Part Two: His Secret

Chapter Ten: What shall we do now

The sun had set and the streets were now bathed in the soft orange glow of the various sidewalk lamps. Having taken Teiko home, Tai Kamiya trudged back to his own, mind racing. His acceptance of being in love with his own sister had fully set in the moment he had uttered the words to the turquoise haired girl. They had spoken about it for a bit. Except that missing out the key detail that Kari loved him in return had resulted in the discussion doing little other than reinforcing the realisation. However, the moment Teiko had closed the door the war had started inside his mind. If it had not been for a huge influx of self-control, he would have run all the way home, burst into Kari's room and planted his lips upon her own; such was his desire to taste them again. Instead, his brain had started coming up with options.

Number one had obviously been to go home, tell her how he felt and promise her that somehow, someway they would be together. Option two had been similar to option one, except it involved him cautioning Kari about the difficulties a relationship might entail and talking the whole idea through to see how she felt about it. Three had also involved telling her but then saying that they could not act on their feelings and needed to find a way to suppress them. Lastly, number four was to say nothing and allow things to carry on as they were; Kari was happy after all.

By the time he reached the apartment building, he had managed to whittle away two options. Number three had been quickly rejected. The idea of telling his sister that he actually did love her in return, but that she had to go back to suppressing her feelings felt abhorrent. For he knew that saying that to her would probably break her heart. While it had taken longer, option one had been discarded too. It was pure fantasy to think that he could go into Kari's room, profess his love for her and promise that they would be together no matter what. Real-life did not work like that and certainly not for incestuous relationships; even in Japan.

A thought pertaining to how their parents would react if they found out their children were in such a relationship crossed Tai's mind as he started climbing the stairs and it was not pretty. Put lightly, neither of his parents were fans of that sort of shojo manga. Indeed their mother had flipped out over some hair dye. Regardless, he was left with options two and four. And he had no idea which to pick. The only thing he knew for certain was that he needed to talk to Kari. While she had told him that she was in love with him, she had not said anything about what she would have wanted if he had returned her love. It was not inconceivable that she had already thought about the risks of a relationship and decided what she would have wanted. But by the same virtue, it was entirely plausible that she had considered the possibility little more than a pipe dream and not given one iota of thought to the consequences. Either way, he needed to know where she stood before deciding what to do.

Tai inserted his keys into the lock and opened the apartment door. It was dark inside, an indication that his parents had decided on having an early night. Changing over his shoes, he walked lightly on the wooden floor until he found himself outside Kari's room. He raised a hand to knock but stopped before his knuckles touched the woodwork. If she was already asleep he didn't want to wake her. In fact, given that it was quite late, it might raise suspicion if he tried to talk to her now. And the last thing he needed was for her to be on her guard or worse, figure out his motives, before he had a chance to decide on what to do. He sent the signals to his legs to turn and walk away, accept they did not move. He let out a sigh, this could not wait. Lowering his hand, he gripped the handle and turned it slowly. Gently he pushed open the door and poked his head inside. A quick glance told him that the room was empty. While he found it strange, the only logical explanation was that she had gone out. Perfect, his brain thought. He could wait in the living room for her to come home and talk to her under the guise of being interested in where she had gone. It would also help that he genuinely wanted to know.

Walking away from his sister's room, Tai travelled to the kitchen and fetched two cans of soda from the fridge. Quietly making a detour to his bedroom to fetch his GameCube, he returned to the main living space and quickly hooked it up to the TV. Not only would it serve as a much-needed distraction until Kari came home, but if he could coax her into a round of Mario Kart, he could bring up the subject in a more natural, conversational manner. Turning the volume down low so as not to wake his parents, he set up his first game. After about twenty-five minutes, he heard the sound of the front door opening. Showtime.

Pausing his game, Tai glanced over his shoulder and saw Kari step into the apartment. She had spiked her hair up and put on her short denim jacket to go out he noticed; along with her headphones. For the first time, he allowed himself to look her up and down and lose himself in her beauty. Yesterday's assessment of the girls in his school had been spot on. None of them could compare with his sister. When she looked over and saw him staring at her, he had to resist the urge to turn away. Making himself look suspicious straight off the bat would only put her on alert. Kari gave him a smile, pulled off her headphones and walked towards him.

"Hey, Sis, what are you listening to?" Tai asked quietly, electing to start with something completely innocuous.

Kari moved round to sit on the sofa beside him. "Wish You Were Here," she replied, withdrawing her music player from a pocket and placing both it and her headphones on the coffee table. "I think I'm becoming obsessed with it."

"Better than Mike Oldfield?" he asked.

Kari chuckled, "different, not better. They share similarities, but are very different."

Hearing his sister laugh had always made Tai feel warm inside, for it indicated she was happy. Picking up the unopened can from the table he held it out to her, "soda?"

"Thanks," she replied, taking it from him and promptly opening it.

While she took a drink he used the opportunity to ask, "so where were you?" and tried not to make it sound like an interrogation.

"Out," she replied with a sweet smile.

He shook his head and laughed, "care to be a bit more specific?"

The devilish grin that he was starting to both enjoy and dread seeing spread across Kari's face. "I'll tell you what I was up to if you tell me all about your date with Teiko."

In this instance, he found her catch to be a non-issue. Given her vested interest, Tai had already known that she would want all the details about his date. He'd already decided with Teiko that the official line on it would be that it had just been too weird for them to date after having been friends for so long. Kari would probably be disappointed that it hadn't worked out, but depending on what he decided to do, she might soon forget about it. "Sounds fair," he answered, then pointed at the TV. "You want to get your butt kicked while we talk?"

Kari reached out and picked up the second controller from the table. "I just whooped the backside of your mini doppelganger, might as well do the real thing too."

Tai tilted his head as he gave her a quizzical look. He knew instantly that by 'mini doppelganger', she was referring to Davis. This definitely merited an explanation. "You were with Davis?" he asked as he started the game.

Eyes focused on the screen, Kari replied, "yep. Cody, Yolei and Ken too."

His head involuntarily turned to look at her and he subsequently messed up his rocket start. "You were with the other DigiDestined?" He was forced to return his eyes to the TV or drive straight into the wall at the first corner.

Instead of an affirmative, his sister responded with, "how was Teiko?"

"She was fine. She said to say hi from her and asked if you still like your hair." He had to negotiate a few sharp bends and dispatch an opponent before he could ask, "how did you manage to get the four of them together? I thought you and Yolei had a huge fallout and the others didn't speak to you anymore?"

"I spoke with Yolei last week. We talked and I explained what happened last year with TK and about how I became seriously depressed afterwards. Then we made up."

The news that Kari had managed to patch up some of her old friendships made Tai smile. His sister deserved to be happy after the hell she'd been through over the past two years and he knew how much her friends had meant to her. To have four of them talking to her and willing to hang out must have made her ecstatic. However, there was something he wished to know, "why didn't you tell me about this last weekend?"

With the last corner in sight, he fired a red turtle shell from second place right at his sisters rear. It made contact and he slid around the corner and into the lead. Only for a green shell to whack right into his backside and Kari to whiz past him and across the line; bastard.

She turned and grinned at him, "so what did Teiko wear tonight?"

He gave her a sour look in response to the green shell, "knee-high leather boots, a short skirt that looked like a vinyl record and a white and black halter top."

"Aww don't look so mad, Bro. I've got plenty more green shells for you." She gave him the sweet and innocent smile that always caused his annoyance to dissipate. And he had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around her and taste her soft lips. "I only spoke to them for the first time last week and I didn't want to tell you in case I jinxed it."

It made sense, Tai thought. Having not spoken to any of the younger DigiDestined in almost a year, she would undoubtedly have been apprehensive about telling him in case something went wrong. "I'm really glad that you guys are friends again."

"Me too," Kari replied, before asking, "so how did the date go?"

Tai let out a low sigh as the next race started and waited until it had gotten underway before responding, "it was fun, but…"

"…but?" his sister prompted when he failed to finish the sentence; partly due to overcooking a corner and having to fight tooth and nail not to fall off the track.

"It felt too weird," Tai replied, recalling the kiss they had shared after the Bratwurst duel. "We kissed but we both knew it didn't feel right. Guess we've been close friends for a little too long for it to work out."

"Aww, that's a shame," Kari replied as she paused the game. Scooting over she put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you guys."

He returned the hug, feeling the warmth radiating from his sister and becoming acutely aware that her breasts were pressed up against his chest. When she shifted slightly, his hand slid down her t-shirt and his fingertips came into contact with the bare skin of her lower back. It felt so soft to his touch that he had to fight the urge to caress it. His heart skipped a beat and his resolve only held out by virtue of Kari sitting up straight and ending the hug.

"We'll just have to find you someone else," she then said as she picked up her gamepad once more.

"I guess so," he sighed as the race restarted.

With so much going through his mind, he found it difficult to concentrate and Kari easily beat him again. It seemed that the price of conversation was going to be another chink out of his pride. As he thought about how to best ask his question, his sister dropped a metaphorical bombshell, "so I spoke with TK on Monday."

The gamepad slipped from Tai's hand and his mouth hung open as his head swivelled around to look at his sister. "You talked to that asshole?" he asked in amazement.

Kari paused the game and gave him an unprecedented hard look, "don't call him that."

"After how he treated you, you're going to defend him?"

"I hurt him, Tai. I hurt him a lot and left him with little by way of an explanation," she replied, a look of sorrow filling her reddish-brown eyes. "I didn't realise how much pain he still felt until I spoke to him."

He reached out and took one of her hands in his own. Giving it a light squeeze, he said, "that doesn't excuse how he treated you. The way he grabbed you that day was despicable."

"He was really upset and angry, Tai. And I don't think he had any control over himself."

He let out a snort as if to say, "that's no excuse," but allowed her to continue.

"He didn't want to speak to me at first, but I sort of didn't give him the choice. It seems neither of us has properly gotten over it as we both got angry."

Tai opened his mouth to say something threatening against the non-present boy but his sister raised a hand to indicated that she needed to finish first before he made any big-brother threats against TK's wellbeing.

"He got that upset and angry that he punched the wall and broke his wrist. He calmed down a lot on the walk to the hospital."

"You took him to the hospital?"

"Yeah. I couldn't just leave him in pain like that. He opened up a bit more and said he's tried everything he can think of to stop thinking about me, but nothing seems to work. I think he's still in love with me."

Tai let out a sigh and allowed his feelings of hatred towards the boy to ebb away. If TK genuinely loved Kari that much he could understand why the boy had reacted so violently to the breakup. It did not excuse him, but for the first time, he felt a slight pang of pity for him. "So what happened?" he asked.

"I waited with him at the hospital until the doctor sent him for an X-ray. I asked him if he wanted to come with us this evening, but he said no." She paused for a moment, before adding in a sombre voice, "I'm not sure if I can salvage that friendship."

"You miss him as a friend, don't you?" Tai asked, although her voice had already told him the answer.

"Yeah, I do…"

They returned to Mario Kart and it seemed that the conversation had weighed enough of Kari that her game had dropped enough to level the playing field. Tai won the next two races with only the quiet noise of the game to be heard in the apartment. Pausing to take a drink of his soda, he decided that it was now or never. He had to broach the subject.

"Kari…" he began keeping his voice low so that it did not travel beyond where they sat, "what would you have done if I had told you that I was in love with you too?"

His sister stiffened slightly and turned to face him, a look of confusion forming on her face. It seemed he had caught her off guard with the question. After a few moments of silence, in which he saw her chest rise as she took a breath, Kari said, "I would probably have thought you were making fun of me."

Tai felt slightly hurt by her comment but understood the sentiment behind it. She had been so scared of how he might react that the idea of him mocking her would probably have made more sense than him returning her feelings. "Kari, I would never to that," he replied reassuringly.

There was a pause before she spoke, "I know, but it would have been difficult for me to accept something I'd thought impossible for over two years."

"So what about if I had assured you that I was serious?"

He watched as she thought for a moment. It must be difficult for her to contemplate such an emotional hypothetical, he reasoned. Eventually, she said, "I would probably have cried, embraced you and then kissed you."

The thought of holding Kari in his arms and kissing those soft, sweet lips was almost too much for Tai to bear. All he needed to do was reach out and he could have it. He took a deep breath to try and steady himself. He needed to know more about what his sister desired before he could decide what course of action to take. "Would you have wanted us to have a relationship… more than we already do?"

Kari looked slightly taken aback by the question and after a few moments gave him a suspicious look, "why are you asking me this?"

He had been prepared for this question and could only hope that his answer would prove to be enough to convince her to tell him what he needed to know. "We haven't really spoken about this since mom and dad were away. And even then it was brief." He paused to make sure he selected his next words carefully. "I guess it's been on my mind since then and I was curious to know if you had given any thought to it. I suppose what I'm asking is, did you have any good thoughts about your feelings or did you simply start hating yourself?"

Kari closed her eyes and for a moment Tai was worried that she would burst into tears. He watched her take another deep breath before replying, "yes."

For the second time that night he reached out and took hold of her hands. "If it's too painful, you don't have to talk," he said soothingly, deciding that his answer was not worth seeing her in pain.

She opened her eyes and he could see a thin layer of water covering them. "It wasn't all dark thoughts I had. On the days when I didn't feel so down, I would imagine us together. Holding hands as we walked side by side, cuddled together on a sofa, going out on dates together… us kissing." She lowered her head and looked away. "I would have wanted us to be together despite how difficult it might be."

And there it was, the answer that he'd sought since walking home from Teiko's. Kari would want them to be together. All of a sudden Tai was gripped with indecision and could feel fear begin to build up inside him. Here he sat, in front of his little sister, facing the biggest decision of his life. This was difficult... so very difficult. On the one hand, he had the potential to make Kari happier than she had ever been… no, not just her, him too. For he could no longer deny how desperately he wanted to be with her. To feel all of the love that she had to give and return it in kind. Except on the other, he could end up leading them down a road fraught with adversity, pain and suffering. Was he willing to risk putting Kari through that?

Tai looked his sister up and down. Here she sat, with her hair like a lit match, wearing clothes that expressed her personality and having just told him she had started to patch things up with her friends. Irrespective of the fact that she believed he would never return her feelings, Kari was happy. Happier than she had been in over two years. Was it really worth risking all she had recently gained? Maybe the old saying was true. Maybe ignorance could be bliss. If his sister never found out the truth, she might stay happy. Whereas if he enlightened her, there was a strong possibility that things would end badly and she would get seriously hurt as a result. And he would never be able to live with himself if he hurt her. He could not tell her.

"I think I'll go to bed," Kari then said as she sat her pad down on the coffee table.

"Are you going to be ok?" Tai asked, worried that his questions had caused her some distress.

She gave him a weak smile. "I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me slipping back into depression just because you wanted to talk to me. Kari then stood up and picked up her music player and headphones. "Goodnight, Tai."

"Goodnight, Kari," he responded, hoping that she had not just lied to him.

Switching off the TV and GameCube, Tai unhooked the games console and took it back to his room. Undressing, he pulled on his pyjamas and climbed into bed. His mind still firmly occupied with thoughts about his sister. In a cruel twist of fate, it seemed that he was the one who now had a secret to keep.