It's night time. Sarge, Grif, and Simmons are seen driving down a random suburb in a peculiar white van.
Grif: Why the hell are we doing this?
Sarge: Ghost hunting's fun! Besides, we're out of money and we need to get it back somehow?
Grif: How did we lose that money? There were a good six figures in the bank!
Sarge: A Valhallan prince needed the cash more. Said he'd give us millions if we did. I thought it was a fair deal!
Grif: You gave all of our money to a scammer!?
Sarge: Prince, you idiot. When did you last clean your ears?
Grif: Simmons, you let him do this?
Simmons: Hey I'm not the one with the checkbook, that's Lopez…
Sarge: -He agreed!
Simmons: ...and the Valhallan prince seemed really polite.
Grif: Oh this team is screwed!
Sarge: Quit your hoo-hollering! Once we get the money, we'll stomp those dirty Blues to high hell!
Grif sighs
Grif: Fine, what's the plan with all this 'ghost hunting'?
Simmons: We have been contracted by a client to discover evidence that their house is haunted. We'll simply use the technology I have in store in the back to acquire adequate ghost readings, and send it to the clergy for exorcism!
Simmons points to the back of the van, where a large selection of instruments and gadgets are displayed.
Grif: Where did you even get this stuff?
Simmons: I'm a ghost enthusiast. I've actually been waiting to open up about this for quite some time! It's really great that I've finally have people I can share my intere-
Sarge: Enough Simmons, where are we going?
Simmons: Ah, sorry! If I am not mistaken, and I'm usually not, our clients house should be right...here!
The Reds pull up to a house most similar to others around it. It is a modern one story building with white walls and a brownish roof.
Grif: This is it? This doesn't look haunted.
Simmons: Grif, have you not seen the horror movies where all the scariest of parts take place in the most normal of places?
Grif: ...Shit, you're right.
Sarge: Private Simmons! Since this whole operation was your idea, and I'm still confused on what some of this stuff is, I'll grant you temporary leadership!
Simmons: Really!?
Sarge: Yes really.
Simmons breaks into a small but energetic happy dance, quickly interrupted by Sarge grasping his shoulder and shaking his head.
Grif: So what's the plan, "Captain" Simmons.
Simmons: Oh yea, let me show you out back.
The Reds proceed to exit the van, and move their way onto the back. Simmons opens the handle, allowing the double doors of the van to open, giving the team a better view of the equipment.
Simmons: Our client had told me that he would be absent for this investigation. He never specified any certain type of sighting. So I'll stay and observe any oddities with our instruments while you too go inside and investigate.
Grif shivers.
Grif: Me? Inside?
Sarge: Is that a problem, Private Grif?
Grif: Problem? Ha! No, there's no problem whatsoever.
Simmons: Great! I'll retrieve your tools! Stay right there!
Simmons goes inside the van.
Grif: Sarge! I just remembered that I... uhh… need to clean the armory.
Sarge: You can do that once we complete this mission! Besides, you never clean.
Simmons exits the van.
Simmons: Alright, here's your tools of the trade.
Simmons gives Sarge and Grif a flashlight and a walkie-talkie. Simmons also gives them a device with the size and shape of a TV remote, with 5 different light at the top, each being color coded from green to red.
Sarge: What's this doohickey?
Simmons: That is an Electromagnetic Field Reader, or an EMF. It detects electromagnetic fluctuations left behind by paranormal spirits. Green signifying a small presence somewhere, while red signifies a strong presence nearby.
Sarge: Ok, I think I got it, what about that?
Sarge points to the pair of devices that Simmons is still holding on to.
Simmons: Oh, these are spirit boxes.
Grif: They look like radios…
Simmons: That's because it is! But what makes these special is that because they're set to rapidly scan through radio channels, spirits can easily manipulate them, allowing them to speak to the user!
Simmons gives Sarge and Grif spirit boxes.
Simmons: That should be it. You guys go on inside, radio in to me once you do. Got it?
Grif: Yea well I-I uh er umm-
Sarge: Loud and clear, Simmons, we'll head in just now!
Sarge proceeds to drag Grif with him towards the dark household whilst Simmons hops back into the van. The path leading to the entrance was rather long, but eventually, the two managed to reach the door. Courageously, Sarge opens the door with the flashlight and EMF in hand.
Sarge: Private Simmons, we've entered the household!
"Great! Be careful and alert me if you see anything!"
Sarge: Understood! Grif, watch my six!
Sarge turns to see Grif standing at the entrance.
Sarge: Private Grif, don't make me tear your ass a new one!
Grif groans and follows suit.
The pair enter at what seems to be a hallway. Sarge immediately attempts to flick on the light switch to turn on power, but to no avail. They see a door which leads to multiple rooms on the left, but they elect to go forward first. Beyond the hallway, they enter the living room.
Grif: What a sick set up!
Sarge: Shhh! We cannot let them hear about our arrival!
Grif: They're ghosts! They already know we're here!
Sarge: Huh... I guess you're right. Simmons, how can we contact these ghosts?
"Well… according to research, they are attracted to people calling out to them."
Sarge: Great! I already have the perfect one in mind!
Grif: Please don't.
Sarge: LEW! LEW! LEW! LEW!
Grif cringes hard in embarrassment.
Silence.
Sarge: I guess we should keep looking?
Grif: Looking? I think you just scared them away!
After a bit of searching, the futility in their search ends them up in the kitchen.
Grif: Oh sweet! Let's see what kind of food we have here.
Sarge: Private Grif! Stop snooping into other people's meals! Didn't your mother teach you any decency?
Grif: Cmon Sarge, if the owner isn't home, why does it even matter?
Sarge: Honor, respect, and decency. Even I know that! It's a part of the Red Team Guidelines!
Grif checks the fridge anyways.
Grif: Kale? Zucchini? What kind of man is this?
Sarge: A fitter man than your fatass I suppose, go check the sink.
Grif: Fine!
Grif goes up the kitchen's sink and pulls the handle. A dark brown substance can be seen coming out of the faucet.
Grif: Ew! What the hell is this stuff, Sarge?
Sarge: What do you mean? It's just wat~
Sarge now sees the same thing Grif does.
Sarge: Simmons, Private Grif here just turned on the water facet and brown stuff is coming out of it faster than me after a Lopez-cooked dinner. What does this mean?
"What an interesting find. In accordance to this forum, dirty water signifies the presence of spirits, wraiths, ...uhh hatless gnomes, and… what? Asexual unicorns? I'll just assume it's the first two. Keep searching, you're doing great!"
Sarge: I don't know Simmons, I'm kinda liking the thought of that unicorn thing.
Grif: uhh, Sarge?
Sarge: Let's hope it's a male, we could harvest it's horn for good luck.
Grif: Sarge.
Sarge: Better yet, we could sell it and make even more money from this!
Grif: Sarge!
Sarge: What?
Grif: Listen…
A faint static noise can be heard from the living room.
Sarge: What in the Sam hell…
The two reenter the living room where, despite all power in the house being off, the TV is turned on. The TV only displays static, the audio being the same.
Sarge subtly approaches the Television with the utmost of caution. Upon approaching the TV, he turns it off, reducing the room to it's usual darkness and silence.
Grif chuckles nervously
Grif: We're in so much danger!
Sarge: Maybe if we were the Blues. We Reds won't ever back down from a fight! Ghosts or not!
As if some sort of trigger. Both of their EMF's begin flashing their lights at the green level. They look at each other, nervous as can be.
Grif: uhh.
Before Grif could shove words out of this mouth, the door right behind him creaks open on itself. He stands stiff frozen in terror.
Sarge walks past Grif to inspect the room of which the door had opened.
But it was no room, but the stairway to the exit.
Sarge: Simmons! We have reason to believe that this ghost is in the basement.
"Understood, if you are unable to get a reading from your EMF, I'd recommend using the Spirit Box."
Sarge: Got it! Grif, let's go!
Grif stands where he stood previously, shaking his head.
Sarge: Grif, don't make me kick you down the stairs and grant you your own personal make-out session with the ghost down there.
Grif whines to himself as he follows Sarge down the basement.
Due to the lack of natural moonlight coming from the windows, the basement is pitch-black. The only light comes from the two's flashlight.
Sarge: Drats, I've lost my dot! How about you Grif?
Grif: Yea, I've lost mine too.
Sarge: I guess we got to use these radio things now.
Grif: Spirit boxes?
Sarge: Whatever!
Grif: Anyone there?
…
Sarge: Come out, you dirtbag ghost!
…
Grif: I'll give you a coupon to Pizza Palace!
…
Sarge: And an ass-whooping!
…
Grif: God, this is taking forever. Is anything there?
…
Hello there!
The sound of the greeting makes Grif shriek bloody murder at the top of his lungs, causeing him to drop his equipment and high-tail it out of that basement like a puppy being chased like a balloon.
Sarge laughed hysterically at what he witnessed.
Sarge: Oohhh Hooo Wooo! That was the funniest thing I ever... wait a moment, that did not come from the spirit box. Where did it come from...
Sarge points the flashlight to the source of the voice.
Sarge: Caboose? What in the cheezits crickets is a dirty blue like you doing here?
Caboose: Well, uhhh, it's a funny story now that I think of it. I was just in the mood to house sit, and door was wide open and uhh the~
Sarge: Nevermind that! Never would I imagine a Blue being the one to make Grif shit his britches. I'll never respect you, Blue, but you have my praise!
Caboose: Oh it was nothing really oh uhh i mean I wasn't as scary as the mean lady upstairs, right?
Sarge pauses.
Sarge: ...the what, son?
Caboose: Did you not see the mean and ugly, well not that ugly I don't want to be mean, lady upstairs? It's why I'm down here.
Sarge: Simmons, I found Caboose, he states there's a 'mean lady' in the house. Any confirmation?
"..."
Sarge: Come in Simmons, Is there a spirit in this house?
"..."
Sarge: Private Grif, come in!
"..."
Sarge: Caboose, we must leave immediately!
Without hesitation, the both of them swiftly fly up the stairs and out of the living room and into the hallway.
They could have left the house, almost.
Were it not for the large shadowy figure which blocked their way.
Sarge: Caboose… What am I looking at?
Caboose: Mean...lady…
The main door closes and Sarge's flashlight stops working. The two alone in the dark with their ultimate demise.
Sarge & Caboose: Son of a bitch.