Start Again

Zillah Arvid stood before the simple door and hesitated. This was a conversation that was a long time in coming, mainly because she had struggled to bring herself to do it. The Awoken Warlock took a deep breath, then raised her hand to knock on the door. She heard the sound of movement inside, footsteps approaching, and then the door opened cautiously.

"Hello."

…

Several years earlier.

Zillah worked her way through the crowded market, trying to get to the small stand in the back corner. The woman who ran it had reached out to her, letting her know that she might have something of interest to the Awoken Warlock if she would come by the flea market this weekend. Not for the first time, Zillah wondered why she couldn't have just met her somewhere before, rather than make her wade through this throng.

Zillah gritted her teeth as someone bumped against her yet again, resisting the urge to lash out. It hadn't been intentional, there were just too many people here for the width of the aisles that had been set up. She briefly considered jumping and gliding over the crowd, but doubted there would be a safe place to land, so she endured it until she reached her destination.

The space was set up in a "U" with two shelves making the sides and a small table in the back. In front of the table were two figures, an older Awoken woman and an oddly designed frame with a thicker than normal torso. The woman was giving instructions to the robot, but turned at the sound of Zillah's approach. A look flashed across her gray face, recognition mixed with something Zillah couldn't quite place. Fear? Whatever it was, it vanished quickly and was replaced by the insincere smile of a salesperson.

"Hello, dear," the saleswoman said with a slight dip of her head. "Are you Zillah?"

The Warlock nodded and cut to the chase, "Yes. You said you had something for me?"

"Right down to business," the woman replied, her blue eyes flashing. "Yes, I like that." She turned back to the frame, her body blocking Zillah's view of exactly what she did. After a few furtive motions, a panel opened up in the frame's chest. The woman removed something, closed the panel, then turned to Zillah again. In her hand was a mess of what looked like computer components and wires.

"What is that?" Zillah asked.

"This," the woman replied, raising it higher so that Zillah could get a better look at it, "comes from the flight and navigation computer of an Awoken vessel discovered by a Guardian on Mars."

Zillah tried not to show any outward response, but couldn't completely control her reaction and flinched slightly. The small smile that ticked up at the corner of the woman's mouth said that she noticed.

"I have done business with one of the Guardians before, and he brought me some of the salvage, thinking I might find it interesting enough to buy it. This," she rotated her hands, seemingly examining the components in her hand, "caught my eye. The piece was old, so it took a little work and I had to rewire a few things, but I was able to access the information inside, and I knew it was special."

"And what was on it?" Zillah asked, her voice kept carefully neutral.

"The records of a pilot named Zillah Arvid. I knew that name sounded familiar, so I did some digging and discovered a Guardian by the same name, who just so happened to be Awoken. I put two and two together, and… " The woman shrugged and held her hands out wide.

Zillah stared at the mess of metal and wire in the woman's hand. If she was telling the truth, that could be useful information. The Vanguard may frown on Guardians looking into their own pasts, but if it could answer some of the questions she had, maybe help explain some of the strange impressions she'd had since she had been revived by Fievel, it would be worth the potential reprimand.

"How much do you want for it?" Zillah asked, and the woman smiled.

The two of them haggled until they reached a suitable price. It was still a respectable amount of glimmer, but Zillah didn't care. If it was what the woman claimed, it would be worth the cost. If not, well, she could burn that bridge when she came to it. The Warlock turned from the stall, drawing out Fievel to transmat from the market when a new voice filtered through the crowd noise.

"Mom?"

Zillah paid little heed to the voice at first, but then a young Awoken woman stepped directly in front of her and said it again, surprise and disbelief both evident in her voice. "Mom?"

Zillah looked at the young woman now. Behind the hopeful look was a young woman who reminded her very much of a younger version of herself. A moment of uncertainty passed, then she shook her head.

"You're mistaken," she said. "I'm no one's mom."

The girl's face sagged, "No, you're not." A pause, then she continued. "You're right. I'm sorry. You just… you just look like her. She died a couple years ago, and I saw you were a Guardian, and I thought… I'm sorry."

Zillah stood awkwardly, unsure of what to say. After a moment, the young woman turned away and disappeared into the crowd. Zillah watched where she had vanished, a vague sense of loss tickled the back of her mind, but she pushed it away and had Fievel transmat her from the market and back to her apartment.

The apartment was bare. She'd never felt like she belonged here, so she kept very little in the apartment other than basic necessities. Once there, she set about trying to interface with the flight data from the Awoken ship. The older woman wasn't kidding when she said that she had to rewire some things. Zillah grumbled to herself as she tried to figure out what had been down and how to work around it. Eventually, she managed to get in. Once she did, the final message played and she heard her own voice emerge, broken occasionally by static.

"This is Corsair Arvid, on course for *zzzkt* I am under attack by Fallen raiders. Repeat, I am *zzzkt*. Request assistance from anyone nearby."

So that was how she died. Zillah sat in silence for several moments, contemplating that, then set about trying to access more files. Being a ship's recorder, there was little there of a personal nature, it was mostly mission reports and communication with flight control. Even so, it gave her more information about herself than she had known before. Mentally, she ticked them off.

One, she had come from the Reef, and done so a very long time ago. Two, she had been in a position of some importance there. Three, she had been escorting a ship to Earth because of someone on the ship, but had intended to return to the Reef before being shot down.

Maybe that is why she had always felt pulled somewhere, why she thought she heard the Queen calling to her. She was one of them, or had been, before she died. She had been considering trying to reach out to the Reef in the past, despite their reputation for not being welcoming of Awoken Guardians. It looked like that would be her next move.

For now, however, her focus had to turn elsewhere. Patrols. She had attempted to get her name taken off the list, but had not acted quickly enough to avoid the next few days. After that, she would head to the Reef and someone would talk to her.

She would make sure of that.

…

Over the next several days, Zillah had begun to grow annoyed and frustrated. Between patrols, she had made several attempts to reach out to the Awoken, and had gotten nowhere. She hadn't been able to get any more useful data off of the ship's computer either, so she decided to visit the Awoken woman at the market again.

She wasn't there.

Someone else had taken up the spot she had been set up in previously, and no one knew who she was so that she could reach out to her. Zillah gritted her teeth and turned away.

"Fievel," she reached out to her Ghost through their mental link, "find her."

"Of course," the Ghost responded, and set about the task.

Zillah moved to the edge of the market, trying to get out of the way of the crowd of shoppers. She leaned against a wall, arms crossed over her chest, and scowled. There had to be a way to figure out who the woman was. She'd been able to reach out to them, after all.

As Zillah looked out over the crowd, she noticed the same young woman from days before. She seemed to be searching the faces of those around her, and her eyes, the same amber hue as Zillah's, found her and lit up. The Warlock watched at the younger woman weaved her way through the throng of shoppers, making her way toward her.

"Zillah Arvid?" the younger Awoken asked as she drew near.

Why is it that everyone knows who I am? Zillah thought to herself before replying, "Yes."

The young woman's face lit up, "Oh, Blessed Traveller, it is true. I thought so after seeing you the other day, how much you looked like her, but I wasn't sure…"

"What are you talking about?" The Warlock asked, straightening.

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling," the other replied. "My name is Reena. Reena Arvid. My mother's name was Pili. She was your sister. Twin sister, actually."

"Preposterous," Zillah replied and turned to walk away.

"No, please," Reena said, stepping in front of her. "Look." She reached into her pocket and brought out something that she held toward Zillah. "My mom used to talk about her sister, out among the stars. They'd had a falling out long ago, and she hadn't heard from her in decades."

Zillah glanced at the object in her hand and realized that it was a picture that was clearly of her, standing with another woman who could have been a mirror image, if their hair hadn't been styled differently. They looked happy. She reached out and took the photo from Reena.

Zillah had no memory of the event.

Of course, she didn't. Guardians didn't remember anything from their former lives. Not even seeing this picture jarred any little thought loose.

"So, you see," Reena stated, "you're my aunt."

Zillah considered the photo and the young woman standing in front of her, but then she felt that tug again in her mind, that call to return to somewhere she couldn't remember ever being. Maybe there was something here, some information or connection, but she had to follow that pull, especially now that she had proof that she was Reefborn.

"You said your mother died," Zillah said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I don't remember her or this moment. I have things I need to do."

Zillah handed the photo back to the stunned young woman, and had Fievel transmat her from the market. She rematerialized a short distance away on a low roof, her eyes seeking out her apparent niece. Reena stood in that spot for several moments, staring at the photo, then slipped it back into her pocket. She touched her face, and Zillah thought she saw her wiping away tears. She considered going back to talk to her, but the pull was too strong. Another transmat, and she was in the hangar arranging for her ship, the Wanderlonging, to be prepped.

…

Years later, shortly after the end of the Red War.

"Hello," Zillah said as Reena peeked through the half opened door.

"Yes?" the other Awoken asked, keeping her voice neutral.

Zillah cleared her throat and looked down. She had never been good at opening up, at revealing parts of herself to people. She hated being vulnerable, but it was what the situation demanded.

"I hope you don't mind my stopping by," Zillah began. "I needed to find you and offer an apology. Several years ago, you approached me about something, and I responded poorly."

The door opened a fraction of an inch further, almost imperceptibly, but Reena said nothing.

Zillah continued, "I could explain to you what I was going through at the time, but that would feel like making excuses. If you are still interested, I would like to talk about that picture, and anything else you may want to share from or about your mother. I'd like the chance to start again and get to know you."

Reena stepped aside and motioned for Zillah to enter.

…

AN

FF

Thanks to TheBigBangGamer42 and Quicksilver80 for the story favorite and Razzareth and Quicksilver80 for the author follow!

Shy911 - I have a feeling that if we saw the team in Gambit again, particularly Gambit Prime, Tanton would be in full Invader gear. Might cause some friction on the team with Celeste being set up as a/the Snitch.

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