Chapter 5: Haunted

Over the next several weeks, the dreams were the same. Almost every week there was a dream. Some of them were almost mundane in their normalcy. Potter doing the dishes. Potter weeding the back garden. Potter walking to school. Sometimes these caused nibbling doubts in the back of Severus's mind-

Was there anything to worry about at all?

But on the other hand, these weren't the only dreams. Severus was painfully aware that these glimpses into domestic life at Privet Drive were just a part of Potter's existence. Whatever the tenuous connection that existed between them, it was not something that Snape could control. He could not delve into Potter's mind or memories—if indeed that is what he was doing at all—he had to passively receive them. He had made his vow to protect Lily's child years ago when the Dark Lord was all-but-vanquished. That he could do nothing to protect the boy now was beyond frustrating.

There had been plenty of evidence of inequity when Severus had visited the Dursley residence. They showered one boy with affection and material comforts while denied the other. Severus was able to see the depths of Potter's relatives' loathing of him over time. Sometimes, what he saw in the memories made him wake up in a cold sweat, remembering his own less than ideal childhood. In many ways, as bad as his had been, Potter's was worse.

They rarely seemed to call the child by his name—either his first name or his last. It was usually "Boy" or "You" or worst of all, "Freak." They ignored him when he was injured and insulted him or shouted at him the rest of the time. It seemed to please his overweight uncle and obtuse aunt to work him to the bone and feed him scraps. This explained why he was shorter than he should be and so thin. Severus was pleased to see that he could usually outrun his bullying cousin. Usually. The adults in the household did not seem to beat the child at least. They usually cuffed him and shoved him. Unfortunately, his aunt and uncle seemed to encourage physical aggression from their son toward Potter. Then of course, there was the fact that they made the boy sleep in a cupboard while their son had two bedrooms.

In the passing weeks, Severus had considered how to approach the matter. When Severus had returned on Halloween night, he had been unsure at first how to approach Dumbledore. Keeping his visit to Surrey a secret was out of the question. Severus was a superb Occlumens, but that did not mean he could or would attempt to hide anything of this magnitude from the headmaster. He had Arabella Figg's report, as well as his own observations, but he was no fool. Dumbledore had the child there for reasons he considered good enough to leave him.

Later that night during the Halloween banquet, Severus had brooded more than normal, to the point where Minerva had actually asked him what was the matter. His answer had not pleased her.

"Really, Severus! There is no reason to be rude!"

To her, he was a youngster who had been teaching for only a little longer than the number of years she had had him as a student. At times like this, she had no problem reprimanding him as if he were still in her charge. This would normally gall him, but at the moment he'd been too distracted. He looked out at the horde of students happily indulging in colorful treats and found the spectacle more nauseating than usual and excused himself. Dumbledore could chide him for it later.

As it happened, he had not had to wait long. The older wizard had followed him to his chambers, finding him staring into the fire with an empty glass on the table at his elbow. He had meant to poor himself a firewhiskey but forgotten to do it.

"I believe you have something to tell me?"

Although it was stated as a question, it wasn't one. Severus had sighed, and explained—confessed, really, in halting and haunted tones he barely recognized as his own. When he finished, Dumbledore had not spoken for so long that Severus had almost begun to wonder if he had fallen asleep.

"I really wish you hadn't done that, my boy," Dumbledore had finally said, with such an air of disappointment that Severus felt like a first year again for the second time that night.

"I had to know," Severus had replied.

"It would have been better if you had left it alone. Some things are better off not known," Dumbledore had then paused, as if willing Severus to look at him. "Surely, you of all people know that."

"I know what you said…."

"No. You clearly do not know. Or you will not let yourself know." Dumbledore had been firm. "This is the way it has to be, Severus. We are at war. This is only the calm in between. He is not gone. You understand that better than anyone. I appreciate how seriously you take your charge to the boy … and to Lily." His voice had become lighter then, gentler. "But you cannot save him like that. He must remain there. You know the importance of that."

Dumbeldore had walked across the room and gently patted Severus on the knee, which was a gesture of affection Severus never would have allowed in his normal state. Then, without another word, the older wizard had left the room, leaving Severus with his admonition. He knew very well that Severus would not sleep that night, instead spending Halloween in the company of his demons as he always did.