One step at a time
Stan didn't talk to me or Cartman all day on Friday. I'm convinced he didn't even go to school on Friday, though Kenny says otherwise. According to him, Stan's just a little butthurt that I kept choosing Cartman over him and just needs some time to cool down. I'm cool with that. I don't think I'd even want to talk to him if he was ready anyways, and it's possible he'll be ready to apologise to me and Cartman after this weekend.
After school on Friday, Cartman came back to my house with his bag, and we left almost immediately. We spent a few minutes making sure we wouldn't forget anything. Then we all piled into the car and prepared for a long, boring drive. I plugged in my headphones and listened to music the whole way, along with Cartman. Ike watched gameplay videos and played CoD on mobile. Halfway through my playlist, I nudged Cartman and offered we switch headphones, to shake it up a little, and he agreed. The song that was playing when he gave me his headphones was 'I'm a slave 4 U' by Britney Spears. I rolled my eyes, and knew I couldn't relax if this song was blasting in my ears, so I skipped it with the headphones buttons and 'Beautiful boy' by John Lennon came on. I never thought Cartman would be the type to listen to John Lennon, but this isn't the first time Cartman's proved me wrong in this sense.
I calmly listened to Cartman's playlist until we arrived at my Aunt Abigail's house. She lived in a very big house, which I always thought was odd because she lives alone, but I guess if I was given the money to buy such a big house, I'd do it too. We stepped in, and were instantly greeted by all my aunts and uncles, some I haven't even seen since I was in diapers. All my cousins, both young and old, were in Aunt Abigail's huge backyard playing games such as tag, hide and seek and basketball. Aunt Abigail pushed through the crowd of relatives to greet us and tell us where our rooms are. She's a lot different than I remember. Aunt Abigail is a woman of adventure, and she loves to travel, so she always has some sort of outfit from somewhere across the globe on. Today she's wearing a Indian dress and has her brown hair up in a bun. Her eyes are a dull green, contrasting from the gem thing on her forehead.
"Oh, Sheila and Gerald. Nice to see you again. And I assume these are your children Ike and Kyle. And who's this?"
She pointed to Cartman and he smiled and replied, "Eric Theodore Cartman. A guest brought by Kyle here.".
Aunt Abigail hopped in glee that another person would be joining us in our holiday traditions and told all five of us where our rooms are. Ike shared a room with one of our younger cousins, and I shared a room with Cartman. Me and Cartman threw our stuff on the bed and flopped down on each end, our heads meeting at the center. I sighed and braced myself for the weekend ahead.
"You got a big family dude." Cartman commented. I nodded and replied,
"Half of them is my dad's side, the other half is my mom's side. We combine on some holidays because we're all Jewish. Well, except some of my cousins, but they still come over for the festivities and free food."
Cartman half laughed, and folded his hands over his stomach.
"Where's cousin Kyle?"
"He's probably back with his mom. He might not be coming."
"Thank god. I might not last here if he was here."
I doubt he will anyways, but I'll leave that to him to decide. I sat up and turned back to him.
"We should get out there and meet some of my relatives or my mom's gonna drag us out. She says it's impolite to isolate yourself at a party."
Cartman nodded and we left the room, silently deciding to unpack later. The first people to greet me before I made it outside were some older aunt's and uncles. They were just admiring how 'tall' I'd gotten and how smart I am and all that good stuff. I enjoyed the praise and all, but I'd rather get Cartman outside before we bump into-
"Kyle? Is that you over there?!"
Oh no. It's Aunt Hannah. I tried to pretend I hadn't heard, but as loud as she is, you can never see her coming, and she ended up right in front of me.
"Kyle! Oh, how you've grown. I remember when you were as small as a grape.". She pinched my cheeks, despite me being much taller than her. Cartman snickered behind me, and I groaned as silently as possible, not to be rude to my Aunt Hannah.
"Who is this?" She pointed at Cartman after surrendering my cheek, but leaving a red imprint on it. I was about to introduce him, but Cartman does it on his own easily.
"Eric Theodore Cartman ma'am. Pleasure to meet you. I'm a dear friend of Kyle."
"One of Kyle's friends huh? Well, if you want to know anything about Kyle, just come to Auntie Hannah."
"Okay, thank you Aunt Hannah, but we have to get to the backyard!" I interrupted, slightly pushing past her and into the backyard. Cartman followed, probably plotting to meet her again later. We sat on the back porch steps and watched all the kids play. In the back were the preteens, on their phones, and up in the treehouse were the kids mine and Cartman's age, playing with the toddlers.
"Wow, you jews breed like rabbits." He commented. I nudged his arm and laughed a little. I'm glad he's spouting comments, but that's his first one today, and it wasn't as good as I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I'd hate for him to say something super insensitive in front of my family, but it doesn't feel right hearing little to nothing.
"Kyle?"
I snapped out of my trance and saw one of my favorite cousins in front of me.
"Asher!"
"Hey Kye! Nice to see you again."
Asher was one of my favorite cousins as a kid. He was the only one who wasn't completely brainwashed and goody goody. Me and him would sneak away when the adults were teaching old stories we already knew and we'd climb trees and find frogs in the nearby rivers. A few years back, he just started college and stopped coming to these parties, so I didn't think he'd be here. He's changed from the last time I saw him. He dyed his hair black and neon green, and he's wearing ripped jeans and a MCR shirt. Basically emo, or goth. I don't know the technical term. They all look the same to me.
He came up to me and gave me a firm handshake. Cartman glanced at him suspiciously, and stood up beside me.
"Who's this Kye?" Asher asked, pointing to Cartman. I have a feeling that's gonna be happening a lot today.
"A friend. Cartman, this is my cousin Asher. Asher, Cartman."
Cartman held his hand out for Asher to shake, and he took it, grinning.
"So, is he the SBF or the fatass? I'm guessing the second one."
"Ay fuck you Jew!"
Me and Asher grinned stupidly, causing Cartman to follow.
"Actually, I'm an atheist. Don't tell my parents that though."
Cartman nodded and sat back down, me and Asher following suit. Asher pulled out a Capri-sun from a cooler nearby and asked, "So Kyle, how's life been treating ya?"
"Alright, I guess. You know how it goes. Wake up, go to school, come home, study, sleep. Though, my schedules been off lately cause of this guy."
I pointed a thumb at Cartman, and he grinned smugly. "Guilty as charged."
Asher grins and takes a sip of his juice before starting, "That's good. Doing the same thing for too long isn't good for you man."
I nodded and turned back to the kids. There's a lot of cousins I don't know the names of, because they're new. My family only meets up at big parties at this, so I don't know all my cousins by name. Asher stood, catching mine and Cartman's attention.
"Well, I'm bored. I'm gonna talk it up with some of our aunts. They are just dying to know about any girlfriends I may have."
Oh yeah, Asher's gay. He told me back when we were small, and I never told a soul. He hasn't come out yet either.
I shrugged and decided to join him. It's not like there's much out here anyways.
We all went back inside and ate some apples dipped in honey as a snack. Well, I ate a few. Cartman dipped a whole ass apple in the honey and ate it like that. I swear, he's like a man-child. His hands were all sticky afterward too, but he just insisted that he was 'saving that honey for later'. I forced him to wash his hands, and we looked like idiots hovering over the sink together for 30 minutes. Even though I was super self conscious, I held a smile the entire time because I just felt super happy being next to Cartman like I was.
Throughout the entire day, Cartman didn't make a single anti-semitic comment. He didn't say anything about the food, or the traditions, or the clothes or anything.
Honestly, it worried me. It felt like I was hanging with a total stranger all day. He was putting on a mask of charm and interest to appeal to my elder family members, and it sickened me. I wanted to hear his real voice. I wanted him to just be himself, but I didn't want to seem pushy, so I just let him be.
The worst part is, I could tell he was uncomfortable. I can tell he was hiding all sorts of comments in his head, and he desperately wanted to say them, but he didn't. I was hoping he'd just explode at dinner, but he didn't. He quietly ate a few spoonfuls of plain mashed potatoes and said nothing as my family chatted. They tried asking him about his life goals and his interests, but he replied the same each time. "I don't really have any.".
After dinner, at around 9:00 PM, Aunt Abigail sent all of us kids under 18 to bed so the 'grown ups' could talk. I knew it was so they could drink and party, but I didn't say anything and wordlessly walked with Cartman to our room. He didn't even say anything when we were alone in the room. He just dressed into his nighttime clothes and slipped into bed. I waited for him to say something, but he never did. At around 1:00 AM, he got up to use the bathroom, and I planned on asking him about his behaviour when he came back. After he left to the bathroom, I shut the door, turned the light on and sat back on the bed. He took a while, so I scrolled on my phone for a little bit, and then I heard the toilet flush and heavy footsteps approach. When he came back in, I didn't look up from my phone.
"Did I wake you?" he asked.
"Not really. I was barely asleep to begin with."
He turned the light off and slipped back into bed. Despite my annoyance,I guess it's better to talk to him this way, so I don't have to see his face.
"Hey.." I started. Then I realised, I have no idea how to go about this. What do I say exactly? I want you to start belittling my people again, after years of resenting you for it?
He turned towards me, letting me know he was listening. I continued, "What was up with you today? You weren't yourself."
Nothing was said for a second, and I almost thought he'd fallen asleep, then he cleared his throat.
"Why do you care? You hate my anti-semitism. Unless you're telling me that after all these years, you've started to like it."
I huffed, "As if!". Though I'm not entirely sure I meant it. "And so what if I do? It's a part of who you are, and as your friend, I need to deal with you and all your flaws."
"Right. Well, I'd hate to get on your family's bad side. Especially your Aunt Hannah. I still need to hear some of those stories she promised."
I groaned. Then I sighed, "Can you just say something anti-semitic? Anything?"
Cartman grew silent, then I felt the bed shift as he sat up. I switched the bedside lamp on, and sat next to him, waiting. He took a deep, exaggerated breath, and said every single thought he had that day. He commented on my cousins, aunts, grandparents, uncles, the food, traditions and many more. To be honest, some of them made me laugh. Some he took too far, but most of his jokes weren't too bad, for Cartman standards. When he was done, he sighed happily and we stayed silent for a few extra seconds.
"Why didn't you say any of that stuff in front of my family? Don't tell me you care what they think about you."
"I don't! I just don't want them to hate me, I guess. Besides, I can't get away with much anymore. Calling an old Jewish lady Anne Frank is cute from a 10 year old, but is just downright disgusting coming from a young adult man."
"Well, don't feel like you need to censor yourself because of my family. I'll take responsibility for anything you say tomorrow.".
I saw his eyes light up, even in the dim lighting and he turned, a small smile spread on his face.
"Really?". I'm starting to regret saying that, but I can't take it back now.
"Yeah."
"Well, I don't know about you Kahl, but I am beat. We should get back to sleep. Got a big day tomorrow!"
I have a bad feeling about this.
When I woke up, Cartman had taken up practically all the blanket. I should've known he'd be a blanket hogger. The cold morning air made goosebumps rise on my skin, and I tried to pull the blanket out of Cartman's grasp, but with no success. Even in his sleep, he's got a fucking gorilla grip. Since it didn't seem like I was gonna be getting back to bed anytime soon, I trudged over to the door and decided to make something to eat. There was a line to both bathrooms when I went out, and I thanked Moses that I didn't need to pee this morning.
My aunt likes to buy sugary cereal and snacks for the kids when we come over, so I had a few options to choose from, eventually just picking fruit loops and sitting down. I ate my cereal while watching everyone cry and whine desperately for the bathroom. It was painful yet hilarious to watch, until one of my younger cousins pissed himself. Then I lost my appetite, and placed the bowl of half-eaten cereal in the sink. I forgot to charge my phone last night, plus I left it in the room, so I grabbed the remote and turned on the living room TV, switching it to Saturday morning cartoons. After a few hours, everyone had used the bathroom, eaten breakfast and was watching TV with me, though I wasn't really watching it. I'd rather get lost in my thoughts than yell at Dora the Explorah to go left all day.
I was recalling all the details Butters had told me on Thursday about Cartman's past that I'd overlooked. For example, he'd scream at the top of his lungs and toss things around. That's probably why a lot of the things in his house were broken when I was over there. He also mentioned that his mom would get scared of him when he was like that. What did he mean by scared? I wish I'd asked him to elaborate more. Maybe she would just be a bit frightened, because I can't imagine Liane cowering in fear over Cartman. That just doesn't seem right, but if it is, that may be why she left him. I had a feeling that Cartman wasn't being 100 percent honest with me when he told me why she left. It just doesn't seem plausible that she'd just leave him for, seemingly, no reason. Perhaps Cartman got angry after hearing the news, and began throwing things around like Butters said he did a lot. Then Liane must've left because she was scared. That also explains why Cartman never wanted to talk about it, and always froze when I brought it up. He must feel really guilty for driving his mom away, and I know that Cartman would never admit to throwing tantrums. I wonder if I can get her to come back. I mean, if I just explain what's happened since she left, maybe she'll realize that Cartman will never hurt her, and she'll come back. Though, I don't know when she left, where she went or even if she's still alive.
I guess I can focus on that again when it comes up, but what else did Butters say. He mentioned that Cartman started working out, which is already out of character for him, and that he lost a scary amount of weight around that time. I don't find it likely that Cartman started working out, and lost almost all his weight from it. There must've been something else going on. Was this before or after Liane's boyfriend came into the picture? If he was there, then I might have more to work with. Then again, all I can make are assumptions. I have no actual proof for any of this.
The couch shifted, and I saw Cartman had flopped next to me, his hair messy from sleeping. I smiled a little, and figured that I can solve this whole mess when the time comes that Cartman is willing to open up. For now though, I should focus on having fun.
"I forgot your family doesn't eat bacon. I should've smuggled some before coming over."
Oh yeah, I'm allowing Cartman to say whatever he pleases today. That's gonna get old soon. Some of my younger cousins giggled at his presence, causing him to turn his head and scowl.
"What the hell are you jews laughing at?" He snarled. The kids just continued to giggle in their hands. I was also curious why they thought Cartman was so funny, then one of the little girls blurted out,
"You got a big tummy!" and made all the other kids burst out laughing, including the preteens, teens and me. Cartman started to blush and yell something along the lines of 'big boned' and 'It's all muscle.". Although I don't doubt he has any muscle, he's still got a bit of a stomach. I think it's just his genetics, not anything to do with his diet. After all, I haven't really seen him eat much of anything lately. Sure, he ate some plain mashed potatoes yesterday, but that's really it. He stomped away, telling all of us "Screw you guys! I'm goin back to mah room!". I followed after him, hoping he isn't too butthurt about the whole situation. Once we arrived at our room, he tossed a pillow around the room, punching it and hitting it against the bed. I guess that's better than breaking something expensive.
"Hey dude, they're just kids. Don't let 'em get to you. Come on, let's go eat something." I stood at the doorway, kind of fearing to get closer, like he'd target me or something. I presume this is how Liane felt when he threw a tantrum.
"Ha, yeah right! So they can rip on me more? Get lost Kahl! Go watch your dumb cartoons with your gross, Jewy family.". He proceeded to toss the pillow across the room and lay back on the bed, steadying his breathing. I didn't take the insults too badly, after all he's just talking out his ass anyways, and moved to sit next to him.
"You need to eat something Cartman. I've been watching you since Wednesday, and all I've seen you eat is one spoonful of plain mashed potatoes. I'm starting to get worried because-"
"I know! Because I'm the 'fatass', like Asher said. Eating is my whole personality, right Kahl? If I'm not eating, then 'Quick! Somebody call the police! The town fatass skipped lunch!'."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it Cartman. Quit acting like this and eat something before I make you."
"Oooohhh, I'm soo scared!"
This asshole! Why can't he just let me help him? I'm obviously worried, and he's treating me like I'm insulting him! For eating!
"That's it!" I screeched. I flung myself off the bed and towards the door, leaving Cartman and his sour attitude behind. Well, not really. I was going to the kitchen to get him something to eat, but I left in a way that made him think I wasn't coming back. Serves him right! I'm trying to be a good friend, and he has the audacity to respond as if I was intentionally trying to insult him by twisting my words and rejecting my offers of aid!
Back in the living room, the little kids were watching 'Peppa pig', commenting that Cartman was daddy pig everytime he came on screen. I figured I should intervene before the kids become fatphobic or something of that sort.
"Hey guys, remember not to make fun of people because of their weight. It's not cool okay?". They all nodded and I thought my job as a role model was done, but one of the more annoying kids, his name is Jacob, spoke up.
"Kyle is Mommy pig!". At first, I didn't see the correlation, then another kid, Jeremy, added "Yeah! He's defending Daddy pig because they're married!". All the kids 'ooohhh'ed and I just stood there, heat rising on my cheeks. Did they just imply that I'm defending Cartman because I'm married to him? A bit childish, but then why am I getting so embarrassed? It's not like it means anything, right? It's just childish taunting. I walked back to the kitchen without another word, and grabbed the first thing I could that could be a, somewhat decent, breakfast meal for Cartman. I grabbed a container of strawberries and quickly went back to the room.
When I came back, Cartman was curled up under the blanket. His face was covered, so I couldn't tell whether he'd went back to sleep or not. I assumed he was awake, because he would've been less tense if he were asleep. Also, he'd be snoring like an old man. I laid a gentle hand on, what I guessed was, his shoulder, and he sprung from the blanket like I'd just infected him.
"Hey. Sorry for earlier. Truce?" I asked, holding out the strawberries to him. He grinned and nodded, moving so I could sit next to him. I did happily, and opened the container, popping a strawberry into my mouth. I didn't get to finish breakfast after all. I held the container out to Cartman, and he shakily took the strawberry from the box, studying it.
"I didn't poison it dude." I teased. He gave me a weird look. Like the look a child gives to his dad when his mom makes a really bad dinner. A look that says 'Do I really have to eat this?'. I gave him a reassuring smile, and urged him to go ahead. He put the tip of the strawberry to his mouth, taking a small little nibble. I don't know why Cartman isn't eating like he used to, but I'm getting really scared for him. He'd only eaten a little bit of the strawberry, then he stopped, pulling it away like it was on fire.
"What's wrong dude?"
"Nothing, I'm not hungry is all." He said, but I knew he was lying. It didn't help that his stomach churned right after he'd said that.
"A little strawberry won't hurt." I cooed, hoping it would help.
"It's not my weight I'm concerned about."
"Then what is it?"
Cartman sunk back against the headboard, and tossed what was left of his strawberry into the wastebasket.
"I- Why should I tell you?" He snapped. I felt myself getting angry again, but counted back from 10, and tried to reason with him.
"Because, it's better than bottling everything up! I don't want you to attempt-"
I stopped. I don't think I have the power to continue that sentence. Cartman sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I know. I'm sorry for that, but there's some things better left unsaid. And it's not like I enjoy talking about these things either, so don't think you're the only one who has no idea what's going on."
I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't, and another silence ensued. I was secretly hoping he'd just start talking, about anything, but he didn't. Soon, my mom peeked her head in the room.
"Boys, come on and play with the other kids outside."
"Alright ma. We'll be out in a minute."
"Is everything alright."
"Yeah, just give us a sec."
My mom nodded, noticing the tension, and left us alone again. I put the strawberries on Cartman's lap, and turned to him.
"Can you please just eat one? Just one.". He looked at me, then at the strawberries, and shook his head.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Cause I just can't!"
"Why Cartman?!"
"Because I-"
"Because what?"
"I physically can't!".
He buried his head in his knees and waited for my response. I was still in yelling mode, so my answer came out a little harsher than I intended.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I can't eat. Like, I can eat, but it hurts. A lot happened back then, and eating is a bad reminder of the shit I went through. Every time I so much as put food to my lips, I feel like throwing up. When I eat something too sweet, or spicy, or greasy, or even just too flavored, I barf. I can't control it anymore. That's why I only ate those plain mashed potatoes the other day. Too much of anything makes me sick. I don't want to throw up here, so I'm trying my hardest to eat as little as possible.". I didn't say anything. What could I say? Cartman sunk back, and moved the strawberries to the nightstand. "So, there you have it. Are you happy now Kahl?".
I sighed."I'm glad you told me. I know I can never understand how you feel, but I want to help.". I grabbed a strawberry and bit half of it off, and held the other half to him. "We'll take it one step at a time, okay?". He took what was left of the strawberry and took a bite of it, smiling.
"Okay. One step at a time."
Ahhhhhhhhh
I might come back and rewrite this later, cause it's not as good as I know it can be. There's a lot of moment's where Cartman and Kyle become more OOC than I want, and it's really frustrating because there's no other way to rewrite the scene so it isn't completely out of character. (T-T)
Well, the next chapter will focus more on Asher, because he plays a big role in this part of the story. If any of you have any Jewish traditions your family does on Yom Kippur, please share!
As always, any reviews, criticism, complaints, or anything else, please tell mee!
-Craigory