Part One: Her Secret

Chapter Three: What do you want from me

The sound of her cell phone vibrating from inside her bag drew Kari's attention away from the water. She looked around for a brief moment as though slightly bewildered to find herself sitting on the river bank. She undid the sailor collar of her school uniform and used it to dry her eyes before fishing in her bag for her phone. The clock on the front drew her attention; she'd been sitting for nearly two hours. Dismissing it, she opened the message though did not need to see the senders name to know it would be from Tai. It was rare for someone out with her family to message her these days and given that she should have been home hours ago it came as no surprise. "Hey, Kari, are you ok? Message me when you get this as I'm getting kinda worried," she read and almost burst into tears again. Any other brother would probably have demanded to know where she was, why the hell she had not come home yet and to get her ass back asap, but not Tai. Instead, he'd replied with kindness and concern for her wellbeing. It was one of the many reasons that she'd fallen for him. While she had not wished to go straight home, for being around her brother had become intoxicating, she had not intended to avoid going home that long so as to worry him. Hastily she messaged him back, "sorry, didn't mean to worry you. I'll be home in 15."

Putting her phone back into her bag and retying her sailor collar, Kari stood up and made her way back up the grassy slope to the concrete wall that separated the river bank from the sidewalk. Crossing to the other side she drew a funny look from a passing couple but ignored them. At a modest pace, she set out for home and the better part of two and a half days of torture. For that was what spending time with Tai had become. And with their parents gone he might be more likely to notice that she spent most of her time shut away in her room (Tai had been given their fathers office as a bedroom just over two years ago). The last thing she needed was him to quiz her about it. With any luck, he would have plans over the next two days or a mountain of homework. For she certainly didn't.

Crossing the road and entering her apartment building, Kari glumly climbed the stairs. Her footsteps somewhat akin to those of a prisoner en-route to the gallows. Reaching her floor she walked the short distance and stood outside the door marked Kamiya. She took a long, slow breath before reaching out for the handle and opening it. Stepping across the threshold she removed her school shoes and replaced them with her indoor ones. Quietly she walked into the main living area of the apartment. If she could reach her room before alerting Tai, she might get away with simply shouting hello to him. So focused on her goal she failed to notice that the refrigerator door in the kitchen was open.

"Hey, Kari." She froze mid-step and looked over towards the kitchen to see Tai standing next to the fridge with a can of soda in his hand. The concern in his tone obvious.

Just relax, she told herself, diverting her gaze but at the same time trying not to alert him to that fact. Even looking at Tai could be difficult these days if she had not adequately steeled herself beforehand. His soft caring features could both make her heart melt and stir her loins. "Hey," she eventually replied, her voice sounding delicate, almost fragile. Before her brother could reply she started off once more towards her room.

"So what kept you, Sis?"

The question caught Kari off guard and she cursed internally. Why couldn't Tai just leave her be? Because he wouldn't be Tai if he did, her brain answered for her. It was right, of course. Ever since that fateful incident where he had taken her to the park when she was sick, Tai had looked out for her. He'd comforted her when she'd been sad, stood up for her when others had picked on her, listened when she needed to talk and so much more. Just another reason why she loved him.

She must have taken longer to think up a reply than she realised, for Tai then said, "you ok, Kari?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled generically, her mind still racing to find an answer to his question. "I needed some air after school so went for a walk. I eventually sat down somewhere and must have lost track of time." It wasn't a blatant lie, simply not the exact truth. However, somehow she did not think, 'I didn't want to come home because it means being alone with my brother, whom I'm in love with,' would go down very well. Instead, she simply added, "I'm sorry if I worried you."

Tai gave her a look that she knew meant he was sceptical. And while he elected not to pry, still left the door open should she need it, "if you need to talk, I'll be here for you, Sis. By the way, I fixed your bike"

"Thanks, Tai," she replied, internally voicing, 'you don't know how much that means to me'.

She had reached her bedroom door and turned the handle, almost safe inside her sanctuary, before Tai then said, "speaking of being here, I thought we could sit and watch some films tonight. It's been ages since we last hung out. What do you say? We can order pizza."

Kari felt her cheeks begin to burn on hearing Tai's suggestion. Yet again she found herself completely unprepared for her brother's remark. This was her nightmare scenario coming to fruition but at the same time something she desperately desired. It made her feel like a lactose intolerant craving a glass of milk. Could she restrain herself enough so as not to let her feelings show? She already felt like she walked on a tightrope around Tai anyway, one wrong step from certain doom. Was it worth risking a fatal fall just so she could revel in having her brothers undivided attention for a single night? She let out a slow exhale.

"Sorry, Tai. I've got a lot of homework to do this weekend," she lied with regret, "I need to make a start on it."

Kari opened her bedroom door and crossed the threshold. She jumped when she felt a pair of firm hands catch her by the shoulders. The blush in her cheeks turned scarlet. She hadn't even heard Tai move. "Come on, Kari," he whispered in her ear, "you can't spend your whole life studying. You'll turn into Joe."

Without meaning to, she burst out laughing. Tai somehow always managed to make her laugh, regardless of whether his joke was funny or not. Nevertheless, she tried to reaffirm her stance, "Tai, I really need to..." her second bout of laughter was forced from her lips as Tai began furiously tickling her armpits. "AHHH...TAI...STOP IT," she yelled through fits of hysterics.

"Not until you agree to ditch the books and join me for pizza and movies."

"TAI...AHHH...I...AHHH...OK...OK...YOU WIN!"

The tickling ceased and Kari felt Tai let go of her. She sucked in a grateful breath of air as she steadied herself before turning to face her brother. "That was mean," she pouted playfully. At that moment she realised that without doing any special, Tai had lifted her mood. Hell, he'd even got her to laugh, even if most of it had been under duress. She'd almost forgotten what her own laugh sounded like.

"True, but you look like you could use the R&R." He turned to leave but when he reached the door he stopped. "You'd better have your butt on that sofa in ten minutes or I'll be back to drag you out." He looked over his shoulder and grinned, "and woe betide you if I hear the sound of a pencil scratching."

Kari felt a rush on hearing the playfulness with which Tai issued his command and before she could restrain herself she gave him a sassy smile and said, "maybe I should use a pen then."

For a moment, her reddish-brown eyes locked onto his chocolate ones and her heart was overwhelmed with feelings of love and warmth. Only right on cue an ice-cold bucket of guilt and self-loathing poured over her. Fortunately, Tai broke contact before it showed on her face. She watched him go and fought to hold back the tears. She couldn't do this. Being around him but unable to express her feelings was becoming unbearable. How on earth was she going to survive an entire night just the two of them? She needed her music, but Tai had only given her ten minutes to get changed. And she dare not risk him dragging her out. The extra physical contact between them might make her explode.

Hastily she picked up her headphones, a decent set of cans, and mp3 player from the desk She'd come to depend on her music when preparing for situations where she would have to be around Tai and when trying to clear her mind of her fucked-up thoughts. With limited time she would be restricted to a shorter passage, but already knew which artist she would turn to; Mike Oldfield. She'd first heard his music at one of Yolei's sleepovers, where they'd watched an old horror film; The Exorcist. The film had been pretty poor, although after having seen beings such as Myotismon and Piedmon, nothing any filmmaker could do would likely scare her. However, she had been intrigued by one of the films musical pieces. An internet search the next day had revealed it to be the opening segment from an album by Oldfield. Curious, she had taken a trip into town and hunted around several CD stores until she found a copy. Back home her first surprise was that the album consisted of only two tracks, each about twenty-five minutes long. Most songs she had ever heard lasted only a few minutes, five or six at the very most. However, this was nothing compared to the music she discovered once she put it on. Each piece was a sprawling instrumental of multiple layers that moved effortlessly from one movement to the next. Needless to say, it had blown her away. After multiple listens over the course of a week she'd found that she could lose herself within it in a way that just wasn't possible with other music. Since then she had collected some of Oldfield's other albums and listened to them on a regular basis. Unfortunately, she had no time for one of his longer composition, so would have to make do with the opening tracks from The Songs of Distant Earth. Its first three tracks were quite soothing and would hopefully calm her enough so that she could regain some measure of control.

Dressing down to her underwear she riffled through her closet looking for something to put on. Half of her brain urged her to dress in something appealing, while the other screamed that to do so would be unnecessarily risky. Eventually, after rifling through all the clothes that her mom had bought her, she looked at the few items she'd recently bought for herself. While she still dressed like the Kari her family thought they knew when around them, she'd acquired a few articles of clothing for wearing when by herself. Pulling out a pair of ripped black jeans and a slashed green t-shirt with the word 'weirdo' scrawled across it, she paused. While there was a chance it would draw Tai's attention, she really did not feel like being the 'innocent angel of light' tonight.

After she'd dressed she sat on the edge of her bed, closed her eyes and just listened. The notes washed over her like a soothing balm for her soul. Oldfield's guitar tracing a path through a sea of keyboards, drums and vocal cords. For those blissful few minutes, her troubles melted away and she felt liberated. If only she could stay here within the music instead of having to suffer the torment that was Tai. Only it was not to be. The third track drew to a close and she knew it was time to go. Removing her headphones she sat them down on the bed beside her music player. Rising to her feet she left the room.

Kari's eyes wandered across the apartment and stopped when they fell upon the bushy mass of chocolate hair that belonged to her brother. He turned his head and smiled at her when he heard her approach, beckoning her to come and sit on the sofa.

"So what do you want on your pizza?" Tai asked as she watched him peruse the menu.

All she did was give him a smile.

"That'll be double pepperoni with sweetcorn on a thin base then."

"Did you even need to ask?" she replied as she dropped down beside him. She'd have preferred the armchair, but that would have drawn questions.

While a stupid grin covered his face, his eyes looked her up and down as if he had not seen her in a long time. When she made eye contact with him he hastily said, "if I'd just ordered for you, you'd probably have told me you preferred anchovies with olives, or something like that, when it arrived."

She watched as Tai returned his attention to the menu, but could not help but feel something was not quite right with him. In fact, it wasn't just a feeling. She knew. Call it intuition or whatever you like, if there was one thing in this world Kari knew, it was her brother. Had her attire caught his attention already? Surely it could not have been that much of a culture shock. She sighed internally. She should have just worn something pink and yellow. Picking up the TV remote, she began channel surfing, hoping to find something that would serve as a distraction.

"So what films do you want to watch?" Tai eventually asked, causing her to jump slightly.

"I'm not fussed," she replied, not averting her gaze to look at him. "So long as it's not a chick film."

"Ok... why not a chick film?"

Kari's head snapped round to look at him. She had not realised that she'd spoken that last line out loud. "I don't like them."

"Seriously?" the tone of surprise was evident, "since when?"

"Since I stopped liking what everyone else liked." After the words had left her lips, Kari regretted it. While it felt liberating to say out loud, she knew her luck would not hold a second time. Tai would start to pry.

He gave her another roving look, "you've changed a lot over the past two years, haven't you."

While she felt an urge to say, 'took you long enough,' she knew it wasn't entirely fair. She'd done her utmost to try and hide it from everyone. Instead, she simply sighed, "yeah." There was little point denying it; the Gatomon was out of the bag.

It was Tai's turn to let out a low sigh, "I'm sorry, Kari."

This took her by surprise. Tai was apologising to her, why? What did he possibly have to say sorry for?

"I guess with all my schoolwork, soccer practice and other stuff, I've not really been paying attention to my little sis." He paused and scratched the back of his head, "it's kinda why I wanted to spend some time with you tonight."

Kari had to quickly turn her attention back to the TV to try and hide the fact that her cheeks had slowly started to burn again. She sucked in a slow, steady breath and tried to recall the opening portion of The Songs of Distant Earth. She often found herself playing music in her head from memory when she needed to try and calm herself.

"Kari?"

Shit. Tai expected her to say something. "Don't worry about it," she said offhandedly, "I've been busy too."

There were a few minutes of silence in which she thought she'd managed to kill the conversation. Except Tai had other ideas. "Kari..." he began with what sounded like slight trepidation, "...are you mad at me?"

The question hit her like a bolt of lightning and she spun around to face him. Immediately she could see the look of hurt on his face. He'd already made up his mind. She felt a stab of guilt at having hurt his feelings. Even though she had deliberately tried to put distance between them these past two years, she had not realised just how much the revelation pained him. Unfortunately, there had been no alternative and the situation, if anything, had become worse. The day would come when she would have to sever ties with him completely. He would never understand why and might even blame himself. Only there would be no other option. It was better that than have him discover the horrible truth.

She forced herself to look him in the eye, "I'm not mad at you, Tai."

He looked slightly puzzled, "then what's wrong, Kari?"

Crap, he'd bought the truth. Now she'd have to sell him a different lie. "It's just been hectic at school recently. And I've had a lot on my mind." She gave him a smile and quickly tried to deflect, "maybe you're right. Maybe I do need some R&R. So what film do you want to watch?"

He returned her smile with one of his own, but his eyes told her that she'd failed to convince him. That was part of the problem when dealing with Tai. She might know him better than anything else, but the reverse was also true. She'd not heard the end of this. That at least was certain. And Tai had the rest of tonight and two full days in which to interrogate her. She watched him stand up and head over to the phone to make the pizza order. This weekend was quickly becoming even tougher than she'd anticipated.