Distraction: Chapter Eighteen

We took a seat on the opposite sides of the metallic table and ate while we talked. I was dreading this discussion while eager for it at the same time. She ate in silence for a while, apparently organizing her thoughts. I waited silently on her to begin.

"I loved, Obi-Wan," she told me quietly, before selecting another bite. "We weren't able to spend as much time together as we wished, but when we were together, it was…how can I say this?" She paused as her cheeks turned rosy. "A very passionate time."

An interesting choice of words. "You were physically attracted to one another," I guessed.

"Very much so." Again, she stalled and stacked some meat and cheese together before chewing on them. Her eyes were distant and she turned to gaze at the passing stars.

"What's so wrong about that?" I asked. Sexual attraction was pretty important when it came to building a relationship. But what did I know about such things? My only encounters with the opposite sex were for one purpose, and when that purpose was fulfilled, I usually left in a hurry.

She continued to stare out the portal, apparently lost in a memory. "Nothing. It's important, although sometimes I wonder if that's all we had. He was always in a rush, it seemed. We hardly had any time to just sit and talk."

"Like you and I are doing now, you mean." I think I was beginning to understand her concerns.

She smiled sweetly and something inside me expanded. "Exactly. I look at you and I see him. You are him and yet, you aren't. It can be confusing and I don't want to be confused. Does that make sense? I want a real relationship. The kind with communication, understanding, arguing and compromising, teasing and laughing together. That sort of thing."

She was lonely. Why hadn't I seen that before? Even when Obi-Wan was alive and they were together, she was lonely. How could I make her understand I could give her more than he ever could? I wasn't a Jedi nor was I a Sith. I was just me: A replica of a man she had once loved. Could we ever get past that?

"Listen," I spoke carefully, fully understanding I could make or break a relationship with her at this point. "I'm not Obi-Wan. Whatever this is between us," I measured the space with my hand, "is probably a remnant of your history with him. But it's not that way for me. I look at you and I see a very sensual and beautiful woman who has a mind and will of her own. Yes, I'm attracted to you and I want you. Very much so. And when I say that, you can be sure I'm not confusing you with anyone else. I'm just not certain you can say the same."

"I know," Padme replied, leaning back in her seat, her eyes focusing on the table. "So promise me, if I mess up and call you by his name, or if I seem a little forward at times, you'll overlook it and forgive me. I'm going to need some time. Is that okay?" She glanced up at me then, hopeful and concerned.

A corner of my mouth lifted. How could I ever refuse her? I was beginning to think it was impossible. "Of course that's okay," I answered. "In the meanwhile, we'll just get to know one another. You can start by telling me how you two met."

Surprise lifted her brows. "You really want to know?"

"Of course I do," I replied.

"All right. When the Chancellor sent a pair of Jedi to Naboo to investigate a blockade, Obi-Wan was one of them. He was a padawan learner of Qui-Gon Jinn and we were immediately attracted to one another. There wasn't much opportunity to speak or anything until the murder, of course."

"The murder?" I asked.

"Of his Master. A Sith…I'm sorry." She stopped and looked at me with a guilty expression.

"What for? My past association with them doesn't concern me. It shouldn't you either. Please, go on."

"A Sith by the name of Darth Maul came to Naboo and killed Qui-Gon in battle. Obi-Wan was separated from him and took his death pretty hard. Following the funeral, we spent some time together before he left to return to Coruscant."

"That couldn't have been much time," I cut in, eager to know more.

"Hours was all we had. The Jedi Council had declared Obi-Wan would train Anakin, whom they discovered on Tatooine, and he started right away. We would exchange holovids and messages once in a while, but we never did have any quality time together until I became a Senator and moved to Galactic City. There was a threat made against me once and Obi-Wan was assigned to protect me. He saved my life a couple of times and in return, I saved his. Following that debacle, we declared our love. We were quite happy until Anakin found out. His jealousy and anger just about caused us to split up."

"Anakin was in love with you as well. I'm sure that complicated matters." The boy usually did no matter what he was doing.

"Love? I wouldn't call it love," Padme scoffed at the suggestion. "Whatever Anakin felt for me became an obsession. He only wanted what he couldn't have. I believe that's what drove him over the edge and led him to the Dark Side."

Interesting. I'd never heard this account of the boy's past. It made sense, however, and explained why he had hidden her away in the palace this entire time.

"Master Sidious used his obsession and anger to turn him against the Jedi, and when Obi-Wan went to confront him about it, I hid on board. I watched from the ship until they began fighting and like an idiot, I ran out to try and stop them. All I did, however, was distract Obi-Wan and cause him to lose the fight. Without any hesitation, Anakin struck him down."

There was so much anger behind her eyes, so much pain. I couldn't help myself and reached across the table to hold her hand. She didn't recoil or seem to mind, which gave me some hope.

"I don't remember much after that."

"A tragic love story," I told her, adding a caress to her hand. "How about something good? Don't you have any happy memories with him?"

"A few," she smiled sweetly with melancholy. "We attended a gala at the Senate building once. It was a holiday celebration and Obi-Wan was my date. We danced and he sang to me out on the balcony. It was extremely romantic and I was flattered. He had a very nice singing voice by the way. Do you as well?"

I chuckled softly. "I don't know. I've never tried it."

"What? Are you serious? Not even in the shower?"

I laughed again. "No. I mean, Anakin knew some raunchy pirate tunes, but I never participated."

Padme frowned in distaste. "I'm glad you didn't, although someday I would like to hear you sing something."

A quick survey through my mind came up blank. I didn't actually know one single melody. "Seriously?" I asked her, wondering how and where I could find the time to learn something.

"I'm just curious. That's all."

She smiled at me again in a way that would make someone forget all their troubles. No wonder Anakin had fallen for her. Any man would and I was beginning to realize I was one of them.