Distraction: Chapter Nineteen

Eight days. We have been confined to this rust-bucket for over a week. I realized I was coming to the end of my frail grasp on serenity, but I didn't blame Padme for it. I couldn't even blame the ship. It was my fault for being so weak. Day after day we'd talk together, take short walks through the ship together, eat together, and stare out at the stars together. I discovered we share many of the same beliefs, inspirations, and goals, but are different enough from one another to be interesting. In other words, we were compatible.

What I was having trouble with was the rising tension. Not the type that builds up in your neck and causes a headache. I'm talking about the chemical kind. The kind that involves dopamine and messes with not only your head but your heart as well.

Sometimes I wondered if the confinement was making me imagine things. Padme brushing up against me in the hallway. Padme barging into my sleeping cabin and claiming she got confused. Padme staring at me for far too long. Had she intentionally done all these things? Or was I just wishing she had? I wasn't sure, and so I kept my distance. I didn't trust myself when it came to her. If I did something to her she didn't wish for; if I took advantage of her in any way, I would rid myself of this confining feeling altogether and jump ship!

On the other hand, I was rather proud of myself. According to my calculations, we would be arriving in Dagobah tomorrow. We'd get a breath of fresh air, stretch our legs more adequately, and feel the gravity beneath our feet. I was looking forward to it. I was also looking forward to putting some distance between myself and Padme. Onboard, the only place to hide was the 'fresher, and staying in there seemed suspicious and made her worry my digestion was upset.

Therefore, I spent most of my time in the pilot's seat, asking the computer for the history of the Jedi and the Sith. I was learning most of what I'd been taught was a lie created by Sidious to keep me under control. It pleased me to learn the truth for once and to know without a doubt that I was no longer fighting for the wrong side. However, I wasn't fighting for the other side either. I was filled with Light. I realized that. I could sense it to the core of my being, but I'd made the decision not to take sides. I would be an independent warrior with the right to choose my own battles and fight for my own reasons.

"Hi. What are you up to?" Padme stepped into the cockpit and sat down in the copilot's chair. She leaned back casually and gazed out the front of the ship.

"Studying some history," I answered. "Apparently, I've got a lot to learn."

She smiled at me in a way I didn't recognize. She was up to something. "I suspect you know enough," she informed me.

Just enough to get into trouble, I told myself.

"Care for a game?" Her head lazily rolled to her shoulder in order to glance my way.

A few times over the past week, we'd indulge in a few games of sabaac, but I honestly didn't care for it. Not when there wasn't money involved anyway.

"I promise to let you win, this time," she teased me with a grin.

She was definitely in a mood, but what she'd said was true. She had bested me on several occasions. I had done well hiding my disappointment. Or so I'd believed.

"Not in the mood," I sighed, leaning back myself.

"Hungry?"

"No," I replied. We had just eaten an hour ago. What was she getting at?

She sat up in her seat and leaned toward me. "I really believe what you need is some vigorous exercise."

"We just went for a walk this morning," I reminded her.

"That's not the type of exercise I'm talking about."

Her voice had dropped nearly an octave and she was continuing to move toward me. I couldn't mistake her intention, nor was I imagining it. "Padme," I desperately tried to dissuade her, but as I said, I was at the end of my rope.

She literally climbed on top of me and starting kissing me. This wasn't just any kiss. This was the kiss of a woman who was starving for affection. I had plenty to give and didn't hesitate to fulfill her need.

I stood, lifting her with me and she wrapped her legs around my middle as I walked. I had come to know this ship quite well over the past week or so and carried her directly to her cabin, only bumping into one chair along the way.

"Are you sure?" I asked, just before lying her down on her sleep sofa.

"Yes, Ben, I'm sure. Please!"

"Very well, if you insist," I teased, capturing her mouth again.

It seemed to take forever to remove the damn unisuits, but it was well worth the wait. She was everything I'd imagined she would be. Patient, loving, and kind when I expected it; fierce and impulsive when I didn't.

Our lovemaking was very thorough and lasted well into the night. I understood then what she meant about it being exercise. By its completion, I was exhausted and we were both damp with sweat. When I suggested a sonic together, she declined, telling me she was too tired to get out of bed. She only wanted to lie there with me until morning.

I had no problem with that and pulled her tightly up against my chest and used my free hand to card through her hair. She hummed as I did so until she fell asleep. I joined her soon after.

I wasn't certain what time it was when I was awakened by Padme thrashing about. She had moved out of my embrace and was murmuring something incomprehensible. After everything Anakin had put her through, it was no surprise she experienced nightmares.

"Shh, Padme." I coaxed her to lie still and gently drew her back into my arms. "It was just a dream. I'm right here."

Her breathing slowed and then she opened her eyes just a little and grinned at me with relief. "Obi-Wan. It's you. I'm so glad you're here. I missed you so much. I love you."

Then she drifted off to sleep.

I, on the other hand, was awake the rest of the night.