December 10, 2010
Sophia walks into the kitchen from the outside deck and hears Shane chuckle as he looks up from his empty plate to see her. "Well, that's certainly a new look. You eat breakfast with your mom?"
Running a hand through her now orchid pink hair, she grins. "Just be glad I talked Beth out of the cotton candy color. And yes, I ate breakfast already."
Shane passes her a cup of hot tea from Michonne's pot on the table as she sneaks in a morning hug after hugging the three younger kids first. "You do realize you're going to have to figure out how to dye their hair, too, right?"
Taking a sip of the tea and enjoying the spicy scent and taste of the chai, she smiles at Molly, Luke, and Andre as she slides onto a barstool. "Beth has a whole box of the little jars from her last supply run."
"Is it permanent?" Michonne asks, watching Andre wiggle happily.
"Semi-permanent. As long as they pick something that works on darker hair, it should wash away in about six weeks."
"And yours?" Shane eyes the very bright color of her hair.
"Beth had to bleach it first. It's gonna be a little pale." Like bleach blonde pale, but it was fun, doing their hair together. "Kind of like Spike from Buffy. Beth's is turquoise colored now."
Michonne just laughs. "Well, it's not like there's a dress code for school to follow anymore, right? Might as well have fun."
Sophia nods. "Beth said that her school once suspended a boy for dying his hair pink, so a bunch of girls showed up with the same color and didn't get suspended, so they had to let him back for an unfair policy."
Beth hadn't been one of them, as much as she'd wanted to be, because her family was so strict. Maybe her father was a lot nicer than Ed, but Sophia was a bit selfishly glad when she finished getting her friend's hair to the exact shade of aqua blue she wanted. Beth is Beth, not some doll with no opinions.
Daryl and Mama didn't say a word when they were sorting the jars and deciding colors. Mama even gave them a couple of tips about the dye, but she turned down joining them. Apparently dye might not be safe for the baby.
"Some schools were known for trying that," Michonne notes. "Andrea probably has a whole host of stories like that from working as a civil rights lawyer."
"I'll bet she's glad not to have to do a job like that anymore." Sophia can't imagine anyone caring much about what people look like these days. Finishing her tea, she sighs, looking up at Shane. "I want to go talk to Rick today."
It's something that she's been thinking about a lot lately. As nervous and wary as Carl's father still makes her, she can't deny that he's stuck to the terms of being here. Sophia thinks she can be fair in return, and it can't be very good being stuck to the same five acres and single house.
"Did you discuss it with Doc?" Shane asks, but he doesn't look worried. She knows they've made peace with each other, which is why she can try her own olive branch.
"Yesterday after supper. He says there's no reason Rick couldn't mingle with everyone, and that Michonne could come see him about any additional issues he foresees." Like the fact that Sophia doesn't want Rick anywhere near her people on a supply run. She doesn't see anyone wanting him doing that soon, anyway.
"Did you tell your mama?" Shane's starting the breakfast dishes, so she goes to help. It's her second round of dishes this morning, since she helped Beth, too.
"Yep. She suggested that either you or Daryl go with me." There might have been a slightly teasing commentary about keeping her away from rocks and projectiles, but she isn't going to flinch away from losing it on Rick. He deserved it.
Shane passes her another dish to rinse and dry and nods. "I need to take a look at the back of the property there to see about more root cellars before the ground tries to freeze. You can help me survey after you talk to Rick, if you like."
Dishes don't take long, so they're donning jackets and heading for the opposite end of the road. Shane reaches out to sling an arm over her shoulder, and she enjoys the impromptu hug. "Still excited about the newest baby?"
Sophia grins up at him. "Have you seen how happy they are? It's contagious. I always wanted a sibling, and this year? I got a whole pack of them, plus some still pending."
"Not too many changes too fast?"
He looks so concerned that she smiles to reassure him. "It's fine. They're all good changes."
They really are. Her mama is the happiest she's ever seen her, and Sophia's glad that the wished for baby never came with Ed around. There wouldn't be all this happy glow, watching her mama and Daryl sitting together on the couch at night, him reading, her knitting, and Daryl sneaking his hand over to rest over the belly. He has this constant look of someone who just encountered a miracle, which she likes.
Shane and Michonne have a lot of the same comfortable vibe together. It's like they've been together for years instead of weeks. But her mama's baby easier than the complications surrounding Lori's baby. No matter how happy everyone about the baby itself, the circumstances are weird on the best of days and Lori's health worrisome. The cool part will be sharing a sister with Carl.
Considering Carl, she frowns, realizing he wasn't at breakfast, and neither was Patrick. "Did Carl stay with his dad last night?"
"Yeah. Him and Patrick both actually."
Sophia stumbles, a little surprised, and Shane catches her. "That's new."
"It is, but Patrick said it makes things feel more normal to stay over with Carl, too."
Well, if it makes Patrick feel good, then she's all for it. "Sometimes it feels a little like that with sharing a room with Beth." Having a solo room seemed selfish when she doesn't sleep there every night, and Beth seems to like being the older girl of their pair. Molly doesn't mind her being away, still sharing a room with Luke and Sophia both, so she isn't alone with Sophia gone and Patrick sharing with Carl.
"Not too weird with her being so much older?" Shane asks as they start up the driveway to Rick's house.
"Nah. She's used to an age gap. I think Maggie is a lot older." And if Sophia thinks to herself that it's what it would be like not being the oldest sister, that's her private thoughts.
At the door, Shane goes to knock, but the door is opened before he can by Carl and Patrick, both smiling. "Are we late for something?" Carl asks.
"No, we came down to see your dad."
Carl's eyes widen a little at Sophia's words, but he steps onto the porch to make room for them to step inside. Rick is getting to his feet from where he's finishing breakfast. Hershel and Amanda are there as well, but there's no sign of the other cop or Glenn and Maggie.
Sophia resists the sudden urge to step behind Shane once Rick's attention is on them both. Taking a deep breath, she manages, "You shouldn't be stuck to the one property. It isn't fair, and it probably isn't healthy."
Rick studies her for a moment, before he glances to Shane. She doesn't mind him checking, because even now, she really prefers to avoid eye contact. He's too earnest, too begging for forgiveness, and it makes her uncomfortable. How to explain it is hard, except it draws an uncanny parallel to Ed's apology stages.
But today isn't about forgiving him. It's about the next step to making sure Carl's dad gets better like Sophia's did.
"That would be much appreciated," Rick says at last, the pleading aspect of his expression fading to a careful politeness. He must have seen something on Shane's face.
She nods, swallowing hard and taking an involuntary step closer to Shane. A warm hand comes to rest between her shoulder blades, causing her to react with that easy confidence that she associates with being around Shane now. Rick actually smiles, seeming pleased by the interaction.
At least he seems happy for them. It's unexpected, as Sophia didn't figure Rick would want happy things for Shane so soon after they hurt each other. "Just no supply runs," she tacks on. "Or only with your people." She can't help that her fingers tangle in the closest belt loop of Shane's jeans, like a much younger kid.
Rick doesn't miss the idea that Shane is hers, not his. "I think it'll be a few more months before I would trust myself on runs. I'm sure there's plenty of things to do around here."
"Like help with new homes and plumbing and root cellars?" she asks. He likes to build, she hears, and there's so much building to be done.
"All of that, yeah. I hear there's a list you keep."
Sophia ghosts a smile his way. "It's a long one." Her watch beeps, reminding her she's due for a lesson with Denise. "I've got to go, but Shane has the list. And he needs help doing a survey here." Since she can't help, maybe Rick can.
Accepting Shane's hug without any care for their audience, she heads for the porch. Looking back one last time, everyone is watching her go, so she closes the door quickly. Taking a deep breath, she goes to start her day.
It doesn't take her long to realize that Rick is being kept working in areas she won't be for the day, but when she and Beth go out to run the trotlines, she eyes the older teen for a long moment, letting the motor go idle before they reach the first line. Beth turns from her spot in the front of the boat, arching a still blonde brow. Neither of them was brave enough to dye their eyebrows.
"Can I ask you a question?" Sophia knows that Beth's seen Doc, too, not as often as Sophia does, but enough for her to take note. But this isn't something to ask Carl, and she doesn't know the other boy that came with them well enough.
"Of course." Beth swings her legs over the seat in the boat so that she's facing Sophia instead of twisted around. She has one of those open faces that makes her seem friendly even when she's grumpy. As her sometimes roommate, Sophia is familiar with the less sunny parts of Beth's personality, but even those are so much brighter than she ever feels.
"Do you trust Rick?" She needs a younger person's perspective, less laden with how things should be and more with how they are.
To her credit, Beth doesn't answer right away. She tucks a stray lock of bright turquoise hair behind her ear and sighs. "I trust that he's a good person trying to get better after he got overwhelmed. It's sort of like Merle. He was an addict in Atlanta, and he'll always be an addict. That part of his mind will always be fragile. Rick's is less addiction and more mental health, but I think the comparison is fair."
Sophia thinks that over, nodding as the parallel fits. She understands that Shane had the same sort of mental break, making a lot of odd decisions that led up to the really scary ones she didn't witness. Rick leaving her? It was one of the cracks before Rick broke.
Before she speaks again, Beth does. "I think Merle is his Otis, not Shane, if you ask me."
That makes Sophia confused. "He didn't kill Merle."
"No, but his actions led to Merle being left for dead, and he didn't go back for him right away. Shane didn't start out wanting to hurt Otis, and he tried not to, but then everything went wrong. If you watch Rick if Merle is around, he can't quite look at him, especially now that he has that new hand."
Letting the slight waves rock her a bit, Sophia knows she hasn't noticed that, but she tries to avoid paying attention to Rick. "He can forget what he did to Shane, because it's hidden. But Merle's hand isn't," she ventures.
Beth smiles. "Exactly. And family? You hurt family and expect forgiveness. Strangers? It's never a guarantee."
"You forgave Shane." It's a puzzle Sophia's never been brave enough to ask about yet.
"Because I don't think he's a bad man. He did a horrible thing when he was desperate. Since then, he's done all the good he can to make up for it, right?"
"Yeah." Thinking of the Claimers, Sophia shudders and gets the boat back underway. Would what she did be a bad thing for good reasons? Sometimes, it isn't just Rick she's angry with anymore, but herself.
Beth watches her even as they work the lines, finally reaching out when they reach the dock. No one's come down to meet them yet, so it's quiet as the older girl snags her wrist. "I heard you tell your mama about what you did to that man that put the kids in a cage. We met men like that one day, me and Daryl. I shot two of them."
"Did you kill them?" Because Sophia killed Lou. Most of the time, she's okay with that, but then she remembers he had a name, and he was Molly and Luke's uncle, and she wonders if deciding in the heat of the moment is always so horrible on second guessing yourself. She thinks Shane could answer that question, if she would risk asking.
"No, but I wanted to. Daryl did, after he questioned them." Beth is quiet enough after that the only real sound is the lake against the dock. "I was angry he didn't let me, afterward. I think maybe that anger is harder than guilt to let go."
When Sophia thinks of Lou, anger usually is a more dominant emotion, just like it has been with Rick for so long. But there's guilt, too, that she killed an unarmed man who had no chance to defend himself. That's easier to set aside, it's true, just like her guilt over being too confused and scared to follow Rick's instructions is something she can shove away.
"I don't like being angry. It makes me feel like Ed."
"I don't think you could ever be like him. Be angry when you need to." Beth lets her go to climb out and moor the boat. "Just don't let anger be everything you are, because that's when you break like Rick did, or Shane."
Once the boat is unloaded, Sophia surprises Beth with a tight hug. "It's awful to say, but I'm glad you fought with your sister and moved out," she mumbles against Beth's jacket.
The older girl just giggles, fluffing her hair like Shane does. "Long as you promise not to tell Maggie, me too, most days. It's nice to be the big sister for once."
With that, Beth moves away to climb the path with their fish, leaving Sophia to grin like a silly thing all the way through putting away their gear. After thinking it earlier, it's nice to know Beth doesn't just see her as a necessary pest to live with Daryl and Sophia's mama. She really has been blessed now to make up for all the years with no siblings.