December 24, 2010
In May, when everything started going wrong, Shane still held faith in the government to somehow come out on top of the situation. Time and experience proved him wrong, that the massacre in the hospital wasn't an aberration, and combined with his personal life spinning out of control, he lost focus of any real future being possible. Even in the quarry, if you suggested a day like today has been - and tomorrow will be - was going to happen, he would have laughed without any humor involved.
Instead, he's settled at the table in his own house, surrounded by kids, playing a noisy game of Mouse Trap with the younger kids while the older ones somehow roped Merle and Michonne into playing Monopoly. Andre is enchanted by the colorful game, although his ability to play rests entirely on being in Shane's lap. Morgan, Carol, and Daryl are amused onlookers between both games.
He never did any extensive decorating for the holidays at his house. It seemed a bit wasted, with only him really seeing it. Back then, he preferred the livelier Grimes household and all the Hallmark channel style decorations Lori specialized in. His grandmother's decorations stayed safely stored away once she passed away.
Grandma Jean would be thrilled to see they're not locked in the dark anymore. Once the community as a whole declared to do a Christmas celebration, without the overtones of religion, Sophia's in depth nosiness of all his possessions resulted in boxes of old fashioned decorations being unearthed. It isn't just those gracing the big Leyland Cypress, but plenty of homemade ornaments from the five kids officially living with Shane and Michonne, plus Carl, Beth, and Duane. Morgan may officially live next door, but the familial bond developed before their community grew is still there.
Keeping his promise to Sophia feels good. She'd done the honors in cutting the tree down at the Christmas tree farm that sparked him to say they'd do that this year, back when he had no idea his guardianship would become fatherhood. On the Greene farm, he thought Lori's pregnancy would make him a father in a way he wasn't for Carl. How wrong he was that it was the baby that would make that change for him.
Duane wins the game of Mouse Trap, politely high fiving all three of his younger competitors. "Can we have hot chocolate?" he asks, looking between his father and Shane. "The spicy kind Shane makes."
Chuckling at the special request, Shane dangles Andre out to Duane to take before making his way into the kitchen. Chocolate is one of those things they won't have forever, but for this first Christmas of giving the kids some sort of normalcy of traditions old and new, at least they have it now. As he gets started, Sophia and Beth exchange a conspiratorial look that makes Daryl mutter, "Uh, oh, what are you girls up to?"
"We should go caroling. If Shane makes enough hot chocolate, we can deliver it along the way, too" Sophia suggests. The Monopoly game is quickly forgotten as the other kids chime in agreement.
"I'm game if everyone else is," Shane says, checking the pantry for supplies. He won't be able to make it all with fresh milk, but there's plenty of Nido in the shares they take for their household from the group supplies. "But I'll need more pitchers for delivering hot chocolate."
That ends up with Beth and Sophia dashing across the street, and Duane and Carl heading next door. Shane ends up with Carol helping him babysit quantities of the hot drink that use stock pots instead of saucepans. The kids are all bundled up, because with dark comes temperatures that are actually pretty frigid for Georgia for once. It's enough that keeps the kids speculating about snow, especially as heavily overcast as the sky is. No one has the heart to remind the younger ones they're probably too far south and east for it to be possible in December.
The kids pick up extra carolers once what they're doing gets out, until soon all the kids in the community are part of the procession. They even sing their way back up the street, carefully including the new doublewides brought in and set up on one of the larger properties. Shane and Michonne perch on the stairs up to the deck for their official caroling visit. It results in happy, tired kids as everyone finally disperses home.
The last two out on the deck are him and Sophia. She smiles at him, and he marvels at the difference in the girl who risked the dangers of a moonlit night to save a man she barely knew. Everything he has now, he owes to her bravery and selflessness. Sophia sees something of his emotion in his face, because she wraps her arms around him in a firm hug. "Love you, Daddy."
That's a new thing for her, not using his name, and probably the best damned present she could give him tonight. It seems fitting that his first child says it to him before any of the rest. "Love you, too, sweetheart. Kept my promise about Christmas, didn't I?"
"You've always kept your promises to me." Blinking up at him, she smiles even more brightly. "And you always will."
Sophia presses a kiss to his cheek before trailing behind her mother for the night. She'll be back in the morning, after presents and breakfast across the street. Carl's with his mother for the night, although Rick and Lori both have an invitation for Christmas lunch. With the weather almost guaranteed cold, this particular holiday meal is divided up by houses. No one will lack for good food and nice company.
Without Carl and Sophia there, Shane isn't surprised to find that all the kids congregate in the room with the twin bunk beds. Andre's been sharing the room with Luke, Molly, and sometimes Sophia since Michonne moved into Shane's bedroom. Patrick's just borrowing Sophia's bunk for the night, watching over the chattering children with a content expression that makes Shane realize how far the boy's come since his rescue.
"You missing out on any traditions, Patch?" he asks, leaning against the top bunk while Michonne reads to the younger kids all piled onto Andre's bunk.
Patrick shakes his head. "Not really. We just did the usual stuff, like we did tonight." He leans in close. "You won't forget my stuff for their stockings, right?"
Shane drags him in for a hug as well as keeping the conversation quiet. "You sure you don't want those bracelets to have your name on them? You worked hard."
The leather lace up bracelets were a carefully kept secret that Shane knows the older kids will puzzle out, maybe even Molly, but probably not Luke. One of the houses had a leatherwork craft room set up in a spare bedroom, and out of all the kids, Patrick seemed the most interested. The teenager spent a lot of trial and error learning to use the tools, with his workshop set up in a corner of the workroom in Daryl and Carol's basement. Shane knows Merle's offered some tips and suggestions, but the older man assures him that Patrick's pretty much self taught.
Patrick returns the hug fiercely. "They'll be less afraid of them, coming from Santa than a person."
That explains the finicky laces on each decorated and beaded leather piece. No buckles or snaps to resemble the dog collars the children once wore. Santa is a bit of magic the kids deserve to keep, so Shane nods.
Michonne's finished up the story, the younger kids giggling over that Grinch, so Shane does his rounds for bedtime. Molly's bedtime hugs are becoming more routine, more like the other two small kids, and it makes him rejoice at how well she's healing. In time, Luke will probably forget everything that came before being part of Shane's family, but Molly? She'll remember, but at least she's starting to heal. Luke and Andre are as content as ever, their sturdy small bodies delivering hugs and sloppy kisses to him as enthusiastically as to Michonne.
Following her to the living room, he finds she's got the box for the stockings out of its hiding place. One by one, they fill each one with a variety of small items, finishing with fruit and candy. Daryl led a team far enough south to find one of the satsuma groves two days ago, and they've kept all the citrus fruits hidden from the few smaller children in the community. There aren't a lot of happy Christmas memories from either Dixon brother, except that one: oranges in a stocking, from a time when the citrus fruit wasn't something that was available year round in many varieties in the supermarket.
"Did you get stockings like this as a kid?" Michonne asks as she hangs Andre's.
"Yeah. Always about half full of fruit and nuts, plus that package of Life Savers that always looked like a book. My mama couldn't always afford a lot of presents, but the stocking? That was always something that happened."
"How old were you when she died? You always talk about your grandmother to the kids, but not her as much."
"Fourteen. She passed right after Halloween my freshman year of high school." Shane readjusts the extra presents under the tree. Although the kids don't need much, it just meant being creative with gift giving. Their household has the majority of the kids still young enough to benefit from the Santa tale, which for some reason means everyone wants to help out. It's like the absolute line of people willing to help Aaron with his daughter. The existence of kids so small just gives everyone hope.
Michonne slips her arms around his waist from behind, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. "What would she think of all this?"
It makes Shane smile. "All the kids or you?" he asks, turning so that he's face to face with her.
"Both, I suppose."
"I think she would have loved seeing me with a big family. She did the best she could as a single mother, but it was just her and me and Grandma Jean for so long." She wanted a lot more for Shane. He hadn't particularly wanted to go to college, but it was his mother's dream, and he felt he owed it to her memory. There were a lot of paths closed to her for having a child so young.
Kissing Michonne, he smiles at her. "As for you? I think she would be rather delighted to have you around to keep me on my toes." What they have together would incur a lot of open prejudice from many, but Shane doesn't think either his mama or grandma would have cared, not so long as he was happy.
His answer pleases Michonne, and finishing up in the living room gets delayed by a series of leisurely kisses, both of them enjoying the quiet of the room. Only the fire in the wood stove makes any sounds with all the children fast asleep. Eventually, they do the rounds, checking that the house is secure and the fire sufficient for the night.
The kids are all asleep, even Patrick, who sometimes reads if he can't settle to sleep. Shane detours to tuck Molly's comforter back over her. All the boys are much less restless sleepers, but he still takes a moment to consider Michonne's question all over again. Yes, he's absolutely certain his mother and Grandma Jean both would have delighted in seeing him with a house full of children.
When he gets to his bedroom, Michonne's already ready for bed, although her intent is clear. Locking the door, he steps to the foot of the bed, letting his eyes scan across all the bare skin. "What, not letting me unwrap my present?" he teases as he starts stripping away his own clothing slowly.
"Maybe I'm watching you unwrap mine," she replies, smiling slowly. But she reaches under her pillow and clips a gold foil Christmas bow to one of her dreads. "Better?"
"Hell yeah." Crawling up the bed, he hovers himself above her, close enough to feel body head, not enough to actually touch. "This gonna be our Christmas Eve tradition?" he asks huskily.
She hooks a leg over one of his, a slow slide of contact between them. "It's a good one, isn't it?"
Planning for many future Christmases together sounds perfect. He lowers his body inch by inch, extending the moment between them until finally he's framing her tall form with his. Still he doesn't kiss her, though, just smiling down at her even from where he's propped on his forearms.
Arching a brow, she tangles her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, now long enough to curl again. "What are you waiting for?"
"Just thinking that saying I love you doesn't seem to be enough words for what I feel right now."
Michonne smiles slowly, and she's the one that initiates the kiss, raising up to meet his lips. Once she's enticed him to a series of long kisses that finish awakening his body to its close contact with hers, she finally lets him up for air. That smile is still there. "Maybe those three words don't seem like enough, but they'll work as a start. I love you."
He's said those words before, in the heat of desperately not wanting to be left alone. But this woman isn't going to leave him angry and confused about what she means to him. He knows, and it's not moments like this one, as her thighs grip him and urge him closer. The heat of her is right there, so tantalizingly close. He smiles in return, even as he finally brings them as close as they can possibly be. "I love you, too."
Four months ago, Shane wanted to die in a remote field and selfishly make sure the hell his mind descended into was shared completely with the person he cared about most on the planet. Tonight? He knows he's already found his redemption, not just in the woman in his arms, but in the family they've built around them.
Thinking he understood love and family drove him crazy. Now Shane knows better, and it's all he's ever dreamed of.
A/N: Last chapter, folks. 32 chapters for a story I was hesitant to post, thinking that Shane after the field would be so much harder to empathize with than the Shane of season one. It started the phenomenon of my Lost Deputy series, and many more Shane stories are still waiting to be told. Hopefully others will be inspired to tell them as well.
Merle's story will turn up soon. What family will our third lost boy find? 😉