*Author Note- Sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter, but for some reason it wouldn't let me upload if for a few days. I hope you guys enjoy it. please forgive any errors. -007twihunger xoxo
Chapter Two:Difficult Outcomes.
When I awake it's to a new day. I feel completely renewed and rested. Stretching my body I squeeze my eyes shut savoring in the comfortable popping of my joints. The feel of a hand gently caressing my back, I can't help but snap my eyes open and let loose a shriek as the angry face of Cato flashes in my mind. In seconds, I fling myself off the bed and crawl backwards away from the bed only to stop as my wide fearful eyes land on a very awake and worried looking Finnick. I swallow a few times. My heart thumps erratically in my chest as I continue to look at him.
"I-I just… I thought you were him-were Cato. I don't know…" I say trailing off shaking my head slightly as I go quiet.
He watches me with calculative eyes as he grits his teeth then he slowly gets out of bed and walks over to me. With a concern etched face he crouches down and sits down in front of me, leaving a slight distance between us, no doubt worried I might freak out from him touching me again. "He's dead Madge, long gone. He can't ever touch you again. I won't let that type of thing ever happen to you again, not even a might. I swear if someone tries that I'll kill them and take whatever Snow throws at me. I'm not afraid to get hurt or used, but I won't ever let you be hurt like that again, okay? You can trust me. I'm your buddy Finn." He gets out in slow precise words, his eyes not diverting from me and instantly I feel at ease and foolish all at once. I can't even believe how my head when there. Of why I would ever misplace Finnick with Cato. I know he would never hurt me for as long as he lived, we're friends.
Nodding I let my eyes flicker down to my sheet covered lower body and start twisting the white fabric in my hands. "I know that. Of course I know that, I just-I don't know why I even thought about him. I really don't, I'm sorry, Finn." I make known before hesitantly meeting his gaze once again.
With a gentle smile he shakes his head then ruffles my bedhead, "there is nothing for you to apologize for. You haven't done anything wrong, besides that's to be expected from what you endured. I should be apologizing to you, for the lack of thinking. I should have been thinking more clearly. I'm truly, very sorry Pearl. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course I can, Finn. But, you really don't need to apologize to me either… Can't we just erase all that and pretend that it didn't happen and start a fresh and happy day?"
"Okay, we can do that. Fresh and happy day starting now, so ease up."
I laugh for the first time today and stick my tongue at my friend who snorts with amusement then effortlessly shoves me over and gets to his feet hurriedly then rushing out the door. "Last one to the kitchen has to make breakfast." He throws over his shoulder continuing to run for the victory line marked as the kitchen.
"You're a big cheater!" I holler as I chase after him, the whole time we both laugh loudly and with abandon.
Like I expect, I am the 'lucky loser' how Finnick put it. We idly chat as I fix breakfast of scrambled eggs, some bacon, sausage, some fruit, biscuits, and gravy. Which Finnick makes a fuss over being too much, but honestly it helps clear my mind if I'm busy doing something so what if I decide to start making a feast for every meal. At least it will buy me some calm solitude in my hectic racing mind.
Smiling at one another we sit across from each other and eat our breakfast in a comfortable silence, the light pitter patter of rain against the window as a nice background noise. My mind is still swirling with dark looming thoughts but being with Finnick seems to help with it. It allows me to push it to the back burner of my mind and focus on the here and now.
"It's nice having breakfast with someone for a change." I state offhandedly. Spearing a fluff of egg onto my fork then popping it into my mouth. I know that the food tastes good from the look on Finnick's face. However, to me it has no taste, probably a side effect of my depression.
Locking eyes with Finnick I see a brief glimpse of pain before he contorts his face to that of his mask making me feel slightly hurt from this gesture. "Yeah it is." He replies.
"So, why are you here Finn? I mean, not that I am not happy that you're here. You know I love to have you around, its actually really nice, especially with everything going on." I make known giving him an appreciative smile, which he thankfully returns though I do note that is a weak smile, but a smile none the less.
"I'll fill you in later, I promise you Madge that I will tell you later."
"Okay, as long as you'll let me know, that's all that really maters. So what are your plans for today?"
"Well, I planned on taking you out and about to finish getting my tour then maybe buy some things to make you an awesome District Four themed dinner. But we can add in some fillers throughout the day. Really, I'm up to whatever you want to do Madge, as long as we get to spend some time together."
His words make me feel warm with glee and I can't help but smile in return. "Sounds like a plan Mr. Odair." We both get back to eating our food and when they are clear of food, Finnick helps me clean up the kitchen. We put up the leftovers as well as do the dishes, I wash while Finnick dries and puts them away. When we're finished cleaning, we both head in our own directions to get dressed.
I turn at every angle and look at myself in the mirror, taking in the pale blue dress that I have on, silently thanking the gods that the hem of the dress is just an inch above my knees. My fingers lightly fiddle with the ties on my elbow length sleeves and quickly fix them into bows. I pair my outfit with a pair of light brown ankle booties, with a pale blue ribbon that I braid into my hair. Delicately I put in a pair of stud earrings then let out a light sigh, looking at myself I look the same but inside I feel completely different. Forcing a smile at my reflection, I quickly apply some makeup to take away from my washed out pale completion. After I'm done, I send a last glance at myself then hurry downstairs to meet Finnick, who is already waiting for me with his trademark grin. He's wearing a white cable knitted cardigan that clips close with a silver clasp over his left bicep, showing the white t-shirt underneath it. The white cardigan and shirt pair well with his dark blue jeans and his black boots.
"You're looking sharp, Finn." I say knocking my shoulder with his as he opens the door and offers me his arm. Smiling at him I hook my arm through his and grasp his arm tightly as I let him lead me out of my house. I don't bother locking the front door just close the door behind us, if someone wants to steal from me their welcome to. I can't force myself to care about it.
"Why thank you. You're looking pretty snazzy yourself, Pearl. So where do we go first, tour guide?" He asks looking over to me and leads me down the steps of my porch.
I smile at him gently and open my mouth to respond as I let my eyes gaze around the victor village then snap my mouth closed as I see Gale and Katniss sitting with their shoulders touching on the top step of his porch. My heart aches with hurt and longing at I stare at him. I don't realize I have stopped walking until Finnick gives a soft tug on my chin to force me to look at him, "don't let him make you tear down your walls and go to that painful isolation, Pearl. It takes a hundred times longer to put yourself together than it does to let yourself crumble to the ground." Finnick says softly. His green eyes stare into my eyes as he furrows his eyebrows with concern. I give him a jerky nod then look back over at Gale's house, which I now know is directly across the street from my own. When my eyes make it back over to him I want to die, seeing as he stares at me, its not with confusion or friendliness. No, its with anger. His face screws up into a hard glare. Next to him, Katniss gives me a brief look of disgust before turning her gaze back to Gale. I watch unwillingly as she says something to him and how his face loosens into a smile as he turns his eyes towards his hunting partner and my heart aches even more. I feel a sob crawl at my throat but with a gritted teeth and a constricting grip on Finnick's arm I pull him with me back into a slight speed walk towards town.
After walking for a short while, I give Finnick a slight glance then look back at the dirt road in front of us. "We should head over to the meadow. Its really pretty. There are usually little purple and blue flowers everywhere, and the grass is so green. Not to mention that there is a great view of the forest outside of the districts fence." I numbly mumble out to my friend. Silently, I try to grasp ahold of myself before I slip back into my sadness. And, with Finnick's comforting free hand rubs gently at the back of my hand that hold his arm tightly I find it easier than when I was by myself on the train. Out of the corner of my eye I see Finn give a soft nod and remain silent.
Walking into town we're immediately pelleted with harsh glares and looks off disgust as people mumble lowly to one another about us. I force a smile and know without a doubt so dose Finnick. We steadily make our way through town then into the meadow. Reaching my favorite spot by a tree near the fence I pull Finnick to a stop then down to sit on the ground with me. We sit next to each other in silence just staring out at the woods through the fence. The light breeze blows around us making a few loose strands of my hair whip around in the air. The soft thrumming sound of the fence is the only sound wrapped around us, telling us its alive with electricity. The grass under us feels slightly damp to the touch but neither of us mind, this is nothing to us compared to our horrible lives.
Not wanting to sit in silence anymore, I clear my throat then lick my lips and turn my head to look at Finn. He looks straight ahead with a far off look to his a foam green eyes. His blond hair artistically shakes with the gentle breeze, and I feel lost of what he might be thinking, let alone be feeling.
"So how is Annie doing? I hope well. I can't wait to see her when the tour rolls around. At least I have that to look forward to. It won't be incredibly fun but at least I get to see a few of my friends from the other districts… Well just mainly you, Mags, Annie, Johanna, Seeder, and Chaff, really." I blabber on. At my words Finnick seems to go ridged and his face tenses. He swallow thickly then sucks in a deep breath before squaring away his emotions once more and I'm left feeling very concern for him.
"Let's not talk about that right now. So are you happy to be out of school?" Finnick says, effortlessly changing the conversation. I stay quiet for a short while, letting my eyes trail over his handsome face then try to search his guarded eyes but with no avail.
"Uh, yeah, its nice I guess. I didn't really mind school though, if I'm being honest. I did well in it."
"Of course you would. You're a smart girl."
"But, I am glad to be away from people talking about me behind my back… Well I guess they will still do that. Huh?"
"Yeah, people will always do that though. It happens to the best of us and the worst of us. Back home, they all love to discuss what a sell out I am. That I hop around beds, its quite funny some of the stories they tell." He says with a smile, though I notice it doesn't reach his eyes. He shrug his shoulder then glances at me, "they might start talking about us, you know. Even that district partner of yours, people love to tear other people down. I guess it makes them feel good about their miniscule lives."
"Who cares? I've had enough of caring about what people think of me. They can say what they want to. We know what's going on and what's not going on, and that's all that matters, right?"
"And what about Gale, do you care what he think? About what he'll say about us being so friendly with one another? He might start saying you're the same as me." Finnick questions, his eyes pierce me straight through and I have to look down at my lap. "I just want to make sure your ready for what they will be saying… What he will be saying. I don't want you to get hurt by some idiots words, who doesn't know a thing he's spouting off about. I want you to stay the smiling Madge that I know. I want you to be happy and safe."
With my free hand I pluck up a blue flower that is missing a few petals and twist it between my thumb and pointer finger. My eyes staring intently at the action as I think his words over, biting at my inner lip, I know he's right that I'll be crushed with every word Gale slings at me. I know that he as well as other people will be saying I've ditched him and moved on with Finnick. "He can't say anything. We're not doing anything wrong, and besides he's off parading in front of me with Katniss. He can fuck off. He told me he didn't-he can keep to himself with his new girlfriend and I'll stay in my house until the tour then I'll plaster on a smile like I'm supposed to and before I know it, it will all start to get easier…" I say limply and trail off.
I don't notice I'm crying until I feel a tear roll down my throat and absorb into the collar of my dress. Finnick's thumb wipes away my tears but they are swiftly replaced by new ones. Lifting my head I meet his gaze head on and feel my lip begin to quiver. "Why is it her and not me?" I question, knowing full well that he won't have a response. He looks at me with such sorrow that I know he can feel my pain. Slowly he starts to shake his head, "I don't know Madge, but he's a fool for doing so. I would chose you hands down next to her, next to practically everyone." He states wiping another round of tears away.
Forcing away my sorrow I flick the flower away from me and greedily suck in a breath of air to calm myself, hating for being this weak. "Yeah, besides Annie," I joke trying to help lighten the mood but this has the opposite effect. Finnick drops his eyes to his boots then gazes up at the sky before finally looking at me again, "no… I picked you over her." He informs lowly. His words are said in a detached voice but his eyes are filled with anguish. I have a terrible feeling in my gut at just the sight of this. "Finn, what do you mean?" I try to ask only for my words to get swept into the air as I watch as he turns away from me again. With a clearing of his throat Finnick hops up to his feet and drags me up along side him. He pulls my hand free from his arm and intertwines our fingers, holding onto my hand tightly.
"We should head over to the jewelers, I wanted to have a look around."
"Alright-sure, yeah, if that's what you want to do."
"It is. Then we can go over to your fathers office-uh, there should be a package there waiting for me, well you."
Finnick walks at a slow pace with me, his eyes staring straight ahead. His face lit with a smile and his words alive with character but his eyes are dull and sorrow filled. On noticing my eyes on him, he turns his head slightly towards me then smiles and squeezes my hand. His eyes don't linger on me and instead flash back in front of us. "I also wanted to head over to that Hob place. Haymitch was telling me about it, I need to pick up some liquor. Then we can pick up some groceries for that dinner I owe you." He cheerily say, his eyes once again becoming that of his guarded façade.
"Okay. Whatever you want to do, you're my guest after all." I reply, trying to put the same sound into my own words. Though, he isn't opening up to me about what ever is troubling me now, doesn't mean he won't. This can just be a helping shove of brushing up on my own mask of concealment façade. "I've never been to the Hob so you'll have to be the one showing me around there."
We both chuckle lightly, ignoring the looks we get as we make our way through town and towards the shops. The whole time we walk we hold hands tightly, both of us may be cracked but we're doing everything in our power to stay intact and using the other one for support.
Silently we head around to the shops Finnick wants to visit then head towards the mayors office, where we not too surprisingly run into Darius. He smiles warmly at me and rises an eyebrow in question as his eyes dart down to Finnick and my intertwined finger. Though, he doesn't say a thing and I appreciate this wholly.
"What are the two of you up to?" He asks, tucking his helmet under his arm. A dimpled grin directed at the both of us. "Shopping, I would have to guess from the bags."
"Yeah, we were actually heading to my fathers office to pick up some package… Actually, Darius, would you be a dear and take this and that package to my house? We have a few other stops to make and it would really help us out." I say with pleading eyes that makes Darius laugh and shake his head. "Yeah, but you owe me a lunch date-a catch up meal really." He puts forth, taking the bags from Finnick and me. "Thank you so much, Darius. You're a lifesaver. The front door is open." I say brightly to Darius who just grins at me kindly. With a last smile towards me and a wave Darius heads up the steps of the Justice building.
"Shall we?" I question glancing over at a smiling Finnick, who nods and tugs be back down the road in the opposite direction to town and more near the seam. While we walk I can't help but think about how things have changed so drastically in my life. At one moment I had thought Gale and I really stood a chance of being something, of being together as a couple. But that blew up in my face and now once again I am alone, well more alone than I have ever been, save for the very few people who still care enough about me to associate with me.
The hob is housed in an old corroded coal warehouse. It is bustling with all types of people. Though, most of them are people from the seam. I try to keep my gaze lowered so as not to meet anyone's gaze and to avoid any ugly words slung at me. Finnick holds my hand tightly but somehow gently in his own. His eyes rank around the hob until they light up a fraction as he spots a shop stall and pulls me towards it. "How much liquor do you plan on buying, Finn?" I question from slightly behind him. He throws me a quick glance then looks where he is walking. "I don't know. But, enough to keep me sane, I guess." He puts forth in a joining manor, though I know its anything but that.
I feel like lead has dropped into my stomach. If someone so put together and strong like Finnick has to resort to this means of getting by from day to day, then what hope do I have to make it through without medicating myself? I lick my lips and briefly gaze around the near shopping stalls and can't help but let a smile tough my lips as I see a box full of music sheets. I look back and forth from Finnick and the box before giving his hand a squeeze and causing him to look at me with questioning green eyes. "Would you mind if I went across the way and looked at the music sheets while you buy the liquor?" I ask with eyes brimming with hope. He gives me a kind gaze and nods, "just make sure you don't go too far from me. I don't want to loose sight of you. And remember to be safe, Pearl." He replies kindly making me beam at him happily. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight to my person then I release him with a wide smile and hurry over to the stall I have my sights set on.
The old and weathered pages feel like home underneath my delicate tough, I can't help but smile to myself as I gingerly leaf through them, trying to find anything of interest that I don't already own. In the end I come up to three scores that I have always cherished that I swiftly purchase them with a bright smile on my face, even as Rooba, the stall owner looked at me with disgust and discomfort. With a heavy and unsettling feeling I keep my fake smile on my lips and turn around only to come smack dab into Gale's sturdy chest. With a shock of pain from remembering the way he rejected me as well as the way he was so cozy and cuddled up with Katniss not even that long after chucking me to the side without a single kind look in my direction, I take a step back from him and look at him with uncertainty. We look at each other in disbelief and an eerie uncomfortableness spreads between the two of us.
"What are you doing here, Undersee?" Gale asks in a gruff slightly held back angered voice that makes my words catch in my throat.
I can't help from looking over his shoulder, where Finnick stands gathering an arm full of different kinds of liquor. Gale follows my gaze then glares even harder at me. "You sure do cozy up quickly, don't you? I knew you were a Capitol girl through and through, but I never took you for a girl who would try and seduce the first victor to show you so much as a smile."
His words make me want to scream and cry, and possibly scratch his eyes out. How dare he say such things to me, does he not realize how much he's already destroyed me with his rejection? With the way he parades around town with Katniss? Doesn't he understand it kills me? I feel tears waver in my eyes as I gaze up into his aflame eyes, and all that I can see is unadulterated anger and its all targeted at me.
"What are you-how could you say-what the fuck is wrong with you Gale?" I demand in a low choking voice, barely containing my tears and sorrow.
Gael lets out a sarcastic laugh then takes a step towards me and forces me to look even further up at his from the close proximity. "Oh, stop the act Madge. I know you're not like Katniss and me. You're just one of them, one of the dirty few who toy around with anything and everything. You're just like that tramp Odair. You know, you had me for a few minutes thinking you were someone I could trust, someone I could get along with. But, obviously I was mistaken. You're just as bad as Snow, if not worse. At least we all know what he is, while you pretend to be something you most certainly aren't. I thought I could trust you… That we were… That we were friends, and then this." Gale seethes, his molten gray eyes burn me from the outside in. "I though at first I might have miss judged you, but I guess I was slightly off, you're not the kind nice girl you pretend to be. No, you're just some Capitol slut who opens her legs for anyone who can help her in her time of need. You know, we're supposed to be in love right? And yet, here you are strutting unashamedly around with that tool Odair, flaunting yourselves. What do you think this could do to us? This could very well get us killed or worse from Snow. Why don't you try to use the last brain cells you have to actually do something right for once princess."
His words tear a large hole into my already broke heart. I stare at him unblinkingly, scare if I do blink my tears will fall. An uncontrollable sarcastic laugh bubbles out of me gaining a the few peoples attentions. But I pay them no attention as I feel anger boil over inside of me from everything happening in my life and the only person in my target sights is standing right in front of me, an angry looking Gale Hawthorne. I stab a finger into his chest, "how fucking dare you! You're a piece of work Hawthorne. Remind me who ran off into Katniss' arms as soon as we got here, huh? Oh, that's right, it was you! Not fucking me! I was once again pushed to the side just like before even though this time we're supposed to be a team, so don't give me that shit. Finnick is my friend, unlike you and Katniss. He's helping me since I'm all alone in that big fucking house. My mothers dead and my father doesn't want anything else to do with me, so please excuse me if I want to spend time with my friend so I'm not dwelling on the fact that I killed people. That I watched my friends die and I couldn't do a thing… That the one boy who I always cared about just tossed me to the side like a piece of trash and went right back to treating me like the scum of the earth. I didn't ask for any of this, Gale. I didn't! If I could have chosen anything it would have been to never leave that fucking game!" I snarl at him. Through my anger I'm well aware that tears are openly flowing down my face. However, I can't find it in me to care, all these people already seen me cry while in the Hunger Games so who should I care now? If I want to blubber in a ditch then that's one me.
I watch as guilt sweeps through Gale's eyes as he stares at me before dropping his gaze to our shoes. I wait for him to respond as I pant trying to calm down my anger. I can feel eyes all around us watching this scene take place, no doubt thinking this is some type of lover spat. I want to laugh. If only Gale could love me then maybe something in my life wouldn't be so hard to bare.
After a while Gale clears his throat and raises his eyes to look back into mine. I can read as clear as day as uncertainty filters over his face and in his haunting eyes. He looks slightly lost. He licks his lips and swallows as his hand comes up and rubs at the back of his neck, out of nervousness. And just as he opens his mouth a small olive tanned hand reaches out and grasps his arm, forcing him to turn away from me and towards an uncomfortable looking Katniss, who doesn't even spare me a glace.
"I was looking all over for you. Lets go, come on Gale." She says giving his arm a tug, trying to pull him away from me.
Gale's face snaps back over at me and guilt brims his eyes. A self-deprecating chuckle falls loose from my lips as I shake my head, not looking away from his eyes. "Yeah, Gale, why don't you do what you always do and go running when she calls." I say. I don't give him the chance to hurt my heart even further by him turning away and following after Katniss, instead I turn on my heels and stomp over to Finnick, who looks at me with confusion before spotting the pair of seam kids behind me then with a smile he wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me out of the hob in a comfortable silence.
We continue to walk in silence for a while, until we're alone and reach the path leading away from town and towards the Victor Village, then Finnick gives me a short look, "what did he say to you, Pearl? And, don't you dare even think about saying nothing, you were crying and you don't cry over nothing." He asks lowly, his words mingling in with the low howling of the wind around us. I bite at my bottom lip as I stare unseeingly ahead, quietly mulling over his words.
"We both said some pretty heated things, but its nothing to worry about. Everything is fine, Finn. Don't worry about it, just enjoy your visit." I reply.
Finnick gives me a hard look before letting loose a sigh of defeat then he gathers me into a quick hug, "Don't try to just burden yourself, Madge. I will always run to help you." He says with a stern look making me fell down as well as comforted.
"I know, and I appreciate that whole heartedly, Finn. But, really I'm fine. He was just saying things to get me upset, as was I. We're fine though. I'm sure everything will go back to normal before a blink of an eye." I say with a forced smile just as we're rounding into the victor village.
I can tell Finnick has a lot more to say about the subject, but before he can get into it we're approached by a cheery looking Hazel Hawthorne. Finnick and I briefly exchange a look of confusion before she approaches us. I have little time to force on my smile and instead look at her with tight lipped confusion.
"How are you doing Madge? I hope well. The kids and I were wondering if we could ask you to dinner, in thanks for everything you've done for our family. And of course your friend is invited as well" Hazel says, giving a brief look to Rory and Posy. I can't help but smile at her words, ignoring the nagging feeling of discomfort that they are Gale's family.
Looking down and at the three small Hawthorne children, pulls at my heart strings and I can only nod in confirmation. Hazel beams at me and quickly sweeps me into a loving hug that leaves me wanting even more happy familiar contact, but knowing it won't happen anytime soon.
"Umm….of course, why shouldn't we." I say with a bright smile as Finnick gazes at me with a vailed confusion. Gale's not here so we should be fine. We should be well gone before Gale gets home.
Hazel and the kids beam happily at us and then Posy grabs my hand tightly and pulls me towards their house, I follow along with a forced smile trying to appease the four year-old as much as I can. Posy easily pulls me across the road and into Gale's house then up the flight of stairs that mirrors my own. With a beaming smile she leads me into a purple and pink room that causes me to smile as well.
"Can you put that ribbon you gave me into my hair?" She questions in delight as she scurry's over to a side table and quickly races back to me with a pink ribbon in her small hand, the same one I gave her. I can't help but smile back at the small girl and nod while crouching down until I am sitting on the pristine white carpet of her room.
With a beaming grin, Posy sits down in front of me and with deft fingers I work the pink ribbon into her dark and beautiful hair, all the while wishing I had a cute and absorbing little sister as her. I smile to myself as my fingers work on there own accord, until her hair is carefully placed into a fishtail that hangs between her shoulder blades. Her black hair feels like velvet to my nimble fingers. I wish I had a little sister like her.
After I am done with her hair Posy quickly rises to her feet them pulls me over to a trunk with a few toys in it. She pulls out two dolls, one with black hair and the other with blond hair. She hands me the blond haired one, but before we can start up a game, Hazel calls up to us, "dinners ready girls." Posy puffs up her cheeks then let out a huff and intertwine her tiny fingers through mine and leads me back downstairs. I see Rory, Vic, and Finnick already settled at the table and Posy and I follow suit. Posy sits in between Rory and me while I sit in between Finnick and an empty chair, that I can only guess is Gale's. Settling into my seat I watch as the siblings bicker with one another filling my heart with warmth. I continue to watch them in silence as the siblings all chatter between the three of them and occasionally laugh heartily. The food splayed across the table is everything I had hope would come from a family. Many delicious dishes that are piled high and yet, I'm not hungry at all. But I still force down the food with a polite and soft smile gracing my lips.
I can't help but wish this was how dinner was at my house growing up, before the games. But, my mother was sick and my father was always working, I guess somethings will never change with him.
Through the opened curtains of the living rooms front window, I take note of the darkening sky, knowing Finn and I will have to make our departure soon. I prepare myself from pushing my chair back from the table and standing up then pulling Finnick behind me to my new house, where I might finally get him to tell me what's going on now. However, before I can even make a move to scoot my chair back, Mrs. Hawthorne swiftly waltzes out of the room then returns a few seconds later carrying a silver serving tray that is holding six saucers with a slice of blackberry cobbler on them. Not wanting to be rude I remain sitting, though I do start to chew uneasily at the inside of my cheek.
The cobbler tastes as good as it looks nonetheless, it does nothing from hindering my desire to leave the Hawthorne home. I have a rising fear that we might just run into Gale if we stay any longer. This whole thing was a big mistake on my part. I should of made up some polite excuse instead intrude into Gale's home. I know he will be infuriated with me if he finds me here, let alone find Finnick with me as well. I swallow thickly just thinking about that outcome, while I begin to eat my dessert at a faster pace. Though, that proves to be harder than I intend it to be, with my dry feeling throat.
I am half way through with my slice of cobbler when the front door opens then closes and is followed closely by light footsteps, heading our way. Out of prickled fear, I unknowingly drop my fork and gaze with wide terror filled eyes at the doorway just as Gale walks into the room. The warm smile on his lips leaves the very instant he sets his eyes on me, then they fly over to Finnick before back again. I can easily read the anger on his face and this alone causes a cold sweat to breakout on the back of my neck and palms. Rubbing my hands against my cloth covered thighs.
"Gale, honey, you're late. Your food is in the fridge, just heat it up and come join us, Mr. Odair, here was just telling us such a fascinating story about-" Hazel starts but is cut off as Gale stomps over to me and effortlessly jerks me up from my seat then his hands drops away from me as he glares. "What the hell Undersee! What are you and lover boy doing in my house? You're most definitely not wanted here, townie!" He snarls, his hands hand shaking at his sides making his anger known.
I awkwardly clear my throat and fight against myself from looking back at Finnick for help, instead I stand dumbfounded in front of Gale, not knowing what to do.
"Gale Asher Hawthorne!" His mother chastises him with a scrape of her chair, no doubt form her suddenly standing up from behind me.
"Don't talk to her like that Gale! You big, stupid jerk," Rory adds on.
He pays them no mind then quickly grabs a hold of my shoulders and gives me a slight shake that startles me. He leans closer to me so his faces is at the same height as mine. "Answer me!" He demands through gritted teeth.
"We…we were just leaving, honestly-it…we…we didn't mean any harm. I'm sorry we intruded in your home." I breath out quietly for only him to hear, not wanting to cause another useless altercation, gods know I won't be able to go through another one so soon, especially with what he said to me last time.
Gale lets out a sarcastic chuckle then gives me a light shove back from him, like he's disgusted from even having to touch me. And since I'm not prepared fro this, I accidently trip over my own shoe and fall backwards into the cupboard to my right. I hit it roughly with a resounding thud that leaves me with a slightly throbbing head, but I pay it no mind as I watch in fear as Finnick flies form his seat and grips Gale by his shirt collar, all facade of the Capitol made man is gone and he looks livid.
"You don't fucking lay a hand on a woman, let alone her. Do you understand me, boy?" Finnick grits out pulling Gale closer to him.
I want to say something but I'm still shocked and my head is filled with a state of daze. I grimace as I push myself up into a sitting position, readying myself to stand back up and to tow Finn with me back to my house. However, before I can another sound of a chair scraping against the floor meets my ears then is followed closely by hurried foot steps towards me. Looking over to the noise I take in a fearful looking Rory. "Oh my god, Madge, you're bleeding. Are you okay?" Rory says in a rush, his eyes filled with worry for me.
Feeling confused, I furrow my brows and finally take notice to the wet trail from the side of my head that leads down into the right collar of my dress. I don't know what to feel as I take in the sight of the blood. Though, I can't find it in me to be mad at Gale, knowing he would never hurt me like that and understanding that this was a complete accident.
I feel everyone's focus switch to me at Rory's words as well as feel a soft cloth be pressed against where the small trail of blood is leaking out of by Rory. A wave of embarrassment swirls in me and makes me want to leave even further.
Gently I push Rory's hand away from me and faintly smile at him as I get to my feet with shaky legs. "Thanks." I mumble out to Rory, not daring to look at him or any one else in the room. "I…I-um, I'm going to head home. It's late… Thank you for the lovely meal and for your warm hospitality. And I am greatly sorry for the disturbance I have caused-ugh, bye."
Keeping my eyes on the ground I make my way out of the dining room and through the hall only to stop as a calloused hand wraps around my wrist and stops me. I don't need to look to know its Gale, and I honestly don't want to look at him right now. I would rather go home and lick my wounds in peace.
"Madge…are-I'm so sorry." He makes known. His voice laced with nothing but sincerity.
Nodding my head I stare at the ground. "Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it. Sorry for intruding." I state in a monotone as I pull my wrist free from his grasp then once again I start walking, thought this time my steps are filled with more haste to leave this house.
With heavy steps I walk the short, yet log seeming distance from the Hawthorne's house to mine. The sound of footsteps behind me can only belong to Finnick so I don't bother to turn around in the least.
On entering my house, I immediately rush over to the bags laying on top of the dinner table. I only have to rummage around in the bags for a few seconds before my fingers come in contact with an unmistakable glass bottle of liquor. Grasping my hand around it, I pull it free. With a quick uncapping of the bottle I rise it to my lips, but before my tongue can taste the heavenly nectar of numbness the bottle of liquor is snatched from my hand. Turning, I scowl at Finnick, who holds my bottle of liquor hostage-well I guess truthfully it is his but that doesn't matter to me at the moment- Finnick looks at me with restrained concern.
"You need to let me take care of this wound." Finnick says, in a contained tone as his eyes search through mine.
"I'm fine. I just want to drink to numb my pain." I put forth as I continue to scowl at him, my hand reaching out to grab the bottle back only for him to hold it further away from me. "Please, Finn. Just let me have this. Everything in my life is shit at the moment and I jut want to forget about all this hectic stuff happening in my life."
Finnick looks at me with guilt filled green eyes. "At least let me treat you while you wallow away in booze."
"Fine, be my guest."
With a contained smile of grief, he gently pushes me down onto a stool then relents as I once again snatch up the bottle of liquor as I watch him heads off to retrieve the first aide kit and began to fix up my wound. Pressing the hard lip of the bottle to my lips I greedily drink the liquor. The cold alcohol that burns icily going down against my throat makes my eyes water.
Sitting on the plush gold couch in my living room, I let my eyes float around the room, for the first time letting them take in my new home. The walls are tall and the ceiling is high, and both are a rich pristine white that makes me feel very uncomfortable, completely too perfect for my liking but lovely in all sense.
Toeing off my shoes, I grin to myself as I squish my toes into the exquisite white carpet. The comforting softness of it makes me feel light, almost careless if I can just forget about my predicament of my life. Of the fact that I am a victor and now in the watchful eye of President Snow. I feel tears of sorrow prick my eyes and a billowing deep pain sets into my chest. No matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for Gale, I will never be the one who holds his heart. Not wanting to feel the pain and sorrow anymore, I quickly yank the bottle back up to my lips and take a large pull from the bottle, savoring the warm feeling the liquor leaves me with.
My eyes slowly travel up to the ceiling just as Finnick returns to the room with a first aide kit in hand. Silently he pulls a chair over in front of me then sits down before wordlessly getting to work on fixing my no doubt small wound. I wince slightly at the stinging of the medical ointment he applies to the side of my head. A bubbling laugh bursts out of me and I can't stop the grin that spreads across my lips. What a fickle thing life is. So confined and tightly restrained by the Capitol and President Snow.
Feeling his eyes on, I reluctantly turn to return his gaze. "What are you doing here, Finn?" I question, my eyebrows furrowing with confusion.
Licking his lips he shakes his head with suck deathly consuming sadness that I can even feel it. I press my lips together to contain myself from forcing whatever is troubling him out of him, 'he will come to me when he feels like it.' I think knotting my fingers around the neck of the bottle. With a self-deprecating laugh Finnick leans back from me and looks to the ceiling with self loathing. "They killed her." He finally states then with an almost animalistic air to him he jerks the bottle from my hands then quickly starts to chug it.
I'm not sure by what he means so I just stay silent and wait for him to go into more detail about what he's talking about. After a few moments he pulls the bottles lip away from his mouth and gasps for air, his sea foam green eyes now pointed down at the ground in despair. Mutely he held out the bottle back out to me, which I gladly took and proceed to gulp down the warming liquor before passing it back to him. With his pointer finger he traces his finger around the rim of the bottle his eyes watching the motion intently.
"I crossed the line with Snow by telling you of your mothers death and he killed her. He killed Annie, because I chose you. I chose to tell you she had died he killed poor sweet Annie… I killed her, Madge. I killed Annie."
"No! You didn't do a thing. He did, Snow chose to do that. He's the one who killed her. You were just being the sweet Finnick, I know and let me know of what was going on out in the world…Finn…I-oh god, I'm so sorry. I killed her didn't I? I killed the one woman you loved…I killed her."
A sob strangles in my throat as I swiftly yank the bottle back away from him and continue to drink as much as my lungs will allow me to down before demanding air from me. My shoulders shake and I grit my teeth thinking about the sweet fragile girl with the flaming red hair and cute freckles. The girl I had called my friend, the one who didn't belong in this cut throat life that Snow hurtled us into. If I could change places with her I would. No one would really miss me, give it a few days and I would be forgotten, just a spoiled girl with slightly bad luck, who ended up making it out of the games and back home.
I feel my heart constrict as I force myself to look at Finnick, a sob strangled in my throat as tears gush down my cheeks. Getting up from my seat I walk the small distance to stand in front of Finnick then drop to my knees in front of him as a loud sob leaves my throat and permeates the air around us. Finnick looks up at me with red rimmed eyes, looking practically through me. Biting my lip I stifle another sob and shake my head. "I'm so sorry, really I am. If I could I would trade places with her. She didn't deserve that, Annie didn't deserve that." Get out in a low gasping voice. I watch as Finnick drops his head and his shoulders shake from tears. "No. No, she wouldn't have wanted that. She loved you, Madge. She loved you like a sister. I knew he would do something but I thought it would be to me. That he would hurt me, torture me even, or maybe send me to bed a few men as punishment…I never thought he would kill her." He whispers painfully.
Not being able to contain myself, I fling myself into Finnick, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly as we both are overcome with loud sobs of both pain and sorrow. For the lovely girl who has been lost to the world.
I don't know how long we grasp at each other trying to hold ourselves together, but when we finally pull back from each other our tears have dried and our cheeks are tear stained. We stare at each other silently in the stilled room, the light pitter patter of the rain on the roof the only noise floating through the room.
Looking down at my knotted fingers in my lap I steal myself a calming breath and look back up at Finnick, "so why you're here…you're here for something that relates to Snow?" I hesitantly question, hating the words that are falling from my lips.
I watch as a sarcastic smile spreads across his face, his eyes ablaze with anguish as he nods at me. Lifting the bottle of liquor to his lips he takes a large drink then passes it to me. I take the bottle and take just as big a drink before setting the nearly empty bottle on the floor in front of us. "I'm supposed to be seducing you, can't you tell?" He questions with a fake smile pulling the bottle from the carpet back to his wet lips and taking another pull until the bottle is empty then he lets the bottle drop from his hand with a dull thud on the carpet. He reclines back in his seat and glances around the room, what he's looking for, I can't really guess.
"Aren't I doing a great job of getting into your breeches?"
"Clearly…"
"He called me to see him, Snow, did. He told me I had to prove your act was fake. That you were just playing a very convincing part, the both of you, so he sent me here under the guise of congratulating you both so I could seduce you and get you both a heavily payed slot for him with guests from the Capitol."
His words send a chill of dread down my spine making me want to puke. Sitting back off my knees I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them as I watch as he gets to his feet and retrieves another bottle of liquor. Then with a loud thud he drops to the carpet next to me. His back leaning against my couch as he stretches his long legs out in front of himself. With deft fingers he uncaps the second bottle of liquor then brings the lip to his lips and takes a rather large pull from the bottle before offering it to me.
Already feeling that comforting numb hazy state of mind start to take over me, I take the bottle from his outstretched hand and quickly down a few drinks then wince from the cold burn it leaves on my throat. Dropping my eyes to the lip of the bottle, I let my pointer finger trace over it.
"I swear on my life that I will keep you safe Madge. You're all I have left to care about and I won't stand by idly as Snow tries to get his claws into you and do to you what he is already doing to us. I won't let him. I won't lose someone else I love, not again." Finnick whispers to me in the silent room.
His words weigh heavy on me and I cannot force myself to meet his gaze, feeling entirely guilty for this terrible situation I have lead these people I care about into. First my mom and then Annie, who will be next if I mess up anymore? Could it be my father? Maybe even Gale and his family, or maybe even Peeta or one of the few people in twelve who are my friends.
"I know," I finally am able to mumble out, tightening my grip on the bottle in my hand, hating with every fiber of my being that I am so powerless to all that is happening around us.
"I don't know what to do about the Gale situation." I confide in Finnick, still not feeling brave enough to meet him head on, eye to eye.
"Madge…"
"No, not like that, I just meant about the victory tour. I don't know how I will get through that in one piece. Gale despises me and I'm not too confident he can put on an act now that I know the extent of his hate."
"I don't necessarily think he hates you. I think that he doesn't really know what to do or think now, you got to admit that everything is so out worldly changed and even more so for that asshole. But still that doesn't give him any right to be treating you the way he has been. I pray to the gods that he will be able to pull his head out of his ass long enough to know his life is on the line as well, not just yours. If he can do that then you two are going to be golden."
"I hope you're right. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me."
The room stills to an eerie silence and strangely, I welcome it wholeheartedly. For once my mind isn't erratic with thoughts of the Hunger Games or even about Gale, it is peacefully quiet. Smiling to myself, I raise the bottle back to my lips then take a large drink and pass it back to Finnick. Once my hand is empty once more, I get to my feel with a slight stumble in my step, and walk hesitantly over to the very familiar piano that use to reside in my old house. I'm both elated that my father gave it to me as well as depressed that he is putting so much distance between us.
Licking my lips I swallow down the small amount of nerves I have then take a delicate seat on the bench and hold my hands over the pristine black and white keys. My fingers hover wanting to play but not knowing if my playing will be any different. Will the turmoil I suffered in the games change me in this way as well?
With a shuttering exhale I let my fingers drop to the keys with an musical boom that easily puts a smile on my lips. Straightening my posture I adjust my finger placements then close my eyes and play what's in my heart. The music swells around me, and no doubt both Haymitch and Gale's family can hear it. But I can't make myself stop once I've started.
The melody that comes out is hesitant yet joyful, with a large hopeful sense to it that gradually turns sadder and darker before becoming completely taken over by a sinister and ominous tone that I know is full of depression and anger, but mostly a feeling of being lost.
The music from my piano wholly captures me, just like it use to. Feeling pleased this is so, I start to play a lullaby my mother use to both sing to me and play on the piano when I was very little. She might not be here any longer, but that doesn't do anything to take the memories I shared with her, of the few things she taught me in my life before she became so convinced in her addle mind that I was her late twin sister.
I can't make heads of tails of how long I've been consumed in my sorrow filled music. Looking over to where Finnick is, now lying on the ground then empty bottle grasped to his chest while one of my gold and red throw pillows lies comfortably under his head. I stare at him for a moment, silently wondering if I will end up like this as well, drinking myself into a numbed slumber. Though, I guess I am almost half way there. I get to my feet and gently pull a throw blanket from on the back of one of my chairs in the living room then cover Finnick up as slowly as I can, so as not to wake him.
Looking outside I can see that the sky is lighting from the encased darkness that hangs around at night, telling me that in a few hours time it will be time for me to get up and start my day once more.
I climb the stairs with slow placed steps. I'm greatly pleased that I still have a strong drunken stupor to my mindset. Once in my room, I close my bedroom door behind me. Engulfed in the pitch black room I pull off my clothes then stumble around the room until I find the dresser and pull on the first nightgown I can find. With a content sigh, I bundle myself under the thick warm blankets and close my eyes, hoping that sleep will find me soon.
The sun is high in the sky. All around me I can see the lush green forest. My eyes swiftly search around my surroundings, on the alert. To my left the small trail leading further into the woods looks light and inviting while the right looks dark and dooming. I don't even have to stop before I turn to walk down the left side only to stop as it immediately turns dark and bleak. I stare with confusion down the path then turn to go down the other one but don't make it more than a step as I see the same sight in front of me as the one before. I pause and look back and forth down the paths that are identical, feeling a sense of dread swelling in side of me. I keep looking back and forth at the two trails only to freeze at the shrill scream that can only be identified as Rue's. In an instant I take off down the right trail as fast as my legs will let me go. My heart pounds erratically in my chest, feeling extremely tight and non existent. I try to ignore the damp deep red on the grass that is unmistakable, blood. Going a bit further into the woods I take brief notice of the completely too still figures that lay lumped on the ground in strange angles that leaves me feeling ill.
The leaves and tree branches smack into my face concealing my sight only for me to trip over a tree root and come crashing down to the ground with a rough slam. A snap of light sparks through my eyelids and the familiar taste of coppery and grainy dirt in my mouth. With a panting gasp I shove myself up from the ground only for the shrill screaming to stop and my blood to run cold. I suck in a scared breath then bolt off towards I last heard Rue's screams coming from. As I come crashing through a thicket of lush green shrubs I am immediately pulled to a halt as a big hand fastens around my throat and a burning pain sears through my stomach. My breathing picks up in sharp choked spurts as I stare into familiar gray eyes of Gale Hawthorne. I watch in a dazed state as his lips pull up into a sinister smile, "you're dead mutt," he breaths gleefully. I feel my air being cut off more effectively, causing my eyes to bulge in there sockets. At the feeling of a warm wet liquid spilling down my front, I glance down only to stare in horror at the heavy flow of blood spilling out of me from the large dagger thrust into my stomach. Looking back up at Gale, I feel my vision blur with tears then start to cloud and blacken before everything is a vast void of darkness and I feel utterly nothing.