Music Notes and Hunting Tracks

by 007twihunger

In the wake of becoming one of the new victors Madge is forced 2 navigate a completely new game, with the next Quarter Quill coming, as well as being ignored&fooled by her district partner she is once again alone trying to put her life back together. When out of nowhere she, along with her fellow victors are thrown back into the game. *I don't own Hunger Games Suzanne Collins does.

3. Chapter 3: Backtracking

*Author note- I'M ALIVE! muhahaha, now that that's done. Sorry about the lengthy wait, just kept throwing this fanfiction book on the back-burner for a while, but I'm back with a new chapter for you lovelies. I'm hope you enjoy, sorry about any errors that I might have missed.

I hope everyone is staying safe and doing well.

xoxo-007twihunger

Chapter Three: Backtracking

On awaking my head thrums painfully from a hangover. My mouth is dry. My eyes are extremely tired and sensitive to the light streaming in through the open curtains in my bedroom. It takes me a few moments as I glance around the new lavish room I'm sitting in, that this is my new house out in the victor village and that I no longer live in my childhood home. I feel a heavy ache in my chest with the thought of not being able to have any type of relationship with my mother, and now my father is acting as if I were a complete stranger for my own good. I feel so lost and alone.

My mind is muddled lightly with small thoughts of change until my dream come back to me like a train wreck. The ungodly realistic feel of the pain Gale inflicted on me in it. The way his beautiful gray eyes looked at me with so much uncontained malice and rage. A new sense of sadness wafts over me and brings me back to the realization of how cracked I really am. The game took a large chunk of me and twisted what remained into some unhinged, fearful, and broken thing I can't even recognize. Finnick was right, no one leaves the games whole.

With a low sigh of resignation, I sluggishly get out of bed and to my feet then head off to take a much needed shower, to wash away my sweat ridden body. The house is quiet as I walk down the empty hallway into the bathroom, no doubt Finnick is still asleep and honestly he should get as much sleep as he needs, gods knows he needs it for what he's been made to endure through all these years and is expected to continue.

The water feels like it can't get warm enough, but as I look at my now rosy looking skin I know it is ridiculously hot. I let the sprays from the shower cascade down on me as I stare absently at my feet, my blank mind sits idly, thankfully for some reason not being able to go off into thoughts about the drastic change of my life or the pain I have now come to know as my new reality. Today is a new day, and it has the prospects of being anything for me. It could be the day I put myself back together, maybe the day I finally adventure out into the woods like I've always dreamed of. A small smile pulls the corners of my lips up slightly as the water begins to turn colder rapidly. Getting out of the shower, I swiftly wrap a plush white towel around myself and avoid looking at my slimmer looking build in the mirror, and instead head out of the bathroom then back towards my room, where I easily assemble an outfit for myself. I dress into a long sleeve cotton blue and white plaid dress that I tie a slender black belt around at my waist, with a pair of black booties to match.

Slowly I dry my hair then apply a light layer of makeup to my face. Then I walk downstairs and into the kitchen prepared to make breakfast for Finnick and myself but as I walk into the kitchen I stop on seeing Finnick dishing up some food onto two plates. He gives me a sheepish smile and a slight shrug of his shoulders as he quickly brings the plates over to the table.

"Figured you'd be hungry, plus I'm freeloading so I decided to be the one to make us breakfast this morning." He makes known with another shrug of his shoulders as he sits down in a char. I stare at him for a moment longer then slowly nod my head before sitting down next to him and begin to eat the food he has prepared for us.

As I peek at Finnick out of the corner of my eye, I can't help but frown seeing the hollow shell of my friend. My chest constricts painfully knowing I'm the reason for his misfortune, even if he won't admit to it himself. To anyone on the outside they'd just write him off as being pensive but since I know him pretty well, I know he's trying incredibly hard to stay put together. In that alone we are a prefect match. With a low sigh of helplessness I slowly begin eating my food, but not tasting a single bite of it as I do.

After breakfast Finnick and I wash the dirty dishes together then make a list of ingredient for tonight's dinner as well as desert and some more alcohol we should pick up while out in town today. Though, since Finnick has a meeting with my father at the justice hall we decide to walk to town together and split off until after his meeting then meet up again at town square so we can go shopping together before heading back to the victor village… To my large, fancy house.

Standing by the front door, I can't help but worry my bottom lip between my teeth as I wait for Finnick to get his coat, since it has already started to rain lightly in the frigid early morning air. I have no idea of what to do while I wait around for Finnick until noon, six hours from now. Smiling at me Finnick jogs down the stairs pulling on a gray wool pea coat, hauntingly handsome as ever.

"Ready?" He questions coming to a stop in front of me. All I can do in response is nod mutely before turning around and heading outside. Absentmindedly, my eyes flick over towards Gale's quiet and dark looking house. Ripping my gaze away from the Hawthorne's house I watch as Finnick shuts my front door. Spinning around I hop down the steps and continue on the short walk towards town, Finnick striding confidently as ever at my side making my chest feel light of worries and fears.

The walk to town is spent in a comfortable silence. Our hands brush every so often as we walk down the road until Finnick grabs my hand in his own and laces his fingers through mine, making sure to give my hand a squeeze of comfort. A thin, fragile smile pulls the corners of my lips up and I squeeze his hand back in confirmation. We don't need words to express our comradery. We both know we will protect each other as much as we can, its an unspoken understanding between the two of us.

On parting with Finnick, I stroll aimlessly around town, going near the border of town and the seam but not daring to go any further in fear of getting lost again. 'Not repeating that if I can help it.' Looking to the sky, I see a few birds fly agilely pass by. I feel a pressured click in my head and briefly the birds start to change shape into something all to familiar as the faint sound of screams ring out. Feeling a close looming dread of chaos approaching I let out a whoosh of air and I turn on my feet near the jewelry shop then head towards the Mellark bakery. I can put up with Rye glaring at me if it means I don't have to be alone and I get to be with the always sunny Peeta. I smile to myself just thinking about my bright friend, and just knowing I'll be able to leech some of his happiness for my own. I pick up my pace until I come into view of the bakery, then I slow down and walk at a normal pace trying to pretend that my heart isn't hammering erratically in my chest.

Licking my lips I plaster on a smile and ball my shaking hands into fists as I continue down the street then into the bakery, as if it were still the most normal thing in my life. On entering the bakery, I immediately release my clenched hands, not wanting to worry Peeta more than I already am doing. The bell over the door signals my arrival. A brightly smiling Peeta walks in from the backroom to stand behind the counter to take my order. Realizing, that its me Peeta's smile seems to grow brighter and wider. I can't help but smile at his cheery demeanor. "Hey Madge, how are you doing today? I'd say busy since you're up this early." Peeta says, humor dancing in his deep blue eyes.

I let out a small laugh and shake my head feeling strangely nervous around my best friend, who would have thought this would happen? Awkwardly, I scratch at my cheek with my cold fingers then dart my eyes up towards the menu before moving my gaze over to the large front window, my eyes immediately come to stare at the meadow a short ways off and next to it the electric fence that keeps us prisoners. I'd give anything to be able to adventure off into the woods, to feel a sense of freedom like some unnamed seam kids I know.

"We should go out there." I voice lowly in the quiet room, surprising myself as well as Peeta with my sudden declaration.

"What, what are you talking about?" Peeta replies. I hear him walk from behind the counter and come to stand next to me at my side, though I don't turn to look at him I know he's staring at me. Trying to understand what I'm thinking.

"We should go out in the woods." I say more thoroughly so as not to be misunderstood. I can feel Peeta's scrutinize me even closer with concern.

"And, why would we do that Madge?" Peeta replies confusion in his voice. Honestly I get why he would feel that way, hell I had felt that same way just a few weeks ago, before the hunger games. However, now that I have live through them and feel this hollow and uncaring, I figure why not go explore and bring Peeta along to keep me sane. To help him get over the Gale and Katniss issue we are both skirting around talking about.

"Because, why not? I think it would be fun for the both of us. We're both too serious all the time, I mean we're only sixteen and we've never even been too one of those parties they throw over in the meadow every Friday night and try to hide from us. I want us to do something fun and reckless that won't endanger anyone. I'm not talking about going in too deep, just go for a short stroll, and maybe even pick some berries and flowers." I say with a pleading puppy-dog look as I gaze intently at Peeta, who looks away sheepishly from me then can't even look me in the eye.

I feel as if someone poured a bucket of cold water on me as I see the guilty look on Peeta's sweet face. I guess it was stupid to think it was the two of us who weren't invited, when it was just me who wasn't invited. I feel a dragging feeling in the pit of my stomach at just how alone I have always been. I can't help but wonder if I'm holding Peeta, Delly, and Darius back? Does being associated with me bring that much mayhem to their lives? But…I don't—I don't want to be alone again…

Before I can dwell any further, Peeta's large and warm hand settles onto my shoulder causing me to look over at him. "Okay, fine. But we're not going to climb any mountains or like build a boat and set sail okay." He says, a playful glint to his eyes, that tries to cover up the guilt he still feels. I guess with that we're both the same, both feeling guilty for the other. "I'm going to go talk to Bannock, to see if he'll cover for me for a few hours or so." Then like a happy bounding ball of light he jogs towards the back of the bakery.

Taking in a deep calming breath, I let my eyes look around the tiny front dining area of the bakery, where I see a few fall harvest festival decoration on the ready in box under a usually empty seat near the far left. Subconsciously, I find myself thinking about Gale. About his kisses in the games, about the fact now I'll never be able to kiss him and think its for any reason real. He hates me just like everyone else.

"And I'm ready!" Peeta puts forth with a bright smile as he rushes back over to my side, pulling on his coat as he does, a gray beanie pulled onto his head obscuring most of his blond hair from sight besides for his bangs, which hung in his eyes like always. Grabbing my hand he gives a gentle jerk to it then lets it drop from his hand. In a comfortable silence we make our way towards the meadow, both of us excited to see what lurks on the other side of that fence.

The early morning air hanging around us is crisp and clean, making sure every inhale is met with bleary, tear filled eyes. But the thrumming thrill of this brief freedom makes me feel giddy like a grade school child all over again. Picking up our pace we casually glance around us every so often to make sure no Peacekeeper spots us.

Once in the meadow I take the lead from Peeta and grasp his hand in mine firmly and pull him after me towards the hidden hole behind a bush that lead to the woods, to Freedom. Letting go of Peeta's hand just as we come to the bush I give him a meaningful look then nod at him before ducking through the hole in the fence and taking off running for the cover of trees a short while a way from me. My blood rushes through my ears as I push myself to run as fast as I can, not wanting to get us into any trouble if we can avoid it.

Once I'm sure I'm securely hidden away from view, I cautiously peek out and survey the surrounding fence of District Twelve, making sure there isn't any Peacekeepers alerting some alarm and thankfully there's not. Looking back over to Peeta, I see he is making sure of the same thing before his eyes meet mine. We give each other a silent nod in agreement and then Peeta darts through the hole in the fence and runs as fast as he can towards me. His face is a comical pale white that contrasts perfectly to his large deep blue eyes. I almost laugh, but settle instead for a small smile of delight at him and shake my head silently at his silliness. I want to scream and holler with excitement and wonder, that 'US!' two town kids out here adventuring like the best of the seam. We can really do anything the pair of us. I forgo the reasoning that Gale and Katniss only come out to the woods to hunt to keep their families, in order to keep the smile on my face. Knowing beyond anything that this will be my first and last trip into the woods, the nervous expression on Peeta's face is evident of that alone, and I'm not brave enough to venture out here alone. And like hell if either Gale or Katniss would invite me out here to hang out. I almost want to laugh at that thought but shake it out of my head and instead reach for Peeta's hand. Interlacing out hands together, just like when we were little, I pull him further into the woods. My eyes flit all around us in awe, trying to take everything in.

The further into the woods we go the more wildflowers we see sprouted about. The air, sweat with the scent. Butterflies and some birds flutter around in the early morning air, carefree, without a worry in the world. In a few trees I catch a glimpse of a few skittish squirrels, darting around in a rush.

"You know, its actually not as bad as I was thinking it would be out here." Peeta's shy, embarrassed voice pipes up from my side, causing me to throw a quick glance and smile his way before looking for more things to take in out here.

"You think?" I teasingly reply, pulling him after me towards a bush with blackberries growing on it. "Look! Blackberries, lets get some to take back." I say to Peeta, taking out my handkerchief from my pocket then wrapping a decent amount of berries into it before passing it off to a smiling Peeta, who seems to be letting himself relax, which makes me relax more and smile at him. "What do you bet we could find some strawberries out here?" Peeta puts forth with a jump of his eyebrows. My eyes light up with just the word 'strawberry', and causes Peeta to laugh then clasp my hand in his and pull me further into the woods. The excitement and freedom of this experience finally capturing him wholly.

The further we go the more animals we see. So far, since I've been counting, I've seen two brown rabbits, six birds, three squirrels, two deer's, a fox, and a large wasps nest. Its easy to see why Gale and Katniss love the woods so much, besides brings food to their stomachs, its also a safe-haven away from the District, away from President Snow's watchful eyes. With the thought of Snow, I feel a chill creep down my spine, turning my blood cold with the unknown future he might be planning to throw me into.

Coming to a stop, I watch vacantly as Peeta smiles walking over to a large patch of strawberries growing from a near bush. "So good, taste one Madge!" Peeta says with a boyish smile as he chews on a strawberry, and offers me my own in his outstretched hand, which I gladly take and pop into my mouth. "Good, right?"

I nod at Peeta's words and let my eyes trail up to the sky. The sun has moved higher in the sky, giving it a breathtaking warm glow, even though the freezing temperature tells otherwise. At twittering bird flaps about in the sky, my eyes follow after it transfixed. A familiar distant sounds play on in my head gradually picking up until they fade all together as my view is suddenly blocked by Peeta.

One look at his face is enough to tell me something is off. "Hey, lets head back. I still need to help out at the bakery or my mom will flip—you know ow she gets, you can help out some too. I'm sure my mom will be a lot easier to deal with if you're around. She's always liked you." Peeta sputters out in a hurry. His smile is tight and forced and his eyes are laced with heavy pain. I swallow thickly and slowly nod at him as I take a half step back from him, then as he moves thinking I'm going to follow him. I swiftly side step him and look around us. I only have to give a short glance around to understand his pain. Past the strawberry bushes, but still close enough to make out are, Gale and Katniss, lips pressed together in a moment of private passion.

I feel my heart clench then sink. My eyes and nose sting with the tall-tale signs of tears approaching. A low, shocked gasp leaves my lips for only Peeta and my ears to hear. The longer I stare the blurrier my vision gets with tears.

"Hey!" Peeta snaps out lowly, grasping my shoulder tightly in his hand and forcing me to turn and look into his dark blue eyes. "Let's go back, okay?"

Knowing if I try to say anything, I'll be reduced to a sobbing mess, so instead I just nod and emptily let Peeta guide me back through the woods towards the district. And even though I can no longer physically see Gale and Katniss in front of me, that doesn't take away from the fact that the image of them kissing is forever seared into my brain and is playing on repeat on my eyelids for me to see with every blink I take. Like a flash, then a stabbing pain to my stupid heart. Is it possible to die of a broke heart? How am I supposed to put on a show of the 'star-crossed lovers,' with Gale, when he's actually in love with Katniss?

Somehow we make it back into the district and inside the Mellark's bakery without any trouble. On auto-piolet, I help the Mellark boy's prepare making order arrangements and making baked goods.

Looking over at Peeta, its easy to tell he's in the same mind frame as I am. How sad are we? The two townie in love with two seam kids, there's no happy ending here for these relationships. Gritting my teeth, I finish braiding off my last breadstick for the Cartwright's delivery. Then with a whooshed exhale, I lean back against a spot on the countertop, my eyes locks with Rye on accident. We stare at each other for a second or two before we both awkwardly avert our gazes elsewhere.

The bell from the front sounds, letting us know of a customer. Rye quickly takes the role in helping them, while the eldest Mellark answers the ringing telephone. Peeta quietly walks over to me and stands at my side, mirroring my posture, a blank look on his handsome face. I let my eyes dart down to see his tightly clenched hands on the countertop then look back up at his face to find him now look at me, causing us to immediately lock eyes.

"You don't have to be here you know?" Peeta informs in a monotone, still looking out-of-it. "I know you feel kind of obligated to be here to help get my mom off our backs, but you're probably up to your quota on being around everyone… With the games and all, I wasn't quite sure what you would want. However, I think that you should do it in doses, so you won't get overwhelmed. I know its stupid to pretend things are the same… That you're not changed from what you went through—but I think with time, positivity, and encouraging love from your family and friends will help you get to a good place. You don't need to be worrying about me or anything, just watch after you okay, Madge?"

I let my eyes drop from his to look at my shoes, not wanting to feel even more guilty than I already do. Of course Peeta would worry about my stupid mental health and my needs than the fact his heart was just as brutally ripped out as mine was by that kiss we stumbled across and witnessed. Peeta's too good for his own good, too good for Katniss—hell he's too good to be hanging around me. If I wasn't always hanging around him, I'm sure he would hangout with a lot wider group of kids at school, the ones who always kept their distance when I was around. But would hound him the second he was reaching distance away from me. Just thinking about it makes me just want to leave him alone, maybe that'd help soften some of his life problems, if only by a small amount.

"Yeah, maybe-" I start before getting interrupted by the sudden knocking at the back door that causes me to flinch slightly with shock. "I'll get that." Peeta states, for the first time since the kiss fiasco he shows an emotion other than nothingness, and its annoyance mixed with anger. "No. Don't worry about it. I'll get it." I find myself saying before I fully grasp the situation I now am in. I have half-a-mind to say never mind, but that grateful look Peeta gives me keep my lips closed tightly. As stealthily as I can, I suck in a deep strengthening breath then make the short trek to the backdoor, knowing full well that on the other side of this door resides either Gale or Katniss, hell maybe even both of them.

On opening the door, I immediately wish I hadn't have jinxed myself as I see the unmistakable faces of Gale and Katniss. Though, who else was I expecting to see? On seeing me, Gale immediately drops his anger filled gaze to stare at the ground, his hands clench into fists at his side. Katniss gives me an annoyed look before craning her neck, trying to see inside the bakery behind me, no doubt in my mind she's looking for Peeta, and this pisses me off. Doesn't she already have enough without trying to string Peeta along as well? Does she really want to hurt him further?

Gritting my teeth I move my head into her field of vision and give her a bright forced smile, "I'm helping out today since the Mellark's are so busy, can I help you two?" I question, sweeping my eyes briefly between the two of them. "If not, I really should get back to work."

"I have three squirrel's to trade." Katniss says after a short irritated pause. She hold up the squirrel's, showing me. Awkwardly I nod my head at her then take the squirrel's from her and quickly pull out some money from my own pocket, not breaking contact with the girl who was once my friend, in a time that feel entirely too long ago.

"How much do you normally get?" I question without pause.

Katniss casts a hesitant look over at Gale quickly before looking back at me with a some-what normal looking face. "We would normally get four dollars and fifty cents, and a loaf of bread." She replies slowly.

"Okay, here." I easily single out four dollars and fifty cents then hand it to her. Turning around I prepare myself to ask Peeta for some bread, but he's already prepared, a loaf of fresh honey and oats bread in his hand as well as a paper bag he has rolled shut at the top. He moves around me skillfully then hands them over to Katniss with a warm, kind smile that tears at my heart strings knowing how inside he's hurting because of this very girl. I can't help but scowl at the exchange. Katniss takes the bread Peeta offers but tries to push the bag back into his chest.

"I don't need any hand-outs Peeta." She say in a clipped tone. Any sense of humor in her has no doubt long since dried-up, though who can blame her with the way the world is.

"Its not a hand out. I promised Prim that she'd be the first one to try my new pastries." Peeta insists shyly, the tips of his ears turning pink from just being in the vicinity of her. Its almost sickening when reality sets in.

Katniss scowls taking the outstretched pastry bag then crosses her arms over her chest, "lets just not make this a frequent thing." She puts forth, causing Peeta to drop his gaze to the ground as he nods mutely in defeat then he awkwardly disappears back into the kitchen just as a new fire burns in me. Not one of sorrow, but of anger. My eyes go between the two of them before I can't take it any longer. Forcing a bright smile, I say, "Have a nice day."

My words are only met briefly by a swift glance from both seam kids before they turn around and head back towards the Seam. I watch after them for a while, lost in thought as a growing veiled layer of pain spreads throughout my heart. 'Why is life so complicated?'

Nibbling at my bottom lip, I close the door then turn around, and immediately my eyes lock with Peeta's sad blue ones. I hate seeing my usually bright and cheerful friend looking so gloom, it makes my heart wrench painfully. Not wanting him to stay like this I smile at him then bump my shoulder into his arm. "How about we get our baking on?" I ask wagging my eyebrows at him, which is met with a smile and a light chuckle of laughter from him. "I believe that's a must." He replies with dry humor, and now its my turn to laugh.

Busying around the kitchen all day I help the Mellark's with their orders, which easily helps me keep my mind off of the whole Gale thing. It's not until late afternoon that Mr. Mellark finally manages to force Peeta and I to go out and fun. Thought, that's only managed to have Peeta and I walking around town idly talking.

"We should go over to the school, I forgot to get a book out of my locker yesterday. I had planned to go to school today, but mom made Rye and I stay home. I need that and I also need to schedule a time with my History study group. And while we're there, we can see if we can find Delly and chat with her for a bit." He makes known, giving me a happy smile, one that tells me he's not thinking about Katniss and Gale kissing, and who can blame him. Mutely I nod at him and follow him and he navigates us to the school.

As we reach the school, kids rush around the school grounds laughing and talking loudly among their friends. I let my eyes roam over the sea of students both young from the elementary and not so young ones from the high school, and even the ones in-between them. Though, as my eyes rank over the faces of children, some I had seen around on occasion and others I slightly knew from us sharing classes, but all of which who avoided me like the plague. Letting out a deep sigh, I begin to turn my eyes back to Peeta only to stop at I see some of his other friends happily making their way over towards us, all wearing bright and cheerful smiles, that is until they notice me standing slightly away from him. At this they all come to a dead stop then start talking amongst themselves, probably about making a run for since I'm hear. Looking over at Peeta, its hard to miss the sad expression on his face, but he does try to hide it from me.

I feel a sudden sharp squeeze to my heart at the pain I'm unknowingly causing him. I force a smile then happily knock my shoulder into his like old times making him smile faintly at me. "Is it alright if I wait out here while you get all that done? I have a bit of a headache coming on. I think the fresh air out here is better for me than that stuffy school." I say with exaggerated annoyance that easily fixes at smile on Peeta's lips, no doubt he can see through my clumsy attempt at helping him easy this situation. "Okay, I'll be right back then" he says stepping away from me, but then he stops and looks over his shoulder at me "thanks, you're amazing Madge."

All I can do is smile weakly at him then waving him away. Looking around me its hard to ignore the pointed looks and whispered words, no doubt about me. Releasing a low sigh, I walk over to a nearby tree and lean against it. I can faintly hear some bird overhead. Though, before I can attempt to look for them, I hear an excited shout of "Madge!" Then in the next second I'm being hugged tightly by a pair of boney arms. A smile unknowingly works its way onto my face as I look down at the familiar face of Rory Hawthorne.

"Hey Rory, how are you doing?" I find myself asking in a low voice. Trying as hard as I can to put on a cheerful face, but for some reason just looking at Rory makes me not want to pretend, he looks so much like Gale that I find myself wavering with my smile.

"Hey yourself Madge, I'm doing good. How about you, how are you doing?" He asks in his normal adolescent joy that makes my heart tighten with the faint thought about River, who was just the same. Just as young and happy, whose life was taken much too soon. With this thought instantly I feel a rush of anxiety bubble up in me. Blinking a few times, I draw in a calming breath as I look around us and notice that people are looking at us with great interest and not surprising at all they are still whispering amongst themselves.

"Uh, well—honestly pretty busy with trying to be a good tour guide for our visiting victor and helping the Mellark's at their bakery." I say with a noncommittal shrug of my shoulders as I let my eyes trail back over to Rory's gray eyes.

"Sound really boring. You should come over some time to our new house and play or something. It'd be really cool."

"Maybe, we'll see if I can clear some time for that. So, how are you liking your new house?"

"It's so great. Way bigger than our old house in the seam, we have four bedrooms so Vic and I have to share one but at least Gale's big stinky ass won't be there." Rory says with enthusiasm.

I can't help but let out a weak chuckle at his innocence, silently happy that at least in some ways he's allowed to still be a kid. But before we can delve into further conversation a little girl shouts from behind us "Rory!" On instinct we both turn our heads towards where the shout came from and watch as a smiling Posey skips over to us. Her smile seems to widen as she sees my face, "Hiya Madge!" She squeals, picking up her pace in favor of running the rest of the way to us. On reaching us she flings herself at her brother for a quick hug then turns to me and does the same, only she doesn't let me go and continues to hug me tightly. I hadn't realized until now of how much I missed compassion and comfort from another person. I feel my eyes swim with tears as I hug her back just as tightly. A genuine smile finally touches my lips, but that doesn't last for long as my eyes meet with two set of angry gray eyes, Gale Hawthorne and Katniss Everdeen.

"Rory, Posey, lets go." Gale's stern voice cuts through our tiny bubble of happiness and evaporates it like its nothing. He crosses his arms across his chest and comes to stop in front of us, his eyes not leaving mine. "What are you doing here?"

I'm taken back by the hostility of his voice, I can understand he doesn't like me but he has to know we are still in this game together, that we're always being watched. But most importantly, how are we supposed to be star-crossed lovers when one of the lovers hates the others guts.

"I… We—" I stammer not knowing what to say in the least.

"Leave her alone Gale. I came up to talk to Madge and see how she's doing. God, you don't need to be a jerk." Rory pipes in only to get a dirty glare from his older brother that effectively shuts him up.

Poor little Posey looks back and forth between the four of us not understanding the changed of moods so suddenly. "You idiot Rory, you were supposed to wait for me." An annoyed Vic huffs out as he rushes over to us and gives Rory a good shove. No doubt in my mind that he does not notice the tension between us older kids. But that doesn't last long. He glances over at his brother then instantly his face sobers up and he goes mute, probably not knowing what to do or say, and hey I find myself in the same position as well.

"We should get going Gale." Katniss says from Gale's side, causing me to glance over at her and see that she's holding onto his arm, as one does with a boyfriend. I feel my heart clench tightly with pain and my breathing starts to speed-up. I try to avoid everyone's eyes as I look around us. And suddenly I'm jostled roughly from behind by some one passing, sending me knocking into Katniss who shoves me away from her roughly causing me to stumble over my own feet, and sending me falling to the ground. I feel a stinging sensation in my hands and knees as I come into contact with the ground.

I hear the birds over head again chirping and I can't stop myself from getting tunneled vision and having my heart and breathing steadily pick up frantically then I hear a voice say, "Little duck." Little duck… Little duck… Little… Little… Little bird… Instantly I am overcome with the games again, I'm here and their going to attack us, I have to save my little bird. Frantically I push myself up from the ground and start to assess my threats. Looking around me I see that there are a lot of other tributes, and if their working together then we are no match against them. But that won't stop me from trying to weed out as many as I can to protect my friends for as long as I can.

One of the guys closest to me takes a cautious step towards me and before he can react I punch him in the stomach making him double over then in the next instant I knock his knee out from under him sending him crashing to the ground, I waste no time at all before climbing on top of him and tightening my small hands around his throat. However, in the next second I'm being yanked off of him backwards then tossed roughly to the ground again. I brace myself for a blow as I quickly stumble back to my feet then get posed ready for attack. But what I see before me confuses me deeply. The guy on the ground is staring at me with confusion and concern while the girl looks at me with anger and hate. I sweep my eyes over the others around us only to read fear in them. I feel myself slowly start to calm down as I let my eyes sweep over all of the people around me only to stop on an unmistakable pair of blue eyes. Peeta's eyes, and if they're Peeta's then that means we're not in the games. He's not in the games. I'm not in the games… I stare at him and more gradually calm down as the realization of what I've just done dawns on me.

It starts with Peeta taking a slow and steady step towards me, which causes me to take a frightened step back from him and everyone else. I feel my body begin to tremble uncontrollably. "I'm so sorry." I whisper out to Gale as I slowly shake my head, tears fill my eyes and streams down my cheeks uncontrollably.

"He doesn't want your sorry, you psycho!" Katniss yells at me in anger. And I can't help but believe her. No one wants anything from me. All I seem to do is bring misfortune and sorrow, I'm no better then the Capitol.

I take a step back then another before turning around and running as fast as I can towards the victor village. Faintly I hear my name being called from behind me but I know that whoever it is they'll be better off without associating with the likes of me.

I run for what feels like forever and by the time I get to my new house I'm a sweating and panting mess. I push the door open with more force then I need but I don't care in the least. Screw this stupid house, screw stupid President Snow, and screw the stupid Capitol. The door bangs against the wall with a thud. I waste no time before walking into the house and slamming the door behind me and making sure to lock it. My eyes sweep over the room, over all the beautiful luxury items that are suited for a victor and it boils my blood. All I want is my parents and to go back to how my life was. Of the few friends I had, that Gale would occasionally talk to me without so much hatred. No one was afraid of me. I wasn't afraid of me or of what I can do now that I've clearly lost my mind.

I can't help but letting out sob that gradually turns into a piercing scream as new tears start rushing down my face. I reach out and grab then nearest thing to me, which so happens to be a beautifully crafted blue and white porcelain vase that I send flying against a nearby wall making it explode into broken pieces in an instant. Another screamed sob tears through my throat and I can't stop myself from self-destructing. Picking up anything and everything near me and breaking it. Moving through the house like a tornado, destroying everything in my wake.

The ground is littered with broken objects throughout the whole house until I find myself standing over my piano with the metal skillet from the kitchen but as I stand breathing heavily in front of it, the skillet raised high in my hands in preparation of smashing it and splintering it to nothing but then my mothers sweet, kind face pops into my mind and I a sorrow filled whimper escapes my lips as I let the skillet drop to the ground with a sounding tub. I drop to my knees and let myself be absolved into tears. This wasn't how my life should have turned out. No one should be taken and shaped into this. I just want the pain in my chest to stop. To cease the loneliness and guilt that seems to be suffocating me from the inside out. I don't know how long I sit there crying but by the time it has stopped the sun has darkened outside and my tears have all dried up. However, I am left with such an eerily empty feeling.

Slowly I get up then stumble over the broken objects into the kitchen. Its so strange with how calm I feel, of how empty my mind is. Wouldn't that be something great to always feel nothing, no pain or anger and sadness, just the peaceful bliss of nothing?

I stand there in the middle of the kitchen letting my eyes lazily trail over the mess I've made. It mirrors the mess I've made of my life, of the mess I've unknowingly have caused in the people I care about life's. I'm just like the ones I hate, destructive.

Releasing a low sigh I take a few steps over to the overturned drawers on the floor then crouch down and begin rummaging around for what I'm looking for, and when I find it, a long gleamingly clean, and sharp knife I clutch it tightly by the handle in my hand before getting back up and heading upstairs to the bathroom.

Each step I take I feel like I'm more and more sure of my decision. Without me around to ruin everything, and cause more and more inconveniences for those I care about and even for the ones I don't. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me, not anymore.

Locking the bathroom door behind me, I perch on the side of the tub staring at my reflection in the blade of the knife. I look a complete mess, nothing like the Madge I use to be. I look the definition of a psychotic mess. But even though I look different I still look like me, I still have my mothers resemblance and that tears at my heart painfully.

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough." I whisper out to my parents knowing they can't hear me, but still feeling the need to let them know how sorry I am for everything I've done, for killing my mother, which I know has ruined my fathers life. New tears line my eyes but I won't let them fall. I'm so over being this sobbing mess. I won't go out like that. I stare up at the white ceiling of the bathroom until the stinging of tears goes away.

Releasing a steadying breath, I look down again at the knife. Then with a shaky movement of my right hand I press the sharp end of the blade to my left wrist as I wet my lips with my tongue. I never would have thought this would be the way I'd use this knife to break it in. With another deep exhale I press hard down on my wrist and pull the knife across my skin. The knife cuts into my flesh as easy as cutting through warm butter. I feel the sting and tearing of my skin being sliced open then dark red blood starts pouring out of the cut. Then switching hands with the knife, I cut into my right wrist just the same and watch as more blood rushes out of my body. I feel a cold wave of ease wash over me as I let myself drop the knife to the ground then slide down the side of the tub to sit in the growing pool of blood spilling out of me.

Slowly I begin to feel drowsy and very cold. My eyes flutter about before just resigning to stay closed. I feel myself droop more and more against the bathtub until I'm bent forward awkwardly but I can't find the strength to move or to even care. In the distance I hear the sound of my name from somewhere which is followed closely by the sound of pounding. But that's all I hear before I succumb to unconsciousness.

The feeling of the sun warms my skin pleasantly. Fluttering open my eyes only to meet the smiling face of Rue. I stare in amazement at her then look over to her left where River sits, just as happy looking when he was alive. I don't quite understand what's going on. Looking between the two of them I find myself at a loss of words. Then I finally regain myself and open my mouth to ask them what is going on, only for no sound to come out of my mouth. Suddenly overhead I hear the unmistakable booming of several cannons signaling deaths. I'm instantly on alert and in defense as I turn back to my two friends only to look on at them in horror as blood leaks out of their mouths and from many scattered puncture wounds on their small bodies. The presence of someone to my right causes me to glance that way only to be met with the grim, bloody and beaten face of Gale, who stumbles towards me then falls a long spear sticking out of his back. An unbelievable amount of fear and panic surge through me, not understanding in the least what is happening around me.

Then with a startled gasp I sit bolt right up in the bed I had been laying in. My eyes rank over the familiar room only to stop on the distraught face of Finnick who stares at me with tears swimming in his eyes. "Madge," he breaths out then rushes at me and envelopes me into a tight hug, closing the short distance between us from where he sat like a distraught statue at the side of the bed. And almost instantly he begins to sob, grasping me tightly to himself. "I thought I lost you too. I can't loose anyone else Madge. I can't."

His words are like daggers to my chest, I feel ungodly guilty and stupid for my rash decision. I let a moment of weakness pull me to make a terrible decision that would have hurt everyone I hold dear to me. Something I would never want to happen.

I hold back my emotions and hug Finnick back, pushing aside the pain I feel from his fingers digging into me, forcing me to stay here. And it breaks my heart knowing I'm the reason for the strong Finnick Odair to become this mess of a man. Silently I vow to live for the ones I love, to some how find a way to help them as much as I can, with my restraint from President Snow.

After a long while Finnick pull back from me looking more calm then he had been. The shirt he's wearing is spattered in blood in some places while in others it is completely soaked through, and I know all too well that its my blood he's wearing and it makes me sick to my stomach. Remembering the injuries I gave myself I look down at my wrist only to see them completely unmarred. "The Capitol might be cancer but they sure do have nifty medicine and for that I'm grateful… Madge… You lost a lot of blood. When I found you, you were so pale, so cold… I thought you were gone too." Finnick says after a moment of silence. His words are gruff and emotion filled, and tear even more at me.

"I'm sorry—I wasn't thinking right. I promise it won't happen again." I immediately reply.

"I know. It's just… Its hard, I understand that, but you have to be strong. You can't let Snow win." He says with certainty shining in his eyes. "You can't let him win.

"I won't, I promise."

Looking me in the eyes, Finnick holds me at arms length searching for any lie but from the relief look that takes over his whole face and demeanor makes it obvious. Pulling me in once again he hugs me tightly, comforting me just like he always has.

"How long was I out for?" I question fearing the worst but hoping for the best.

"You were out for a few hours, really just the night. We got you all stitched back up then got you some blood, and now you're going to be okay."

After assuring Finnick about a dozen times that I'm fine he finally lets me move downstairs, where he get started preparing us some food, and even though he says its for the both of us I know I'm the reason he's cooking, which make me feel even worse. I definitely need to do something to repay all those around me who I love, and who still care and support me, especially Finnick. At least that will give me some calm while living under Snow's thumb.

We sit in my living room eating the yummy cheesy potato soup sitting on the carpet in front of the crackling fire in the fireplace. I complacently do as Finnick says, and he even helps me clean up the large mess I have done to my house. And by the time the sun is rising we sit side by side at the piano as I play a beautiful song my mother use to play for me when I was little. The soothing sound helps me strengthen my resolve with determination to fight, to keep alive and do good.

A sudden knocking at the front door draws us to silence. We exchange a look then Finnick gets up and heads towards the front door, while I hesitantly follow after him. And though I have the intention of answering the door with him I loose the nerve at the doorway where the living room turns into the entryway. I lean against the wall and perk my ears up to listen.

I hear the door being open and the light sound of wind blowing around outside. "Hey there pretty boy, how's she doing?" The unmistakable voice of my god-father rings out giving me a sense of relieve and ease.

"Yeah, she got up a few hours ago, and she's eaten some soup. Did you get what I asked you for?" Finnick questions right back.

But before I can hear Haymitch I hear a loud cry of "Hey!" From a gruff voice I would know any where, Gale. "Where's Madge at?"

"What the fuck do you want boy? Haven't you done enough? Why do you care all of a sudden how Madge is doing? You've ignored her for that girl ever since you've been here. Do you even understand what you're doing? Of the damage you're causing!" Finnick growls out.

"Not now Finnick." Haymitch interject.

But that doesn't stop Gale in the least. "I want to see Madge. You don't get any say of what's going on between us, so why don't you stay out of it pretty boy!" Gale says, anger rising in his voice.

I know a fights about to breakout between the two of them and that's not what I want at all. Squaring my shoulders I pretend I'm on display as the Mayors daughter and walk into view with a kind smile on my face. All three set of eyes instantly find me as I walk towards them. The first I meet is those of Haymitch who looks at me with clear worry and I can't help but feel I deserve the pain I feel surge in my chest, I shouldn't have worried him, I shouldn't have been so weak and tried to take the easy way out. All that would have done was play right into Snow's hands and hurt all the people who do care about me.

"Why don't you come in Haymitch, we can have some tea and catch up." I say turning to look at my dear friend Finnick, giving him a reassured smile as I rest my hand on his shoulder. "Finnick, could you please show Haymitch into the parlor, and maybe start the tea for me?"

I can tell by the slight glimmer of anger he knows I'm once again trying to save Gale, but what can I say? I guess you can't change your instinctual reactions even if its in vain. I watch as Finnick begrudgingly leads Haymitch into the house then I step out onto the porch with Gale. Feeling entirely uncomfortable and awkward, I'd give anything for us to be how I though we were while in that stupid game.

We stare at each other in silence, neither one of us knowing what to say now that we're in front of each other. After a few more seconds of silence I break it, "what can I help you with Gale?" Playing like I do for the Capitol to Gale feels so wrong, and it twists my stomach in disgust. He silently stares at me, his eyes a mix of guilt, pity, and sadness.

"Sorry about before, had a little back-slip from the game." I make known, shrugging my shoulders as if it were merely nothing.

"I—no its fine, I get it. Some times I get a little like that myself, but I go out in the woods with Katn—to clear my head—so how are you doing?" He says awkwardly in a hesitant way.

His words send a sharp pain to my heart at his unknowingly cruel comment, like I could forget how close they are.

"I'm doing better, Finnick helped me work though it." I say, blatantly lying to his handsome face.

Before I can utter another word, Finnick is back behind me and he looks pissed, "Madge I think you should come inside, I think you've had enough of his presence." Finnick says with certainty, his voice laced with unhidden anger and all of it targeted towards Gale.

"So now you speak for her?" Gale grits back, a snarl working its way onto his handsome face. His steely eyes narrow with unrestrained anger as he takes a step towards Finnick, who mirrors his action. "What you come here and think you have some claim over her? You don't! I was in there with her not you, I was protecting her not you—"

"Cut the shit Hawthorne, I know more about Madge than you ever will. If I was in that game with her she wouldn't have got hurt at all. I would have protected her with my life, not like you looking out for number one. Tell me who's that girl you've been cuddling about with around town? It sure as hell wasn't Madge. You talk about protecting her but where were you when she tied to kill herself yesterday? Because I was here, I was the one who protected her just like I'm going to continue to do, and if you fucking step in my way of doing that—no scratch that, you step in the way of making Madge get anywhere near where you left her I gut you like a fish." Finnick says in a low growled voice that makes me jump slightly not expecting to feel fear from him without him even talking to me.

Licking my lips I gaze at a disbelief looking Gale, whose eyes find mine almost instantly and gives me the dreaded pity filled look that turns my stomach. Though, that's not the only reason. It's mostly from having Gale know that I'm so crazy that I would try and hurt myself. This look is enough to make me avert his eyes in favor of staring at the back of Finnick's neck. A wave of disbelief washes over me not believing Finnick told Gale about my suicide attempt before its replaced by self-embarrassment.

"Finnick please," I whisper out grabbing at the back of his shirt. "Please just go back inside."

I watch as his jaw clenches, his eyes still locked on Gale burning his glare into him. I think I might have to ask him again, but then he turns around and heads back inside giving me a pointed look as he goes by me. I swallow thickly as I let my gaze fall on my sock cladded feet. Taking a deep breath and rise my head with determination and give Gale a genuine smile that causes his face to fall blank.

"You don't have to worry about me just a little panic attack gone too far, it won't happen again. I should go in there… I have company… Everything is fine Gale you don't have to worry, so you can go home." I say awkwardly.

Gale's eyebrows furrow as he continues to stare at me. "Madge…" He says trailing off. His voice sounds so concerned for me that its like a twist of barbed wire around my heart. I hate that I hate making him like this. This isn't what I wanted.

I drop my eyes to stare down at my feet feeling a slight tremble take over my hands. "Don't look at me like I'm going to break. Gale… Just go home please." I whisper out lamely, then I turn on my heels and step back inside my house shutting my door behind me, not giving Gale any choice but to leave. For a few moments I don't hear anything, then the sound of him retreating finally reaches me and I can relax.

Releasing a deflated sigh, I head into the kitchen just as the tea kettle starts to whistle. I don't pay attention to Finnick who shadows me, helping me gather a tray for tea for three then we walk into the living room to join Haymitch on the couch. I keep my eyes on my hands as I prepare each of our cups then hand them out to my two visitors.

"How are you doing Pearl?" Haymitch asks. His glassy, kind eyes search mine. Glancing down Haymitch un-pockets a flask and pours a generous amount into his cup, and on seeing this I extend my cup towards my godfather for him to pour some into mine.

"Better, I guess." I say with a shrug of my shoulders, watching as he gives me a short look then pours some liquor into first my cup then Finnick's. I can't help but let loose a laugh at the three of us. "We're pretty outstanding victors, huh?" I joke, making an amused face, which causes both of them to spare me amused smiles of their own.

"I'll talk to Hawthorne tomorrow about the tour, you don't have to worry about him, okay Pearl?" Haymitch says.

At his words I look over to Finnick, who gives me a small shrug of his shoulders. "It had to be done, he needs to know what can happen and stop thinking we're the enemy. There are far bigger enemies here than some petty poverty anger." Finnick states matter-of-factly.

"I know… Its just I though I'd be the one telling him about the backstage inner workings. But clearly not… I guess it can't be helped, at least he'll be informed though." I mumble, my eyes glazing over as I get lost in thought, about what could have been.

Just as I regain myself and am looking back up to ask them a question, but before I can a sharp knock comes from the front door. We all exchange a blank glance and because its my house I quickly stumble to my feet then walk to answer the door. On opening the door I wish I hadn't, I wish I could be anywhere but here. Standing in front of me is no one other than President Snow himself. A chilling smile stretched across his thin lips. His snake like eyes fixed solely on me making me take a step back from him.