Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I also don't know the song, Rewrite the Stars or the movie, the Greatest showman.
A/N: I hope you enjoy how I see what it wad like when Tsunade left the village. I started writing this before I actually knew of the proper events that take place in the show but that's why we call it fiction. I always like to think there was something between Jiraiya and Tsunade especially when they were younger. The song that inspire this was Rewrite the stars.
Something wasn't right. He could feel it. His heart was aching and his body was telling him to move, to find her, before it's too late. He doesn't know where to begin looking, all he knows is that he needs to get to her and fast.
She hasn't been herself lately. She's been a mess ever since the death of her little brother and her beloved Dan. But, could she really call him that when she loves another? Of course, she'll never admit that to him. Although, she doesn't have to, he already knows. He's the only one that has been helping her feel like herself again. She's happy when she's around him, comfortable, safe, wanted, and that's what terrifies her the most. Everyone she gets close to, everyone she loves...dies.
She's thought about it once or twice, contemplated the idea of being more than teammates, more than friends, but it's something that can never be. It won't end well, he'll just end up dead... just like the others in her life. It's why she turns him down every time he tries. He's only officially asked her out once and she beat him to the brink of death for it, but that was before.
He's running as fast as he can. Jumping across rooftops and running along walls of buildings, doing whatever he can to get to her faster, he just hopes it's in the right direction. He's panicking, thinking about everything he wants to say to her. But more importantly, why? Why now? Why, when they're getting somewhere? He was finally past her barriers. Finally getting to see beneath the armor she puts up to protect herself from others. He's held her sobbing form more times than he can count. He's comforted her, made her feel safe to let out everything she was feeling. Encouraged her, to keep going, no matter how hard life gets ,you never give up on your dreams.
He needs more time, time to let her see him. Time to show her how special she is to him. That she's not like all the other woman he's been with. He needs more time. He needs her. It's killing him not knowing why she's chosen this way to end things, but he's going to find out. Even if the answer breaks him beyond repair, if it's what she wants, if it will make her happy, than so be it.
It's the only option left for her. She has to get away. Leave and never look back. There's too much pain in the village. She knows that he'll eventually find her again. There's no way in hell he'll ever stop looking for her once she goes. But something is telling her that he's going to find her before she can leave. She's not sure what she'll do if she has to break his heart. That's what she was trying to avoid by leaving without a good-bye. She's taking Dan's niece and heading out to see the world. Just like she told him all those years ago when he asked her and Orochimaru what their dreams were.
Her and Dan's niece arrive at the front gate. But something is holding her back. She can't take those next steps. Her feet won't move. She doesn't know what will hurt him more, leaving without a good-bye, or with one. She likes to think without is best. Less messy. Less complicated. No chance of her changing her mind and staying in the village. Staying with him. She can't. They can't. It's too risky. Too complicated. Too many people are already involved and she can't take the risk of losing the only person she has left.
She's standing in the doorway of the village when he finally finds her. He's caught up to her and he's at a loss for words. He can't believe she's really going to leave without so much as a good-bye. After everything they have been through, she's just gonna go. Just like that? It angers him to think that she cares so little about him. He thought he meant more to her. He thought she loved him or at least cared about him as friend to let him know she was going. He's angry, and hurt all at once. But, there's one feeling that has taken over his soul and that's fear. He's afraid he'll never see her again. Afraid this is it. He refuses to believe that. She is his future. She is his destiny. She is his, and he is hers.
"Wait!" his voice echos across the openness of the entrance. He doesn't care how late it is. All he cares about is stopping her.
She tenses at the sound of his voice. He found her.
"Please, just...wait" his voice trails off the more he speaks, his voice losing the strength to speak the closer he gets to her.
"Tsunade, look at me"
She obeys, turning around to face his approaching figure.
"Shizune give us a moment." She says to the small child by her side. The girl runs over to play with some flowers just outside the village gates.
"You're really going? Just like that? No good-bye. No hug? No thanks for being there through all the shit that happened during the war? Didn't our friendship mean anything to you?" he's trying to hold back his anger. He doesn't want to be mad at her. He wants to show her that she doesn't need to leave. That there are other options for her.
"I... It's not that. You know how much you mean to me. But you can't think for a second that this would be a good idea. It would be too complicated, especially being shinobi. Can you honestly tell me that if went on a mission that your judgment wouldn't be compromised by us being more than friends. It's impossible. If you can't understand that, than that's on you. But I can't-"
"Don't say that. Stop saying that you can't. You can." He's in front of her now, moving closer to her with every second that passes. "You really think that I haven't already made decisions based on my emotions? We've been teammates for how long and you haven't figured it out yet? I thought you were understanding all this, but I guess I was wrong." He can't think of anything else to say. The writer is at a loss for words. So, instead of speaking with words, he decides to do so with a piercing gaze. He knows she'll understand what he is saying, they've always been good at reading each other.
A few moments of silence pass between them as they stare at one another. She can see it in his eyes. Everything he is feeling. His anger. His pain. His love. But there's just one thing that she can't figure out. "What do you want, Jiraiya?" It comes out more like she's pleading for him to give her the answer that makes this easy. She meant to be firm with him. She wasn't supposed to be feeling like this.
"You know I want you. I didn't think I was hiding it." He's closer to her than before. She has to look up to meet his gaze, which was the wrong thing to do. He's showing too much emotion for her liking.
"I know you want me." He grabs her hand and links their fingers together. "So don't keep saying you can't. I know you think this is what's best. I know you think that you're destined to be alone. That you can never love and be loved in return. You keep pulling further and further away, I'm not sure how to reach you." he's never been so honest with her...with anyone.
He holds her hand firmly to his chest so she can feel his heartbeat. "I know you can feel it. You can feel it beating. Beating for you. You are what my heart wants." He raises his other hand to caress her cheek, "And nothing is going to change that. You are my future. I know you think it's cheesy when I say it, but, you're by destiny. I fully believe you are made to be mine. You think it's dangerous, but were the strongest ninja alive. No one would be able to stop us. But these next few moments are up to us. It's up to you, and it's up to me. No one else can say how this plays out."
She's holding back tears. She's never heard him speak like this. He's always running around chasing other woman. She knows he loves her, there no doubt in her mind. But, what if he's just saying all this destiny shit to get her to stay?
She closes her eyes and nuzzles her face into his hand. It's warm, a bit calloused from years of hard work and different battles of the years, but it's him. She relaxes and turns her face to place a fleeting kiss to his palm. One so light he would have missed it if he wasn't focused on everything she did. "You think it's easy?" she whispers. "You think I don't want to run to you and fall into your arms?" She brings a hand up to cover the one on her face. She wraps her fingers around his and pressed it harder against her cheek. Her eyes open and amber meet obsidian once again."But there's too many risks,too many obstacles to face. This is a line we can't cross. It would be putting us in danger."
She pulls both their hands to fall between them, never letting go. "I know you think we'll be unstoppable. You think this is perfect, and, here inside the village, it might be. But once we go outside those walls. Once we're out on missions or on the battle field you'll see this is hopeless. You can't change fate. I don't understand how you can stand here and say you'll be mine when you go looking at other woman whenever you can. I've thought this through, everything will make this more complicated than it has to be. It's not just us that makes this choice. We can't change fate. I know what fate has in store for me. Jiraiya, you've seen it. You know what happens, and if I fall in lo- If we did this..." She pauses for a moment tears beginning to slowing trickle down her cheeks. "I can't lose you. You're all I have left."
"Tsunade, you once told me your dream was to travel the world. When you asked me what my dream was, it was to spend my days protecting you on your travels. You are what I want. Yes, I like woman, I can very much appreciate a woman's body," he grins. She rolls her eyes and scoffs at his lecherous ways. "But, that doesn't change how I truly feel. I want good days and bad days. I want you at your absolute worst. You can beat the living shit out of me until I'm almost dead and then heal me when you feel better. I want you to be so happy you feel like you're flying, and when you fall I'll be there to catch you." he let go of her hands to place a hand on either side of her face. He gently stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He leaned down touching his forehead to hers. "Please stay. Stay and give me all of you." his voice is soft, gentle, pleading. It's full of emotions that not even he can comprehend.
"It's impossible."
"It's not."
"We Can't"
"We can."
"Jiraiya..."
"Trust me."
Two simple words. She never thought that two simple little words would be her undoing. But she can't help it. It's Jiraiya. She trusts him with her life, but can he trust her with his? She not sure. But her strength is weakening. She doesn't have the patience to fight him anymore. She loves him.
"Shizune, let's go home." She pulls away from him, turning to look at the girl who is walking back with a fist full of flowers. Jiraiya is grinning ear to ear when Tsunade turns back towards him with a smile.
The three of them walk back to Tsunade's apartment the two adults never letting their fingers slip from one another. He can't stop smiling and she is deep in thought. Her mind keeps telling her to run, but her heart is saying run to him. She's tired of overthinking. Shes tired of never allowing herself to be happy.
By the time they get into her place Shizune is asleep in her arms. Tsunade puts Shizune to bed and heads to the living room to figure out how this is all going to work. He's sitting on her couch, his one leg bouncing out of habit. He's always been a fidgety person. She walks up behind him and wraps her arms around his neck and leans her chin on his shoulder. "Ready for bed?" She's not sure what has come over her but shes done fighting. She knows this can't last. She wants to be happy for once. Even it is for just a night.
He chuckles deep in his chest. "Someone's had a change of heart. Everything okay? You're not planning to run while I sleep are you?" It's joke. At least it's supposed to be. But something flashes in her eyes and he gets that sense that something is wrong. "Tsu-"
Her lips are on his before he can finish. He's concerned, but the longer her lips move against his and the more her fingers tangle through his hair, the less he can focus on anything other than the sweet taste of her. She's flooding his senses and he can't find it in himself to ask anymore questions. Right now he has the woman of his dreams in his arms, giving in to the desire that he knew was there all along.
Lips move, teeth scrape and passion takes over. It's a dance that they haven't practiced but yet it's perfect. Every move, every touch was just the way it should be. He pulls her into his lap and pushes her to lay her on her back. He pulls away from the kiss, needing a second to catch his breath. Her lips are swollen and a shade darker than usual. He wants nothing more than to lean back down and claim her lips once more, but he can't seem to tear his gaze away from her, "You're beautiful."
It's out before he can stop himself. He doesn't like being this pathetic romantic. He's crude, and at times vulgar. "I'm sorry... that was weird." he laughs not really sure what to do.
"It was nice. You've always been there to make me feel wanted. Like I'm worth something." shes says, running her fingers through his hair. "Make me feel special, Jiraiya."
"Oh believe me I will. I'm gonna give you more than you can handle, Princess" he moves down to kiss her once more. This time less gentle and more fervent. He moved to her neck, finding a special spot in the crook of her neck that makes her gasp and arch into him. Her knuckles whiten from the intensity of her grasp on his hair, He decided to stay there and work her up a little bit before moving on. He finally has the chance to explore and he's not going to waste it. A hand starts to wander down her sides and around her waste. The other is holding himself above her. His frame is much larger than hers and he doesn't want to crush her. Gently nipping along her collar bone he receives a glorious sound from under him. The reaction to this was better than the last. She's writhing under him and her hands have started to wander themselves.
She traces along his muscles as she glides her fingers over his stomach. She's knows he's well build. If there is one thing he cares about it's his physical appearance. He pulls at his shirt not wanting the barrier between them anymore. She has seen him shirtless countless of times. But, this is different. This isn't her trying to heal the hole in his stomach or the gash across his chest. This is her wanting to trace every inch of flesh with her lips and tongue. He groans into her skin as she scrapes her nails across his skin leaving angry red lines that will probably sting in the morning, ones she wont be healing.
She gasp at the sudden movement and she wraps her legs around his waste to keep herself up."What are you doing?"
"Moving this to the bedroom. We're doing this the right way," he closes the door to her bedroom with his foot. He falls onto the bed as she lets out a small but happy laugh.
She wakes up with his arm draped over her waist and their legs tangled together. She slowly shifts her position turning on her side to face his. She looks upon his sleeping form, brushing his bangs from his face. "You know how I feel. I didn't hide it very well, did I?" She whispers running the back of her fingers along the red lines that cover his cheek. She thinks about everything that happened over the last couple hours. She knows what has to happen. Even if it kills her, it has to be done."But, I cant have you. Being mine means your death. I wont lose another. I've lost so many already and I can't lose you. I'm sorry it has to be this way but it would never work."
She leans down and bestows one last kiss to his lips. "I love you, I think a part of me always will. Please don't come and find me. It will only make things harder for us. You should go be a writer, you're good, great even. Maybe you should take up an apprentice, the kids at the academy seem promising, talk to Sarutobi-Sensei, see if he can get you your own team. I know you'll go on to do great things, just please don't follow me. I know you'll never understand, but this is the way it has to be."
She slides out of the bed and collects the scattered pieces of clothing. She moves to the room down the hall and wakes Shizune. The child is half a sleep and has to be carried out. Tsunade takes one more glace back into her apartment thinking about the man she just left in her bed. "Good-bye, Jiraiya. I know you'll find me again, you always do."
What Tsunade didn't know was that the man in her bed wasn't asleep. He heard her... every word. It broke him to stay there and not chase after her again. But, this is what she wants. That's what love is. When you love someone it means caring about them beyond all rationality. It's wanting them to have everything they could ever want, no matter how much it destroys you. And when you love someone you don't stop...ever.
He lets out a deep sigh and rolls onto his back, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. "I love you too, Tsunade. And I will find you, I will always find you."
A/N: Well, here it is. Pretty crappy I know. Sorry if it doesn't make sense or if it's hard to follow. I know it doesn't match up to the show. Hope you enjoyed and sorry about any mistakes. I'm my own editor. Leave a review, they make me happy. Thanks for reading!