Authors Note:
This story was written over the course of two weeks after I rediscovered my passion for TaiKari as a pairing. It was a joy to write as I did it completely off the cuff, with no plan or set goal in mind. It is the first part in a potentially longer story, however, has been written with an ending of sorts in case, for whatever reason, I do not write any more. If I do, I will only upload once I have what I consider to be a completed part.
As the summary stated it is a love story between Tai and Kari Kamiya and therefore involves incest. If this makes you uncomfortable then please do not read any further. For this reason I have rated it as M, however, there is the occasional use of bad language and themes of depression and hurt. While part one does not include any sexual content, I will not rule it out in future parts. In the event that it occurs, I will give a warning at the start of the appropriate chapter.
In terms of chronology, it takes place after the events of 02, but ignores Tri.
I would also like to dedicate this story to all fans of TaiKari as a pairing and in particular, to those whose stories I read here on fanfiction many, many years ago.
If you have any thoughts or comments regarding this story please leave a review or feel free to PM me.
I do not own Digimon or any of its associated characters. I do, however, own the characters of Iowa and Teiko.
##
Part One: Her Secret
Chapter One: Sorrow
A gentle breeze rustled a few dried leaves that lay in the gutter alongside the sidewalk that Kari Kamiya currently walked. A few loose chips of stone from a broken slab crunched under her black school shoes. It was early autumn but the temperatures had yet to dip down to a level that would typically be considered cold. Nevertheless, the child of light felt a chill on her pale skin and thought for a moment about quickening her pace. Except that would only serve to speed up her arrival home; not something she relished. It had been a hard day… no scratch that, hard week… month… year? She didn't know anymore. And it was getting to the point that she no longer cared. She let out a mirthless laugh. The funny thing about depression was that the longer you suffered, the better you got at hiding it from everyone else around you; especially those you cared about.
How had it all come to this? Downtrodden and alone on a Friday evening, while walking home to an apartment that would have no parents until she returned home from school at the same time on Monday. Was this not supposed to be the teenage dream? An entire weekend of freedom. Another cruel joke. For she was never free. Give her a car, or better yet a motorbike, and she could ride off into the sunset to somewhere uninhabited. Yet still, she would be unable to escape the trappings of her own head. Or the sick, twisted thoughts that formed in its darkest recesses and sprung to the surface like little gnawing creatures when she least expected it.
She stopped at a crossing and waited for the walk sign to illuminate; three other pedestrians joining her. On a normal day, she would have cycled to school. Except when she'd gone to unlock her bike this morning, she'd discovered it had a puncture. Just another one of the nice little gifts life liked to leave for her. When the sign eventually changed, she crossed to the other side and stopped. Off to her right, she could see her apartment building out in the distance; about five minutes away. She went left. No parents meant no set dinner time and effectively no rules. Sure Tai, her older brother, would have been charged with 'looking after her', but he played it loose with the rules himself so had no right to complain. Besides, even if he did, she could quite easily tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. She'd already alienated most of her friends, why not him too? A single tear threatened to form in her left eye as an image of her yelling at Tai and storming off into her room filled her mind. It would probably break her heart the day she had to make him hate her too. While she had used their busy school lives to naturally distance herself from her brother, they remained on good speaking terms. Still, she was under no delusion, it would happen one day… however, perhaps not today.
After ten minutes of walking, in which thoughts pertaining to Tai still swam around her head, Kari reached the grassy bank that led down to the river. Sitting atop the concrete barrier she swung her legs over and dropped down to the other side. Adjusting her skirt, she sat down on the fresh grass. It tickled the inside of her legs for a brief moment. Her gaze fell upon the slow-moving current of the crystal-clear water. It was not the first time she had found herself staring out at a body of water when succumbing to the depths of depression. She could still recall the waters of the dark ocean with unnerving clarity. Her trip there being the first time she could recall feeling this way. Only then she had wanted desperately to escape. Now… she was not so sure. Should she ever find herself on the grey sand of its beach again, she might never leave.
It was the first time she had thought about the dark ocean for a long time she realised. However, it's emergence into her musings had reminded her of something. Delving a hand into her school bag she fished around for a minute before withdrawing a smooth wooden pendant that hung on a black cord. After the destruction of the original DigiDestined's crests, Tai had come up with the idea of making new ones so that no matter what happened, they would always have something to remind themselves of their adventures in the digital world. Kari turned it over in her hand and traced the carved pink star with a finger. She'd found it that morning while searching for a memory stick and something had compelled her to take it with her.
"The crest of light," she said in a whispered voice, though there was little need for no one was within earshot.
Yet another joke she thought bitterly. During their first adventure, they had discovered that the crests had been made to amplify each of their strongest traits. Except that had been a very long time ago. While it may have held true for the Kari Kamiya that watched Greymon fight Parrotmon all those years ago, it certainly did not fit her now. Did she even have any light left? Not likely. Should Gatomon show up and digivolve now, Kari knew she would find herself face to face with LadyDevimon. And she doubted that it would bother her. She laughed again at the thought of how appalled the others would look if they saw her with the fallen angel. She'd wager that Tai at least would finally figure out that there was something seriously wrong with her. For a moment she stared at the water and pondered throwing the pendant in, except something stayed her hand and she found herself stowing it safely back in her bag. Apparently, she was not willing to let that part of her life slip away just yet.
The sun slowly made its way towards the horizon yet Kari Kamiya remained on the grassy river bank. Her eyes glazed over as they remained fixed upon the slow-moving current. At times like this, when she lost herself in some scene or piece of music, her mind involuntarily started to recount some of the events that had led her to this point. Her relationship with TK being the focus of today's bout of self-loathing. It had all felt so natural at the time, expected even. The pair had become close friends during their time in the digital world and it had continued when he had moved to her school. They hung out all the time and she had known for weeks before he asked her out on a date, that the boy wished for their relationship to become more than just friends.
She should have said no, Kari lamented. It would have saved both his heart and their friendship; which she'd cherished dearly. Only she had been foolish. Foolish to think that her feelings would change if she dated someone else. For she was already in love with someone else. Someone who would never love her back. At least not in the way she loved him. So TK had become the surrogate; the distraction. Granted for a time it had worked. They had held hands in school, went on dates, she'd even snuggled close to him on the couch while they'd watched Kill Bill. For those few months, she had been content, happy even. Only the bubble burst the night he first kissed her. It had genuinely taken her by surprise, so her non-reaction had been more than justified. Yet while she had felt his love and passion within it, it had failed to awaken her own; for him at least. Instead, the forbidden feelings that she had suppressed for several months had broken free from their bonds and started to haunt her once more. Every subsequent kiss had only led her to wonder what her paramour's lips would taste like. How it would feel if he were the one kissing her. That was when she'd started to become distant. Slowly she'd started to spend less time with her friends and more time alone. Naturally, TK had been the first to notice. When he'd started to feel her slip away, he'd assumed that it was his fault, that he had not been attentive enough.
The poor sod, Kari thought. For anyone else, he would be the perfect boyfriend. Kind, caring, never forceful or pushy, always trying to put his partner's happiness before his own. Except he had wasted himself on her. It was still so vivid in her memory, the night she broke his heart. TK had gone all out to plan their first-year anniversary celebration. A dozen red roses had been delivered to the Kamiya residence that morning and taken the entire household by surprise. The accompanying note had cordially invited her to dinner and sent her mother into a dizzy frenzy while eliciting a comment from her father about how TK seemed like a 'proper gentleman'. Even Tai had given his approval. Her mother had promptly taken her to the mall to buy her a new outfit for the occasion.
When evening had rolled around, Kari had been dressed in a short red dress with black stockings and shoes. At 6:30 pm TK had arrived dressed in full shirt and tie; complete with jacket. When she walked out of her bedroom he'd instantly declared her beautiful, causing her cheeks to turn the same colour as her new dress. He'd then escorted her downstairs to a waiting taxi. At a window seat in a small Italian restaurant, they'd sat and watched the rain begin to hammer down as they ate the first two courses of a wonderful meal. The metaphorical and literal lightning had struck just as two slices of the establishment's renowned cheesecake had arrived. Looking back the irony of it all had been the fact that TK had begun by apologising. As though it had been his fault that she had started to become distant. The alarm bells had started to ring inside her head when he reached inside his jacket pocket. Opening the small box, he'd sat it on the table and explained that it was a promise ring and that, when the time was right, he would replace with an engagement ring. He'd then looked her in the eye and professed his love for her. A love that she knew she could never return.
At that moment Kari had known she had just been hurtled to a crossroads. While it had become an inevitability after their first kiss, she had never imagined that it would arrive with so much weight. With little time to digest the situation, she had been forced to choose between breaking the boy's heart there and then, or allowing the charade to continue and risk hurting him even more. She'd never wanted it to come to this, nor even contemplated that it would when she'd first said yes to him. However, she was left with two equally bad choices and the hardest decision she's ever faced. In the end, while it hurt her to do so, she'd gone with the former.
Kari could still remember the feeling of the tears that had run down her face like beads of water from an ice cube on a summers day. And the broken whisper that was her voice when she said the words, "I'm sorry." At first, TK had just stared at her, stunned into silence. Probably having never even contemplated such a response from her. When he did not reply, she'd eventually managed to say, "TK, I'm so sorry, but I can't accept this."
Tk had, of course, taken this to mean that the gesture had simply been too much for her to process. Naturally, he'd tried to calm her down, apologised for perhaps being a tad forward and told her that they didn't have to move that fast if she wasn't comfortable with it. If only she had been able to properly explain things to him, she might have been able to negate some of the damage. Except she had been too overcome by a cocktail of fear, guilt and sorrow served with a garnish of self-loathing to act rationally. Instead, her tears had intensified and she'd said, "I'm so sorry TK... but I don't love you the way that you love me... I'm... I'm in love with... someone else." Through her blurry eyes, she had been able to see the hurt in his now shocked brilliant blues when he realised that she was telling the truth. It had been more than she could bear. Picking up her bag and jacket, she had run from the restaurant as fast as her new heels would allow. She never did get to taste the cheesecake.
After a reminder of how wet she had gotten in the thunderstorm and the subsequent illness she had suffered, Kari's mind allowed her to return to the present. Yet her relationship and subsequent breakup with TK was only the first in a string of events. There had been the fling she'd had with Davis that had become a train wreck. The catfight with Sora, after she had rejected Tai in favour of Matt; she'd clawed the girls face enough that it had required stitches. Her fallout with Yolei. And, of course, the main issue. The singular reason that ran through every other event and incident that had occurred over the past two years. Tai. For it was him, her very own flesh and blood that she had fallen in love with.
An image of her brother floated through her mind. His messy mass of brown hair above a pair of perfect chocolate eyes. His well-defined upper torso and abs. She shuddered at the thought of those abs. At how it would feel to rub her hands over them. For a few blissful moments, Kari drowned in her own decadence and desires. Only her mind would not allow it to last; it never did. The instant the word sinful reared its ugly head, the scene shifted and she was drawn down into the depths of her own depravity. She saw the look of disgust on her brothers face when he discovered how she felt about him. The yelling of her parents as they reprimanded her for being such a wicked daughter. And the catcalls and shunning she would be forced to endure, should her secret become schoolyard gossip.
Kari could not contain herself as she burst into tears. How could this have happened? Why was she cursed to love the one person whom she could never be with? Why must she be forced to watch him day after day, yet be unable to reach out to him? Unable to have any form of prolonged contact with him for fear that he would figure out her secret. Why had she been fated to fall in love with Tai?