Authors note:
Hey guys, first and foremost, I would like to thank every one of you that have read this story so far. The traffic on it over the past seven days has been incredible and I am honoured that 24 of you would either favourite/follow this story. A special thank you also has to go out to the 5 of you that have supplied my 8 reviews. Unfortunately, this update is nowhere near as large as the last, so anyone hoping for another sixteen chapters will have to be disappointed for now. Instead, this update will supply the epilogue to part two (more on that later) and give me the chance to address a few things that have come up in the reviews, discuss my thoughts on where the story is at present and where I see it heading in the future.
So, first off, I would like to take some time to discuss the direction I chose to take Tai's arc in over the course of part two. As I had no end destination in mind for the story when I started, let alone a plan, the decision to take it down this particular route was not something I had in mind from the off. It was only when I came to write the second chapter of part 2, that I made the decision to turn things on its head and flip the character roles. In regards to Tai's character, I have always considered him to be a very strong, decisive person, however, Tri revealed that he develops another side to his personality when he starts to see the bigger picture. I like to use the analogy that even the strongest chain has its weak point and I think we can all agree that, in Tai's case, that is most definitely Kari.
Going back to the story, Tai finds out something huge when his sister tells him that she is in love with him. However, as big a bombshell as this might be, it does not compare to the revelation that he is also in love with her. Unfortunately, for Tai, this occurs less than an hour after he learns of Kari's secret. This double-barrelled shot puts him in a very precarious place emotionally, where the logical option is for him to deny his feelings. Except over the course of the next two weeks, his constants thoughts on the matter and ultimately his date with Teiko, force him accept the truth far sooner than he is ready to. Before he even has a proper chance to process everything, he makes a classic Tai mistake of choosing to act. In this instance, by talking to Kari for information regarding a subject that has only really be on his mind for a few hours. After talking to his sister and finding out how she feels, he immediately begins to fear what might happen to her should he reveal the truth to her. This ultimately leads him to defer to his default position, whereby he must protect his sister at all costs; nothing else matters. So within two weeks of bombshell number one, Tai has boxed himself into a position where he feels that he must hide his feelings from Kari before he has even properly begun to process them. In Tai's head, he is doing both the right and brave thing in order to protect his sister. Unfortunately, the dire consequences of this quickly become apparent.
Because he has made these decisions without taking the proper time to understand both his and Kari's feelings, Tai finds himself plagued by the situation with no outlet or person he can talk to. However, he is convinced that the right thing to do is to keep Kari ignorant (for it will keep her happy) and he must be brave and do everything he can to prevent her from finding out. His problems are quickly compounded by his heavy school workload. For those of you who do not know, the final year of high school in Japan revolves around preparing for a singular examination that will determine your future options; little else matters. The workload is much higher than what we have in the UK (where I am from) or in the US. Thus so is the pressure to make sure you don't fall behind. While other options may have presented themselves to him, Tai was unlucky that he accidentally sliced his arm and inadvertently found release from his problem. It is because of this, the sheer desperation of his situation and his belief that not telling Kari is the right thing to do, that he makes the mistake of cutting himself. From that point on it is a slippery slope that he finds himself hurtling down at an uncontrollable pace and towards an inevitable end.
When I wrote this part of the story I knew it would be a contentious issue and that some of you might think it does not fit character. At the end of the day, I wholeheartedly respect your opinion on the matter (where would the fun be if we all agreed about everything). However, I do hope this has at least shed some light onto my reasoning for taking the story in this direction. And whether you agree or not, I would like to leave you with two last points on the matter. The first is that out of the many people I have know in my life, the one individual that I know for a fact fell victim to self-harm, was the strongest and bravest of them all. In the end, like my chain analogy, even the strongest of people have their weak spots. All it takes is the right thing to hit them in the right spot and they can fall onto the same dark paths as anybody else. Secondly, in relation to the story, if you still do not agree with this plot thread, then you will not have to worry too much more about it after the epilogue to part two and can focus on everything else that is going on.
Moving onto the subject of story direction, personally, I like to think that a TaiKari story is very much in line with a classic Romeo and Juliet scenario. What I mean by that is, that the how and why are more important than the what. In Romeo and Juliet, for those of you who do not know, the play opens with the playwright telling the audience that the characters are star-crossed lovers and that they will ultimately die in the end. In having that information from the start, the audience is able to focus their attention on how and why the ending comes about and not on what it is going to be. A good TaiKari story, in my opinion, is exactly the same. From the start we know that the siblings will have difficulty with their own feelings for each other, due to incest being taboo before they both find out about the others. Some form of relationship must then occur (or the story comes to a premature end), with its discovery by their friends and parents the only logical eventuality. However, unless we go the Shakesphere route and kill Tai and Kari, we do have the issue of what happens afterwards to consider. What that maybe, unfortunately, is generally a mystery. For I have never come across a story that ever managed to move beyond the point of discovery (if anyone has and can share it with me I would be most appreciative). And while I am only starting to give some serious thought to the matter, I am quite interested in the possibilities.
Lastly, I would like to talk briefly about where we are in the story and what I see the future holding. At present, I am currently writing part three of what I believe will be a six-part story. From my personal writing experience, this will probably total somewhere in the region of 200,000+ words from start to finish. Unfortunately, as much as I wish I could, time will most likely not permit me to churn out another 70,000 words over the next 5-6 weeks and then again over the 5-6 following that. This does leave me with a bit of a headache, as my preference with anything I write nowadays is to do it in sections that I can then edit and ensure some measure of continuity throughout. Rather than publishing single chapters and having to retcon or change something if I decide to go in a different direction later on. This applies even more so to this story as I have little more than a basic sketch of where I want it to go and even that is subject to change. With all of that in mind, if it is taking me an inordinate amount of time (which it might well do) to complete a full part, I may consider editing what I have and posting it, just so this story does become another unfinished work in the TaiKari collection. For there have been far too many of those over the years and the pairing, in my opinion, deserves better than that.
Whew, that took a while, and almost ran the length of a chapter. What follows this little discussion is the epilogue to part two. I initially started writing it as the final chapter, but part of the way through decided that The final cut made for a more dramatic end. However, when I finished it, I was not happy with the result and so decided to shift it to chapter one of part 3. Having rewritten it in two parts, I decided that it sits better as an epilogue to part 2 and so have decided to post it as such. So here it is and I hope you all enjoy. If so then please like/favourite this story or leave a review.
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Part Two: His Secret
Epilogue part one: Comfortably numb
It was five-past-ten and the lit streetlamps, closed shops and night time travellers all passed Kari Kamiya by in a blur as she hurried home. All the while, dark clouds rolled in to cover the sky. She could not explain it, but deep inside the feeling of dread she'd experienced back in the pancake shop, had slowly intensified. Something was very wrong tonight and she knew it concerned her brother. The signs had been there during her brief encounter with him earlier that evening and she had allowed her excitement to overrule her judgement. The place she'd needed to be tonight was at home, with her brother. Not gallivanting with friends.
It had been a struggle to force herself to eat a small portion of pancakes and continue to laugh and joke like nothing was wrong. However, every minute that ticked by while still sitting in the shop served only to heighten her fear. Eventually, they had decided to call it a night, although if Davis had gotten his way they would have gone to a karaoke bar until eleven o'clock turf out time. Fortunately, he had been overruled. She had still been forced to walk Ken and Yolei to the train station; the lavender haired girl was staying with him over the weekend. It had been agonising waiting for their train to arrive and only after what felt like the longest set of goodbyes in history, could she turn and head for home.
Sprinting up the stairs of the apartment building, Kari startled an elderly couple and, uncharacteristically, did not stop to apologise. Her rudeness would probably travel along the washing lines for the next few days and while neither individual would likely be able to name her, someone would eventually deduce her identity from whatever description they could give. If her mother found out about it, she'd receive the riot act. Darting to the front door, she barrelled across the threshold, panting for breath. Stooping, she fumbled with the laces of her black and neon yellow converse, practically wrenching them off her feet when they came loose and discarding her short denim jacket atop them. A quick scan of the living area revealed it to be empty.
"Tai," Kari called out as she passed the kitchen, noticing he had not touched her ramen. That put her even more on edge. Tai not eating was virtually unheard of.
No response.
She made her way to his bedroom door, knocked and called out to him again, "Tai?"
Silence.
A chilling sensation washed over her and goosebumps formed on her skin as she gripped the metal handle and twisted. The door opened onto a sea of black and her eyes were immediately drawn to her brother's bed; empty. Shifting her gaze towards the back of the room she caught sight of his legs spread wide across the floor. Hastily she fumbled for the light switch, managing to take in his slumped form before she found it. Kari's hands immediately covered her mouth as the lightbulb flickered to life and illuminated Tai's limp body; his muscular torso on full display. Oh, God!
"Tai!" Kari exclaimed as she rushed towards him.
While part of her wanted to break down into tears, to yell at herself that this was all her fault, she somehow managed to keep it together. Heart hammering she skidded down onto her knees beside him. Tai's right arm sat limp amidst a small pool of thick, cold blood that ran from a gash on his wrist. What had he done?
"Tai," she said frantically, lifting his slumped head by the chin and placing her fingers on his carotid artery. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt a pulse; it was slightly slow but steady. His eyes opened a crack, however, when she met his gaze it looked so hollow she felt as though he was looking through, not at her.
Hurriedly glancing around, Kari scampered across the floor and picked up her brothers discarded school shirt. Returning to his side, she lifted his arm out of the blood pool and wiped it clean. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened in horror upon discovering a collection of six older cuts in his wrist. Bar one, none of them could be more than a week old. Instinctively her gaze shifted to his other arm. A single long, fading scab ran for about three inches between his wrist and elbow. She knew self-harm when she saw it. Hell, she'd even contemplated it more than once over the past year, however, she had always been too frightened to actually cut herself. Tai, it seemed, had not. What had driven him to do this to himself in little over a week? Surely he had not been struggling under the pressure of his schoolwork this much… had he?
Kari thought back over the past two weeks. Ever since his date with Teiko, he had been conspicuous by his absence except for at mealtimes. Where he had said little and quickly excused himself to go and do his homework. Her heart sank when she thought about last Sunday. Something had been off about him then, however, she had believed him when he said it was purely schoolwork related. She should have trusted her instincts when she had hugged him that day. That feeling that he was wounded in some way, that need to protect him, those had been the warning signs and she had ignored them. Then tonight… tonight she had allowed that wave of excitement to carry her out the front door without allowing herself to sense the danger. Her heart almost burst with guilt and regret. How could she have been so stupid?
Blood started to flow once more from the large gash so Kari quickly wrapped the shirt around it and tied it tight using the sleeves. She gazed into Tai's vacant eyes once more. "You're going to be ok," she said reassuringly and gave his cold hand a light squeeze. "I'll be back in a moment."
She watched as her brother opened his mouth and mumbled, "…no… you're supposed to be gone…"
"I'm not gone, Tai, I'm right here. However, I need to leave for a few moments to fetch something to help you."
Her brother's voice sounded desperate when he whispered, "…the pain… supposed to… rid of you…"
His eyes began to roll and his head slumped, however, Kari knew she needed to keep him conscious. "Tai, stay with me," she said, feeling panic start to rise as she gave him a light shake. When he did not respond she uttered, "sorry, Tai," and did the only thing she could think of, she slapped him across the face. "Tai Kamiya, don't you dare try and run away from me!" she barked with slightly more force than she'd intended.
Tai's eyes snapped open and she could see a lucidity that had not existed moments prior.
"Now, you're going to wait here until I get back and you're not going to fall asleep. Understood?"
After a few seconds, he nodded his head. Satisfied that he'd come around enough that she could leave him for a minute or two, Kari gave his hand a light squeeze, before standing up and hurrying from the room.
##
Tai's mind was at sea as it swam in a swirling soup of screaming voices. All conscious thoughts and feelings had left him some time ago, yet he did not have the capacity to tell how long that had been exactly. All that existed now were the voices as they fought over his carcase. Eventually, they simply became background noise to his comfortable state of numbness. It was nice here, serene almost. There was no pain, suffering or longing for his sister, simply… nothing.
A blinding light from somewhere outside his bubble, burst into life and forced his eyes to close. Behind them, Tai suddenly became aware of a throbbing sensation. "No…" he moaned internally. Why did this… this… thing have to rouse this sensation within him? Why couldn't it leave him be? He didn't want to think or feel anymore, for it simply hurt too much, he just wanted to remain numb. A series of incoherent noises followed after which something akin to a touch registered with his brain. His eyes involuntarily opened a crack, but he could make out nothing other than a bright blur, which caused the throb to intensify somewhat. Why couldn't this light, wherever it had come from, just leave him alone?
Against his will, he became aware of an extremity, as something coarse rubbed against it before taking it in a vice-like grip. His arm, if memory served. He groaned internally. He didn't want to have arms anymore, or anything for that matter. Having things just made you hurt. Through his vacant eyes, part of the blur began to take on a more defined form. He could see lips, black as night open in front of him. Then a voice cut through the background noise like the shard had his flesh, "you're going to be ok." He felt pressure in his cold hand before it continued, "I'll be back in a moment."
"No…" Tai wailed, though it came out as more of a mumble, "…you're supposed to be gone…"
His brain recognised the face before him now, a face he'd hoped never to see again; Kari. How had she managed to return? It wasn't fair! He had done what he needed to do in order to drive her away for good. So how could she possibly be here now? She should be gone.
He almost cried when her soft, sweet voice spoke again. "I'm not gone, Tai, I'm right here. However, I need to leave for a few moments to fetch something to help you."
He cried out in desperation, "the pain was supposed to get rid of you for good," but only a handful of the words managed to escape from his mouth. He allowed his eyes to roll as a grim realisation began to set in; the shard had lied to him. Meaning that his only escape would be to become comfortably…
A sound like a thunderclap rang through his brain and Tai felt a strong stinging sensation flood through him from his left cheek. His eyes snapped open, but it was his ears that next came under assault.
"Tai Kamiya, don't you dare try and run away from me!" Kari's voice reached deep inside him and practically hauled him to the surface.
He looked upon his sister's face, finally coming to the realisation that she did not simply exist as a construct of his own imagination. The real Kari was actually here.
"Now, you're going to wait here until I get back and you're not going to fall asleep. Understood?"
Tai could only nod in response to her instruction. His brain still trying to comprehend where he was, what had happened and, most importantly, how she could possibly be here. From his position on the floor, he watched her exit the room. Leaving him with only a solitary source of light.
##
Kari's mind whirred with questions that she needed answers to as she fetched the first aid kit from the cupboard beneath the bathroom sink along with a clean cloth and towel. Without pausing for breath, she headed straight for the kitchen to fill a bowl with warm water. Counting herself lucky that their parents had been forced to go and visit her grandmother in hospital. For she would have had serious difficulty in hiding this from them. Although whether or not she hypothetically should/would have, she did not know. Ultimately, the answer would probably depend on what explanations Tai could give. Or rather, what the actual truth of the matter was. She had no intention of swallowing any bullshit.
Supplies in hand, Kari swiftly returned to her brother's bedroom. He had not moved but she could see immediately that his eyes were focused now. Crossing over to him, she knelt down on his right side and picked up his arm. The shirt that served as a makeshift tourniquet had been resting in the pool of blood, so she could not tell if any from his wound had soaked through.
"Kari?" Tai asked in a quiet voice when she started to untie the knot.
"I told you I'd be back," she replied in a kind tone, tossing the blood-drenched shirt aside.
Soaking the cloth in the bowl of warm water, she rung it out before using it to clean his forearm. The wound, once clearly visible, did not remain so for long as blood started to trickle out again. She swore internally. He would be lucky if she could get it to stop by herself. Should he need stitches… that would be an entirely different ball game. But suffice it to say, Tai would not likely be allowed to leave the emergency room straight after receiving treatment. She shook her head. She would cross that bridge only if she had to.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going out?"
Kari looked up at her brother when she heard the questions. "I did go out," she replied, her tone laced with guilt and remorse. She applied some pressure to the cloth. "When I came home I was worried about you, so came to see if you were ok."
"Oh," Tai said, a look of confusion spreading across his face. "What time is it?"
"It'll be well after 10 pm by now."
With one hand she held the cloth in place, while she used the other to open the first aide box and withdraw the bottle of antiseptic. She had to hold it between her thighs in order to unscrew the cap one-handed. Placing a wad of cotton wool over the top she inverted the bottle until it became soaked.
"Sorry, Tai, but this is going to hurt," she warned as she pulled the cloth away and pressed the antiseptic soaked cotton wool against the cut.
Her brother let out a silent scream as his body convulsed for a few moments before returning to rest. While she knew it caused him pain, Kari did not rush. If by some miracle she could get the bleeding to stop, it would be foolish to allow the wound to become infected. It took several wads to thoroughly clean the whole thing. Once satisfied, she dried off his forearm with the towel.
"Hold this," she instructed, physically moving Tai's right hand across his body and placing it atop the towel-covered wound. "Apply as much pressure as you can."
"You don't have to do this, Kari," he then said as she removed her hands. "I can deal with it myself."
Her hand stopped halfway towards the first aid box when she heard his words. The idea of him even suggesting that she would leave him to handle it himself was laughable. However, she suspected that it was a feeble attempt on his part to try and continue hiding what he'd been doing. And while she knew that he needing care, compassion and understanding, there were some things that she would need to be strict about. For she could not allow him to continue with this self-destructive behaviour. Staring directly into his eyes, she gave him a stern look. "Like you did with all the others?" she asked rhetorically.
The expression that formed on her brother's face suggested that it had only just dawned on him that she would have seen all his previous cuts. He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. "Don't bother trying to talk your way out of this, Tai. I know exactly what you've done to yourself." She could see the fear in his chocolate eyes but knew she needed to remain firm. Whether at present Tai would accept it or not, he needed her to stay strong and not let him dodge his way around the issue. "Now, I'm going to try my best to get this to stop bleeding. If I can, then we're going to sit down and you're going to tell me everything. If not, then I'm going to have to take you to the emergency room."
He nodded meekly by way of a reply. Only then did she release his gaze and turn her attention back to the first aid box. Opening a fresh packet of gauze, Kari doubled it over to try and maximise the amount there would be to soak up the blood. While this was not the time for reminiscing, she could not help but remember a time when they were kids. He had cut his knee while playing football and when he'd come home, she had sat with this same box and put some Elastoplast over it for him. It had not been the last time she'd patched him up either. After cutting a fresh bandage, she took control of the towel back from him. As quickly as she could, Kari lifted it away from the wound and replaced it with the gauze. Grabbing the bandage, she placed it over the top and wrapped it tightly around his forearm; using microporous tape to secure the ends.
"Now we wait," she breathed in concern as she began cleaning up the mess.
After mopping up the pool of blood on the floor, it became apparent that the cloth, towel and Tai's shirt would need to be disposed of. For she doubted that any number of cold saltwater washes or stain removers would be able to get them clean. It was while searching for any spots of blood she might have missed, that she found the shard of glass. Picking it up, she looked closely at its glistening crimson tinged edge. Never again would it taste her brother's flesh she decided as she dumped it in the bin beside his desk, along with everything else that needed to go. When she had finished cleaning, she looked at Tai's wrist. There was no sign of blood soaking through… yet.
"Do you think you can stand?" she asked, deciding that, if possible, it would be best to move him onto his bed.
He nodded, "if you help me."
Kari moved to crouch at his left-hand side and draped his arm over her shoulder. Tai haphazardly pulled his knees towards his chest and they stood up together. With difficulty, largely due to the fact that her brother was both unsteady on his feet and weighed a tonne, she guided him over to the bed and helped him sit down. Propping his pillows against the headboard, she then lifted his legs for him so that he could lie back.
"I'm going to go make you a cup of sweet tea and then we're going to talk," Kari said in a no-nonsense tone. She then glanced at his wrist; still nothing. "However, if I see any blood on that we won't have a choice but to go to the emergency room."
She could see in his eyes, that Tai was weighing up which option he liked least. Either having to tell her the truth, or the potential of being held in the hospital to undergo a psychiatric evaluation and thus their parents finding out. Eventually, he said, "let's hope your first aid skills are still up to scratch."
Kari nodded her head in agreement. "Now don't try to move and don't even think of falling asleep," she then said, echoing the warning she had given to him the last time she'd left the room.
He gave her a weak smile. "I promise I won't move from the bed, but you know how close me and sleep are."
"Fall asleep and I'll make you wish I'd called an ambulance instead of trying to deal with it myself," she laughed, even though she did not find it funny.
Before leaving she found a t-shirt in his wardrobe and tossed it over to him. "Put that on," she said on her way to the door. She saw the small nod of his head before she left the room and headed for the kitchen.