The attempt

"Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh and Kenny McCormick. Please go to counselor Mackey's office."

There's a quote that states 'It only takes one moment to change a life forever'. I don't think I ever really understood that quote. Well, of course I understood it, anybody who isn't a literary degenerate could understand something as straightforward as a quote, but I never understood it on the level it was meant to be heard. I've had some life changing moments before, like when the gang split up back in sixth grade. Back then, we didn't see it happening, even though it was looking us right in the face. We thought everything was normal. It was sometime in February when I realised that we didn't talk anymore. I'm not sure when the others realized it, because I didn't bother to ask them. We were going our separate ways, and it might've been for the better.

Stan joined the football team, and became your stereotypical jock. He also got back with Wendy during the summer, so now he's even more cliche. Handsome jock dates the head of student counseling. He stopped talking to me, due to the social hierarchy that labeled me as a 'nerd', therefore deemed unworthy of talking to any of the kids of his ranking. I tried pitching a conversation with him a few times over the years, but there's always a place he needs to be or a person he needs to talk to that's more important than connecting with his childhood SBF.

Kenny never really changed. He's still the perverted 10 year old I remember hanging out with. His horniness expanded now that he's actually getting laid, and I didn't even bother trying to reconnect with him. Besides, he's probably too distracted getting banged by the downtown whores to ever want to hang out with me or any of the others.

Last, but not least, Eric Cartman. If I'm being honest, I don't really know much about Cartman nowadays. He doesn't take any extracurriculars, his grades are very average and he doesn't talk to anyone or go anywhere. According to Butters, everytime they interact he always seems either extremely distracted or oddly generous. Like, everytime Butters came over, he'd alway make sure he went home with something. Whether it was as small as a pen or as extravagant as a laptop. He also seemed to have lost a lot of weight. It was hard to tell because he always wore huge hoodies, mostly red ones, and seemed to be eating well at lunch. He'd never really caught my eye through the years, as we weren't ever really friends. I also always had my face buried in a book, so I never noticed much. I don't keep up with drama or anything up that alley either.

I became somewhat of a 'loner'. I mean, I hung out with Butters and Jimmy every once and awhile, but since they had other friends to pair off with, I spent most of my days alone, which I'm fine with.

Now I find myself sitting in the counselor's office for an unknown reason with two kids I haven't spoken to in, a little under, a decade. This is the moment. The moment that changed my life forever, and that made me understand that quote.

Mr. Mackey walked in with a piece of notebook paper in his hand and a sorrow look on his face that told me this wasn't gonna be good news. The other must've noticed it too, because the room became a bit too quiet after Mr. Mackey walked in. He sat at his desk,placed the paper, faced down, towards us and folded his hands together. He cleared his throat before he spoke,

"Boys, you're friend, Eric Cartman, attempted suicide last night m'kay. He'd tried overdosing on a bottle of Tylenol around 1 and 3 AM, and was rushed to the hospital. He is recovering with minor difficulties, and will be back in school by tomorrow."

I felt my face go as white as a sheet. I turned to see Stan and Kenny's reactions out of curiosity. They looked just as surprised and worried as I was. Mr. Mackey continued,

"He left a suicide note, and I think you three should read it m'kay."

He pushed the paper towards us, and I took it with trembling hands. Mr. Mackey had left to talk to someone outside, leaving me, Stan and Kenny to read the note.

"What does it say Kyle?" Stan asked, curiosity and seriousness in his tone. I cleared my throat, and spoke,

"Dear reader,
Yea, I killed myself. You can all gasp now. I bet you're wondering why. Well, it's not really your business, unless you're Stan, Kenny ,Kyle or Butters. In that case, stick around. You'll want to hear this.

Well, it mostly started towards the end of 6th grade. After the guys and I went our respective ways, I started to notice things about myself that I was told for years, but never really considered since I was so full of myself. I was fucking fat as shit,my voice was annoying, my smile was gross and crooked, etc. There are so many things wrong with me, and everything that's happened over the last 7 years have only made it worse, leading me to this point. My friends were the only good things I had, and I was foolish enough to let them go. Now look where I am."

I looked up once I was done to see their worried stares. Kenny sank back into his chair in disbelief and Stan looked back at me, sharing my concern. I gave him the note to read, and fiddled with my coat zipper, a nervous tic I developed over the years. Stan moved the paper downwards, and hung his head in his hands.

"What are we gonna do?" Stan murmured, probably to himself, but Kenny took the liberty of answering it.

"We're gonna help him any way we can. He's obviously been through a lot these past few years, and the best thing to do for him right now is to just be there for him."

Me and Stan nodded and that was it. The decision was made, and nothing else was said. Nothing else needed to be said.

When Mr. Mackey came back in, he had Sharon with him. She took us to the hospital to see Cartman, and I was thinking about bailing. Me and Cartman were never really friends, and we both agreed on that. Friendship just isn't how to describe our relationship. But since I didn't want to seem like a weak asshole, I went, despite the voice in the back of my head telling me I'll regret it. It's better than having the guys think I'm a bad person. It's not my place to bail on someone because of my own personal feelings, and they know that, so they'll probably just assume I'm being a heartless jerk.

Sharon kept trying to spark conversation, to relieve the tension that I didn't even notice was being built. She tried asking me and Kenny about how our lives have been since she last saw us, and I realised just how boring and uninteresting I sounded, talking about my grades and shit. All I had when the guys split was my studies, so I worked all day and night. To any sane person, that might seem dull, but if it pleased my parents to no end that I was not only passing, but exceeding, then I was willing to give up socializing for it.
The conversation gave me some new information about Kenny and Stan though.
Apparently, Kenny's sister, Karen, is extremely smart and has already skipped a few grades, and taken up high school classes. He's confident she'll be the first McCormick to graduate which is both sad and exciting in it's own fucked up way. Stan has a youtube channel, where he posts original songs and covers. I knew he played guitar, but it never occured to me that he might want to do something with it in the future. According to Stan though, Wendy encouraged him to do things other than sports, just in case it doesn't work out, and I agreed with her. Also, I'd really like to hear some of his stuff.

Once we were at the hospital, the uneasiness in my stomach doubled and I considered hanging back to get a hold of myself, but I swallowed my worry and followed the other three into the building. Hospitals have always put me on edge. It's not that I'm scared of needles like a fucking pansy, I just don't like the vibe, I guess. That was a really gay thing to say, but there's no other word for it. The second I step into a hospital, I know something's not gonna go well. It's just so off putting, from the smell of hand sanitizer in the air, to the completely white walls in the waiting room. It's nerve wracking, and I don't want to be here, but I know I have to. For Cartman's sake.

At the front desk, a lady,much like the ones from the Pokemon series, types away at her computer. Sharon gets her attention and asks where Cartman's room is. She dismissively waves and says '2102', which I'm not sure if she meant that or she just said a random number. Nonetheless, we all trudge down the halls, searching for room 2102. I can feel the heavy tension building the longer we're forced to wait to find him, and I'm seriously thinking of just hanging back in the car. This whole situation is so overwhelming, I'm not 100 percent convinced that I'll make it past this point in time. Like a real life 'Groundhog day'.

After endless searching, we finally find the room labeled 2102, and knocked. Nobody answered, so we just walked in. Probably not the best idea on our part, but it's already happened. There's no going back now. The first thing I notice is Cartman in bed. He's painfully small and pale, as if someone just took all his features and replaced them with that of a sickly kid from the 1960's. He's quiet, his face is dull and expressionless, and his hair is all over the place, probably from being rushed to the hospital. There's a tube going into his arm that he scratches quietly. I notice that his mother is nowhere to be seen, and question her cognitive thinking, then realise that I would've done the same. Sharon leaves us boys to reconnect, but that just makes things more awkward. There's a long, garring silence that I want to break so badly, but I'm not sure what to say. None of us are. Kenny, being the more sociable out of all of us, speaks first.

"Cartman, I'm sorry."

He kinda throws me off guard, along with Stan and Cartman. I guess the first thing you're supposed to tell your suicidal friend after his first attempt is an apology. Who would've guessed. Cartman obviously didn't, because his default response was to scoff and cross his arms. At least he's still acting like the old Cartman.

'Sorry for what?" He asked, a hint of anger in his tone. I guess I can't blame him for being angry. Cartman was never fond of not getting what he wanted.

"Sorry for leaving. Sorry for never asking if you were okay. Sorry for everything you went through. I just wish I could've done more, but I was too distracted." Kenny sighed. He sounded like a wounded puppy, and looked like he was gonna cry. This kind of behaviour isn't common for Kenny, and I felt sorta bad for him. Cartman didn't feel the same, because he groaned, and sat up. He had a evil glare plastered on his face, as if it was our fault he was still here.

"Don't fucking apologise. God, I hate when people do that."

I felt anger rising in the pit of my stomach. It's weird that Cartman can get on my nerves no matter the circumstances. He could be belittling my people or sitting in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt, and he's still make my blood boil. Why can't he just have a little human decency for once? I mean, for pete's sake he just attempted to end his life and he's still being difficult.

"We're trying to help you dick!" I spat. Stan and Kenny glanced at me questioningly, as if I did something wrong. I guess it is pretty weird that I'm already picking a fight with him, even though he's literally in a hospital bed.

"I see the Jew hasn't changed." He commented, a smug smirk spreading on his face. I know he's just trying to get a rise out of me, but I can't help but react. That's one of the many things I hate about Eric Cartman. How he can get under my skin with a single sentence. I don't want to give him this power over me, but I do. I think that's why he still hung out with me back then. Even though he always claimed to hate me, he loved to get on my nerves, because he knew I'd react. I knew this too, but I always just allowed it. I can't say why, as I don't even know myself, but it's sad how it took an attempted suicide to remind me of this.

Stan and Kenny moved next to Cartman while I was stuck in my thoughts resenting the Neo-Nazi prick. They were trying to get him to open up about the suicide, and what happened since we last interacted, but he was being difficult. He kept talking in a shallow way that either revealed little to no information or forced you to analyze it. I know over-analyzing is my thing, but I'm tired of observing this guy. He's so brief and manipulative, that thinking about him too long makes my head hurt. I can tell Kenny and Stan are experiencing the same distress trying to talk to him, but they're better at hiding it and trying to stay supportive. I don't hide anything, as I have no reason to. I see no reason in acting fakely happy with him because he almost died. He's still the same 'ol Cartman, so why should I change for him.

I take a seat next to his bed, and sigh. I'm not gonna bother filtering what I'm about to say for his sake.

"Cartman, you're being intentionally opaque for no reason, and it's getting on my last nerve. Can you just do us this one thing without adding a layer of enigma to it? We're just trying to help you."

"I don't remember asking for your help, Kahl. Also, you chose to come here, therefore you're putting yourself in this mess. If you don't want to face moral conundrums,then don't associate yourself with me. It's as simple as that."

I suppressed a growl the second the words left his lips. I swear to Moses, I'm not gonna be able to hold a conversation with this dick. Why am I still here? For some ungodly reason, I can't bring myself to leave. Maybe it's a guilty conscience, or maybe it's a reason that has to do with fate, but I just sink back in my chair, and muttered,

"At least this doesn't change anything"

"Couldn't agree more Jew."

How am I doing so far? This is my first serious fanfiction, with and actual premise and storyline tied to it, so please send reviews and constructive criticism. I have a lot planned for this story, so stay tuned. Hopefully, this doesn't end up like those unfinished fanfictions I keep seeing everywhere. Those piss me off to no end.

-Craigory