Distraction: Chapter Twenty-Four

There were voices in the room and I really wanted to hear what they had to say. Apparently, I had gotten quite adept at hiding my presence in the Force, because Yoda hadn't realized I was awake. Or else he did and was pretending not to notice. Whichever the case, I took advantage of the moment and spied upon the conversation. It wasn't eavesdropping when the conversation was about you, was it?

"He looks pale," Padme pointed out. "And much too thin. What do you think happened to him?"

So, she still cared. That was good to know.

"Many times, warned by the Force I was of danger. Help him, I could not. Risked his life, many times, I believe he did."

That's right Master Yoda. Share my story with her before I had to. Perhaps she'd listen to him.

"He should've taken me with him. I could've watched his back. Or at least made sure he ate something once in a while."

Maybe not.

"A warrior he is. Trained to fight and yet, scars, he has gotten. Nearly lost him, we did. Trained you are to fight, but for this type of mission, you are not. Here, is where you needed to be; to grieve and find your center, is what you needed to do."

Very well put. I couldn't have said it better myself.

"I wouldn't have been grieving if he would've taken me with him!"

And yet, she's still arguing.

"Ben's departure is not what I speak of. The grief over the loss of Master Kenobi is what clouded your mind. Darkened your spirit, it did. Not your fault, an opportunity to grieve was not given. Asleep you were. But awake these past months, you have been, and shine you once again do. Only now, live you can. Only now, love again, you can."

Master Yoda's words must've hit the mark because she was suddenly quiet - an opportune moment to reveal I was awake. I stretched and yawned to warn them before opening my eyes.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, pulling myself up to a sitting position.

"Nearly an entire day," Padme answered.

Good. At least she was talking to me.

"Alone, I shall leave you. Come to my home later to talk, you will."

It was more of a command than a question, but I guess when you're 800-something years old, you can get away with things like that.

"I'll come to see you in a little while," I replied to his backside before the door closed.

I was going to give Padme my undivided attention, but she'd already left the bedside and moved to the kitchen area, where it appeared she was preparing a plate of food. My eyes followed her every move and if I was correct, I believe she may have gained some weight. Just enough to improve her figure even more. And despite the conditions not favoring it, her skin seemed to have been tanned by the sun. Her hair was put up but not as strict as it used to be. Long tendrils were allowed to fall over her shoulders. In other words, she seemed to be doing fine without me.

Why that seemed to bother me was hard to explain. What had I expected? For her to be weeping non-stop for me? For her to worry and fret herself to death over me? How selfish was I?

She had thrived here of all places, without me. She didn't need me after all, and I should be happy about that. I was in a way, and yet, I worried about it as well. If she were angry enough with me…she could send me away. For good. The thought hadn't crossed my mind until now.

It was I who should be grateful. I was the one wandering around in the dark. I didn't rescue her as much as she'd rescued me. I could see that now, but how could I make her understand that?

My mind was a jumble of emotions all of a sudden – something else I'd blame near exhaustion for.

I had yet to leave the bed before she handed me a meal. I'm sure it was edible, although I wasn't sure which part. And were those eyes looking back at me?

"Swamp toad stew with rootleaf," she offered as an explanation. "It's all we have until the harvest."

Harvest? The confusion must've shown on my face.

"There's a garden about nine meters north of here. I'm growing tubers, sour muja, and palli. Everything's doing well except for the palli. I don't think it likes this climate."

My gaze had turned from confused to amazed. She was a woman of many hidden talents, though swamp toad stew wasn't one of them. Although I couldn't actually judge it seeing that I hadn't yet taken a bite. I wasn't in the mood to eat at the moment and besides, I preferred food that didn't stare back.

I set the untouched plate on the table by the bed. She immediately reached for it, took it back to the pot, and dumped the contents back in.

"We can't afford to waste food around here. Even when it's not to your liking."

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I'm just not hungry right now."

Since when had I started lying to her?

"I can hear your stomach growling all the way across the room, Ben."

She said my name in a way that made me smile, although I'm sure she didn't mean to. There was a tempest in this cabin and it was about to be released. I needed to proceed with caution.

"I'll eat in a little while," I told her. Right now, I needed to get her mind off toads. "You mentioned yesterday you'd like to talk. Maybe we should do that."

It was the first time I couldn't guess her thoughts or intentions. She was able to school her features quickly and quite well before she began tidying up around the cabin, busying herself enough to avoid eye contact with me, I imagined.

"Talk? Talk about what? What would you and I possibly have to talk about? The weather? The forecast is pretty much the same here day in and day out: Partly cloudy, a good chance for rain, and lots of humidity. How about Master Yoda? Do you wish to talk about him? He's been doing fine. He developed a dry cough a while back, but a tonic I made for him seemed to help. Let's see…there's the garden. Oh wait, we already covered that."

"Padme." Her rambling had forced me up off the bed, but it took a grip of my hand on her arm to completely draw her attention.

When she spun round to face me, her eyes were wide and moist, although I suspected any tears she may shed in the near future were the result of anger and nothing more.

"You left me!" she shouted, loudly enough that I backed away two steps for good measure. "You left me here on a swamp with lizards, snakes, bats, these huge spider things that hang down from the trees, and did you know that in Bog Number One there's a dragonsnake? Do you know what a dragonsnake is, Ben?"

I did, but I wasn't about to say so.

"It's dangerous, that's what it is!"

I nodded my head in agreement but didn't say a word. Perhaps it was best to let her get everything out first.

"I sleep, I wake, I garden, I eat. And then the next day it starts all over again. I'm talking to a lizard these days, Ben. I named her Sola."

As if on cue, something pushed open the door Yoda hadn't apparently closed all the way and in walked an amphibious creature at least two meters long. It walked right past Padme and I and curled up on a rug in front of the fireplace.

"Sola, meet Ben. Ben, this is Sola."

"Nice to meet you, Sola," I decided to play all along, receiving sight of a long lizard tongue in reply.

"I'm being serious." Padme interrupted my silliness and stood next to the hearth and her friend, arms crossed.

"Very well," I agreed, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Let's get this all out in the open. I can tell you're angry with me."

That particular comment resulted in a brow lift, which I'd always found charming on her, though this was probably not a good time to say so.

"But what exactly are you angry about?" I asked. "I mean if you had to narrow it down to one main thing."

Her hands flew out in irritation as she sought the ceiling with her eyes. "One thing? You want me to narrow it down? Well, let's see: You left me, Ben!"

Again, she reiterated the same thing. At this point, it was safe to assume that it was her number one complaint.

"I hear what you're saying," I encouraged her while maintaining a calm, steady voice. "But what you're not saying is that I left you here. In this place. Dagobah. Apparently, that's not the issue. What you seem most upset about is that I left without you."

"You could put it that way," she insisted, with less emotion. "Why did you do that? I could've come with you. I could've…"

"No." I stopped her at that point. I'd already overheard this conversation. "There was absolutely no way I would've taken you with me. It was a risk I wasn't willing to take. He's still out there, Padme."

I allowed the news to settle on her and a slow awareness lowered her brow. "You mean Anakin. The Emperor had another clone."

"Yes. And this one is just as vicious and cunning as the last." I could share some stories to prove my point but decided against that. She was just going to have to take me at my word. At least this once.

"And Obi-Wan? Did you see another of him as well?"

Was that a wistful tone in her voice I'd just heard, or had I imagined it? Surely, after all this time she didn't still harbor feelings for the man.

"No," I replied. "I believe we eliminated the last of him. It looks like you're stuck with just me."

I meant it as a joke but immediately regretted it. Neither of us found it humorous. If I were lucky, she hadn't been paying attention. She'd begun pacing before finally sitting down across from me.

"Let me be clear," she began, this time maintaining constant eye contact. "I loved Obi-Wan, and when you came into my life, I still did. In some way, I guess I always will, but you aren't him. I realize that now. What I needed was time and seeing you only reminded me of what I'd lost."

Careful….careful. "Then, you're admitting it was a good idea to leave you here."

She gazed at me with heavy skepticism and a slight smile then. "Don't mince my words. I'm mad at you mainly because you didn't say goodbye. I will confess that time alone has given me the opportunity to move on, but that's all I'm going to admit."

"Good enough," I said quickly, before leaning back in the chair. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. I was a coward for not coming to you before I left, but believe me when I say that leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

"Hm," she replied suspiciously before standing up and walking back to the cookpot. "To prove your loyalty and before I forgive you, I must insist you sample my cooking."

She soon presented a plate before me I could've sworn had more eyeballs floating on it than the first one. I swallowed my pride before I swallowed one of them whole. The thing tasted like the swamp smelled; musty, muddy, and foul.

My face contorted to reveal my displeasure which Padme must've thought quite comical. The sound of her laughter almost made the dish palatable. Well, almost.