Part Four: A Secret Discovered
Chapter Twelve: Picture that
It was Wednesday and for Kari Kamiya, the fourth day since she had combed her own mind and met with the shocking revelation about her own state of mental wellbeing. Since then, she had slowly been making progress in dragging herself out of her pit of despair. Just not fast enough for Yolei's liking. She'd gone to see her best friend on Saturday afternoon and they had hung out together. However, come Monday morning, the lavender haired girl had decided that she still needed cheering up. Hence why Kari found herself with the girl in one of the drama rooms after school had finished.
"Will you hold still, Yolei," Kari said in mock irritation. "This was your idea after all."
"To help cheer you up," her friend said indignantly. "I hope you're aware that I'm effectively martyring myself for you, Kamiya."
"A bit of eyeshadow isn't going to kill you, Inoue."
"A bit!" Yolei exclaimed. "The amount you're putting on my face is insane."
"Hold still," Kari snapped, knocking the girl's hand away, "I'm almost done."
Her friend huffed, but she ignored her. Finishing up with the neon-yellow eyeshadow, Kari picked up the black lipstick. Carefully, she applied a thin layer to Yolei's top and bottom lip. "Go like this," she instructed and puckered her own lips. The girl did so, allowing her to touch up any cracks that appeared. "Ok and… done," she said with a flourish and put the lipstick away in her makeup bag.
Kari held out a hand for Yolei to take and helped her friend to her feet. "Close your eyes," she said and flashed the girl a smile.
"I swear if I fall and break my neck…"
"…you'll probably be paralysed from there down and so won't be able to do anything to me."
Yolei scowled at her. "I beginning to wonder if I preferred you back when you were pink and yellow Kari."
She laughed. "You don't get it both ways, Yolei. Either you can encourage me back out of my hole and suffer the me that I am, or you can shove me back in there and get pink and yellow Kari instead. Now close your eyes."
Her friend did as she was told, though not first without sticking her tongue out at her. Kari then led her over to the full-length mirror. She had been hesitant on Monday to come and do this photoshoot. The hissing voice still prevalent in her mind. So Yolei had gone all out to get her to agree and offered to model her Digital Punk outfit. She had eventually agreed, if only to stop the badgering. However, it had got her thinking about her wardrobe again and ignited a spark of creativity.
She'd taken some of Yolei's long hair and tied it up into two knots atop her head, the rest she'd put into a single braid. The rest of the get-up was the way she herself had last worn it. Black and neon-yellow jeans, with the left leg cut off at the knee and the words Digital Punk written down the right. Matching converse; one of each colour. And a black vest with slashes across the front and back, with the edges flecked with the same neon-yellow colour; like she was bleeding. Accessories consisted of a matching checked wristband, a black choker and a silver necklace in the shape of a lightning bolt. While makeup included the aforementioned eyeshadow and lipstick, along with nail polish that alternated between black and neon-yellow.
"Ok, open your eyes," Kari said with a smile, admiring her handiwork.
Yolei did so and they immediately widened as her mouth fell open. "Holy crap, Kari, what have you done to me!"
She felt the corners of her lips begin to curl as she replied, "I just punked you up a bit."
"I would never believe you wore this outside if I hadn't already seen it. Hell, I feel scared to even walk out of this room. Where did you get the confidence to wear this outdoors from?"
Kari's smile faded slightly. "I'll let you know if I ever find it again."
Yolei tore her eyes away from the mirror and fixed her with a sincere expression. "It'll take time, but you willget over this."
She sighed, "I know. I finally accepted that I'm not defined by my relationship with Tai."
"That's good because you're not," the lavender haired girl said firmly. "You're a strong individual that is her own person. No one else should ever define you."
Kari was about to answer, when the voice hissed inside her head, "no you're not. You're not strong, little Kari. You're weak..."
"Shut up," she yelled internally. "I don't need to listen to you."
"You can't silence me, little Kari. I am you. I control you!"
"Kari..."
"No, you don't! Now go back to the dark recesses where you belong."
"Kari..." She jumped when Yolei's hand touched her shoulder and her eyes found the heavily shadowed ones of her friend, "you ok?"
"Yeah," she breathed, feeling herself shake slightly.
"Do you want to take the pictures now... before I lose my nerve?"
Kari felt another shiver run down her spine and gave her head a quick shake. "Yeah, lets," she said firmly, more for her own benefit that Yolei's.
She watched as her friend took a deep breath and stepped away from the mirror. "Where do you want me?"
She looked around the room. In the far corner were a white backdrop and a set of lights for taking photographs. It seemed the photography club, of which she had once been a member, had moved classrooms for this academic year. "Over there," Kari said, pointing towards the backdrop. "Just let me get my camera."
Yolei headed for the corner while Kari procured her camera from her bag. This one had been gifted to her two years ago but had seen little use over the past twelve months. Slightly bulkier than the one she used to wear back in the pink and yellow days, it had a much higher resolution and far more settings. She thumbed through them now as she wandered over to where Yolei stood.
"Ok, just stand natural for me and I'll take a few practice shots," Kari said as she focused the camera on the lavender-haired girl.
Her friend did so without comment or complaint and so once satisfied with the camera settings, she took the first shot. It came out too dark, so Kari switched on the lights and did it again. It took a further three shots, each followed by a tweak of the camera's settings before she was satisfied. "Ok, we're good to go," she said and gave Yolei a smile.
For the next hour, Kari moved and positioned the lavender-haired girl as though she were a manikin. Taking several shots from different angles, before switching her into the next pose. They laughed, joked and complained at one another throughout and she started to feel herself relax… dare she say it, happy. It seemed Yolei had been right, this had been exactly what she needed. She was having fun and had managed to put all thoughts about Tai to the back of her mind… until her friend decided to broach the subject.
"So what was it like?" Yolei asked from her position atop a wooden box.
"What was what like?" Kari replied as she took a quick series of shots.
"You know… being with Tai."
Slowly she lowered the camera, unsure of how to respond. It was no surprise that Yolei had finally decided to ask about her relationship. Indeed, Kari had expected it to come up on Saturday. Such was the girl's love of gossip and forbidden romance stories. For a moment she thought about simply declining to answer. She and Tai had kept the entire thing a secret from everyone after all; as they had planned. Only Yolei had found out. Maybe talking about it would help her move on. Would Tai mind? Possibly. However, after how douchy he had been to her last week, he could not complain.
Kari's eyes flashed around the room and then to the two doors, to ensure they were alone, then let out a low sigh. "It was magical… at least the time when I could be with him was."
"How did you find out that he was in love with you?" Yolei asked eagerly.
She raised her camera and took another couple of shots, before replying, "remember that night when we all went bowling?"
Yolei nodded as Kari stepped forwards and repositioned her on the box.
"It all happened after I went home that night. Unbeknownst to me, Tai had been struggling with his feelings ever since I had told him." She lowered her head slightly, recalling the bloody mess she had found her brother in. "In hindsight, I knew something was wrong with him that night but was too excited about going out with you guys to stop and question him when we passed in the doorway. Regardless, when I got home, I found him sitting on the floor of his bedroom with the lights off. We talked for a while and eventually, I got the truth from him." For Tai's sake, she omitted the details about him having cut himself.
Yolei tried to turn her head to look at her, but Kari quickly moved it back into position. However, that did not stop her asking, "why didn't he tell you sooner?"
She moved to stand in front of her friend once more and raised her camera. "He was doing the whole overprotective big brother thing and trying to spare me from any hurt that might result from a relationship that he knew I wanted."
"So typical Tai then."
"Be quiet for a moment and give me a sassy smile," Kari commanded, waiting until she got exactly what she wanted from her model before taking the shot. She then took some more from a few different angles.
When she had finished, Yolei quickly said, "so what happened when he told you? And I mean straight after he told you."
"I was speechless and couldn't comprehend the possibility that he had just told me the truth," Kari replied as she checked through this set of shots on the camera's small screen. "I actually had to get him to say it again before I believed him."
"And then…" Yolei encouraged, almost on the edge of her box.
"…and then we shared the most delicate and beautiful of kisses." She lowered the camera to see her friend positively giddy with excitement. "Until that moment, I had no idea it was possible to feel that amount of love from someone…" Kari brushed a tear from her eye at the memory and stepped forward to reposition her model.
"I'm sorry, Kari," Yolei said sincerely. However, that did not stop her asking, "so what happened then?"
"We fell asleep lying next to each other," she paused to shift one of Yolei's arms, then added, "fully clothed, before your dirty little mind gets any ideas."
The lavender-haired girl gave her a sour pout and Kari could not be sure whether it had been directed at the insinuation or how much clothing she and Tai had slept in that night. The girl then said, "keep going. I want to hear everything."
"Fortunately, our parents were away and didn't get back till late Wednesday evening. We had five glorious days together…" she paused to readjust the camera.
"…then you had to start hiding how you felt," Yolei finished for her. "That must have been difficult."
"It was agony," Kari conceded as she started taking this, the final set of pictures. "In fact, we almost ended things the next morning."
"But you didn't," the lavender-haired girl sneaked out as Kari moved around her.
"No… but perhaps it would have been better if we had. It might not have hurt so much then…" she let the sentence hang as she took the shot. "Anyway, it was nine days before we had the chance to be together again. Nine shitty days," she emphasised.
"I bet the two of you were a raging ball of hormones that night."
"Shush," Kari said firmly, "unless you want me to leave those knots in your hair. Then you'll have to go home like that." However, a grin had crept across her lips at the memory of that particular night. "We might have lost control a little bit that night."
"Oh my god, did you sleep with him!" Yolei exclaimed, ruining the shot.
She gave her friend a stern look as she deleted the picture and retook it. "I said a little bit, not all sense of reason."
"Ok, so you didn't go all the way, how far…"
Kari looked at the second ruined shot, lowered the camera and glowered at her overly talkative model. "Yolei, if you so much as breathe one more word before I'm done, I'm stealing your clothes and you can walk home as you are."
Her friend's expression soured, but she complied none the less. In silence, Kari retook the last shot and moved around to get the rest. When she was done, she lowered the camera, stepped forward and offered a hand to help Yolei down from atop her box. "You can talk now," she said with a grin.
Kari had barely finished talking when the lavender-haired girl reiterated, "how far did you guys get?"
Though she remained silent, her cheeks began to flush. Yolei must have seen this as she quickly leapt upon it, "was it top halves only or did you bear all?"
Even though it had only been the former, Kari felt her cheeks darken. However, while she did not feel one-hundred per cent comfortable about talking about the intimate moments she had shared with Tai, in order to stop her friend from assuming the latter, she said, "it was top halves only."
This answer did not stop Yolei from squealing, "holly crap! You guys made it to second base after only two weeks. That's insane! You barely knew each…"
Kari gave her a look that said, really.
Her friend took a deep breath, before saying, "ok, but you guys had only just started going out. Surely you needed to get to know him as a boyfriend."
She laughed. "No offence, Yolei, but I know Tai far better than you know Ken, even before we had a relationship."
The girl opened her mouth, perhaps to argue, then quickly closed it again; conceding the point. Instead, she started changing back into her school uniform.
Kari bagged up the various components of the Digital Punk outfit as Yolei took them off. "There was nothing Tai and I needed to learn about each other that we did not already know. I already knew that he would respect my boundaries, as he knew I would his. All we did was set some ground rules early on and that was that."
"So what was he like to kiss?" Yolei asked once she had finished changing.
She threw a pack of makeup removal wipes at her friend in response to her having asked such a personal question. However, while she packed away the rest of her stuff, she answered, "it felt like we were two flames joined together in a fiery dance."
Yolei laughed. "Way to go all metaphorical on me."
"I can't describe it any other way and I don't want to. It was beautiful…" she trailed off as she remembered the last proper kiss they had shared and how it felt as though her flame had died when their lips had parted, leaving only a pile of grey ash. She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "If you're done removing the makeup, sit down and I'll sort your hair."
"Actually, if you don't mind, I think I'll keep it like this. I kind of like it."
Kari gave her a devilish smile, "there's hope for you yet, Yolei. Maybe next time there's a party or you have a date, I can dress you for it."
"I might let you do my hair, but there is no way I'm giving you free rein on my outfit and makeup." They collected their bags, turned out the lights and left the classroom. Halfway down the corridor, Yolei then said, "you miss him a lot, don't you."
"More than anything," Kari replied, her voice full of sorrow.
"Do you want to get back together with him?"
Kari stopped, turned to look at her friend and simply nodded, as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. A moment later and she felt herself being pulled into a hug.
"Why don't you then?" Yolei asked as she gently began to rub at her back.
"I can't," Kari cried, feeling the wounds start to open anew. "Ultimately, our relationship only caused him pain. Tai would have been better off if I hadn't lost control of myself that night and kissed him. He could have remained blissfully ignorant."
"I don't think Tai would see it that way," Yolei said firmly when she eventually released her grip. The girl then offered her a tissue.
Kari took it and dried her eyes. "That doesn't change the fact that it's true."
Yolei reached out and took hold of her free hand. "Come on, I'll buy you a crepe and a hot chocolate before we go home."
Without protest, Kari allowed her friend to lead her through the building and to the exit. She could have said no and simply went home. However, she'd been down that road so many times lately that she knew exactly where it ended; with herself huddled on the bedroom floor in complete misery. She could not go down that road again. She still had a lot to work through and it would take time. But it was easier to do when she had someone to talk to. Besides, today was supposed to help cheer her up and it had done just that prior to this conversation. So she would be damned if it ended with her back on that damn floor.