A THOUGHT FOR A THOUGHT, FEYRE DARLING?

Feyre's pov

After a long day of doing paper work, I settled on my bed with a cup of tea in the townhouse. Rhys was visiting the Illyrian camps after the war with Cassian. The days after the war has been exhausting to say the least. The blast from the Cauldron had ended the lives of so many people, most of which included the Illyrians. Despite my best efforts to console Cass that it wasn't his fault, the general had been distant. Just thinking about what would have happened if Nesta had not called out for Cass sent shivers down my spine. To keep my horrifying thoughts at bay, I got up and walked upto the bookshelf near the window which included most of Rhys's favorite books. I could read at a good pace now, thanks to Rhys's little lessons. The memory of which brought smile on my lips. I grabbed a book started reading it. The story keeping my mind occupied. After thirty minutes I felt his arrival. Rhys entered in our shared bedroom at the townhouse with a small smile on his lips and said 'Right where I felt you'.

Despite his disheveled hair and exhausted look, he was still the most beautiful person I have seen, not just on the outside but also from inside. My beautiful selfless mate.

I closed my book and smiled at him and said "Hello Rhys''

He replied with a mischievous grin 'Hello Feyre darling'.

All thoughts instantly vanished from my mind as I closed the distance between us and embraced him. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders burying his head in my neck. We stood there for some time, his citrus and salt smell enveloping me. I pulled back and cupped his cheek. He leaned in the touch. I asked, 'How did it go?'

He replied as he moved to take off his weapons, 'Good. All things considered. The families have lost their loved ones. It would take a while to calm things down' He sighed and sat on the bed.

It would take a while I realized, not only for us but for everyone to cope up with the aftermath of the battle. I considered it for a moment but kept quite for now.

Seeing his weary face I asked, 'Do you want to eat anything?'

His stared at me with a wicked curve of his lips and inquired, 'What will I be getting?'

I flushed and shoved him hard on the shoulder as he huffed a laugh and I said rolling my eyes, 'Still a shameless flirt'.

He replied, 'Always'.

I kept myself out of his reach and said, 'Wait. I will bring you food' and with that I went to the kitchen and piled various food on the tray and went back to our room.

Rhys was sitting on the bed wearing a simple shirt and trousers. He looked up at me then at the tray in my hand and said with a shake of his head 'I should have gone down to the dining room considering you brought the entire kitchen in here'

I glared at him and set the tray on the bed as there was no space at the table.

I said with a mock bow of my head, 'I couldn't leave the mighty high lord of the night court starving, could I?'

His eyes lit up and he said, 'Mighty high lord? Oh I like it'

I laughed as he started eating. The speed with which he was eating kept me far away from him as I watched him.

I asked, 'When did you last eat?' Concern filled my voice.

He looked up and said, ' I had an apple in the morning'.

I could barely keep my nerves calm. He had just eaten an apple. I didn't even know if I should be angry at myself for not noticing he might not have eaten anything; or at him for not feeding himself at some restaurant.

He raised an eye brow at my gaping and I swallowed and said in a tight voice, 'You had an apple today? Care to explain why?'

He said with an amused look, 'Look who is fussing now'

I scowled at him. He sighed and replied, 'I was busy Feyre darling'.

I frowned and said, 'No one is too busy to eat'

He just said, 'hmmm' and completed his meal. I moved the tray at kept it at the bedside table. Rhys already had his arms open for me. I nestled in his arms keeping my head on his chest listing to his steady heartbeat. A thing I realized I did every time he was around me. To make sure my mate was alive. He was with me. Those last few moments of war when his chest stopped moving and my entire world had shattered in a thousand different pieces which could never recover in a thousand years if he wasn't alive. He had given everything so I could have a future, not realizing there would be no future for me if it was without him. I could never imagine my life without him.

Rhys kept his chin on my head and said in my mind, 'A thought for a thought, Feyre darling?'

I contemplated and said with a shy smile, 'remember the time we spent in the Illyrian inn?'

He looked down at me and purred 'how can I forget'?

I hesitated for a moment. Thinking how he would react. I exhaled and offered him truth, 'I didn't mean to use the word fun or distraction. I thought if I told you that I wanted to be with you, you would hate me forever'.

He started protesting but I shushed him and continue, 'it had only been a few months since I left him and yet every time I looked at you I felt butterflies in my stomach. I thought how you could ever like me when I had left him and stayed with you. I was afraid that you wouldn't want the same after being with her for fifty years. I couldn't muster the courage to even admit it to myself how I felt about you. The fight we had after the court of nightmares visit made me realized how I addicted I was to your presence, your smile, your flirting and everything about you. And I am sorry if I caused you any pain or if I ever hurt you. I was very cruel to you, not knowing anything about you and yet you always looked after me, took care of me, kept me sane. I am very thankful I have you in my life.'

There. I had been meaning to tell him this since I knew I was his mate.

I looked up to see him and saw silver lined his eyes and told him out loud, 'I don't deserve you'

He repeated the same words I said him after the attack on Velaris, 'We deserve each other and we deserve to be happy'

I hugged him tightly as he kissed my forehead. After a moment I said down the bond, 'Your turn'

He thought for a brief period of time and the said, 'I am thinking that you shouldn't have felt like that. I am thinking that you are very brave to say it to me. I am sorry that you had felt like that . Like I had said before I had loved you since the day I saw you painting those flowers and there is nothing that could make me hate you. Nothing.'

I didn't realize I had tears in my eyes until he wiped them from my face and kissed my eyes as he had done for me Under the Mountain.

I hugged him and whispered, 'I love you'

He held me tightly and said with a smirk, 'What's not to love?'

I laughed as he squeezed me and said, 'I love you to Feyre darling. More than anything in this world.