Movie night

Cartman may be warm, but he's still heavy as shit!

This morning, he was draped over me and I swear I saw the light for a second. I thought I was gonna pass out, but I mustered up the strength to hurl him off of me and onto the floor. The house shook as he hit the ground, and I waited for him to wake up from the impact, but he didn't. He continued to sleep, even after I shook him violently.

"How the hell is he still asleep?" I asked to myself, but at that second, he woke up with a weird cross between a gasp and a snore.

"What the fuck? Why am I on the floor?" He asked, checking his surroundings to make sure he was right.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because you were trying to suffocate me in your sleep asshole!"

"Ay, I can't help what I do in my sleep. You should've just accepted your fate."

I rolled my eyes and groaned, getting up to get ready for school. I checked my phone to find that Craig was spamming my DMs to accept the invite to his chat. Of course, since I fell asleep, I couldn't respond. I guess I can just tell him my phone died or something.

I should really get to work on this project before I forget about it completely. It's not my fault I have other things on my plate right now.

Cartman crawled his fat ass back on the bed and went back to sleep, not that he doesn't do this every morning. I've just gotten used this routine, but that doesn't mean I like it. I doubt he'd change it for me though, since he's not one to change himself for other people. I do like that about him.

He actually is the type to change others to cater to his needs. Like Heidi.

And his mom.

And maybe me.

There's no denying it, I have changed since the end of spring break. For the better, sure, but I did change. He changed me. I mean, perhaps he didn't mean to, I mean he was in a tough spot with his meds and shit, but Cartman has that kind of impact on people. If this were any other way, I'd still be at his throat all day, and I'd still be living with my toxic family. Not ideal now, but definitely how past me would've wanted it. Of course, I don't want that anymore, but that's because I fell in love with him.

I should look into relationships like this on the internet and figure out a good method of dealing with it in a way that won't get me hurt. The last thing I want is to break up with him, but it might come down to that at some point if his past behaviours continue. It doesn't even matter if he means to hurt me, because it's still a bad thing. He's malicious without meaning to be sometimes, and I can't hate him for it. Like when he told Butters my secret, well our secret.

That's right, Butters knows now. Great. I should talk to him today, set some things straight, or not straight.

In the cafeteria, Butters and Kenny were eating breakfast and talking. I figured what better time than now to settle things. I walked up to them, and found them...flirting?

"I can come over if you want Butters." Kenny said slyly. Butters giggled, "Now Kenny, you don't have to do that. I can deal with them on my own. I am a legal adult now, after all."

"Then why don't you move out? Get an apartment or something."

"I don't have a lot of money at the moment."

I walked up to them and make the conversation come to a close. I guess they also have some things to work out.

"Hey guys. I need to talk to you."

Butters froze a little and Kenny nodded. I lead the two of them outside to the benches, hoping I could kill two birds with one stone here and out myself to both of them.

"Alright you guys. Just so you know, I'm gay." I said. They didn't seem too bothered, which is a good sign. "And I'm dating Cartman." I added quickly. They were silent for a second, then I heard Kenny say something muffled under his parka. He removed the cloth blocking his mouth and said, "Fucking finally!"

"What?"

"Cartman's been all over you since we were kids. It's about time you two finally hooked up."

"Really?"

Butters piped in, "Yeah. He'd always bring me along on his crazy plans just to get your attention. Most failed, but it was fun to do. Made us closer friends I think. No matter how close we were though, he'd always be thinking about you. Like back in San Francisco."

"Cartman was thinking about me while I was in San Francisco? That's kinda sweet."

"Yeah, he even went through all the effort of saving you."

Huh? He did that?

"Wait, what?"

"Oh shoot. He didn't tell you? I thought he would've now that you two are dating."

After all this time, he was the one who saved my life? I could never recall the day specifically, thanks to the acid I decided to do over there. All I remember was a figure in a yellow hazmat suit taking my parents and Ike away. I couldn't get to them to stop him, but next thing I knew, he was putting the suit on me and hurling me over his shoulder, carrying me out of the storm and onto the bus back to South park. I didn't think much of it at the time and figured it must've been some sort of fireman in the city or something, but it all seemed too..

convenient.

I almost forgot about him until now.

"Do you know why he did it?" I asked Butters. He seemed nervous that he told me. Cartman most likely threatened him, seeing as it wouldn't be the first time.

"Um, he never said the real reason. He insisted that he just missed ripping on you. I think he secretly missed you, but he swore me not to tell. I told him I'd take this to my grave. Oh hamburgers, he's gonna be awful sore."

"Don't worry Butters, there's nothing between me and Cartman now. We trust each other."

"Oh alright."

Well, that went better than I could've hoped. Thankfully, they didn't rip on me for liking him. I guess it's reasonable, since they're also Cartman's closest friends. Of course they'll understand.

Well, obviously they don't understand why cause heck, I don't even fully understand, but they get it. They've seen our chemistry over the years grow and develop and they're all for it. If only I could get Stan to get it the same way they do. That might not be so easy, since Stan's got his eye on me since the beginning of middle school.

I caught Stan before he headed to Reading, and he came up to me. Hopefully this doesn't end in disaster like every other time we've talked.

"Hey Stan." I started, going up to him. He looked happy to see me, so let's just pray it stays that way.

"Oh, hey Kyle. How's it going with Cartman?"

"Better. I don't want to stop dating him, but I'll make sure to be cautious. Just in case."

"That's good that you're being cautious. I'd hate to see you get hurt because of him. Well, enough about that, what are you doing for your birthday? You only got six days left."

"I don't know. I don't really want anything right now, and if I'm being honest, I didn't think I'd have anyone to celebrate with a month ago. I just thought that everyone would be too busy, me included, and I'd just spend the day in my room filling out college applications."

"Dude..."

"It's okay though. I'll think of something."

"Alright. Just make sure to put yourself first sometimes dude. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes."

"Right. Seeya Stan."

I released a breath I didn't know I had been holding after we parted ways. I think that's the first time in weeks me and Stan had a conversation without one or both of us losing our temper. I forgot how understanding he can be. I figured a long time ago that Stan's so understanding because of his one track naivety. He's only ever focused on one thing at a time, instead of being like me with a million things going on at once. He's understanding towards me and my feelings because he doesn't overthink them. I'm either right or wrong to him, most of the time I'm right. I both love and hate this about him because, on one hand it makes interactions easier to explain, but on the other hand, explaining things like retrospect are just a chore because he just doesn't get why I have to blow thing out of proportion and overthink them. He doesn't get why I feel like I have to analyze things from every angle and be on top of them. I guess I just like to be in control of situations. Maybe I should work on that. It can be a bit annoying.

Stan retreated to his class and I started toward Spanish.

It's weird how me and Cartman have the same classes, yet different routes to each one. It's not like we don't want to see each other, but...

it's exactly that. We don't want to see each other 24/7. I mean, I live with him now, so there's no point in spending so much time with him. I wonder if I can get our schedules changed back to normal. Not important. What matters now is figuring out what I want for my birthday. I hadn't given it much thought until now, and honestly assumed everyone would forget and move on with their lives. I don't mind that, I'd probably forget too if I'm being honest. Heck, I haven't even celebrated in years. Sure, I got a nice 'Happy Birthday' from my parents and brother, but after that nothing. No presents, no cake, no celebration. Just another day, ultimately ending in one single notification from my calendar wishing me a happy birthday before I went to sleep.

It sounds sad, but it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. Birthdays haven't ever really been a big deal to me anyways.

I don't want to seem expectant of Cartman though. I mean, what if I want something he can't get me? Then he'll just feel bad and then I'll feel bad and...

I'm overthinking again.

Okay, calm down.

This is all too stressful. Maybe I should just call off the celebration this year. It's not that big of a deal anyways.

Cartman and I sit next to each other in Science, so while the teacher started into a story about the corrupted government systems sending nuclear weapons in her P.O. box, I scooted closer to Cartman and began to whisper.

"Hey, about my birthday."

Cartman glanced at me from the corner of his eye, then back at his paper before replying, "Yeah, what about it?"

"Can we call it off?"

Cartman looked perplexed for a second. "You want to cancel your birthday?"

"Not cancel. I just don't want to do anything really. It's too much to want this whole celebration from everyone, so it's better to just have a small little thing. Maybe we can go out and play at the arcade or something."

He was silent for a second, then reached for my hand under the table. I didn't resist, since I didn't have much of a reason to, and let him grab my hand. He started to stroke my thumb with his. A small, but meaningful gesture. Much like the small kiss he gave me that one night. It seems Cartman expresses his love best with small things. Weird, I always thought that he'd be the type to go all out for the one he loves. Maybe that's just me going off that one time he sung 'I Swear' on the jumbotron at that one basketball game.

"What's going on Kyle? You okay?"

"Nothing's going on Cartman. Is it really that hard to believe that I don't want some big party thrown in celebration of me growing a year older?"

"Yes. You're turning 18 Kahl. You're gonna be a legal adult. If you really want, I won't throw a big party for you, but are you sure? Like, completely sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Cartman suddenly let go of my hand, making me already miss the lost contact. I wish we could hold hands more often, but he's not big on things like that, and normally I'm not either. Besides, I'm still not ready for everyone to know about us. When I saw Tweek and Craig coming toward us, I remembered the project. Craig's gonna be pissed at me.

Craig took a seat in front of me, Tweek sitting next to him and across from Cartman. Craig looked pretty angry, but he kinda always looks angry. He has a mean resting face.

"Why didn't you answer any of our texts last night? I thought you were serious about school work."

"I am, and I'm sorry. I've got a lot going on right now, and it sorta slipped my mind. I promise I'll put in double the effort."

Before Craig could quip back at me, Tweek pitched in. He was most definitely making sure Craig didn't say anything he'd regret later. Thank Moses for that.

"It's a-alright Kyle. We get t-that you've got a lot going on. Y-you're probably stressed about your b-birthday and graduation and c-college and what you want to do with your live andhowyourgonnamakeitinlifewhenallyou'veeverknownisworkingforasmalltowncoffeeshopandhowareyouevergonnagetaplacetolivewithoutanymoneyand-"

"Tweek, you're rambling honey." Craig stopped him. I couldn't really decipher much of what he said, but I heard a few things about a coffee shop and making it in life. Looks life I'm not the only overthinker here. Cartman rolled his eyes and stared out the classroom window. He's never gonna be empathetic towards Tweek, or anyone for that matter. He only cares about his friends, and me, and I can respect that, but I wish he'd think about others a little more.

Tweek and Craig got us laptops from the school computer cart and we all researched our parts for the projects. I did that thing where I just absently write down the information while my mind wanders elsewhere. I'm pretty sure I've mastered this skill, and going off all the other projects where I've done this, my work won't suffer too much.

I spent most of the rest of the day after school unpacking all my shit into my new room. Liane cleaned everything out, repainted and cleaned the carpet, so it's as good as new. Ike sent me all the stuff I left at home this morning, so I decided to quickly unpack it all today and organize everything tomorrow. Cartman came up while I was putting my sheets and blankets on my new bed and dropped a box on my floor.

"What's this?" I asked.

"A desk."

I looked at the picture displayed on the box. Yup, it was a desk.

"Why?"

"I had an extra. I can build it for you while you unpack. After all, I'm supposed to be the man of the house."

"I'm a man too you know."

"You're obviously the more feminine one though, so that technically makes me the guy of this relationship too."

"That's kind of stereotypical isn't it? Since we're in a gay relationship, one of us is automatically 'the girl'. And isn't that like, the opposite of being gay?"

"Don't think about it too much. It's okay to have a girlier partner in a gay relationship."

"I'm not girly"

"Those hips say otherwise."

I didn't want to make a big deal out of the fact that Cartman pointed out one of my biggest insecurities, and retorted with a small jap at one of his.

"Says the guy who used to wear dresses and makeup all the time as a kid."

"Ay, I only did that when it was absolutely necessary for a plan."

"Yeah, cause dancing around in your backyard is a brilliant plan."

"Shut up Jew."

And we're back at it with the insults. At least he's not commenting on my body anymore. Cartman got to work building the desk while I unpacked my shit and shoved my clothes in the closet. I didn't have any hangers or drawers, so leaving them on the floor will have to do for now. I heard him struggled a little behind me and considered offering him a hand. I've never been the type of guy that's good with tools, but I do know my way around a screwdriver, and that's really all you need to know.

"Need some help there?" I asked him, not really facing his direction. He scoffed and replied "Nope. I don't need help from a jew anyways."

I ignored his attempt at insulting me and moved by his side, picking up the manual and studying it carefully. I looked back and forth between the picture on the little booklet and what Cartman was screwing in, until it finally occurred to me.

"You screwed that in backwards, Einstein."

Cartman stopped and looked at the block of wood he was screwing for a second, then I showed him the picture of how it was supposed to look, and I saw the rage flash in his eyes before a scowl formed on his lips.

"Motherfucker!" He spouted, angrily throwing the piece a few feet away. I snickered a little as his fit, attracting his attention.

"If you're so fucking smart, why don't you fucking do it!"

"Maybe I should. It is my desk after all."

Cartman huffed, and settled for folding the clothes I dumped on the closet floor while I got to work unscrewing the piece Cartman messed up. I wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. It kind of felt like I was building a lego set, but with bigger pieces. At some point Cartman got bored folding and organizing my shirts and decided to help me build this damned thing. It took us most of the day, and darkness had enveloped the town by the time we were done, but it was worth it. The desk was small, but cozy. It was a white corner desk from IKEA, made for a smaller person than Cartman, probably the reason he never used it. It didn't have any drawers, but did include a few shelves and a little space to hang shit up, so it's a bit of a step up from my old desk. Cartman and I just stood and looked at it for a few second, admiring our work. He seemed satisfied with himself, but I was just tired. I wanted to take a break, but there's still a few things to unpack and set up, like my laptop and posters. I sighed discontentedly and moved forward to open up the last box.

"What's the matter. I think we did pretty well."

"Yeah, we did. I'm just kind of tired."

"Then let's take a break."

"But that'll just be pushing the rest of the work to tomorrow, and I already have enough to worry about tomorrow."

"Is this about the presentation? Don't worry Kahl, you'll do fine."

"I just don't think I put in as much effort as I think I could. This is the last project until we're off to college. I don't want to screw this up."

Cartman pursed his lips and stood back, watching quietly as I unpacked my laptop, notebooks and college applications, neatly stacking each one on the shelves of the desk. Cartman soon joined me, following my pattern, and helping me hang up the few posters I had above my bed. After I tweaked a few final details, the room was finally done. I flopped on my bed and scanned my new room. It looked almost identical to my other one, but the layout was a bit different, plus the desk. I noticed that Cartman was doing something on my laptop, but didn't have enough energy to see what. Plus, I got a nice view of his ass from here. When he finally erupted from the small screen, he pulled out his phone and grabbed my wrist, pulling me forward and leading me downstairs.

"Woah, where are you taking me?" I asked, but Cartman remained silent as he pulled me downstairs with a determined look on his face. I hate when he doesn't communicate what he's doing, but that adds a layer of mystery to everything that I'm not completely against. I guess it makes everything I do with him more interesting. I'm not glad for this when it's a big event, like me and Stan fighting, but for small things, it might be okay.

He pushed me on the couch with a thump, covered me in a heavy blanket and retreated to the kitchen. I decided not to fight this and see where it goes, allowing myself to snuggle into the covers. I heard some rustling and cabinets closing in the kitchen, leading me to believe he's making something. The sounds of beeping confirmed this. Soon, he came back into the living room with a party sized bag of lays, one big cup of soda with two bendy straws poking out and a bag of popcorn.

"We're having a movie night whether you like it or not!" He announced. He set all the refreshment on the coffee table and moved to grab the remote, turning on his tv and revealing the main screen. The screen illuminated the room and allowed Cartman to see so he could get under the blanket with me. I moved closer to him, melting into his heat like I've done so many times before, but it was different this time. This time, I had no intentions of falling asleep. Instead, he wrapped his arm around me and we lied together, watching old Disney movies on Disney Plus until one of us was too tired to keep his eyes open. I caught Cartman dozing off a few times in the corner of my eye, but pretended not to notice. Eventually, his grip on me lessened and I figured he'd gone to sleep. I took this as an opportunity and slipped out of his arms, turned off the tv, planted a small kiss on his cheek and headed upstairs to work on the final details of my part of the project. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist, but I can't help my urge to make sure everything is as good as I can possibly make it.

I sat at my new desk and opened up my laptop. It just occurred to me how quiet the night is without Cartman's quiet snoring beside me. I consider listening to music to fill the void, but I like to be alert at night and not having all my senses functioning might be a disadvantage. I opened up the work template and started to type mindlessly, letting my knowledge spill onto the notes as my fingers glided on the keys. I tried not to make too much noise typing, but eventually I lost myself in the night. At some point I started writing down specific notes on index cards I had in my backpack, preparing a whole speech for tomorrow. I refuse to fail this.

Somehow, I ended up sitting at that desk until 5:45. I didn't need to go as far as I did, but I convinced my delusional brain that I also needed to memorize all the material, and I meant everything. Even the shit I didn't even need to know. Like, did you know that the diameter of the sun is exactly 1,392,684 kilometers? Me neither, and I didn't need to know that, but I spend 30 minutes reciting it until I could remember it with my eyes closed. When I finally got to bed, I barely even slept. I swear I only closed my eyes for a few seconds and then Liane was waking me up for school. I bet I looked like shit, and the way Cartman glanced at me during breakfast confirms this.

"How late did you stay up last night Kyle?" Liane asked me while she made her morning coffee. She was dressed in a formal blouse because she was going job hunting today.

"Only a few hours. I'll be fine." I replied. I could tell Cartman wasn't convinced at all by my claim, but he didn't bother saying anything about it.

The ride to school was just a hazy blur, and I can't even make out how I ended up in the cafeteria for breakfast, but it happened. I noticed that Cartman was being really distant this morning. He seemed to be off, talking sneakily to everyone but me, and when he did talk to me it wasn't normal conversation. He talked to me like he was hiding something. My brain may have still been half asleep, but I was able to find out that Cartman was indeed hiding something from me during 3rd period. I saw him whispering to Butters, and suddenly Butters started to squeal quietly from excitement. When I asked him what that was about, he simply walked away and said,

"I gotta go Kyle!" In a quick jumble of words. It sickened me to think that Cartman was still hiding things from me, but I can't lie to myself. I can't deny the fact that everyone seemed to be avoiding me after talking with Cartman. Even Stan. My own best friend. He ditched me after having a brief chat with Cartman. Of course, he didn't tell me what about, only deepening my anger. I wanted to be involved. I wanted to know what was going on, and I was starting to feel sick. Really sick. Maybe it was the combination of sleep deprivation, undercooked and soggy eggs from the school menu and the anxiety of the presentation, but I was beginning to feel extremely nauseous and out of it during said presentation. Tweek, Craig and Cartman went first, leading the project with ease and we seemed to have it in the bag. I assume so anyways, not that I was paying much attention. Then, my turn came up, and I started to feel really nervous. I've never gotten nervous during times like this before. I'm relatively good at presentation, so the reason why I was having a panic attack during this one was beyond me. All I knew while standing up there was I was gonna be sick. My hands were sweating bullets, I was stammering and stuttering like a rapper on steroids and I couldn't remember a single thing from my notes that I spent all night practicing. I was about to ask to use the restroom so I could compose myself, then Cartman placed a hand on my shoulder and said, what felt like, the first thing to me in ages.

"Hey, you don't look so good Kahl."

Suddenly, everything from today's breakfast came out of my mouth and nose. I made sure to aim it at the floor in front of me, but I could hear the noises of disgust erupt from the crowd of kids and I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes, coming down my face and further embarrassing myself. A loud sob made it's way out of my mouth and I instantly felt myself being wrapped by Cartman's warm embrace, trying to soothe me. I wanted to pull away from him, since it's not like he's been honest with me lately, but my vulnerability made it hard to leave his arms. I couldn't really hear anything over the sound of my own wails and Cartman's tender words, then Cartman screamed,

"Would you all stop staring at him?! Stare at Tweek who's having a fucking panic attack over there! Mr. Brown, can we be excused or not?!"

I didn't hear whether our teacher confirmed or denied him, but I doubt Cartman listened either way since I found us carefully walking down the hallway. I held my hand to my face, just in case, and had a nasty trail of spit leading out of my mouth. Fucking gross. I wonder why Cartman was willing to stay so close by me when I'm this nasty. We eventually made it to the nurse and she helped me clean up and let me lie down with a heating pad on my belly. I felt awful. I probably looked awful too. She started to ask me questions like 'What does your daily diet look like?' and 'How much sleep have you been getting?'. I heard her tell Cartman that I most likely threw up because of stress and he should keep and eye on me. After he made sure she didn't call my parents, he came over to me.

"Hey. What happened out there? Did you just panic or.."

"I don't know. Nothing like that has ever happened before. I think it's just a combination of things that my body couldn't handle."

"Like?"

"Like how you've been extra sneaky lately."

"No I haven't."

He's even denying it. After that?!

"Whatever. I'm tired. Think I'm gonna take a nap."

"Alright. I gotta get back to class."

Cartman stood, and gave my head a quick kiss before leaving. The butterflies in my stomach swirled and I thought I might be sick again. How can I still be so deeply in love with him when he's obviously not willing to return the same kind of love. I really should get some sleep so I can think clearly on this matter. I can't formulate a solution with no energy after all.

Sorry this came out so late. I kept pushing this back farther and farther because everytime I brought up the tab, I just wasn't feeling it. I'd go to stories I've read in the past to try and rekindle my motivation, but my brain kind of just forgets what I was doing and before I know it, I've read 15 chapters! I'll try to get the next chapter out soon, but I'm trying to get it out on the 24th because that's my birthday, so we'll see how that goes. Thank you for reading this far, and I promise this won't continue and longer than, at most, 6 more chapters.

~Craigory