Part Two: His Secret

Chapter Five: Echoes

The storm had hit late the previous evening and not let up until about half an hour before Kari had to leave for school the next morning. She'd felt sorry for Tai, who'd had to leave early for soccer practice and as a result, would have been soaked on the way there and for much of the duration. Nevertheless, she'd almost been tempted to take the rain over the awkward silence that had permeated the apartment since last night's arguments. In fact, the only words her mother had said to her that morning had been to tell her that she would be purchasing hair dye today so she could undo the damage that had been done to her hair. While she had said nothing in reply, for she had wished to avoid another argument so soon, Kari had sworn to herself that it would happen over her cold, dead corpse. After striking her brother, the woman had forfeited any right to tell her what to do. It still burned her deep inside when she heard the echo of her mother's hand making contact with Tai's face.

The morning had been a much quieter affair than yesterday. The whispered conversations as she passed people in the corridors having died out for the most part. A series of mind-numbing lessons prior to morning break had left her in sore need of some stimulation. She normally liked school, but this morning's collection of classes had been downright dire. When the chime to indicate her boredom had ended, Kari wasted no time in putting her headphones on and selecting Wish You Were Here. It seemed the Pink Floyd album was going to become a staple of her collection. Leaving the room, she made her way outside and found a quiet place to sit behind the old bike shed. For thirteen and a half minutes (the duration of the first track) she drowned in the soulful sounds of a band working through their feelings of absence and regret. Themes that she could relate with all too well while sitting gazing upon faces that she would once have spent this time in conversation with.

Standing up she robotically began making her way back across the playground. So absorbed in the chilling acoustic guitar strums of the second track, Kari failed to notice someone standing in her path with their back turned. In her head, she counted down to the opening lyric. Three, two, one… crash! She collided with the human-shaped obstacle and sent them both sprawling to the ground.

Hitting the dirt, her headphones fell off just in time for her to hear, "watch where you're going."

The voice sounded irritable but caused Kari to freeze. Her eyes turned to see the rumpled figure of Yolei pick herself up. "I'm so sorry, Yolei," she said apologetically.

"Well, so you should…" the girl instinctively fired back, only to stop before finishing the sentence. "Kari?" she then asked looking down at her.

"Hey," she replied meekly and gave the girl a small wave.

Yolei stared at her blankly for a moment before apparently remembering that they no longer spoke. "Watch where you're going next time, Kamiya," she barked, then turned away.

"Yolei… wait," she called out as she scrambled to her feet.

The lavender haired girl kept walking, "save it, Kamiya."

Kari lowered her head… absence and regret. She bent down to pick up her headphones just as the chime to signal the end of morning break sounded. It seemed her weekend happy had well and truly come to an end.

##

Kari spent the rest of the morning in a sombre mood. Her mind filling with echoes of times she had spent with her old friends. It seemed that a combination of Shine on You Crazy Diamond pts1-5 and a collision with Yolei had reminded her that she actually missed them; who would have guessed? Alone at her lunch table, her eyes involuntarily located each of the other DigiDestined. There was a time when the five of them would have eaten lunch together. The bonds between them stronger than the individual ones each held with their respective cliques. Something that no longer held true. Davis sat amongst the soccer players, centre of attention as always. Yolei with a group of the brighter girls that she herself had once been friends with. Cody had eventually found his place with some of the school's other martial artists; his Kendo skills having qualified him for the regional championship. And finally… TK. Impeccably dressed and polite as ever, had found himself amidst a group from the creative writing club. While they all looked happy, they were still separate.

Kari sighed as she played with her food. Apparently, she had been the glue that kept everyone together. And when she had broken up with TK, the splintering had begun. Becoming ever more distant, she had started to skip social gatherings with Yolei and the other girls. Eventually, after missing her birthday party, the other girl had confronted her about it. The resulting conversation had devolved into an argument when she had been unwilling to explain what was wrong with her. Eventually, the lavender haired girl had lost patience and told her that she needed to, "get a grip." To which Kari had replied, "just leave me the hell alone!" Yolei had done just that and so ended their friendship. Davis, who she had remained friends with even after their own relationship had broken up, had eventually stopped trying to engage with her at the end of last year. Such was the level of her detachment. And Cody… well, he'd been Cody and taken his usual take it or leave it approach with friendship.

Would any of them talk to her if she were to go over and speak to them? Davis probably would. It might be a bit awkward at first but then he'd make one of his bad jokes, that were somehow worse than Tai's, which would cause her to laugh and that would probably be that. Cody would likely be indifferent as always but still talk to her. Hell, she might even be able to get the three of them together. Kari's eyes wandered back over the long lavender hair of Yolei. She would be the difficult one. Their altercation earlier had proven that the other girl still held a fairly substantial grudge. And TK… she didn't even bother pondering TK. While she may have missed his friendship the most, he was off the table. Most likely for good.

The impending sorrow forced Kari to push all thoughts of a reunion out of her mind. It was stupid of her to even contemplate it she reasoned. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her music player. Pulling her headphones on, she found Crises and put it on. An apt selection for her current emotional state. However, the opening piano notes quickly helped her to restore some level of calm and order. This was how things were now. They all had their own cliques and she had no one. And all of her own making.

##

The end of the school day finally came and Kari was relieved to leave the classroom and make her way to her locker. Her afternoon lessons had been on par with their morning counterparts and left her mind at the mercy of her memories. Now that she was free from the crushing weight that had been her secret love for Tai, she'd discovered a new truth. She missed her friends… a lot. And it was time to do something about it. Spying Yolei a few doors down she let out a slow breath. If she was going to do this then there was no time like the present. She closed her locker and walked the short distance down the corridor to where the lavender haired girl stood.

"Hi," she said by way of a greeting. Yolei turned her head but before she could say anything, Kari added, "listen, I'm really sorry about earlier."

"I told you to save it, Kamiya," the girl turned away from her and slammed her locker closed.

She let out a sigh. This was never going to be easy, but she had to start somewhere. "Yolei, I'm sorry."

"I told you to…"

"I'm sorry for everything," she cut in.

Yolei turned back to face her, a look of confusion spread across her face.

Kari seized the opportunity to continue. If after she had said her piece the girl chose to tell her to fuck off, that was her prerogative to do so. However, she had to try. "I've been in a really bad place over the past year and the way I treated you was inexcusable."

"So what, you got your hair dyed and all of a sudden you're a brand new you?"

"I spent the weekend with Tai and he took me to get it done. We talked for a while and he helped me work through a lot of stuff. Knocking into you today made me realise just what I'd lost." She hung her head. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know that I'm really sorry."

"Do you plan on telling me what happened to you?" Yolei asked the question, but the short manner in which she did told Kari that she would not accept a fudged response or the 'that doesn't matter anymore' routine. How much did she dare tell her old friend? Especially given that, as things stood, it could easily become tomorrow's playground gossip.

She sighed, "I made a terrible mistake two years ago and have been paying for it ever since."

Yolei tilted her head but did not say anything. Granted, she didn't have to. For her expression clearly told Kari that further explanation was required or she would walk.

"Is there any chance I could convince you to go somewhere more private?" she asked, hoping Yolei had enough interest to agree.

She watched as the other girl thought for a moment. "Buy me a crepe and I'll hear you out."

Internally Kari did a backflip. It was a foot in the door and would make a good start. Now she just had to figure out how she told the truth without revealing her secret. They set off down the corridor and for the first time in almost a year, the two girl's left school side by side. Nothing was said between them as they made their way to the local park and towards the kind street vendor that sold crepes with a variety of different fillings. However, Yolei kept shooting her sideways glances, probably trying to figure her out. Kari paid the nice lady for one strawberry and one chocolate crepe and once they were made handed the latter to the other girl. The pair then found a quiet bench beneath a tree and sat on opposite sides.

"So what happened?" Yolei asked after a mouthful of sweet chocolaty goodness. The food it seemed had softened her tone.

"I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have," Kari replied slowly, then quickly took a bite out of her own dessert.

"Like someone else's boyfriend?"

She wiped an imaginary bead of sweat from her forehead, "something like that."

This had been enough to gain Yolei's full attention and she could hear her try to mask her excitement when she asked, "who was it?" The girl, it seemed, still had a thing for stories about forbidden love.

Kari hung her head, "please don't ask me that." She had a lie prepared in case Yolei did not relent, but she hoped she would not need to use it.

"It wasn't Ken, was it?" the other girl asked suspiciously, clearly figuring that her own boyfriend would be number one on the list of people she would not wish to divulge the identity of.

"It wasn't Ken. But please don't keep trying to guess." She took the opportunity while Yolie had her mouth full, to move the story along. "When TK asked me out, I foolishly said yes."

The other girl swallowed before asking, "why?"

"In part, because everyone expected us to get together. But largely because I hoped by going out with someone else I would be able to learn to love them."

"It didn't work." It was not a question, but then it didn't need to be for they both already knew the answer.

"Everything was fine up until the day he first kissed me. I knew then that I did not love him."

"I remember thinking you didn't sound elated when you told me that he'd kissed you," Yolei said before giving her a questioning look, "but why not end it there."

"I was too scared. I felt scared about hurting him and about what the whole thing meant for me. That's when I started to become distant. The entire thing started to consume me and I couldn't deal with it. Of course, TK thought that he'd done something wrong and tried to fix it."

"So why didn't you talk to me? Maybe I could have helped."

"I didn't talk to anyone about it. Not even Tai," Kari replied, hoping that by dropping her brother's name, someone the other girl knew she trusted more than anyone, it would make her feel less put out. "Then TK took me out for our one year anniversary and tried to give me that promise ring. That's when I knew I had to end it."

"We all knew something had happened, but TK wouldn't talk about it and you were off school for a week."

Kari was about to reply with, "it was the hardest thing I ever had to do," but after Saturday night, that was no longer the case. Telling Tai that she was in love with him had stolen that honour. Instead, she said, "I hated myself for it, but if I hadn't of done it then, it would only have been worse for him."

"I'm not going to lie to you and say I think it was a mercy. In fact, I think you should have done it sooner. But it sounds like you were having serious trouble with the whole issue and I can see why it might have been difficult for you to do it before you did."

Yolei's words told Kari nothing she hadn't already beat herself up over, a hundred times prior. However, at least she was not completely condemning her actions. "Everything just spiralled out of control when I went back to school. Before I knew it, half our friends were fighting amongst themselves and all because of me. I slid into depression so quickly that I found it difficult to be around people."

"So that's why you started blowing us off."

"Yes. I'd caused so much trouble for people already that I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. Eventually, everyone and everything I'd cared about just slipped away and I was completely helpless to do anything to stop it."

The lavender haired girl sat and considered her while she finished her crepe. Everything Kari had just told her had been true. She'd simply found a way of working it without the need to divulge the fact that her feelings for her own brother had been both the cause of and the thread that ran through it all. Eventually, Yolei said, "Kari, I am so sorry. I had no idea how much you had been suffering. If I'd known I would have…"

"It wasn't your fault, Yolei. I was the one who couldn't tell anyone."

"Exactly. I know how depression works, you were physically unable to tell anyone. I was your best friend, I should have noticed something serious was wrong with you and did something to help. Instead, I thought you were just being a selfish bitch that needed to get their shit together."

A wave of relief started to wash over Kari as she listened to her friend talk. Not because Yolei was trying to take the blame, but because she now had genuine hope that their friendship could be salvaged. "I got really good at pretending to everyone that I was ok. Even Tai didn't figure it out until this weekend."

"You shouldn't make excuses for us, Kari," Yolei said firmly, before adding in a more concerned tone, "are you feeling better now?"

Kari smiled at her, "Much. Talking with Tai over the weekend really helped. Not to mention my hair now looks like a lit match."

"It's really cool," the other girl agreed. "So what happens now? Can you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Yolei. And I was hoping we could be friends again and…" she trailed off.

"And?" her friend asked.

There were a few seconds of silence before Kari eventually replied, "I was hoping that we could try to get everyone back together. However, maybe just the five of us to begin with. Six if Ken can make it."

Yolei raised a hand and rubbed her temple. "Ken will come if I ask him to and Cody because he's Cody. However, Davis won't come if TK's there and TK…"

"…won't come because of me," Kari finished for her.

"Five out of six is still a good start though," the other girl said, trying to put a positive spin on it.

"Do you think Davis would be willing to let bygones be bygones with TK if I explained the whole story to him? It was because of me that he got dragged into that brawl after all."

Yolei pondered for a moment, before saying, "I'm not sure. He might, but that doesn't mean TK will be willing to do the same or…"

"…or that he'll even be prepared to enter a building that isn't school if he knows I'm inside."

"Something like that. I guess the only options would be to either trick him inside or for you to try and talk to him beforehand."

"He won't respond well to being tricked, not if it involves me. I guess either I'll have to try burying the hatchet with him first, or someone else asks him to come, but tells him who's going to be there."

"You should probably speak to Davis first. He'll probably be more likely to listen to you than I was," Yolei suggested.

Kari laughed. "Out of interest, how close did you come to telling me to fuck off?"

Yolei blushed slightly, "if I hadn't been hungry…"

"Maybe it was fate that you came down with a serious case of the munchies right before I walked up to you." This time they both laughed, after which Kari said, "we should probably get going. I still need to go back to school to get my bike before going home to enrage my mom."

The other girl nodded before saying, "I'll walk back with you." She made a move to stand up, only to pause halfway to her feet. "Wait, what do you mean, enrage your mom."

"I'll explain on the way," Kari laughed, though it was half-hearted at best.

The two girls deposited the wrappings from their crepes into a trashcan and began the short walk back to school. True to her word she explained the situation regarding her hair to Yolei. When they reached the main gate, the pair hugged one another and promised to see each other in homeroom the next day; they had a lot of catching up to do. Making her way to the bike rack, Kari unlocked and wheeled her blue bike out and hopped on. Before setting off, she looked up at the sky. Yesterday's storm clouds had well and truly cleared. She just wished that the metaphorical ones at home would do the same.