A/N: OK, I still don't know what am I doing in here. This is outside my comfort zone, in so many ways. Haven't decided yet whether to turn it into more regular Reylo, give it a non-Reylo ending, or just scrap and throw into recycle bin altogether. Time will tell, for now please enjoy this weird read.
Kylo Ren isn't entirely sure how much time has passed since the last day of his actual life. And he isn't really sure he's still that Kylo Ren person either. People will remember him by the unspeakable evils he committed after turning away from the Light. For the whole Galaxy he's always going to be a murderer in black, surrounded by bloodshed and tragedy, the vile Kylo Ren. But to Rey, somehow he's confident, to her he's going to be just Ben. Always.
She's the only person still alive who had ever believed in him. She believed in him so much that in return he just had to believe in her. The power of his faith has turned out to be surprisingly strong. It's been so strong that it was only natural to pour all of the Force still in him, bright and uncorrupted, into her unnaturally still body. For just a couple of seconds he could enjoy the happiness in her eyes, the touch of warm lips and tender hands of this brave young woman against his own body. But they didn't have a chance to talk about their choices. Nothing was said of their ancestors' legacies, of the powerful bond they'd shared, of the miraculous thing they've just witnessed. The only achievement Ben could be proud of, the only decision that did not hurt anyone, at the same time was the last decision of his life. It had snagged him away from Rey before anything important could've been said or done. And it pains him still, an odd feeling in his present condition. He longs so much for the company of a person so different from him, yet with so much understanding for him. Ben still wants to talk with Rey badly, talk through the things they had in common and those that were making them different. He tries hard not to think too hard about her. He's scared of how she'd possibly react now, days - or weeks, months, years - after their death.
Death is a funny word, usually meaning a definitive end to somebody's existence. Yet, Ben somehow knows Rey's alive as ever, and he's still - still around. He's without a physical body, but able to observe, think and feel. A shadow of himself, consciousness without physical body. Faceless. Weightless. A Force Ghost no less, as in the goodnight stories told by Mother and the Jedi tales told by Uncle Luke.
He's able to see the two of them sometimes, far away at the verge of the bluish void he resides within. Both had loved him, both have died disappointed with him. But now, pride is what radiates from them in waves, powerful and warm. It has something to do with his sacrifice, that he knows - but with which part, exactly? They won't tell, they never respond to his begging. And so, Ben doesn't know if it's because he finally had done something useful with his life; or maybe, because he had saved the right person, the one truly important to the Force; or maybe, just because he finally had died, after the atrocities committed during his not-so-short life. For some reason, they won't tell him.
There are others, too. They don't introduce themselves, so he can only guess who they are are, or when did they turned from living creatures into pale ghosts. They just watch him, whisper things too quiet to understand, and then slowly disappear. These shapes and voices he doesn't recognize, coming and going as they please - it's a mental torture. Maybe it's not intended as such, but serves him right anyway. Guilty of numerous murder sprees in the name of the Dark Side including killing a loving father, surely he deserves some kind of punishment - is this it?
In the stories he can recall, the specters were meeting living ones. They were shadows with own voice, translucent looks, and, sometimes, even ability to interact with physical objects. He wonders, suspended in brightness, if this is their - his - purpose: a chance to meet living creatures again, to help them, to guide them towards the Light Side. Would he be allowed to meet a person who have never really needed any guidance? The only way to know is to do it and face the consequences.
He used to be so sure that the bond between him and Rey is gone, cut by the double death. The forced bond that started as troublesome visions and evolved to a useful way of tangible contact - he longs for it, so much that it hurts. It was encouraging to know that there is someone out there. Someone who did not approve of his actions, but could understand him nonetheless. At some moments it was the only thing keeping him alive. But now, that he's dead? Without way of knowing how time passes by where he exists now - if it actually passes at all - he can safely devote his sole attention to the task of finding out what happened to that invisible connection. Ben tries to reach where the bond used to be anchored inside him. He mentally pokes and prods and claws at the place. To his surprise, something is still in there - as pale as he is, but eventually he does find something. It figures, he thinks - because if it were completely gone, how could he be so convinced that Rey is still alive? And so he tries to pull at it, to see where it goes, to follow it wherever it leads. To Rey, he hopes. He's a dead person, tracking a woman through time and space to haunt her. That's - unnerving. Well, it's downright creepy. Not that it'd scare Rey, not the person he can recall. So, hopefully, it won't.
Slowly, Ben learns how to focus on the bright Force flame that seems - feels - to be Rey. It's just as bright as her spirit, just as he remembers. There are others around too, millions and millions of flames, sparkles and glittering specks; grouped around the translucent spheres that he learns to recognize as planets and moons. They are celestial bodies and their living inhabitants, the Force present in each and every of them. But only this one burns so much brighter when he pulls the connection, so this has to be her. Ben prays to the Force that transformed him into this almost-person that he goes into the right direction
To Rey.