Part Four: A Secret Discovered

Chapter Nine: The source of secrets

Kari sat in her usual spot on the bedroom floor, knees huddled up to her chest. Yesterday had taken a lot out of her and even though she had gone to bed early, her sleep had been restless and so come this morning she had felt exhausted. She'd encountered Tai at the breakfast table but completely blanked him. If he hadn't blabbed to their mother, the conversation with her would have been so much easier. It was his fault she had woken up feeling so tired. Her day at school had been shitty and served only to darken her mood. In fact, the only silver lining, if you could even call it that, was that today's overriding emotion had not been sorrow. Instead, anger had taken root.

She was angry at her brother for throwing her under the bus last night. Angry at Yolei for continually asking her if she felt ok. She'd even got angry at some of the younger boy's at school for accidentally hitting her with their football as she crossed the playground. So much so, that she'd kicked it away from them as hard as she could. Apparently, she now could kick the ball; who knew? However, above all that, she was angry at herself. The voice from the dark recesses of her mind had tried to kill her yesterday and she had since made the executive decision that she wanted to live. Which meant she needed to deal with it sooner or later. Except there was only one problem. Apart from yesterday at the river's edge, the voice had not reared its ugly hissing tones since the immediate aftermath of her breakup with Tai.

Kari sat with her headphones on and Pink Floyd's The Wall blaring. Her eyes were shut and she was concentrating hard. Where are you, you Bastard, she thought irritably. She'd been sitting searching her own mind for the hissing voice. Calling to mind memories that always attracted a strong dose of self-loathing since the start of the album. That had been almost an hour ago; The Wall now well into its second disc. Only the voice had remained silent. Why is it that the one time I actually want to talk to you, you decide not to show? No answer. Fine, stay wherever it is that you're hiding!

In the outside world, a hand suddenly gripped Kari's shoulder. Her eyes snapped open as she jumped. It took her a moment to recover from the shock. When she could process the information that her senses were relaying to her brain, she found herself face to face with Yolei. She jumped again. What the hell was she doing here? She tore her headphones off just in time to hear the lavender haired girl say, "Kari, are you ok?"

Shit, she thought in alarm as she gulped down some air. She'd been keeping Yolei at bay, hiding the fact something was wrong ever since her breakup with Tai. However, she knew being found huddled on her bedroom floor would serve as more than enough evidence that she'd been lying for weeks now. Great, she thought, just great. Yesterday it had been her mother, now Yolei. Between the two of them, she'd be lucky to get a moment's peace. They'd be checking up on her to see how she was doing every waking hour. It would be a nightmare. Especially given that she could see no way of moving on at present. However, the question still remained, how the hell had Yolei got in? Kari's gaze moved past the girl who knelt in front of her and towards the door. Standing in the doorway, a worried expression covering his face, was Tai. The anger that had been slowly building inside her over the course of the day finally blew the top off the nuclear reactor that contained her pent up emotions.

"YOU BASTARD, TAI KAMIYA!" Kari yelled as she dropped her headphones to the floor and sprang to her feet. "I HATE YOU!"

Like the nuclear debris of a reactor explosion, the emotions that she had felt over the past few weeks rained down upon Kari as she darted for the door. She didn't know where she was going or why. She just knew that she needed to get out. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" she half yelled, half cried moments before she reached her brother.

In front of her, Tai stood his ground. If he was not willing to move, she would just have to go through him. Increasing her pace, Kari barrelled into him, but he remained upright. Quickly, his arms wrapped themselves around her. "LET ME GO!" she yelled as she began to thrash, but Tai's grip remained firm. Unable to free herself, she began to hammer on his chest with her fists as hot tears began to pour forth. "TAI, I HATE YOU! NOW LET ME GO!" her voice had become a frantic wail now. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

Her fists quickly ran out of steam and Kari all of a sudden felt weak. She buried her head into Tai's chest and felt his strong arms shift so that one held her securely around the waist, while the other made its way across her shoulders. One of his hands then came around the back of her head and began to lightly stroke her cheek. Slowly, within the comforting warmth and security of her brother's embrace, she started to calm. And at that moment, regardless of what she had just yelled, she knew that she could not hate him.

"Oh my god!" Yolei's yell cut through the sounds of Kari's sobs and Tai's gentle soothing's. She had completely forgotten that the lavender haired girl was there. "It's you! You're Mr Mystery!"

Kari froze as her spine turned stiff as a board. Had Yolei just said what she thought she had? She felt Tai raise his head from where it had rested atop her own and he asked, "who? What are you talking about, Yolei?"

The other girl it seemed had become so excited about her discovery, that she completely forgot the possible ramifications of making such an assertion aloud. "The person Kari's in love with," she blurted out but did not stop there, "tall, brown hair, an athletic body to die for, eyes that shine like the sun and above all, someone that she shouldn't have fallen in love with…"

Kari twisted her body around so that she could stare at her friend. When their eyes met, Yolei immediately clapped her hands over her mouth. She watched as for a moment, the lavender haired girl's gaze darted between herself and the towering figure of her brother.

"Oh my god, Kari, I'm so sorry!" Yolei practically yelled as a look of horror spread over her face.

An awkward silence descended and Kari quickly exchanged glances with Tai, who too still looked to be in shock at the revelation. She sighed. Her friend had been bound to figure it out sooner or later, she was too clever not to. And she knew that nothing either she or her brother said could convince her that she was wrong. It seemed that the Gatomon, Agumon and all the other Digimon were well and truly out of the bag now.

"It's ok, Yolei," Kari said softly, "he already knows."

A stunned expression covered Yolei's face, but it quickly shifted to one of amazement and wonder. Behind the girl's large glasses, Kari could see her eyes sparkle. And no wonder, she'd just uncovered a real-life forbidden romance; like the stories she loved so much. A torrent of questions came barrelling out of the lavender-haired girl's mouth at breakneck speed. "Doseheloveyouback? Haveyoukissedhim? Arethetwoofyouacouple?" and so on.

Kari looked back at Tai, who seemed to have recovered from the initial shock. "I think we'd best go sit in the lounge," he said slowly, a somewhat grim expression forming on his face.

She nodded in agreement and disentangled herself from his embrace. "Come on, Yolei. We'll sit and talk about this in the lounge," Kari said, beckoning her friend to follow Tai out of the room.

What exactly they were going to talk about, she did not know. She and Tai had never discussed what they might say if someone found out about them. Granted, even if they had, Yolei's reaction seemed to be so atypical to what they would have expected, that anything they'd agreed upon would probably be irrelevant. They would just have to improvise. She led Yolei over to the sofa, while her brother headed for the kitchen.

"Do either of you want a soda?" he called out to the sound of the fridge door opening.

"Yes, please," both girls replied as they sat down; Kari on the sofa and Yolei in the armchair.

A slight tension hung in the air as they waited for Tai to join them and it made Kari feel like snakes were slithering around inside her stomach. Someone had found out about their incestuous relationship… OH MY GOD SOMEONE HAD DISCOVERED THEIR SECRET! Panic started to fill her from the soles of her feet upwards, slowly turning her legs to ice. And she felt a strong desire to run. To run away and pretend that nothing had ever happened. Only she couldn't. She would have to sit here, with her brother and tell their story.

Kari sneaked a glance at Yolei, who looked like she was sitting on hot coals, an excited twinkle in her eyes. She took a calming breath to try and steady herself. Her friend did not seem remotely repulsed by what she had just discovered. In fact, Yolei looked far more akin to a viewer waiting for the next episode of their favourite TV show to start, rather than someone who had just discovered a horrifying secret and had needed placating just to get them to sit down and hear an explanation.

When Tai eventually appeared, Kari took the soda he offered her and watched Yolei do the same. A synchronised series of clicks followed as each person opened their can. Her brother then placed a plate of cookies on the coffee table and sat down beside her on the sofa.

After a large gulp of soda, the lavender haired girl seemed to calm down a bit and regain her composure. "Ok," she said between two steadying breaths, looking directly at Kari, "so you found out that you were in love with Tai two years ago. Around about the time we all did that magazine quiz, yes?"

Kari looked at her brother for some sort of assurance that it was ok for her to answer. He gave her the smallest of nods and so she replied, "that quiz was the clincher. After I'd finished my turn, I realised that I'd just described Tai."

The eagerness on Yolei's face was almost frightening and she barely waited a second after Kari had finished before asking, "the weekend you got your hair done, that's when you told him, wasn't it? You told me you'd talked with him and he'd helped you work some things out."

"Yes," Kari said.

"Why did you decide to tell him?"

"That day was the most fun I'd had in a long time. We ended up wrestling on the floor and I lost control of myself and kissed him full on the lips."

Yolei clapped her hands over her mouth again, "oh no! What happened then?"

Before she could answer, Tai decided he wanted to establish himself in the conversation, "she ran from me and locked herself in her bedroom." Kari turned to look at him and saw a faint smile on his lips. "I had to jump from the balcony in our parent's room to the one in hers, just so I could talk to her."

"Oh my god, that is so romantic," Yolei exclaimed and to Kari, it felt like she and her brother had just become characters in an elicit Shojo anime. "How did you react when she told you that she was in love with you?"

"I had to get her to tell me first," Tai answered. "When she did, I think it's fair to say that I was stunned."

"I don't think he quite believed me," Kari added.

"That's probably a fair assessment," Tai then continued. "However, by the time you'd finished telling your story, it had sunk in that you were serious."

"So what did you say to her?" Yolei asked excitedly and Kari could see she was almost on the edge of her seat.

"I told her I didn't think I loved her in that way," Tai said before taking a drink from his can.

"What's that supposed to mean!" the lavender haired girl exclaimed.

Kari sensed that her friend might be about to tear her brother a new one and so quickly said, "he was trying to let me down gently."

"Sounds more like false hope to me," Yolei huffed as she scowled at Tai. "Kari had just told you her darkest secret. The least you could have done was be completely honest with her and tell her properly that you don't feel the same way."

Kari exchanged glances with her brother and they had a quick wordless conversation. It would be simple to end things here and have Yolei leave thinking that the story ended there. However, for some reason that she could not explain, they both felt compelled to carry on.

"I didn't know it at the time, but if I had, it would have been a lie," Tai then replied and he reached over and took hold of her hand.

The sensation of her brother's fingers wrapping themselves around her own, sent a jolt through Kari, like a bolt of white-hot lightning and struck the pile of ash that her passion had become after the breakup. A metaphorical ashen cloud burst into the air inside her, momentarily blinding her from the truth of reality. And for those few precious moments, she felt the wondrous joy that she had only known when she and Tai had been together. Only the ash quickly settled back down and she remembered the cold hard facts; she and Tai were no longer a couple. However, unbeknownst to Kari, somewhere amidst the charred grey dust, a tiny ember glowed faintly.

The lavender haired girl's eyes darted from Tai's face to Kari's and then to their now joined hands. Her mouth fell open and for a few moments, she looked utterly gobsmacked. "No way," she somehow managed to breathe. There was a pause for a moment, presumably to allow the truth to set in before Yolei exploded. "Oh my god! You love her in return! That is so romantic!" She paused again and turned to look at Kari. "You have to tell me everything and I mean everything. How do you feel when he takes you in his arms? What's he like to kiss? How does it feel when you rub your hands all over that perfect torso?"

Kari fixed Yolei with a grim, despondent look.

"How big is..." her friend stopped mid-sentence, finally having taken stock of her expression.

"We're not a couple... not anymore," Kari said slowly as she hung her head.

"Wait... what?" the lavender haired girl said in disbelief.

"You wanted to know what's wrong with Kari," Tai then said. He gave her hand a light, reassuring squeeze. "Well, now you know."

Kari looked up and saw her friend's expression shift from confusion, to understanding and then to anger. Oh no, she thought, realising that Yolei had, unfortunately, put two and two together and come up with five.

"You broke up with her, didn't you!" she virtually yelled at Tai, her fists clenching as she sprang to her feet. "That's even worse than giving her false hope! You tell her that you love her, have some fun and then toss her aside once you're done!"

Kari watched as Tai shrank back against the sofa under the intensity of Yolei's assault. It always amazed her that her brother had been able to face the Dark Masters without a drop of fear but put him up against an angry girl and he was liable to run a mile in the opposite direction. However, in this instance, she didn't blame him. Her best friend looked liable to rip his head off. She needed to intervene on his behalf. "It was nothing like that, Yolei," she said calm but firm. "We ended things mutually."

"If it was mutual, why have you been so depressed?" Yolei demanded, not sounding willing to let her brother off the hook yet.

"Because we were in love," Kari answered. It hurt to say it in the past tense, especially given that she knew full well they still were.

"Kari's not the only one who's been suffering. It broke both of our hearts to do it," Tai added, his voice laced with sorrow.

Yolei sat back down in the armchair, her rage apparently subsiding. "If you guys were in love, why did you break up?"

Kari's eyes drifted to the floor in despondency. She'd recalled the memory of their breakup conversation too many times this week and did not wish to do so again. Fortunately, Tai elected to answer, "imagine what it would be like if Ken were living with you, but so long as someone else was in the house, you couldn't express your feelings towards him. You can't touch him, talk to him or do anything else that might expose how you feel about him in case someone saw you. If you're lucky, you get a few hours per week where the two of you can be a couple. And even that has to be planned out and kept completely secret."

"I think it would drive me crazy," Yolei conceded.

"Exactly," Tai said, "it's emotional torture of the highest order. However, that's not the worst part."

"What could be worse than that?"

Kari raised her head and could see the painful expression on her brother's face... could feel it through their joined hands. "The dark ironic reality of our situation," she said bitterly.

"The dark ironic reality?"

"Yes," Kari said, clutching Tai's hand firmly. "We had to keep our relationship secret from our parents and everyone else we knew. Only, in the end, if we wanted to be with each other long-term, we would not have been able to keep it a secret."

A look of tragic realisation spread across the lavender haired girl's face and for a moment, Kari thought she might cry. The story of her real-life star-crossed lover's relationship having ended in tragedy.

"We decided to end it in order to spare each other from greater pain in the future," Tai then said.

"But you can't possibly know what might happen in the future or how people might react," Yolei protested, as though she had a personal stake in matters. "Take me, for example."

Kari watched as Tai shook his head. "Not everyone is as liberal and understanding as you are, Yolei," he said sombrely. "Besides, we have a fair idea of how our parents would react."

This explanation did not seem to be enough for her best friend. "But the two of you are in love! Not to mention the effect your breakup's had on you both, especially Kari."

"I'll be fine," Kari said, slightly defensively. "I just need to find a way to get over it, that's all."

"But..."

"I'm sorry, Yolei, but if you're looking for a happy ending, you won't find one here," Tai then said firmly, bringing the story to an end. "Now I really need to get some studying done. I'm behind this week as it is." Her brother let go of her hand, stood up from the sofa and picked up his soda can. He took a step to the side before he stopped and said, "needless to say, Kari and I would appreciate it if you kept this conversation to yourself. While we may have broken up, we'd rather no one else found out that we had a relationship."

"Of course," Yolei said with a nod of her head. "I understand." She then turned to Kari. "I should probably head home. My mom will have expected me back almost an hour ago. I forgot to message her to say I was coming over here."

"I'll show you out," Kari replied and got to her feet.

"Kari, are you sure you'll be ok?" the lavender haired girl asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"I'll just have to be," she replied as she led the girl to the door.

"If you want to talk, give me a call or send me a message. Or better yet, come over sometime tomorrow," Yolei said as she put her shoes on.

"I'll think about it," Kari said in a non-committal sort of way. However, possibly betrayed her true feelings on the matter by saying, "I'll see you on Monday."

Yolei gave her a hug before slipping out into the steadily darkening evening. Kari let out a low breath as the door clicked shut. Not only had that been totally unexpected, but difficult to boot. However, in the long run, might prove beneficial. She now had someone to talk to. Only that would have to wait until she had managed to sort out her own head.