Iconic Asher Adventure

The rest of the day went relatively smooth. I managed to get Cartman to eat a few crackers, and he made the party more bearable for everyone here, well mostly the kids. He kept making his usual racist comments, but everyone thought he was just the funniest shit ever, inflating his ego beyond belief. I'll admit, he does make this gathering a little more fun, in his own way. I, along with a few of my older cousins, helped the adults with chores while the kids and Cartman played in the rooms. I didn't want to help with chores, but my mom guilt tripped me into it. When I was done, Cartman had gotten the kids to recite the whole script for the 'Mean girls' movie. Great, now I have to deal with my younger cousins spouting 'You go Glen Coco.' and 'On Wednesdays, we wear pink.' all day. At least he's enjoying himself, and he's not uncomfortable like yesterday. Though, I did catch him chatting with my Aunt Hannah more than once today. I tried getting closer to them to hear the conversation, and I just found they were talking about some of my other relatives. I continued to listen, just in case Cartman starts to say something offensive.

"That is very interesting, but why would they want to pursue dancing? I thought Jewish people can't dance?" Cartman says. I resisted the urge to smack my face, and my aunt kindly corrected him.

"Now, where on Earth did you hear that?"

"I just assumed so, since Kahl has no rhythm when it come to dancing."

"What are you talking about. Kyle loves to dance. I remember he'd always come out to do the hokey pokey with his cousins. I think I still have a video of it somewhere on my phone."

"Oh, please do show me!"

I stepped closer, hoping to stop them. Cartman saw me approaching, and smirked. This asshole. Aunt Hannah turned her phone into landscape mode, and I knew she was showing him the video. He started to grin stupidly, and I went up and stood next to him, ignoring Aunt Hannah's greeting. On her screen was a, very low quality, video of a 5 year old Kyle doing a very delayed dance of the hokey pokey next to my cousins. You can tell in the video that I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn't want to be there. I remember slipping and all the adults calling me out for it, which made me upset and I ran to my mom, almost crying. Before that moment could come on, I pushed the phone towards my aunt and said,

"Okay, that's enough Aunt Hannah. Me and Cartman gotta go help make lunch.". I pulled Cartman towards the kitchen before my aunt could answer, a stupid grin still on his face. I prayed he wouldn't say anything about the video before we made it to the kitchen, but I was wrong.

"Gee Kahl, I didn't know Jew's did the hokey pokey. Don't be embarrassed by the video though. I could tell that none of the other kids knew what they were doing anyways. You fit in perfectly."

I groaned, and let go of him when we entered the kitchen. I started to bring out some ingredients to make lunch, and Cartman looked at me.

"So, what are we making exactly?"

"Well, I can't cook much so I figured we could make sandwiches for everyone. There's 45 people here, minus the kids under 7, so we'd better get to work soon."

"Yeah, we're not doing that."

Cartman started to toss the food I just pulled out to make sandwiches back into the cabinets.

"Then what do you suggest we make?"

"Listen, I may not be the biggest eater anymore, but I'm still the Gordon Ramsay of South park. We're gonna give these Jews the best meal they've ever eaten! Remind me what Jews can't eat."

I rolled my eyes, but listed, "Pork and Shellfish. Also, you can't combine any Dairy and meat."

He clicked his tongue in response, and started to gather ingredients for whatever he planned to make.

"What exactly are you gonna make?"

"A little meal I learned to make once when my mom was out for a few days. Something I like to call..."

He dramatically grabbed the bag of doritos and hamburger buns and shouted, "Doritoburgers!"

"Doritoburgers?" I questioned, dumbfounded. He nodded and brought out some meat my aunt had. She has a lot of food.

"But I could use some help. I know your aunt's got a grill out back, so I' m gonna get it and start it up. While I do that, I need you to massage the meat and grind up Doritos in it."

He handed me the tray of ground beef, and left. I sighed and decided not to argue. If Cartman is as good of a chef as I think he is, then this may all be worth it later. I pulled out a big red bowl from the cabinets, and dumped the meat into it, then started to knead my fingers in it, massaging just like Cartman told me to. My hands started to get wet and got meat stuck to them, so I wondered how I was gonna get the doritos in it, then one of my younger cousins came up to me. She looked at me with curious eyes, and pointed to the Doritos.

"Can I have some?" She asked.

"Sorry Adeline, those are for dinner. You can help me make it, if you want."

He eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically. I ordered she get the chips for me, and she pulled up a chair to reach the counter. Then I told her to crush the chips into the bowl, and she did wonderfully. The broken chips parts kept scratching my skin, but I ignored it. Pretty soon, a few more kids came over and wanted to join, so I let them. Four or five of them hovered around me, crushing chips in the ground beef. It was a bit overwhelming, but fun. Soon, Asher came over and offered to help and I had a whole crew working. When we had enough chips in the bowl, I let some of the kids help massage the beef, much to all their parents despair, and I dried off my hands to help Asher cut the veggies. Finally, after forever, Cartman came back in and saw the catastrophe in the kitchen. The kids were doing a fairly well job balling the meat into patties, but they were mostly in completely different sizes. Cartman was also irritated because the vegetables I cut were different sizes, but it's not like we were gonna cook them. They were just gonna go on the patties, which are already different in the first place, so it all evens out in the end. It was fun making all the food, but I think it was better eating it. Of course, everyone liked them, and praised all of us for making it. Cartman didn't eat any though, for his personal reasons, but I managed to get him to at least try some lettuce. He claimed I was being a 'uptight jew', which sparked a few nasty looks from my family, but I just smiled and continued to eat my burger.

After lunch, me and Cartman retreated back to the room to chill. My phone had died, due to the shit battery, so Cartman offered we watch Youtube videos he downloaded on his phone, and that's what we did. We mainly watched stuff like Filthy Frank and Game Grumps. Pretty soon his phone died, and we decided to take a nap since there's nothing else to do. Cartman fell asleep relatively easy, but I had some trouble. It's really cold in the room, because my aunt sweats bullets so the house needs to be freezing for her to be at room temperature. I shivered, and tried to pull the blanket closer, but of course, Cartman was hogging the blanket again. I swear I'm never gonna enjoy sleeping with this prick.

That meaning I'm gonna hate the rest of this weekend. I would never willingly sleep next to him.

Why am I making this weird? There's nothing wrong with sleeping next to a friend. Heck, me and Stan used to sleep in the same bed all the time.

At sleepovers of course.

Grr, get your head out of the gutter Kyle. There is absolutely nothing weird about sleeping next to a friend.

I turned and held myself, trying to get more warmth. The bed shifted as Cartman stirred in his sleep, pressing his chest to my back. God, he's so warm. Like a portable heater. Reminds me of when we hugged back a few days ago. Despite us being outside, I was really warm in his arms. I'd love to feel that heat again. His heat. I turned to my other side, moving my face only a few inches away from Cartman's. I could see every detail of his face from here. All his eyelashes, his wide cheeks, and soft jawline. Weird how he could lose all that weight, yet the fat on his face stayed. His lips are so pink and plump. They look soft...

...

Curse my teenage, hormonal brain. It just occurred to me that I haven't jerked off in almost a week. I would, but I don't want to wake Cartman. I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow night. Though, it would make me warmer. Speaking of warmer, Cartman's body heat is radiating off him and onto me cause I'm so close to him. I should move just a little closer. There's a small part of my mind, the more reasonable part, screaming 'bad idea bad idea bad idea' right now, but how bad of an idea can it be? I know for a fact that I wake up earlier than Cartman does 98 percent of the time, so the worst that can happen is that I wake him up and he catches me snuggling into him. Although, if I close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep, I can say I had no idea.

This is really bad idea.

I let my eyelids fall and slowly scooted closer to him as quietly as possible. Once my head was in his chest, I felt the warmth at full capacity. It was so relaxing, knowing such a strong, warm being was next to me. The best description of it is like when you ran to your bed and instantly covered up as a kid so the 'monsters' wouldn't get you. It's like that. Just feeling something covering me like this is so reassuring. I could smell his cologne. It was a mix of pine needles and chocolate. Amazing, as far as I'm concerned. I felt myself drifting off. And the last this I remember is a heavy weight on my arm as Cartman wrapped his arms around me.

When me and Cartman woke up, it was about 10:00 PM. All the kids had gone to bed, along with most of the adults. The whole house was quiet, it was eerily comforting. It's always a weird experience, waking up when the sun has gone down. It almost feels illegal waking up that late. When I did though, I was sprawled on top of Cartman, my face buried in his neck. His arm was wrapped around my lower back, holding me in place. I felt my skin tingle under his touch, from the morning daze I presume, and tried to calculate the best way to get up without waking him. I lied in the position for a moment longer, struggling to pull away from his touch. I guess I'm just super touch deprived.

Soon, he woke up with a grunt and a small "what?". I didn't dare move, or even breath. If he knew I was willingly lying on top of him, then who knows how he'd react. I closed my eyes and relaxed, pretending to be asleep still. He removed his hand from my back, and held me steadily, slowly pushing me off of him. I tried my hardest to stay calm as he handled my limp body so carefully. As if he were handling a new toy, and didn't want to break it. He left to go to the bathroom, and I sat up, sighing. It's still cold as balls in this room, not to mention the cool night air blowing in, but at least I can wrap myself in the blanket. Pulling the blanket over my head and whole body, I sat against the headboard, waiting for Cartman to return. When he did, we stared at each other for a quick second.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, his voice in a whisper.

"A little bit." I replied. He crawled back into bed with me, and I opened the blanket wrap, welcoming him in. He took it, and we sat in silence for a bit. There's not really much to do tonight, since both our phones are dead, and we're too lazy to dig for our chargers in our suitcases. We sat together, our shoulders touching. I cleared my throat, and whispered, "You think we can get back to sleep?". He scoffed and replied, "Probably not.". Then the silence came again. Finally, Cartman said something.

"You wanna go adventuring?"

I snickered a little, at the immaturity of that sentence, and asked, "Like, around the house?".

"Like, outside. You know, past the fences and shit. It'll be fun."

I smiled, and considered the thought. I mean, it's not like we have anything else to do, though I'm not too keen on getting lost here. I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow, so throwing a search party isn't too ideal. On the other hand though, with the slim chance that me and him don't get lost, it could be fun. We might find something cool, like an abandoned building. Maybe we should bring an adult or something.

And I know which one to invite.

"Sure, but Asher's coming too."

I felt Cartman move the bed as he nodded, and we quietly headed out to Ashers room. The floor creaked with Cartman's footsteps, and I shushed him more than once for it. He'd glare at me everytime I did, but I can't help it. I don't want to get caught sneaking out here. I'll never hear the end of it, not just from my parents, but from all my relatives as well. I'll be known as 'The cousin who snuck out' forever. That's one of the biggest reasons I don't like getting in trouble back at home. I'll still be hearing about it weeks, sometimes months, later from relatives because everyone feels like they need to put their two sense into the situation weeks after I've learned my lesson. It's exhausting.

When me and Cartman found Asher's room, he still had his light on, and we heard faint guitar playing. When I listened closer, I recognised the song. It was 'Generation Why' Conan Gray. I should've known that he'd like Conan Gray. I gently knocked on the door, waiting for his approval before entering. He put his guitar away, and tucked it under his bed before he spoke.

"Hey guys. You need something?"

I held the back of my neck when I spoke. "Yeah, me and Cartman want to go for a drive, but we need an adult to go with us, and you're technically an adult. Can you?"

He held a hand to his chin for a moment, before shrugging and grabbing his car keys from the nightstand. Me and Cartman excitedly followed him outside to his beaten up truck. It was a dark green color, and had dirt around the wheels. There was some stuff I didn't bother getting a close look at in the trunk and hopped into the back. I've already accepted the fact that Cartman would throw a bitch-fit if he didn't get the front seat, and just took the back before that could happen. He got into the front seat, along with Asher, and we left Aunt Abigail's house, going who knows where. This may just be me, but I love nighttime drives like this. It always feels sort of dreamlike in theses kinds of scenarios. Like nothing is real except for us, driving on an endless road under the moonlight.

Asher soon pulled into a place that felt strangely familiar, yet I swore I'd never seen, and told us to get in his trunk. We did, and he lowered the back door on it, revealing the beautiful view from the cliff we'd parked on. He also got some blankets he had and gave us both one. I gazed off at the view, just absolutely mesmerized. It's not everyday you see something like this, after all. After a while, Asher spoke, "You remember this place Kyle?"

Huh, so I have been here before. I guess he can tell by the look on my face the answer to his question is no. He chuckled and started,

"It was on one of our cousins birthdays. I don't remember which one, or anything that happened, but I do remember asking you to bail with me, and you did. We ran off, in a race, and ended up here. After I calmed you down, because you thought we were lost, we sat on the edge of this cliff, just admiring the view from up here. You said that you don't get to see things like this because you live in a small town, and I told you I was gay."

Oh yeah, I do remember that. I remember thinking what everyone would say if they knew. Then I promised not to tell a soul.

"Oh yeah. No wonder I immediately loved this place."

Me and Asher laughed quietly, and I leaned against the side of the truck, my eyes suddenly feeling heavy again. Didn't I just wake up? Well, I guess it's just the whole atmosphere making me sleepy. I sighed and allowed my eyes to fall.

I couldn't have been asleep for more than a few seconds, but when I opened my eyes, Cartman and Asher were sitting on the edge of the trucks back door, drinking beer that Asher just had lying around I guess. Cartman was holding something in his hands that looked familiar. I soon noticed that it was my old dreidel from when I was, like 2. My mind was still a bit fuzzy from just waking up, but I managed to pick up some of the conversation.

"...really abusive and overall, not the best place to be. It..it was rough." I heard Cartman whisper. Asher gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. I wish I'd woken up a few seconds earlier, so I could hear what Cartman said. Who was really abusive, and why is telling Asher about this freely, but won't even tell his own friends. I was snapped out of my thoughts when Cartman whispered something, barely audible.

"I just don't want to ruin anything anymore."

...

"I get it man. Why do you think I haven't come out yet, even though I'm literally an adult in college?"

They shared a brief chuckle, and looked back out at the view.

"You should really consider opening up though. At least to Kyle. I've seen the way he looks at you. He...he really cares about you. If you told him what you told me, then he wouldn't judge you. Sure, what you did was bad, but it's not like you pulled a gun or something. It was a simple mistake. Caught in the moment is all. Kyle will understand, your friends will too."

"I know, but will he really? Like, I know he'll act all nice and supportive with me, but will he really understand. Deep down, don't you think he might be afraid of me or something? Like I might...hurt him too."

Hurt me? Too? Who did he hurt?

"I don't think Kyle will ever be afraid of you. When we were younger, he'd talk about you a lot. He'd tell me about the things you did, both to him and other kids. You were fucking terrifying man. Even I was scared of you, and I'd never even seen your face before, but not Kyle. He was never scared of you. Not once. He made that very clear. I even asked him about it once, and he told me, 'I will never be scared of fatass. He may do sick, twisted shit, but he doesn't scare me. I know how to hit him where it hurts, and he knows that. He'd never hurt me, and if he were to try I'd probably kick his teeth in.'. He said that back when we were 8, but I still think he means it."

Cartman sighes and sits back, propping himself on his hand.

"I still don't know. I'll entertain the thought though."

I saw Cartman's neck start to shift, and snapped my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep again. Cartman looked back at me, and I couldn't exactly tell what he was doing until I felt his arms slide under my body. I had to bite my tongue so I didn't stiffen at his touch, and he lifted me off of the truck and into the car. As he was lying me down on the car seat in the back, he moved the hair sticking out of my hat out of my face, and stroked my cheek.

"I just can't handle losing the best thing that's happened to me in 7 years."

.

.

.

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I'm so fucking confused.

Hello Children!

Another chapter done! This took longer than I wanted it to, but bear with me. I just found out it's Wednesday Oct 15 and not Monday Oct 01. I know, I'm slow as fuck.

Hope this chapter gave you guys more to work with when piecing together Cartman's past. I have the whole story written on a google doc, so only bits and pieces for now! I'm sorry for making you all suffer with this, but tension builds dramatic endings.

One more thing, I was rewriting a few chapters for this story, and I decided that once this is done, I might make a story after about Kyle solving his own problems instead of trying to help Cartman with his. The way this story ends leaves a lot of loose ends and unsolved questions. I am not okay with that, so if I still am invested in this story once I finish, then expect a sequel. Yay.

As always, reviews, criticism, comments or anything else, please share below!

~Craigory