answers because whatever or whoever hurt Donnie was still out there.

(Not to mention, if he hadn't waved off Donnie's 'boring trip to explore' that he had practically begged Raph to go on with him in favor of working out in the nifty training room, again, his younger brother would be safe.)

His injuries themselves, thank God, were fairly minor and not life threatening. Nothing stood out as to what might have caused them, although the signs of neglect were painfully noticeable. A few infected wounds had been left untreated, older than pizza Mikey would be willing to eat, and a broken wrist and finger had to be reset so the bones could properly heal. During that time he had also lost enough weight that his shell almost looked like it was hanging off of him.

And then there was the wrist branding, which had been the final straw in making Raph so angry that it had taken both Leonardo and Casey to hold him back from going back down to that planet and beating anyone and everyone who could have been remotely responsible for hurting him. A seemingly random string of several numbers were forever burned into his skin, with numerous scratch marks deep enough to leave faint cuts that were still healing.

Professor Honeycutt had had a few hesitant theories, but nothing substantial: prison for some petty crime he had somehow gotten wrapped up in, an act of racism against reptilian species... But there wasn't much evidence to go off of based on Donnie's physical injuries. The area Donnie had disappeared in was infamous for people going missing, especially children (and at only sixteen fucking years old Raph felt that put his younger brother in the same category). A few came back dead sometime later, dumped in a ditch beaten beyond recognition, but no cause of death that pointed towards a concrete cause.

Unfortunately, it seemed they wouldn't know for sure until Donnie actually woke up and was coherent enough to tell them what had happened to him while he was missing, but that didn't look like it would happen anytime soon. It was only last night when Honeycutt put Donnie in a medical coma after he finally figured out his body was suffering the withdraw effects of whatever the fuck kind of unknown drug had been pumped through his system. He was still working on the analysis; they wouldn't know for a few more days.

Too much time and too little answers and Raphael, however, had been just too impatient, and decided he needed to do some independent research on his own. He couldn't just sit around on his ass twiddling his thumbs doing nothing after watching Donnie, his little brother, writhe and scream in pain for hours, days, until Mikey couldn't take it anymore and broke down and begged the Professor to knock him out.

Not after watching their father-No.

Raph had had to find out what the hell they had given Donnie, had to find out what those sick sons of bitches did to him. The waiting around doing nothing while his brother suffered left him wanting revenge.

But... What he had found...

"Ohhh, fuck, you feel so tight... Oh God yes!"

An involuntary shudder ran through Raphael as he pushed down another dry heave. He tightened his hand into a tighter fist, nails digging into his palms so hard they turned his green skin white, and ducked his head into his shoulder to wipe away the beads of sweat that ran down his face.

"Fuck-Fucking Hell," Raph muttered into the bin, letting out a ragged moan as his voice echoed into the already half full container. His heart raced in his chest as he breathed heavily.

Glancing off to the side while the rumbling in his stomach eased a bit, Raph scowled at the smashed tablet that lay several feet away, and then growled when he gave it another punch for good measure. A few broken pieces of the glass screen fell to the floor with tiny plinks.

He shook his head, sweat and tears down his pale face, eyes clenched shut. His hands were clenched in tight fists above him, trembling from exertion or fear, or both. He was nearly hyperventilating, with broken pleas whispered between every few breaths.

"You gonna be a good little slut for me this time?"

A large hand that was wrapped around his neck trailed down his body, lower, lower, until he suddenly jumped, letting out a choked sob as he pulled against his restraints.

Finding the damn video had been an accident, but that thought didn't make him feel any less guilty, any less disgusted (disgusting, for having watched his brother be violated in the worst way possible, accident or not). A few clicks on some conspiracy forums speculating the local mass disappearances quickly linked back to an archive of hundreds of thousands of porn videos, with frantic loved ones trying to decode if that person in the video matched the picture on the missing persons report. It was by sheer luck the website had been meticulously categorized, including by age and species.

It was sheer fucking stupidity that Raphael had searched them, even with the thought in the back of his head that there was no way he would find him on that site, not Donnie. He was too smart to get caught up in something like that.

There were other videos on the same site, hundreds of them, with flashes of green skin, wide dark eyes, and gapped teeth on the small thumbnails that told him every horrific thing he needed to know. And especially what he didn't need to know. Raph did not dare touch those, though he did have the misfortune of accidentally glancing at a few of the titles.

"N-No... No please, please..." He pulled frantically at the restraints again with a shriek, tears of bitter frustration and helplessness running down his face as he tried to push away the larger body on top of him.

Under other, less horrific circumstances, Donnie would have probably been proud at Raph's ability of finding the video with hardly anything to go by, but that thought only made him dry heave yet again when he forcefully remembered yet again that there was an entire public archive of his rape seen by millions.

(That wasn't even counting the vile comments he had skimmed over, complete strangers lusting about wanting their turn at putting their dirty hands on him.)

Did Donnie even realize that he was finally safe, far away from the lowlife scum who had hurt him so brutally, and back with his family?

Unfortunately, he doubted it. There were moments, when Donnie had woken up amidst a fevered delirium and had reached out for Raph with a shaky hand, eyes too bright and unfocused as he spoke, his slurred words barely coherent. "R-Raph... Raphie, help me..." But they were immediately followed by terrified screaming as he thrashed on the bed, voice still hoarse from the last several times, until the Professor rushed in and gave another shot of heavy drugs to knock him out again.

Before today, Raph could only guess what kind of twisted nightmare his mind constructed, but the reality was worse than anything he could imagined. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

His fist tightened against the wastebasket as the heavy guilt squeezed his stomach again, the plastic cracking as it threatened to break altogether. Realizing the even bigger mess he'd have to clean up if he broke it, the red banded turtle pushed it away, turning his gaze towards the shattered glass with a wary eye.

Raph only hoped to God someone didn't try and boot up the tablet, because if they saw the image that had been frozen on the screen before it went black as soon as it hit the wall and shattered... That image of his brother's face, so terrified and haunted it made even his heart clench, the sound of his earsplitting scream as that piece of shit bastard raped him, would forever be etched into his brain.

Poor Leo and Mikey thought Donnie would wake up and be just like his old self, but after what Raph had seen in three short minutes, he unfortunately knew better. Donnie was broken, inside and out. Part of him thought about waiting until Donnie confessed on his own, but he knew Donnie would keep it to himself, laugh off a silly reason while he buried it so deep inside it would eat him alive. By then it would be too late, and he wouldn't dare think about what Donnie might do to himself.

No, Raph had to protect his little brother, even from himself. It wouldn't even make a dent in the guilt he himself felt, he selfishly knew (that guilt would last for the rest of his life), but if it meant keeping Donnie safe, then he would do anything. Eventually, too soon, he would have to tell the rest of his family, probably even Casey and April, but at least they would find out under less horrific terms.

Hell no, there's nothing less horrific than what happened to Donnie. It's... It's-

He had to get out of here. The room was starting to spin as the lights brightened and colors swirling within each other, the walls coming in to close, pressing on his chest and making it difficult to breathe-

Letting out a low growl, Raph shoved the broken tablet and soiled wastebasket underneath the sink cabinet, being just careful enough to make sure it didn't tip all the way over. He made a mental note to come back soon and fully hide the evidence before Mikey found it as he shoved the broken pieces of glass behind the toilet.

"Hey Raph, wanna come with me to the new pick a part that just opened? I think I might be able to build one of those bikes we saw the other day."

The red banded turtle eyed the training room door before turning back to Donnie's hopeful gaze, rolling his eyes. The thought of spending hours sifting through technology parts that all looked the same to him sounded agonizing. Plus Leo had downloaded the newest update to the training software; now that was technology he could get behind, especially without listening to Donnie babble on about stuff only he knew.

"Sounds almost as exciting as watching paint dry," Raph said as he waved Donnie off. "Talk to me when you've built the bike."

Raph stood in front of the empty training room an hour later, his hand hesitantly brushing against the door. Any other time he would have jumped into a session without a second thought to relieve his pent up stress and anger, but how could he step foot in there now, after what happened to Donnie?

If he had just sucked it up and went down there with him...