A/N: Thank you SO much to my first reviewer, scarletmidnight19! I am so glad you like it. Also all those who have favorited and followed, I really appreciate you guys 3 Everything you recognize is JK Rowling's!
Chapter 3
"And don't forget to write!" My mother's brown eyes were teary as she finally released me from her bone-crushing hug. I stared at her as she pulled away, giving her yet another opportunity to tell me what she failed to tell me this morning at breakfast, on the way over, and now, apparently. "And take these off," she added sternly, pulling off my sunglasses. "You look hungover."
"Ow, Mum!" I protested, grabbing them back and jamming them onto my face once more. "The light hurts. I am hungover." The dull roar emanating from every direction in the King's Cross Station was causing my head to throb. The train was blowing off steam and whistling, signaling that there were five minutes left until departure. Around me, the chorus of tearful goodbyes suddenly became hurried, and students began streaming onto the train.
"I love you guys," I hugged my Dad as well, head against his chest - James had definitely inherited his height. They liked to call me the runt of the litter.
Maybe it was my imagination, but he held on longer than he usually did as well. James was waiting off to the side, impatiently tapping his feet - he'd already said his goodbyes and done the customary James Potter one-second hug. Even Black had given them longer hugs, but he had run off once he'd seen Remus and Peter. Lily was waiting for me too, a careful meter of distance between her and James - I made a mental note to ask her how flooing home last night with him had gone. We hadn't really had much time to talk - this morning we woke up exactly fifteen minutes before we were scheduled to leave for King's Cross, having slept through our alarms. I blame that one on the hangover.
"Have a good last school year, my dear." Dad stared at me, hands on my shoulders. "Your mum and I love you so much. And we are so proud of you and your brother. Be strong, okay?"
"Erm, okay," I stared back at him, waiting. "Is there...anything else?"
He sighed, stepping back and putting his arm around my mother. "That's all, Isa. We'll see you over Christmas break, yes?"
I stared at them, uncomprehending, through my sunglasses. "Are you quite serious?" Were they really not going to tell me that my Aunt - Mother - whatever - was in the hospital?
Just then, the train whistle blew again, and I realized that James, Lily and I were some of the very last people still standing on the now-empty platform. Yelping, Lily sprung forward and grabbed my arm, her long red hair swinging.
"I'm Head Girl, I can't be late!" She cried. "Bye Mr. and Mrs. Potter, we'll see you soon!" The three of us jumped onto the train just in the nick of time. We had only just climbed aboard when it lurched and began to move, so Lily and I were flung forwards - Lily into James, and me directly into the slightly less forgiving wall.
"Bloody hell," I hissed, rubbing my elbow. I pushed my hair impatiently back out of my face. I had dark curls that fell down to my mid-back, and I was involved in a very serious love-hate relationship with them. Mostly hate, because there was a lot of brushing involved. And most of the time it just looked like I'd been sticking my finger in electric sockets (thanks Lily for the reference) but occasionally, once in a blue moon, I did manage to wrestle them into submission.
"Oh, erm - sorry about that," Lily was mumbling, disentangling herself from James. Both of their faces were redder than Lily's hair. I stared suspiciously at the two of them, both of whom were avoiding eye contact - with each other, and with me. I rolled my eyes, wondering if Lily and James would ever act normal around each other.
There was a lot of history there. Ever since first year, James had been nursing this huge rush on Lily - who would not give him the time of day.
To be fair, James was obnoxious as fuck when he was around her. It's like he reverted to his six year old sugar-high self whenever he was within a one kilometer radius of her. Hell, I could barely stand James when he was around her. He was, finally, managing to calm down a little bit, though. He'd even had a fling with this neighbor girl named Karla Crowley over the summer.
I turned and reluctantly waved back to my parents, doing a double take at my mother, who had tears streaming down her face. I wasn't sure if it was because it was James's and my last year (we were eleven months apart - the only reason we were in the same year was because I had bawled my eyes out and begged for six months straight so I wouldn't have to be separated from my brother), or because of the Amalia situation, which apparently was going to go completely unacknowledged…I shook my head. It was too late now, I'd have to write them later. I felt a pang in my chest; somewhere out there, my biological mother was lying in a hospital bed. And I had been too cowardly to confront my parents about it and demand to see her. What kind of Gryffindor was I?
"Well, I should probably go to the rest of the prefects and make sure everyone's straight about what's happening at Hogwarts," Lily said reluctantly after waving, eyes finally flickering to me.
"Oh, sure." I shook myself back to the present. All I could do now was write them later and try to figure out what was going on. "Did you ever find out who Head Boy was, by the way?" I asked, linking her arm into mine as we followed James into the first train car. Was it my imagination, or did his ears suddenly glow red, like they did when he was embarrassed?
"No," she admitted. "Dumbledore was so cryptic! 'You'll meet your partner when you're ready?' Whatever the bloody hell that means."
I shook my head. "That's Dumbledore for you," I agreed. "We'll see you after the meeting, yeah?" She nodded and we parted ways. I continued to follow James down the corridor, fiercely curious about the awkward little exchange that had just gone down between himself and Lily, and also curious about what had happened last night.
"Say, James-"
"Isa," he interrupted, voice desperate as he whirled around, facing me with wild eyes. "I-I think I might be Head Boy!"
I couldn't help it - I laughed. "James, what are you on about?"
"No, I'm serious! I-I got the badge a few weeks ago, in the mail-"
"What?! Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I thought it was a prank!" He hissed, raking his fingers through his dark hair. Now he looked like he'd been playing with electricity. "But when I hinted about it to Sirius, he didn't know what I was talking about. Remus either, though it's not really his style. I thought about asking Peter, but...forging the Hogwarts seal, and Dumbledore's handwriting, it's, well-"
"-a little out of his range," we finished together. I nodded.
"Do you have the letter?" I held my hand out as we continued to stand alone in the train corridor, being rocked gently back and forth as the train gained speed over the tracks. I could see city streets already fading into rolling countryside in every shade of green. My brother fumbled in his robe pockets for a moment before removing a carefully folded letter, along with a heavy gold badge, both of which he deposited into my waiting hands. I pushed my sunglasses up the top of my head to better look at the both of them, examining the now-broken red seal bearing the Hogwarts crest.
"Huh," I murmured, tapping my wand to the heavy, cream-colored paper. "Furta revelare," I announced, half expecting the elegant handwriting on the paper to disappear, or start shooting sparks, or something. But it looked exactly like the one Lily had shown me, though a bit longer - something about turning over a new leaf, and entrusting James with the responsibility he knew in his heart he was ready for.
"What do you think?" James asked anxiously, peering at the letter as though it were a ticking time bomb.
"I think...I think you're Head Boy, James," I said slowly, grinning at him and sliding the sunglasses back down on my face. "Look at you!" Beaming, I threw my arms around him. "My brother, Head Boy! And with Lily, too!" I squealed as he groaned and tried to shove me off.
"Ergh, Isa, geroff me," he grumbled, but I could tell he was trying to hide a smile.
"Little Jamesy-kins," I continued in a fake baby voice, trying to pinch his cheeks before he could swat my hands away.
"I'm not little anything, I'm eleven months older than you. And quiiiiiiite a bit taller, squirt," James laughed, patting the top of my head. I rolled my eyes.
"Anyway. I know why you didn't tell anyone about this, you wanted to surprise Lily at the last second and sweep her off her-"
"No!" James said quickly, the smile vanishing off his face. "I didn't. That's not what I was thinking at all."
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" I squinted suspiciously at him.
"What? Nothing. Just - nothing. I decided to take your advice, is all. I'm going to give her some space." My eyebrow raised.
"Oh? You're sure it didn't have anything to do with last night?"
James looked at me, alarmed. "What do you mean, last night?" He babbled, ears once more growing bright red.
"You tell me," I said slyly. "Honestly James, is there something going on you want to tell me about?" I could see him visibly relax.
"No, nothing. Just...please drop it, okay Isa? I really want to put this whole thing behind me, I've acted like a lovestruck puppy these last few years running after her, and I want a fresh start."
I nodded slowly. "I think that's very mature. And, about the Head Boy thing," I added quickly. "I want you to know I think Dumbledore made the right choice. You've done a lot of growing up lately, you know?"
Now it was James's turn to roll his eyes. He pulled a snitch out of his robes pocket, tossing it into the air, where it hovered, glinting in the sunlight shining through the windows - honestly, where did he even get that? We weren't even at Hogwarts yet! "You make me sound so boring, Isa!" He grinned widely at a passing first year, who squeaked in fear and rushed forward back into her compartment. Sighing, I shook my head.
"Well Head Boy, you'd better go," I told him. "Meeting, remember?"
"Meeting?" James's expression changed from complete blankness to total horror in milliseconds. "Oh my god, the meeting! See you at the school, Isa!" He yelled, grabbing the snitch and tearing down the corridors, flinging open the door at the end. Laughing to myself, I continued along until I saw a train car of familiar faces.
"Guys!" I squealed, my face breaking into a smile as Docas Meadows, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Prewett all stood up and rushed the door.
"Oh my god, Isa!" Marlene's voice was the loudest of the three. "Where did you go last night? One minute you were there and the next you were gone - also, what's with the sunglasses?"
I cringed slightly, throwing my hands up. "Guys, major hangover here," I explained, pointing to my head. Dorcas nodded understandingly, and I dropped into the seat next to her after we all finished hugging. "I was feeling sick so I had to leave," I lied, not wanting to get into the Amos topic.
"That's probably good, because Amos and Aimee were-" Alice jabbed Marlene, hard, in the ribs, but my head had already whipped in her direction. Now Marlene's face was almost as red as James's ears had been.
"Were what?" I asked innocently, heart beating ferociously somewhere up in my throat region.
"Nothing," Alice said firmly, brown eyes kind. "Isa doesn't want to hear about that. She's moving on. Right, Isa?" She glared at Marlene.
"Erm, yes," I answered, somewhat less than confidently. Dorcas gave me a sympathetic smile, tossing her sheet of light blonde hair back over her shoulder.
Eventually, Alice and Marlene began discussing their summers. Dorcas continued to give me deep, searching looks with her blue eyes, as if she were trying to draw out my innermost thoughts about Amos. To be honest, now that I was back here, in the train on the way to Hogwarts, my complicated feelings about Amos were returning with a vengeance.
Though, Amalia was still at the forefront of my mind - now it was just a hell of a lot more crowded in there. Worry for her, wondering why my parents had still said nothing, and half-formed plans to sneak into a fireplace and Floo to St. Mungo's myself from Hogwarts tonight all danced through my consciousness as I stared out the window. I desperately wanted to see her, and ask them all about a million questions.
"-Remus and Peter and Sirius!" I snapped back to attention as Marlene announced the passing of three of the Marauders. She waved coyly at Sirius, who threw her a wink. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. What an absolute twat, he had already gotten one person pregnant this year. Did he want to make it two?
Passing over Sirius, who completely ignored me, my eyes locked onto Remus and I was jolted slightly in my seat with the memory of...well, I wasn't exactly sure what it was, but it was the first in a long chain of events. Most of the time I tried not to think about it, but, well...maybe it was the hangover, or maybe it was the news about who my mother truly was that got me thinking, wondering in the back of my mind, if she experienced this, too. But I was reminded of a time many years ago, when the first of the dreams started…
I sat bolt upright in my bed, screaming into the darkness and thrashing until all of my blankets were pushed to the floor. I kicked and lashed out at invisible monsters, trying to fight off what I had just seen in my dreams - but it wasn't a dream, of that I was sure.
I was still screaming myself hoarse when my bedroom door burst open, light flooding in from the hallway over my four poster bed and walls plastered with moving photos of unicorns and Hollyhead Harpies posters. My mother, wrapped in a robe with her wet hair thrown hastily into a towel rushed in first, followed by my father, whose glasses were all but hanging off the end of his nose. James came in last, short legs pumping down the hall. He peeked, terrified, over my parents' shoulders.
I sobbed, throwing my arms up. Mum rushed to me, pulling my seven year old body close and holding me tight while I cried into her shoulder.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" She soothed, stroking my hair. My father sat next to us on the bed, staring at me with worried eyes.
"I-I-I-" I hiccuped, breaths coming in short gasps.
"Breathe, just breathe, sweet girl, you don't have to try and talk yet." My father's voice got through to me slightly. If he was calm, I knew things couldn't be too horrible. I tried to follow his advice, inhaling and exhaling with my parents from my spot on my mother's lap.
"It was real," I prefaced firmly, wiping at my wet cheeks. "It was not a dream." Mum and Dad nodded earnestly, and I caught a sideways look they shared that I didn't understand at the time. "There was...a little boy. Little like me and James," I looked at my brother, who was now sitting on the floor with his knees tucked up to his chest, his messy black hair sticking up every which way. His hazel eyes looked huge in his pale face.
"This bad man hurt him, three years ago. He tried to-to-" I broke into sobs again, shuddering as I remembered the horrible, violent images I'd seen. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face back into my mother's shoulder, but that didn't make it go away. I was shaking like a leaf. The rational part of me knew I was safe in my bedroom with my family, but my heart was still beating as fast as it had been when I was in the thick of it, screaming silently as I was forced to watch every bone in that little boy's body break as he turned into a wolf.
"Tried to what?" My father asked gently.
"Tried to kill him," I whispered seriously. "Because his Daddy...he didn't like his Daddy. But he didn't kill him, he just hurt him, so, so badly. And there was blood everywhere. And now he has to turn into a wolf. And I watched him turn into a wolf, and it hurt him so bad," I cried, and I saw the eyes of both my parents flicker over to my window, where the moon was nearly full, peeking through my curtains.
"Isa...what was this little boy's name?" Mum asked, gently unsticking strands of my dark, long hair from my wet cheeks and tucking them behind my ears.
"Rem...Rem...Remy? I think it was Remy," I hiccuped again, wiping at my eyes.
"Euphemia," my father breathed urgently, looking at Mum over my head. Thinking I didn't see. I could feel my mother shake her head quickly, but my father pressed on.
"Just like Amalia," he whispered, and Mum's head shaking intensified. She placed her hands over my ears.
"Not now," she hissed, her voice muffled. I stared innocently up at them, completely unaware. Dad rearranged his face quickly back into a soothing smile, though lines of worry still creased his forehead. He took hold of my hand once more.
"Isabel," he said gently. Not a person in the world could calm me down like my father. "We don't know anyone named Remy, do we?"
I thought for a moment. "No," I whispered.
"That's right," my father nodded. "What you saw, in your dream...that's all it was, Isa. Just a dream. I promise. You're in your bed right now, you're here with your Mum and me and James. We tucked you in an hour ago, you had a bad dream, and now you're awake. And that's all it is," my father whispered, tucking a stubborn curl back behind my ear. "You're my brave girl, aren't you?" He held out his arms and I climbed from Mum's lap to the middle, so I could be embraced by both of them. James clambered up as well, the four of us huddled together.
That night Mum and Dad brought us down to the kitchen and fed us ice cream while Mum brewed a Dreamless Sleep potion, which I took that night and every night for two months thereafter. I pushed the dream to the back of my mind and didn't think about "Remy" again until exactly four years later, on September 1st, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I snapped myself out of my reverie, holding back a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold. Remus caught my eye and gave me a slow smile, which I returned with a wave. Remus was my favorite Maurader. After my brother, anyway. He was always so easy to talk to. He had no idea I knew his secret, no idea I'd watched him, somehow, transform all those years ago.
That wasn't the only time I'd dreamt something like that, either. The night before my grandfather died, age eleven, I'd known. Age twelve, James making it on the Quidditch team, the youngest chaser in years? I knew it was going to happen. The vivid, clearly somewhat - well, magical, I guessed - dreams came once every year or so, but there were also times I'd get deja-vu so strong I knew I'd seen it happen before, somehow. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and no one knew what was happening. After that nightmare about Remus, I'd stopped telling my parents.
A half hour into the train ride, Lily slid into our compartment, looking like she'd seen a ghost. I tried to clamp down my smile, because I knew exactly why she looked that way.
"Lil, what's up with you?" Marlene called, patting the seat next to her. Lily locked eyes with me - did you know? I could practically read her expression. I shook my head slightly - not until just before you did. She sank into her seat across from me, dazed.
"James Potter," she muttered, crossing her arms over her jean jacket. "James Potter is what's up with me. Sorry, Isa," she added quickly, but I waved her off. We'd made a pact years ago. When she complained about James Potter, she wasn't complaining about my brother. He was just some objective other boy in our year who really tore the mickey out of her.
"What about him?" Alice prompted, putting a hand on her arm.
"He's...somehow, he's Head Boy!" Lily burst out, green eyes flashing. "What's gotten into Dumbledore's head I don't know, but that man has finally gone around the bend!" She cried. "This is the boy who turned a bunch of frogs invisible and set them loose in the girls' dorm! The boy who put itching powder all over the Slytherin toilets! The boy who vanished the entire Welcome Back to Hogwarts feast last year!" She finished with a hiss.
Okay, not all of that was true, technically. I was pretty sure the frog thing had been Sirius's idea, and the vanishing thing had definitely been the pair of them. But out of support for Lily, I kept my mouth closed.
"To be fair, though, most of that stuff was a while back," Alice supplied reasonably, but Lily focused a glare on her. "It's the principle of it," she seethed, and Alice shook her head slightly.
"Well, you're stuck with him now," she said lightly, patting Lily's shoulder. "And you've got that cushy Head Girl dorm-"
"Oh, don't remind me, it's conjoined with Potter's," Lily moaned through her hands, which she had clamped over her face.
Well, now she was taking it just a bit far, in my opinion. I decided that it was time for me to make a graceful exit so she could vent without the sister of the person she was steaming about hanging around. "I'm going to head to the trolley, I'll be back," I announced somewhat abruptly, standing to my feet. "Does anyone want anything?"
Lily peeked apologetically over her fingers at me. "I'm sorry," she sighed, cheeks slightly pink. "I didn't mean to have such a go at him, I was just frustrated."
"I know," I told her reasonably. "I'm just going to give you a minute. But just so you know," I turned, hand on the door. "He really is changing, Lily. I'm not saying you have to fall in love with him or anything. But he's not the same boy who did those things to Snape fifth year," I added quietly, because that's really what this was all about. Lily looked down at her feet, and Dorcas stood to meet me.
"I'll go with you," she offered, and we stepped out into the corridor together.
"She'll come around," Dorcas said as we weaved around a group of fifth year Hufflepuffs who were clustered around a newspaper, worried expressions on their faces. "She's going to have to get used to him sooner or later. They're sort of stuck together now."
"I know," I agreed. "I love them both so much, it's hard to see how they can loathe each other. Well, she loathes him, anyway."
"Don't you think James feels the same way you're feeling right now, sometimes?" Dorcas asked me slyly, an eyebrow arched. My cheeks immediately warmed as I realized what she was talking about.
"What do you mean, Doe?" I asked innocently, keeping my eyes forward as we arrived at the woman pushing the trolley. "Two chocolate frogs please, and...a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans."
"I think you know," she elbowed me, handing the trolley lady a few sickles in exchange for her own candy. "You and Sirius. The two of you hate each other, but you've got something pretty major in common. James." My eyes slid sideways to Dorcas.
"But that's different," I protested. "Black is actually an obnoxious man-child. A slaggish obnoxious manchild at that!" I added, jabbing my finger into the air for emphasis, but Doe just shook her head with a small smile.
"We'll see," she said cryptically. Suddenly, her fingers were digging in sharply to my upper arm.
"What?" I blurted, head whipping towards her. She was staring straight ahead, lip curled and eyes narrowed.
Slowly following her gaze, my stomach immediately tied itself into a knot that would stay there roughly until the Great Feast that night. It was Amos. I hated that his presence still had this effect on me, three months later.
"Amos," I croaked, quickly clearing my throat. My eyes were locked on his blue ones, and I took him in. Summer had been good to him; he was tanned, his golden hair newly cut, his dress robes open to reveal a tightly fitted t-shirt and jeans. I had failed to notice this last night, in the dark, smoky room where I had been more than slightly intoxicated. But I was noticing it now.
"Dorcas, Isa!" He grinned, flashing his white teeth. "How are you going?"
"Diggory," Dorcas nodded icily, keeping her hand on my arm. "We were just leaving."
Amos's smile wavered slightly. "Ah, alright - did you enjoy the party last night?" He desperately tried to stay friendly in the face of Dorcas's chilliness. The Hufflepuff in him, probably.
"It was great!" I could hear my chipper voice tumbling out, though I hadn't remembered opening my mouth.
"It was great, wasn't it? Swell, I'd even say," another voice spoke up, and suddenly Black was there, sauntering up behind Amos. I wasn't even sure at this point what was causing the heat in my face, but I did know that if this situation got any more tense the trolley lady was going to jump straight out the window. Her eyes were moving rapidly between Dorcas, who was glaring at Amos, Amos, who was more baring his teeth than anything at Black, and Black, who looked completely at ease as he locked eyes with Amos.
"Black," I grouched, glaring at him. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like, Izzy? I'm getting sweets," he replied innocently, focusing his ridiculously charming smile on the trolley lady. "Four chocolate frogs, four pumpkin pasties, and four Drooble's Chewing Gum packs, please."
"It's Isa," I grumbled for probably the millionth time, glaring at him. He threw me a cheeky wink, and I ground my teeth together. The Sirius I'd seen in the park that night was completely gone. Had I hoped, maybe, for a slight maturation, maybe a little change, especially now that he was going to be a father? Well, yes. But apparently that wasn't going to happen.
"Let's go, Doe," I muttered grumpily, grabbing my friend, who threw Amos a dirty look over her shoulder. Honestly, she needed to sort out her priorities - Amos wasn't the enemy here.
"Give Evans my best, if she hasn't keeled over!" Black called at our retreating backs. I stuck my middle finger in the air and marched onward, trying to ignore the fact that I could still see the image of Amos Diggory staring at me with that smile burned into the backs of my eyelids.
A/N What did you think?