Part Four: A Secret Discovered

Chapter Five: Crises

It was just going five-to-seven when Kari Kamiya finally entered the apartment that evening. After being saved from dropping herself into the river, her mind had been deathly quiet for the duration of her walk home. However, she knew that sooner or later she would have to deal with the part of herself that had tried to end it all and commit suicide. Only she was still in too much shock to even begin processing what exactly had happened.

She had barely managed to take her shoes off before she found herself staring up at her mother. Arms folded, the woman stood at her full height, with an expression that looked like it had been chiselled from granite. In short, she reminded Kari of a grenade that's pin hung by a thread.

"Where have you been, young Lady," her mom said in a slow monotone that betrayed the volatility that hid beneath her calm visage.

"Out," Kari replied quietly as she stepped into the main living area. She didn't mean to sound glib, just had no idea how else to respond.

The metaphorical grenade pin hit the wooden floor with a low tinkle. "School finished three and a half hours ago, you didn't have the courtesy to let me know where you were and that's all you have to say for yourself?" There was a heartbeat of silence. "I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU, YOUNG LADY!"

The force of her mother's assault was akin to a sledgehammer hitting a pane of reinforced glass. It shattered but remained in its frame; barely. Kari could not cope with this right now. Either she fled to the safety of her room or broke down right here, right now. A Hobson's choice. Turning her face away from her mother, she quickly stepped around her and headed for her bedroom.

She did not see the momentary look of shock that spread across her mom's face. However, she was acutely aware of the brief second of deadpan silence that hung in the air, before the woman recovered. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING, YOUNG LADY!"

Kari did not turn around or give any indication that she had heard her mother's yell. This served only to enrage the woman further.

"YOUNG LADY, COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT."

Kari had reached the edge of the hall, her bedroom in sight. Just a little further, she told herself. Safety was within touching distance...

"KARI KAMIYA, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR ATTITUDE PROBLEM OF LATE. NOW YOU WILL COME BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF..."

This final sledgehammer blow was enough to explode the shards of glass that constituted Kari's psyche from their frame. Hot tears poured forth and she turned to stare directly at her mother. "And tell you what, Mom?" she yelled in a fractured voice. "That I spent the evening down by the river and tried to throw myself in! Only for some random man to catch me before I fell."

While her mom was nothing more than a blurry shape through her teary eyes, the stunned silence told Kari that whatever answer she had expected, that hadn't been it. However, she felt almost as shocked, for she had not meant to blurt out the truth. In the end, she recovered first and hastily darted into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. Pressing her back against the wooden surface, she held her head in her hands as her tears intensified.

It took several moments for Kari to calm down, not helped by the eventual banging on her door by her mother. However, the woman soon gave up and she was left alone with her thoughts. This was a complete disaster. She had just told her mother and indirectly her father, for he would most certainly have heard the commotion, that she had just tried to commit suicide. Worse yet, if Tai was in his bedroom, he may very well have heard her too. At least her mother might decide that it had simply been a lie she had said to try and hurt her or something like that. Her brother, on the other hand, would not brush it aside so easily. Kari let out a ragged breath. Once she had calmed down, her mother would undoubtedly try to come and talk to her again. And sooner or later, whether it was today, tomorrow or next week, she would be forced to talk to her. She would need to come up with something convincing to tell her when that inevitable conversation took place. And hope that Tai had not heard. For he would see through any lie that she tried to pedal to him.

Body on autopilot, Kari walked over to her desk and allowed her bag to fall to the floor. Her gaze passed over the wooden surface and almost paid it no heed until something caught her eye. She stared at the neat stack of CD's that sat in the centre. "What the..." she trailed off in confusion. For a brief moment she thought her mom must have been going through the CD rack in the living room and thought they were hers, only the feel of the cellophane covering the top one put pay to that as she picked it up. She stared at the cover, depicting a greying man clad in a denim jacket and playing a guitar. The words, Mike Oldfield: Guitars, also adorned the front. She put it down carefully and looked at the other two. The Division Bell and Meddle, both by Pink Floyd. Only one thought filled her mind; Tai. However, this was quickly followed by the question, but why? What on earth did this mean?

Kari felt her knees grow weak and she had to sit down in the chair before they gave way. Why had Tai done this? Had he noticed how downtrodden she'd been and thought she needed cheering up? Surely not. For she had maintained a decent air of fake happy when around others... hadn't she? Or maybe this was his way of letting her know that he still thought about her... She needed an answer.

##

The album had just reached the last track when a shadow crossed the page of Tai's notebook. He looked up and pulled out one of his earbuds.

"Dinner's ready, Tai," his mom said, sounding like she was trying to rein in her anger. She did not wait for him to respond before turning and heading back towards the door.

This couldn't be good, he thought. And he could take a good guess at what she was pissed off about; Kari. Jotting down the answer to his current physics problem, he hit pause on his music player, removed the other earbud and got out of his chair. Leaving his room, Tai walked down the hall into the main living area. He sat down at the table; his parents both already seated. His sister was not present. Knowing full well that he was going to regret it, he felt compelled to ask, "where's Kari?"

His father gave him a look and a slight shake of the head that hammered home the fact that this was a subject he should not have brought up.

However, his mother's lips thinned before she spat, "in her bedroom. She doesn't wish to eat with the rest of the family."

It was not so much conversation that happened from that point on, rather his mom spending the entirety of dinner ranting at both of them about Kari. Neither man managed to get a word in edgewise. When eventually his own name was dragged through the mud, because of Kari's hairdo, Tai made the decision that he needed to pick up the pace and escape back to his bedroom before his mom decided to rein unholy furry down upon him. While normally he would willingly take the heat for his sister, today he had neither the time nor the mental capacity to do so. A quick glance at his father told him that he'd had a similar thought, for he too had picked up the pace. However, his father seemed to have forgotten that he would be stuck listening to his wife until such time as she decided to drop the subject. Which did not seem like it would happen any time soon. Tai, on the other hand, had the luxury of escaping to his room.

Clearing his plate, he sat down his chopsticks and waited for his mom to pause for breath. "Do you mind if I go back to my studies now?" he asked, again knowing that it would get him out of the firing line.

"Go right ahead, Son," his father said with a slight hint of longing. And Tai suspected he fully regretted coming home from the office.

Wasting no time, Tai stood up and hastily vacated the blast zone. If Kari was not careful, she would soon make their mother go nuclear and he had no wish to be anywhere near the apartment if that should happen. However, it was not as if he could tell her to lighten up or get a grip. His sister was seriously hurting, but could not talk to anyone about it save for the person responsible; him. Halfway down the hall, his foot froze mid-step when he heard the sound of a door opening on his left. Turning his head, he found himself face to face with a blotchy eyed Kari.

##

Kari stared at the frozen figure of her brother, just as surprised to have found him upon opening her door as he seemed to be at seeing her. Tears threatened to burst from her eyes once more and she felt an overwhelming torrent of contrasting emotions. From your basic happy and sad all the way up to anguish and ecstasy. Completely overcome, she threw herself across the threshold, seized him around the waist and buried her head into his chest. The tears came the second she felt his strong arms wrap themselves around her shoulders.

Tai did not know how to respond when his sister practically lunged herself at him. Catching him off guard, he staggered slightly when she barrelled into him and he had to quickly shift his stance to avoid crashing to the floor. Instinctively, he placed his arms around his sister's shoulders and began to gently rub her in a soothing manner. He soon felt a damp patch form on his t-shirt and he knew immediately that she had started to cry again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that their mother was watching intently. Meaning that he could not say or do anything out with the acceptable sibling boundaries. Doing the only thing he could think of, he shepherded Kari back into her bedroom and closed the door behind him. However, he decided that he would have to err on the side of caution. He would not put it past his mom to decide to eavesdrop.

Kari allowed herself to be guided back into the confines of her bedroom. Slowly she felt some measure of calm restored to her world as Tai led her over to the bed and sat her down. He sat beside her but kept an arm around her shoulder. What on earth was she going to say to him? For she had certainly blown any facade of fake happy well and truly out the window. Not only that, but her mother had no doubt taken notice of what had just happened in the hall. So any mention of their relationship or feelings for each other was completely out of the question.

"Are you ok, Kari?" Tai eventually asked. He had no idea what else to say at present. He could hazard a fair guess at what was bothering her, only he dare not mention it.

"I'll be fine," Kari lied. "I just had a bad day today and finding those CD's on my desk, followed by seeing you there in the hall caused a bit of an emotional overload." She looked her brother directly in those warm chocolate brown eyes and gave him a weak smile.

Tai returned his sister's smile with one of his own. He knew she was lying but could not call her out on it without delving into taboo territory. He would have to find time to talk to her properly when their parents were not at home. For now, he simply replied, "are you sure?"

The look in her brother's eyes told Kari that he had not bought her lie. And she knew that his words did not convey what he actually thought. Mealy acted as a placeholder for the conversation they could not have. So she dutifully answered, "I'm sure," and gave his hand a light squeeze. The only plus side to the whole charade was that he did not seem to have overheard her yell at their mother about having almost committed suicide. Thank heavens for small mercies.

Tai felt absolutely torn as he gazed upon the tear-stained face of his beautiful sister. The thought that he was the root cause of this much pain felt almost unbearable. Only he had no idea how he could possibly help her, given that the cold, hard facts of the matter had not changed. Deep inside he could feel the fear start to build at the idea that, in order to have a long-term relationship with his sister, they would have to share their secret with those around them, including their parents. Eventually, he said the only thing he could, "if you need me, don't hesitate to come find me."

Kari nodded her head as she said, "I will." She had no intention of doing so, for Tai had to study for his university entrance test and the last thing he needed right now was to deal with her and the emotional train wreck she had become. However, she did have one question that he might be able to answer. "Why did you buy me those CD's?"

"I thought you could use something to try and help cheer you up," Tai replied. While true, he could not say that it was also because he wanted her to know that he still thought about her. Granted, he still did not know whether or not he should. While they were both still hurting, albeit Kari more so at present, it did not change the fact that recommencing their relationship might only lead them to even greater pain further down the line.

While Kari wanted nothing more than to sit here with her brother until long after their parents had gone to bed and knew that he would if she asked, Tai had to get back to his studies. So she simply said, "thank you," and gave him a nod of her head. However, the thought quickly struck her, "I don't have anything for you."

Tai lifted his sister's chin with a finger and gazed into those brilliant reddish-brown orbs; so full of sorrow. "That's ok. So long as they help you feel better, I'll be happy."

Kari found herself staring into her brother's brilliant chocolate brown eyes and like when she saw him earlier, was overcome with a Molotov cocktail of emotions. And she again lost control. Reaching forward she kissed Tai full on the lips. If the CD's had been a way for her brother to let her know that he still thought about her, this was hers.

Caught completely by surprise, Tai neither had the opportunity to resist nor to return the kiss. And while he got the message crystal clear, it elicited two contrasting emotions within him. On one hand, he felt overjoyed that Kari too thought they had made a mistake, while the other could be summed up simply as oh shit! It was the latter that gave rise to his next series of thoughts. This was bad, very bad. What on earth should he do? Nothing had changed since their breakup and never would. Could he possibly be prepared to drag his sister through that gauntlet? He sighed internally. He could not answer such questions at present.

Kari broke off the kiss and could see the conflict written all over her brother's face. Now she'd gone and done it. While she had needed to convey how she felt to him, the last thing she had wanted was to give him something that would torment him. Maybe this was exactly why they shouldn't be together. Tai had just given her a wonderful present and in return, she had given him an emotional crisis. Turning away, for she could not bear to look at him anymore, Kari mumbled, "I think you should go."

Tai did not know what to say. His intention when giving his sister those CD's had been to try and make her feel a little better. Now it seemed he had managed to do the exact opposite. Perhaps a perfect example of why a relationship between them was a bad idea. Even with the best of intentions, he had only managed to cause Kari more pain. "I think you're right," he said and he got to his feet. Walking to the door he took one last agonising glance back at the sister he wanted more than anything but knew he must not have. "I hope you enjoy the CD's," he said as he opened the bedroom door.

Kari raised her head and looked at her brother. The person she wanted more than anyone else, but the one that, for his sake, she could not have. "I'll try," she sniffed, struggling to hold back her tears.

Tai left without another word. And both siblings knew that the conversation they desperately wanted to have, could never take place. For they were bad for one another.