Part Four: A Secret Discovered

Chapter Two: Brainstorm

It had just gone midnight and the cold wind that had swept through the Odaiba streets during the day now carried with it icy raindrops. In the large apartment building that housed the Kamiya residence, lights had slowly been going out until only one remained. From a bedroom, the illumination from a small lamp was the only thing holding back the darkness. Tai sat at his desk, virtually unaware that everyone else in the vicinity had already gone to sleep.

Absentmindedly, his hand reached out and picked up a can of some energy drink. With the same scattiness, he took a long drink. He'd practically been surviving on these for the past three weeks, ever since he had received his college acceptance letters. Very much to his surprise, he had been offered a full soccer scholarship to both Tokyo and Kyoto University. The only catch was his university admission test score. Seventy-percent would see him into Tokyo and seventy-five, Kyoto. While he now knew where the goalposts were, it had meant redoubling his efforts. However, it had come at a cost of sleep… and Kari.

Tai felt his mind uncontrollably slip onto his sister, causing his pen to drag across the page. "Damn it," he cursed. His broken concentration led to the discovery that he now sat in a small bubble of light amidst a sea of darkness. His eyes flickered to his cell phone, which sat on silent; 00:05 am. Great, he thought, another night when he would not likely get to sleep before one in the morning. Frowning to himself at the lack of noise, he picked up his music player and saw that the album he had been listening to had finished. When had that happened? He had no idea.

Tai glanced down at the dirty score that now ran through his work and tried to recall what exactly he had been working on. However, his mind offered him something else instead. The image of his sister at the breakfast table that morning. He had barely seen her since their breakup conversation but knew that she was suffering. Like him, she had been spending most of her time alone in her bedroom. On school nights, she had stopped changing out of her uniform and on weekends, on the rare occasions that he saw her, she had reverted to wearing unaltered clothes that their mom had bought her. If his heart had not already been shattered into a thousand pieces, it would have broken upon seeing her this way. At the time, he could never have imagined that their breakup would have such a drastic effect on her.

Kari was not alone in her suffering. For he too had struggled to pick himself back up in the aftermath of that horrible night. He'd cried and felt absolutely no shame about doing so. How could he not, having given up the single greatest thing in existence? The first few days after the event had been some of the most painful and miserable of Tai's life. So much so, that he had even contemplated cutting himself again. Fortunately, he'd resisted temptation and eventually transferred the urge to a new stress ball and his music. While it did nothing to lessen the pain, it at least became manageable. Over and over, he had pondered whether or not he and Kari had made the right choice. To the point that it almost consumed him. Hell, he'd even got as far as his hand on the handle of her bedroom door, down the path to asking her if she too felt they had made a mistake. Except overprotective big brother mode had kicked in at the last moment and stopped him. Everything that they had discussed that night still held true. And he could not inflict further pain on Kari, just so he could try and lessen his own. It was going to be tough he had told himself, but they would just need to ride it out. Eventually, things would settle down.

However, when his college acceptance letters arrived over the following two days, he had found himself staring down the barrel of a metaphorical gun. Either he found a way to focus on his studies or screwed over his entire future. It had been agonising, but he had been forced to put all thoughts of Kari to one side, at least until after he sat his university admission test. Unfortunately, like when he had been struggling with his feelings for her, he had found his sister difficult to budge from his mind. By the third day, he had taken a leaf out of her book and gone to Iowa's CD store in town.

Aimlessly, he had wandered the store, not a clue what he was looking for. Eventually, a song played over the stores stereo system that caught his ear. Something completely different from Mike Oldfield, Pink Floyd or anything else he had ever heard. Furious and heavy with boundless energy, yet at the same time so totally out there that it belonged in space. The owner had recognised him when he approached the counter and chuckled to himself when Tai had asked him what had just been playing. Iowa had told him that the band were called Hawkwind and the song, Master of the universe. After a warning that he might find his mind blown clean out of his body, coincidently exactly what Tai was looking for, the man had taken him over to the relevant section and suggested one of the bands live albums; Space Ritual. The reason for this transpired to be twofold. One, many fans considered the band to be better live than in the studio. And two, it contained a version of the aforementioned track. Trusting that the man knew his stuff, he'd bought it. On his way out the door, Iowa had told him that, if he could get his head around it, to come back and he would help him delve into the band's extensive studio discography.

Loud, relentless and at times just plain bonkers, Space Ritual had done as warned and blown Tai's mind into orbit. Succeeding in taking it off of Kari in the process. Indeed, had it not been so effective at doing the job, he would probably have found a way to open a portal to the dark ocean, chucked the album inside and sealed it shut. Instead, he had played it at the start of each evenings study session for a week. Like when he had been learning to ride a bicycle, patience had paid off and he had found himself hooked. Two subsequent trips to Iowa's had seen him return with copies of Hall Of The Mountain Grill and In Search Of Space.

It was the former album that Tai selected on his music player as he got out of his chair. Even though it was already after midnight, he knew he would not sleep for about an hour yet. His mind was still too awake. Changing into his pyjamas, he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. The spacy music filled his mind, but he allowed himself to think about Kari. The vibe his sister had given off had not felt good this morning. Whether through sheer necessity on his part, or something unknown on hers, today had made it abundantly clear that she was suffering far more than him at present. But what could he possibly do for her? After all, he was the problem. Should he try talking to her, gauge how she felt about their breakup? Or would that only make things worse? Maybe he should try spending time with her as her brother. Tai thought about this for a moment. There was no guarantee that wouldn't be just as bad; a hard reminder of constraints once more placed upon them. Not to mention that at present, he barely had time to stop and take a shit.

Tai let out a long sigh. The situation sucked but was of his own making. For he had agreed with Kari that they needed to end things. Allowed their fears to rule them and coerce them into making the decision to break their own hearts. Unfortunately, if anything, the breakup had only fuelled the love he felt for her. He couldn't help it. He, Tai Kamiya, was madly in love with his sister, Kari. And the thought of not being with her made him ache inside in ways he could never have thought possible. Yet this was the path they had chosen. To be alone and quell their feelings, in order to spare each other the possibility of greater pain further down the line. In a sudden burst of rage, Tai slammed his fist against the wall. He was supposed to be the bearer of courage, damn it! However, had chosen the cowards way out. As his breaths came through gritted teeth, he felt the throb of pain in his hand. A reminder of the reality of the situation. He had not made the decision for himself, but rather for Kari. Only he could see first-hand just how well that was panning out.

What was he going to do? The question resurfaced time and again over the duration of the album, but he came up with precious few other answers. By the time the last track, the aptly named Paradox, finished, the best he had been able to come up with was that, if he could not risk spending time with Kari at present, he at least needed to do something to let her know he still thought about her… that he still cared. Removing his earbuds, he sat his music player down on the nightstand. It seemed he would need to run into town tomorrow after school to pay Iowa a visit. Setting his alarm clock, he rolled over and closed his eyes. These next few weeks, in the lead up to his university admissions test, could not pass soon enough.