Author's Note: I know there are a ton of stories just like this one, and for that, I apologize. This plot bunny just niggled and wiggled at me until I caved and started writing. This has been a labor of love for days now.
I hope you enjoy! Please leave a review to let me know what you think.
Like many of us, I'm working off the assumption that the scene under the bridge occurred midday/mid-afternoon Friday, so this story starts there and goes right up to the family dinner scene.
Sirens wailing. Tires screeching. Voices shouting.
Eddie doesn't hear any of it.
All she can hear is the sound of her own heart thumping loudly in her chest and Jamie's voice whispering in her ear.
"It's ok. I'm ok. We're good."
She thinks she knows, somewhere deep in the back of her mind, what they look like right now, to all the other officers around, but she doesn't think she can let go of him. If she does, she might collapse. She might break down. But she might just do that anyway.
Slowly, the dry sobs escaping her throat subside and she returns to the present. Eddie pulls away from her partner quickly, like flinching away from a flame, and searches his face. She's not sure what she hopes to find there, but he knows her so well, he can read her confusion perfectly. He's not exactly sure what this means either. Not yet.
"Later," he says quietly, with a curt nod. She understands him to mean, we have a lot to talk about, and we will, just not now.
So they both snap out of it and get back to work. Answering questions. Getting checked out by EMTs. Filling out paperwork. Reliving the whole ordeal over and over. Neither of them is really sure how long it takes, or even how they get back to the precinct, but eventually they find themselves walking down the hall to the locker rooms.
Jamie stops her with a light tug on her jacket sleeve, near her elbow. She turns to him, but can't quite meet his eye just yet.
"Meet me outside when you're ready," he nearly whispers.
Quickly, so no one will notice, he puts a finger on her chin to make her look at him. When she does, he makes eye contact for a split second then smiles and walks to the men's locker room.
After a few more seconds in a daze, Eddie feels her feet begin to pull her toward the women's locker room.
... ... ... ...
Sometime later — she may have gotten showered, dressed, and out the locker room in 20 minutes; maybe it was over an hour; she really can't tell anymore — Eddie pushes open the doors of the 12th precinct and slowly makes her way down the steps onto the darkened sidewalk. She is mildly aware that her body, rather than her brain, seems to be controlling her movements, and she thinks — she knows — Jamie is waiting for her somewhere nearby. Whether it is muscle memory or something deep, deep inside her drawing her to wherever he is, she just walks. Within moments, she is standing less than five feet away from his car, where he casually leans against the hood, looking at his phone.
At the sound of her footsteps, Jamie's head snaps up. They make eye contact for a moment, then he turns and opens the car door for her to get in without saying a word.
Eddie doesn't say anything either. She just feels her body take the last few steps to reach the open door and climb in, like she's done so many times before. Jamie closes the door behind her silently and walks around the hood of the car to the driver's side. If it takes everything in him not to run the few steps it takes to reach his destination, no one would ever know.
The other door opens and Jamie slides in, while Eddie sits, still quiet, just looking out the windshield at the night around them. Jamie starts the car and pulls away from the curb, then almost without thinking, he silently reaches over to take her hand where it sits on her thigh. At the new, unexpected warmth, Eddie feels her stomach begin to untie the knots that have been tangling there since she started running out of the coffee shop, hours ago. Her gaze drifts to their hands sitting on her thigh and then out the side window to watch the city roll by as Jamie drives. Neither of them needs to say anything just yet. That will come in time.
... ... ... ...
It takes a few minutes for Eddie to realize he's driving to her apartment. Neither of them has said a word since before they parted for the locker rooms, so they haven't talked about getting food or drinks. But if Jamie wants it to just be the two of them, Eddie is okay with that.
He parks the car outside her building, and she manages to climb out on her own. When he reaches her side of the car, he pauses in front of her, not quite sure what to say first. But then he hears a loud rumbling sound and he knows he needs to get her some food.
With a soft chuckle, he asks, "Can I order us a pizza, and we go upstairs to talk?"
She offers him a small smile and a nod before reaching to take his hand. Jamie uses his free hand to pull his phone from his pocket and call their favorite pizza joint. By the time they reach her building from the car, their food is ordered. Jamie opens the outer door for her while she pulls her keys out.
When they get to the stairs, he gently takes her hand again. It's as though he feels like he needs physical contact with her however he can get it, and Eddie definitely isn't complaining. They reach her door and she takes her hand back to unlock the apartment, but then she feels his hands on her upper arms, rubbing there through her jacket. As the door swings open, she drops her head for a second and releases a soft sigh at his touch. So innocent, but also very intimate. It just feels natural. Eddie turns to smile at him and grabs his hand to pull him into her apartment.
What she really wants to do is slam him against the wall and start tearing their clothes off, but she knows they both need to be rational about this. From the look in his eyes, he's thinking the exact same thing. So instead, after taking a long, hard look at his face and letting her eyes wander down to his lips for a split second, she just closes the door behind him and gestures to her couch.
He's been to her apartment many times; he knows he can make himself at home here. He shrugs out of his jacket and kicks off his shoes while Eddie makes her way to the kitchen. Almost robotically, she grabs some napkins for the pizza and two beers out of the fridge. She makes an executive decision that tonight's pizza will be eaten straight from the box, so she doesn't grab any plates. But they both really need a drink, after the day they've had.
Eddie joins him on the couch, handing him a beer bottle as she sits down, tucking her feet up beside her. Jamie turns the tv on, but immediately mutes the volume. He doesn't care what's playing; he just needs something to focus his gaze on. They sit in a comfortable silence, drinking their beers while they wait for the pizza. Eddie leans into his arm lightly, the way she normally does when they end up sitting beside each other on one of their couches. This time, though, he lifts his arm and puts it around her shoulders, drawing her closer into his side. She rests her head on his chest and closes her eyes until the pizza arrives, just soaking in the nearness of him and listening to his heartbeat.
... ... ... ...
It's like they have an unspoken agreement that they will hold anything they want to say until after they've eaten, because their comfortable silence isn't interrupted by the arrival of the pizza. Jamie answers the door like it's his own apartment and pays the delivery guy, before closing the door and returning to the couch. When he sets the box on the table and flings it open, Eddie reaches for a slice hungrily and immediately begins eating. Jamie takes a slice of his own and begins to chew, somewhat less enthusiastically, but they still remain silent.
Twenty minutes later, the pizza is nearly gone and they both lean back into the couch. Jamie reaches for her hand that rests between them on the cushion and begins to rub his thumb across the back of it. She sighs contentedly, then slowly turns her head to look at him. When he looks at her, they both break into a slow smile.
"Jamie—"
"Eddie—"
They begin speaking at the same time, then cut themselves off with a chuckle.
Eddie stands up from the couch and begins to pace the room. Jamie sits back and watches her movements. He knows, when she's like this, he needs to sit back and let her lead, at least to start. So he waits for her to speak.
"Jamie, I can't keep doing this. You know I've had feelings for you for a long time, and you've obviously got deeper feelings for me than what you've admitted. I know we said we were going to keep it professional and not risk our friendship or our partnership. But with what just happened today, and what we've been through the last few weeks, not to mention everything else since literally the day we met, something has to give. I can't keep telling myself that I don't love you. And I know you think that us getting involved is a bad idea, and it's against the rules—"
"Screw the rules," Jamie finally cuts off her tirade, standing to join her in the middle of her living room. The look in his eyes is not what she expects to see, to say the least.
"Wh-what?" Eddie asks, surprised.
"Eddie, when you were shot…it forced me to think about some things I had been trying to bury deep inside for a long time. Feelings I was — frankly — scared to admit were there. You're my partner, but you're my best friend too."
She smiles at him as he echoes her words from the last time they dared discuss their feelings on a deeper level.
"If I'm your best friend, and you're my best friend, why do we feel like we can't talk to each other about this? We tell each other everything, Jamie. That's why our partnership works so well."
He takes a single step closer to her, and then another as he continues talking.
"When you realize you're in love with someone, it can be pretty scary. Especially when that someone is your best friend. Eddie, you are my best friend, and I am unquestionably in love with you, but I can't lose you. Not after Joe, and Vinny. If a small part of me felt like staying partners on the job and nothing else was the only way to keep you in my life and keep you safe, I couldn't drown out that noise."
By this time, he is standing right in front of her, his hands squeezing hers between them, as she looks up into his eyes that are searing with pain and fear and uncertainty.
"Reagan," Eddie starts softly. "We've spent years trusting each other with our lives. Don't you think it's time we started trusting each other with our hearts?"
She smiles at him, then he scrunches up his face in a twisted smile of his own.
"Yeah, I know." Eddie laughs. "Too girly."
Jamie lets himself laugh too.
"No. You're right. If I trust you enough to put my life in your hands every single day, why wouldn't I trust you with my heart too?" With that, he slides his arms around her waist like he did the last time they kissed and presses his forehead to hers.
"Now you're getting it," she replies, with a twinkle in her eye. He doesn't miss the reference.
"Benefits or not, I think you've already spoiled me for life."
Eddie throws her head back with one of her whole body laughs, and Jamie appreciates the way she feels in his arms. When she brings her forehead back to rest on his and closes her eyes, his eyes drift shut for a moment as well.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you the truth, but I love you."
She opens her eyes and gives him a look so tender, his heart constricts almost painfully.
"I love you too, Jamie."
This time, he leans in first and presses his lips to hers in a slow and meaningful kiss that promises so much hope for the future.
Author's Note: To be continued. :)