Blue base
Tucker: Hey Church, check out what I found at the dump today!
Church: Why would you be grabbing things from that dump, that's like the most disgusting thing...is that a boombox?
Tucker: Hell yea it is, I always wanted one of these when I was a little kid. Mom would always smack me saying "This is the Devil's box" or something like that.
Church: Your mother is wack.
Tucker: Yea, I know. Anyways, let's see if there's any tunes in this thing.
Tucker presses the 'on' button of the Boom-box. Nothing plays. Tucker presses it again, yielding the same result.
Church: Yikes, sorry about your like there pal. I guess you're gonna have to wait another 10 years to find another one that works.
Tucker: Stupid thing!
Tucker smacks the box, causing it to land on it's side with a loud thump. The thump miraculously turns on the radio.
The radio emits a rhythmic, beat-filled, tune.
Tucker: Fuck yea! It works!
Church: Wow, the music is rather catchy too.
Tucker: I know! Sick, isn't it? I think I can rap to this!
Church: Please don't.
Tucker begins vibing to the rhythm.
Tucker: "Yo I'm chillin,
Bars straight fire and killin'
I'm cleanin' the slate,
No time to debate,
I can relate,
And I sure can mate!"
Church: Oh God that was not fun to listen to.
Tucker: What was wrong with my freestyle, I thought it was fire.
Church: Where was the word play? The metaphors? Where was the flow!?
Tucker: Oh, if you know more about rap than me, how about you spit some bars?
Church: Maybe I will.
Church proceeds to start nodding his head to the rhythm.
Church: "I'm walking down the street,
Uh… with my friend Pete.
Then I start hearing this beat,
And we… and we… meet.
My bars are fire, you're is not,
Your's is cold, mine is...hot!"
Tucker: What the hell was that?
Church: Real bars, bro.
Church crosses his arms together, attempting to act like a gangster, fails miserably.
Tucker: My dead grandmother can conjure better raps on an Ouija board than you could normally.
Church: I don't want to hear it, Tucker!
Tucker: You had no flow, no fire, a bunch of chagrin, some of the rap didn't even make sense. Like how do you even meet someone you already met.
Church rolls his eyes.
Church: Well I'm sorry I'm not black!
Tucker: What does being black have to do with any of this? I can name at least 15 white rappers that would destroy you in a battle.
Church: Go ahead, name them.
Tucker: Alright. You got Eminem, easy! Then you got… you got uhhhh… Slim Shady!
Church: That's the same guy.
Tucker: Shit, he knows. Alright, so you got Eminem, and… and…
Caboose: MILK!
Tucker: Shut up, Caboose. We're discussing rap.
Caboose: What's that?
Church: You don't even know what rap is, Caboose?
Caboose shakes his head.
Tucker: It's like when you rhyme and stuff to a beat.
Caboose: Can I try?
Tucker looks to Church
Church: Knock yourself out, bud.
Caboose: Yaay!
Caboose, without giving time to feel the music, begins to speak.
Caboose: "I like kittens,
They make me very happy,
I have shampoo."
Tucker: Caboose, are you even rapping?
Caboose: Well it's kinda hard when there are no beets around.
Tucker: What?
Church: We are not talking about the vegetable, dumbass, we're talking about the music!
Church points to the boombox, still emitting music.
Caboose: Ahhhh, that makes a lot more sense now. Can I go again?
Church and Tucker nod their head, albeit a bit shamefully, letting Caboose go.
Caboose stands there for a moment, taking in the music emitting from the boombox. After that brief moment, Caboose begins to groove to the music with pinpoint accuracy to the beat. After a moment, he spits:
Caboose: "I got seven Mac-11s, about eight .38s,
Nine 9s, ten Mac-10s the shits never end,
You can't touch my riches,
Even if you had MC Hammer and the .357 bitches.
Biggie smalls, the millionaire, the mansion, the yacht,
The two weed spots the, two hot Glocks,
Huh, That's how I got the weed spot,
Shot dread in the head, took the bread and the ~~~"
Before Caboose could finish his bar, Church turned off the boombox.
Tucker: Cmon Caboose, you can't just sing another man's rap and say it's your own fire.
Church: Yea, what if they read this?
A pause ensues.
Caboose: Well you didn't say it had to be my rap.
Sarge: Well whatever it was, it was definitely smocking.
The blues turn to see Sarge, Grif, and Simmons approaching from the entrance of the Blue base.
Church: What are you doing here, Reds?
Sarge: Well Simmons here, with his super duper cybernetics forged by yours truly, had detected rap being spoken from where yall at. Ain't' that right Simmons?
Simmons: Yes sir! I also detected that the raps were either %100 stolen, or %100 cringe.
Simmons looks towards Church after saying that. Church gives Simmons the finger.
Sarge: So not only did we come to steal your flag, but to spit out fire!
Church: Like you guys can do any better.
Sarge: But we can! We've studied the book of rap and listened to the master such as...uh…
Sarge turns to Grif
Sarge: Private Grif, who did we listen to?
Grif sighs
Grif: Reggie, Jay-z, 2Pac, Biggie, Andre from Outkast, Jada, Kurupt, Nas and Eminem.
Sarge: I don't care, Grif, we listen to them and are going to kick the Blue's ass!
Tucker: Like you could, you didn't even bring your own musi~~~
Before Tucker could finish, the boombox, which was turned off, turned on once again. The music that came out of it was similar to what previously was played but this one was made by Simmons. The Reds begin to vibe.
Sarge: "You may call me old, but I'm not offended,
I live honorably for the team that I have defended.
So honestly, I must be greatly commended,
For grabbing the flag from the team I rear ended.
We are the Red Team, and I am their leader,
You are the bloody stream, and we're the offender.
What about Blue Team, how about 'return to sender',
Before I mangle and wrangle their corpses inside a blender.
Before I leave, I have over three bars to speak this.
The Blues heave, as their lives will not be missed.
So as to not go over the point of no return,
I will pass it to Simmons to use the stripes that he earned!"
Simmons: "Thank you Sarge, this is such an honor,
What do I say? That is my own ponder,
The Blues are gay? No, I'm no phobic monger,
But this I will relay: their bluish pact will get the
Biggest wack and receive the biggest sack
Since the Germanic attack against a Roman
Man's Ballsack.
Straight facts, I'm no liar
The Blues will get whooped, no longer for hire,
So before the fire I use to burn places down will expire,
I'll call on my dear friend, Grif, to expand this Red empire."
Grif: "Today, I planned to be a lazy man, happily sleepy,
Until I received a thought in my mind that was surprisingly creepy,
I was of the blues, trying to spit some raps,
So we came down here to get all their bitch-asses clapped.
I'm in the mood, for some Oreos,
To screw some bitches, and to screw some hoes.
Well I get to do this, we'll wait and see,
For there is no better person on this team than~~~"
Donut: Wait for me!
Grif: I guess that works.
Donut runs inside where everyone is at. He is seen wheezing, as if he is trying to catch his breath after running. Once he catches it, he begins to speak.
Sarge: Private Donut! We were in the middle of whooping the Blue Team's ass with words!
Donut: I'm sorry! I heard you guys were going to sing to the Blues so I wanted to join in. I brought my own music!
Sarge: Extra reinforcements and a varied loadout! Excellence work Donut! Let's see what you got!
Donut: With pleasure!
Donut swiftly pauses the current song, takes out the cartridge and places in one of his own. The music playing sounds more akin to pop music than rap, with a bit of Korean influence.
Donut begins to dance.
Donut: "이 파티를 시작합시다! 떠나지 말자! 오 이런, 방금 방귀를했던 것 같아요 ~~~"
Sarge shoots the radio with his shotgun. Scaring Donut out of his craze.
Sarge: What the bloody hell was that, Private Donut!?
Simmons: That was Kpop, sir!
Grif: Uugghh! Cmon Donut, you just ruined our rap!
Donut: I'm sorry guys, I just wanted to spice things up! Wait! No no no! Ahhh!
Donut proceeds to get beaten up by the rest of the Reds. The Blues sit and stare.
Church: What the hell am I witnessing?
Tucker: I have no clue. Whatever it is, I'm hooked! Wan't a drink?
Church sighs
Church: Why not.
Church and Tucker leave to get drinks. Leaving Caboose all alone. Inspired by Donut's fabulous moves. Caboose mimics them, as he watches Donut continuously getting beaten up.