Response to ScarletRose: I'm absolutely ecstatic to hear how much you are enjoying the story, it truly means so much to me to hear that from you. It's a relief that you think I did Bamon justice, as they are one of my favorite dynamics on the show. They were a potential coupling that I was considering for this story before I narrowed it down to what it is now, as it was too many pairings for Bonnie and becoming a bit chaotic. But honestly it's hard because Kat Graham just has such amazing chemistry with so many people on screen, you can't help it!
Another weight off my chest is to hear how the Caroline section made you feel. When what the characters are going through isn't something you've suffered yourself you got to be careful with how you depict because you don't want to cause any trouble. I myself do have anxiety issues, so I like to think that I can put into words relatively smoothly the feelings it creates, however bulimia is a completely new thing to me, and I had to really put myself in her shoes. It was awful, but I'm glad it touched your heart. That means I'm doing something right here.
The Delena relationship was something I kind of just threw out there without any kind of build up, which is something I slightly regret because honestly that's the best bit to write, in my opinion. There was a part I had written that was an interaction between Bonnie and Elena which was very ~prophetic~ and featured them using Bonnie's tarot cards (I spent so much bloody time on learning about tarot cards, I could probably use them myself), with Damon coming along and being all flirty with Elena, but her and Bonnie not having any of it. Ultimately, it didn't make the cut because I get scared that people will accuse me of using too many filler chapters. Anyways, I'm glad that you think I write a 'rocking' Delena because just having them skip straight to the relationship is something I kind of regret, but you know, no takesie-backsies.
Thanks so much for reviewing! I adore how even when you didn't have to that you've taken the time to think of things you liked about the chapter and to tell me. It honestly means the world. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last one! X
If you need a quick refresher about what happened last chapter but can't be bothered to go back and read over it, I understand. So here's what I call:
Previously, on One Person's Craziness Is Another Person's Reality...
Damon somehow managed to sneak into the medical ward to visit Elena in the ICU, however couldn't manage to get through the double door barrier. He decided to wait until Alaric and Jeremy arrived to see her. Lo and behold, however, he wasn't the only one to come and see Elena; so did Bonnie. They sit down together, and after some emotional talking with one another, Bonnie discovers that Damon doesn't know why Elena did what she did, because it wasn't he that the nurse saw visit Elena in her room before she tried to kill herself. They see Alaric and Jeremy, but decide not to tag along with the men, who look absolutely destroyed. Besides, they had bigger issues to deal with.
After a heavy therapy session with Matt, Caroline clashes with Klaus over him blatantly avoiding and ignoring her for a couple of days, before suddenly acting like normal. Overwhelmed by emotion, Caroline runs off to the restroom, and purges. After she briefly recovers, Kol approaches her to explain Klaus' behavior and set off a warning. And then, Katherine and Nora walk in just as she was about to leave, and she overhears and witnesses something awful..
Retrograde
It must've been when she felt his breathing on the back of her neck that she finally turned around.
"It's a shame about your dorm mate," Kai began sorrowfully, but the deep crease forming between his brows wasn't able to distract from the way his mouth was a wide split grin. It was ridiculous, almost comical, really. He ignored how Rebekah stepped back and away from him after realizing he was much too close for comfort, and her eyes narrowed when he mildly moved closer, continuing on, "Did you ever get any vibes that Eleanor was considering doing such a thing?" His voice was one of incredulity, and his face now distorted into something that was probably meant to be sadness, yet the emotion didn't even make it to Kai's eyes. They were just blank.
And Rebekah wasn't buying whatever the walking oxymoron was churning out, either, responding with a curt and tart, "Her name's Elena."
He licked his lips, shoulders slumping down further (if that was even possible), and mouth twisting into a pout. "It's tragic, I've never been so close to such a loss," Kai mused, completely ignoring Rebekah's remark and peering over her shoulder at what she was painting, "well, at least, not since my mother miscarried what would've been baby number 4 and-"
He stopped in his rambling when Rebekah raised her hand in the air sharply, catching the attention of the art teacher, whose distracted expression turned to one of confusion, not just because she saw the two of them standing there together when Kai should've been over at his easel painting, but because of the look in Rebekah's eyes that told Ms. Celeste "please just call me Celeste, Ms. Dubois is my mother" Dubois that something was wrong. "Yes, Rebekah?" She voiced, moving from behind her desk and forward, pensive, her expressive eyes watery and her thick eyebrows slanting down towards the lines between them.
"Kai is bothering me."
Celeste frowned, lacing her fingers together, her gaze flicking between them. As she parted her lips, the devil began to speak. "Oh, Rebekah!" He began, ridiculously, flamboyantly. "You know how much I admire your brother's Nik's painting, but we're in a different class. I would try to transfer to his, but I have the 'learning how to listen well' class in his time slot, and I'm just, well, you know, too embarrassed to ask him to mentor me to paint. I aspire to paint as well as him! But because I can't hover behind him, I thought maybe good painting runs in the familial genes, if you know what I'm saying. I mean, good looks obviously do because you're like, really pretty, Rebekah."
But Celeste had put up with enough of Kai's shit before to look past his strangely charismatic and muddled monologue. "Get back to your easel, Kai. Leave Rebekah alone or I'll have no choice but to remove you from this class." After the warning she instantly spun away, not even caring to see whether he would try to apologize, her long silken cardigan flowing up behind her like a cape (she had just saved Rebekah) as her words hung heavily in the air.
He evaporated from her side, silent, forgotten. Picking up her paintbrush, Rebekah happily resumed, and then immediately stopped after the paint hit the canvas, the bristles at the end smashing against the thick glob of paint. She lifted her eyes to see Hayley's staring back at her; heavy bagged but wide wide open, almost urgent. And unlike most people, even when Rebekah met them, the brunette didn't flinch away, she held it tightly until Rebekah eventually diverted, completely unnerved. Her paintbrush had slipped down the canvas, leaving a red trail down the landscape of a distant orange horizon, yet for some strange reason Rebekah wasn't too bothered by it. Instead, as she continued on, feeling distracted, a light itch that wouldn't leave, lead in the pit of her tummy, a discomfort in her own skin.
The class ended with her adding not a single new brush stroke to her art after that.
She was the first out the door, hurrying and shoving past the people who milled about, hoping that she'd avoid any more prying from Kai or staring from Hayley. Rebekah knew she had yoga group next, and then debating, but she was in no mood for either, to be honest. And so, she made her way to her dorm, the room she had avidly avoided being in for any other reason than sleeping since what Elena tried to do in there. It wasn't that she cared; she didn't, not really. They weren't close, her and Elena. The brunette had tried at first, yet when she saw Rebekah had no interest in being friends with the human equivalent of soggy white bread, she toned it down a bit. They had always managed to stay civil, however.
And still, there was just something haunting about having a bed next to one soaked in death and depression.
The door creaked open as usual. Rebekah had tried speaking to one of the nurses about getting someone to oil the hinges, but to no avail. She stepped across the tiled floor to her freshly made bed. She ran her fingers over the silken duvet covers, the rich patterning of maroon and sapphire sliding through her fingers. Ever so slowly, Rebekah settled herself upon the mattress, leaning against the wall, staring across the room at the empty bed. It was stripped clean of all linen, probably still in the process of washing the bodily fluids from it. Her eyes wandered to the nightstand, to the framed picture of a body and a girl and a woman and a man; a family, probably. Elena's family, although Rebekah knew that only half if it currently remained. In two corners of the frame were small photos with frayed edges and fading color. One was of a red head with a smile in her eyes and a baby in her arms, the other, a man who held a book proudly in front of him.
She couldn't see close enough to discern the full faces of these important people to Elena, but it was enough to knot a lump in Rebekah's throat as she realized; she felt sad. Sad that Elena did what she did, sad that she hadn't tried hard enough with her, sad that she was stuck with the bloody girl as a roommate in the first place. Rebekah realized that you didn't really have to be friends with someone to have a bond with them. And she seemed to have one with Elena, or at least, the semblance of one.
"Hey."
Stefan leaned in the doorway, careful. He felt as though he was intruding upon something, the way he found her with welled up eyes and bed sheets in her fists, yet the look on her face when she saw him, they way it just unwound, let go, relaxed, told him he could stay.
"You look tired."
A snort broke from Rebekah's mouth. She looked at him dryly, "the pot calling the kettle black."
He chuckled and walked forward, seating himself down beside her, shaking his head. "You know what I mean." Rebekah regarded him, with his forest eyes and 'hero hair' (as Damon called it). Stefan settled beside her, resting his back against the wall, his shoulder touching hers. Letting out a breath, he met her stare and squinted. "What?" The corner of his mouth turned up into a knowing smirk.
"You're a handsome man, Stefan Salvatore."
"And you're a beautiful woman, Rebekah Mikaelson, if not the most."
They could feel each other's breaths feathering over their cheeks, the body warmth that dug deep through their clothes, the crystal cut jewels of eyes diving into one another. And she noticed the bruises beneath his eyes, plum plump skin swelling beneath his most stunning feature that were bloodshot and pained.
His eyes fell to her lips, but Rebekah shook her head, resting her hand to his and bringing it down to her shoulder. "Sleep, Stefan, rest." She whispered, stroking her fingers against his cheek as he wordlessly shuffled beside her, nuzzling his face against her shirt and letting out a long breath. "Or at least try to."
Her free hand was grabbed by his wandering one, and Stefan cradled it to his chest. Rebekah didn't necessarily expect him to be able to fall asleep; she wasn't foolish enough to believe that an insomniac could be 'cured' by just being able to snuggle beside a woman he was attracted to, but she wanted to at least feel like she could do something that could perhaps help someone else. As well as that, though, she hadn't been sleeping the best as of late, in her horrid room. With Stefan beside her, she thought that maybe she could replace that association of her bedroom from something awful to something warmer.
"Is he asleep?"
Hayley hovered behind the threshold to the room, wringing her hands out in front of her, green eyes wide and anxious. Rebekah licked her lips, glancing away from the girl and towards Stefan who she knew was wide-awake as he began to stir. For some reason, she tightened her hold on his hand until it was enough to be painful, then murmuring a "don't move" as she let go. He followed. Rebekah nodded.
"I wanted to catch you alone."
Rebekah gave her a small, tight smile. "Well we may as well be alone; he's sound asleep, hopefully having his first proper sleep in months." The brunette still hovered in the doorway, a nervous twitch in her movements. Now, Rebekah didn't know Hayley at all (as she never had really cared to), however from the little that she did know, her current behavior wasn't normal. That, and obviously the fact that she was actively seeking out Rebekah, troubled her. "Please," she nodded towards Elena's desolate bed across, "sit."
Settling down on the edge of the mattress, rather than instigating the conversation, Hayley stared down at her hands.
"What was it you wanted to speak with me about?"
"I think that Katherine had something to do with what Elena did."
Rebekah's blood ran cold. Stefan tensed beside her. Swallowing repeatedly to try and lubricate her suddenly intensely dry throat, Rebekah frowned at Hayley. "Why would you think that?"
Her small, thin fingers fisted against her palms, and her eyes hardened as she tried to answer Rebekah's question. "Last week I accidently came across a hidden stock of pills in a jar in my room's bookcase, the room I share with Katherine." When Rebekah looked underwhelmed, Hayley continued on. "I didn't know what they were for, so I didn't ask. But I noticed today that they were all gone."
Elena had overdosed on pills.
Rebekah thought that she probably had somehow managed to stop taking her prescription sometime around two weeks ago, when she began withdrawing from all around her. However, Kol had told her that Bonnie had said Elena had probably been stocking up on them since day one, as two weeks worth of the pill dosage Rebekah knew Elena was on would not have been enough to get her as close to death as she was. But that didn't make sense. Elena had doing so well those first few weeks, and sure, she could have been acting; yet Rebekah knew that wasn't possible due to how persistent Elena was in trying to snag her as a friend despite her cold shoulder. Acting happy didn't extend to trying to be friends with someone who obviously didn't want to know you.
What Hayley was saying added up in all but one aspect; why? Why would Katherine hoard her pills and give them all to Elena in a premeditated attempt to get her to kill herself? What reasoning did she have? As far as Rebekah knew, Katherine had never so much as had a proper interaction with Elena, let alone get to know her well enough to hate her so much. And if she didn't have any at all…
It was a terrifying thought; that Katherine would go to such lengths to kill someone she didn't even know.
"You must tell Matt." Rebekah blurted out.
Hayley's frown deepened. "He's not gonna believe me."
"It doesn't matter if he believes you or not. It's a serious claim, one he'll be obliged to investigate, and through that the truth should come out."
A bitter smile appeared on Hayley's lips. "You have a little too much faith in the system, Rebekah. I know places like these. If they let someone like Kai come in here, then they're not going to care about Elena because they obviously don't care about us." The cynicism in her voice and words didn't shock Rebekah, according to what little she knew about the woman across from her, but she didn't care.
"If you don't tell him, I will."
"Fine then, Rebekah!" Hayley suddenly exploded, her bloodshot eyes briefly widened out of her hollow face violently as fury overtook her, then it seemed she had gotten herself under control, and her features were masked with her signature indifference as she crossed her arms. "I don't care. Go tell Matt. But know that nothing will be done, at least by the clinic. Matt'll try, I'm sure; he's the only good thing here. But the higher ups who actually run this place will probably get rid of him once they figure out someone is onto them, and what they're doing to us."
It was in that moment that Rebekah began contemplating if Hayley had been misdiagnosed, as it appeared she had some kind of paranoid schizophrenia.
"This place is evil, and once my six months here are finished, I'll be waving you all goodbye as you sit here, rotting away. I'm not doing anything that will prolong my designated time here."
Rebekah was breathless as she said, "You're insane."
"Not as insane as you are to think that anything will be done about all of this." Hayley bit back quickly, her lips twisting into a snarl. "Crazy? Yes, that I am from being here. But you're the insane one."
There was silence in the room, thin yet harsh, and Rebekah and Hayley regarded each other coldly. The brunette's face was sallow, her skin ashen and eyes red and deeply bagged purple. She looked ill. Her appearance was starkly different to what she looked like when she had arrived, which really wasn't what should have been happening. Perhaps it was the knowledge of what Katherine did that was weighing down on her, or perhaps she truly was being driven crazy by being there.
"Why did you come to me?"
"You're her roommate."
"Other than the fact that Elena isn't even my friend and better options would've been Damon, Bonnie, Caroline or someone who can actually tolerate her, that's not what I meant." Rebekah shook her head and took a heavy breath. "Why did you come to me?"
Hayley clenched her fists tightly and pressed her lips into a line, her green eyes flickering down to the floor beneath her feet. Rebekah waited for an answer, and there was a long moment of hesitation on Hayley's side, where she just gnawed down on her lower lip, staring at the fascinating pattern of the tiles beneath her feet. Then she looked up. "I thought it was important information that needed to be known… Caroline, Bonnie and Damon probably would've gone to knife Katherine the minute they heard it. I didn't trust them to be mature with the information."
"Oh, and you trust me?" Rebekah snorted at what was coming from her lips, because it was a load of pure, unadulterated bullshit. "Why didn't you go to Matt, then? You must have at least a little bit of trust in him, after having to have therapy sessions with him for weeks, even if the most you talked about was the weather and what you had for tea."
"Like I said," Hayley retorted, her voice sharper this time, lips twisting into a snarl, "I didn't and still don't think he'll believe me."
"What made you think I'd believe you?"
Hayley faltered, seemingly lost for words, and Rebekah had obviously found a hole in her little excuse.
"I don't think you care for justice for Elena." She began, studying the brunette across from her closely, analyzing her in the only way she knew, critically. "Not really, at least. I just think you wanted to get what you knew off your chest so you could move the job of something being done about it off of you and onto someone else. You told me not because I'm Elena's roommate, everyone and their mum knows we are not friends, but because you didn't think I'd want to do anything about it."
She didn't respond, rather, huffed, re-crossing her arms, and pursing her lips. Her eyes were narrowed into slits, her teeth almost bared. Rebekah could easily see the anger her words were causing, reaffirming to her the truthfulness of them. Before another word could escape Rebekah's mouth, Hayley quickly rose, making for the door to leave.
"I respect self-preservation, Hayley." The statement made her figure still. "It's what got me through my whole life, otherwise I'd be in a worse place than here, if anywhere at all. As a result, you may have a valid reason for not wanting to do anything about Katherine's actions. However there is a line between saving yourself and having some morality. I've toed the line before, but you," Rebekah shook her head at Hayley's tensed up back. "You've clearly sprinted right past it without a second thought."
What sounded like a growl escaped Hayley's lips, and she twisted her head to shoot Rebekah an ugly look.
"Perhaps there's some truth to the reasoning behind your admittance here as a felon, or maybe you're just broken, but you clearly have more to talk about with Matt than just the weather and what you had for tea."
Her eyes flickered as she blinked, and Rebekah watched as Hayley's body completely deflated, as her expression blanked, and her eyes glazed over. She turned away, running her hand over the slender handle of the door, before giving a shrug. "Do what you want, think what you want, Rebekah. I don't need a speech from you." She stepped over the threshold; the door whining as she slowly closed it behind her back. "I just don't care."
The minute the door clicked, Stefan's eyes snapped open and he sat up, cradling Rebekah's stunned face between his hands. "Are you okay?" was the first thing that tumbled out from between his lips.
Gathering herself quickly, she waved his hands away, rolling her eyes and scoffing. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm fine." Rebekah shuffled forward, so her feet now touched the ground and she perched on the edge of her bed.
Stefan's voice came from behind her a moment later, "what are we going to do?"
She shook her head, held it in her hands, closed her eyes, shrugged, sighed, and then; "I don't know."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I'm sorry."
Caroline's eyes shot up from the glossy magazine she was reading, and Klaus couldn't help but liken her to a deer caught in the headlights. Nonetheless, her wide, dazed stare immediately melted into something else. What? Klaus didn't care to analyze it, as that kind of mechanical thinking didn't necessarily seem to work with Caroline.
"Stop," he held his finger to her open lips that had moved to speak. They were pink, and soft, and smooth against the pad of his finger, which was callused from holding countless paintbrushes over countless canvases. He had to force himself to focus as his mind began to wonder about what his lips would feel like over hers. "You had your turn yesterday. I respected you, now let me speak."
Tentatively, he moved his finger away. She nodded quietly, swinging her legs off the side of the couch so there was enough space for him to sit down, and he did. Tossing the magazine to the side as Klaus settled down beside her, Caroline folded her hands in her lap, and watched him intently.
"Those weeks where I was 'ignoring' you, so to say, I had recently discovered certain news of something that happened that outside of this place, that affected me deeply." As he spoke, he noticed how hollow her face looked, and the cloudiness of her usually bright eyes, the way she fidgeted with a loose thread in her hands and bit down on her lower lip. Klaus swallowed. "It was nothing you had done, Caroline. It wasn't your fault at all, but I needed space from everyone around me, love, as I needed to… process, things. I didn't tell you because I had thought about it constantly until I didn't. I did not want to bring it back up again."
And she nodded. He stared. A breath. Time passed and neither said anything. Until-
"You understand?" Klaus couldn't help the lilt in his voice that betrayed his shock at her tame reaction, and when she once again nodded in that dumb way, he squinted his eyes at her, now skeptical. "And you forgive me? You can speak now." The last bit was so he could hear perhaps more of an explanation to her sudden understanding of the past situation.
Caroline gave him a small smile. "I understand." She opened her mouth and took a breath, it then snapping shut, as she seemed to reconsider what she was to say next. But when she saw the distrustful look on his face, she elaborated. "I've been through hard times as well when I've just wanted to be alone, I shouldn't have blown up like that and tried to force you to explain yourself. It was wrong. Just a- uh, heat of the moment kind of thing. I'm sorry."
While her response made perfect sense, it didn't, and he was dissatisfied with it. Yet, rather than voice his concerns, he gave her one of those mute nods she had been dishing him out with, before muttering a thanks and excuse, then rising from his seat and leaving. He made his way over to the other side of the room, ignoring what he knew were her eyes on his back, towards the water fountain, where Kol currently stood with Bonnie.
"…Ah, see, darling, that's where you're wrong." His brother sweet talked the girl, who leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, meeting his smirk with one of her own. "I'm not just a fan, of Tina Fey, no. She's my inspiration. For so long, she was purely the reason I got up in the mornings, although now I am aware of my greatness so I no longer need a motive to wake up other than my self."
Klaus scowled at how Bonnie stupidly laughed in response to the utter drivel that was pouring from Kol's mouth. He sipped at the water, thinking over Caroline's odd reaction. However, it wasn't for long, because someone decided upon that moment to clamp their hand down on his shoulder.
"Hey buddy! Saw you over there talking to Blondie, she sure didn't look too happy when you left!" Damon grinned in what was probably supposed to be a friendly manner as Klaus twisted away from his touch. "What'd you say to her?"
Klaus bared his teeth, then turning his back, repulsed by the person before him. "Piss off or shut the fuck up."
"Aw, come on, don't be like that! I just asked a question!"
"Listen, mate, if you don't sod off you'll regret it."
Damon cradled the space over his heart in mock pain. "'Mate'? Is that all I am to you now? Uh- I- what happened to me being 'the Fun Brother'?" It hardly took more that his pathetic presence to grate Klaus' patience let alone his tragic words and jarring voice.
And he was in no mood to put up with his shit any longer. However as quickly as Klaus had swung his fist back to meet Damon's face was it wrenched even further back, by who he soon saw to be his little brother, who too looked at the Salvatore before him with distaste written across his face.
A faux gasp escaped the latter's mouth. "You were about to punch me? How could you, buddy?"
"I wouldn't be so mocking, darling," Kol jeered, releasing his brother's wrist and flicking his eyes up and down Damon. "Nik here has dislocated my jaw and shattered my cheekbone with that fist of his, and rest assured the next time he goes to punch you, and there will be a next time if you continue on with your behavior, I won't be here to hold him back."
Any humor that had been on Damon's face melted away to snarling features, and as his hands fisted by his sides and as his foot lifted in front of the other into a stride, Bonnie jumped out in front of him, smacking her hand on his chest. "What the fuck, Damon!?" She bellowed harshly, shoving him back roughly as he was taken off put. Her upper lip curled when she looked back at him after a quick glance to the Mikaelsons, and she murmured a quiet but not quiet enough, "I was working on it."
And Kol's face darkened. Klaus saw his body stiffen and the defensive cross of his arms. "Working on what?" He spat out, anger tinting his voice, but not enough to betray how upset Klaus knew his brother was.
Her shoulder's sagged, and Bonnie sighed, running a hand over her face before sharply elbowing Damon who immediately left, metaphorical tail between his legs. She looked up to them, exhaustion running free in her eyes, before shaking her head and breathing out, "did either of you visit Elena in her room before she attempted to kill herself?"
Klaus frowned. "Why?"
"It doesn't matter, brother." The words were bitter and Kol's face sour as he regarded Bonnie. "No, Nik was too busy brooding by himself that day and I have no interest in Elena, therefore no reason to waste time on her."
Bonnie locked eyes with him for a long moment, thoughtful and cautious, and Klaus just watched as his brother stared back, blank yet unfailing. After a couple more moments of this silence, she nodded, seemingly resigned. "Okay."
"No," Kol immediately countered, stepping forward as she had began to walk away. "What if I'm lying?"
She tilted her head to the side as she faced him once more. "Are you?"
He hesitated, and then- "No, but you don't know that?"
A strange look overtook Bonnie's features, one that Klaus noted was soft and almost sad, the corners of her lips lifting into what could be called some semblance of a smile, before she gave a small shake of her head and shrugged. "I trust you, Kol." And those were her parting words as in the next breath; she was gone.
Klaus waited behind his brother, watching the muscles in his back and arms work through his shirt even as he stood so still. After a moment of collecting himself, Kol turned back to Klaus, eyes seemingly now focused on a new topic as he zeroed in on his elder brother.
Unfortunately, he didn't have enough time to recognize the accusing look on Kol's features before he asked the question.
"What happened with Caroline?"
It took a moment for Klaus to understand exactly what the question meant, as amongst all the 'drama' with Damon, Bonnie and his brother, he had forgotten his troubles. But it was okay, he remembered just as quickly as he forgot. "It doesn't matter," he muttered acridly, dropping the plastic cup of now lukewarm water in the bin.
"Listen Nik," Klaus looked up at his brother, whose lips were tightly pursed, hands gripping his hips, and eyes now almost angry. "I know this may be hard coming from someone who's got a track record like me, however it has to be said."
And once again before he could even object to what ever in God's name was coming out of Kol's mouth, he continued on.
"I know you're used to having severely screwed up relationships with everyone around you, especially the women in your life. But surprisingly enough I actually think you may have a chance with Caroline, someone who seems to actually care about you, and isn't certifiably insane or related to you, okay? So perhaps don't fuck it up."
Klaus was taken aback. He attempted as he could to try and absorb all the information, but only a beat passed before, "I didn't know you cared, little brother." He also didn't know Kol was so observant, but he wasn't about to say that to his face.
He just shrugged, looking off to the side. "Less that I care, and more that I'm sick of your constant brooding, and the back and forth between you and Caroline. It's exhausting and detestable. But who knows? Perhaps I'll hate you happy even more."
Kol shook his head, and swiveled on the ball of his foot, making towards the sliding doors the led to the back gardens.
"It's not like I've ever seen it before."
The statement dismayed Klaus more than he would've liked to admit, primarily because of the truth he knew was behind it. He had never truly been happy. In fact, he didn't think any one in his family ever had been either. Not Freya who had been kidnapped by their aunt when only a baby and returned a decade later. Not Finn who had forever been hindered by his starch honor and morality and pathological shame. Not Elijah who dragged himself down to try and push his siblings up. Not Kol who never thought he was good enough for anyone. Not Rebekah who tried too hard to be good enough for and better than everyone. Not Henrik who died before his time. Not even his parents, who Klaus didn't think had ever even loved each other.
Maybe that was what was wrong. It wasn't Caroline's response that he found dissatisfactory, it was the feeling of finally being happy. If he accepted it, that meant happiness, and then what? Once things reached the peak the only place to go was down.
Perhaps the Mikaelsons were cursed to never be happy.
Or perhaps that was just the Mikaelson way.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Elena's mouth was as dry as cotton and her bones a stiff board. All she wanted to do was stretch out and crack every joint in her body, grab the glass on the table nearby, and drink what would taste to her like sweet nectar but in reality was just water. She couldn't, of course, because her arms were restrained in leather straps effectively tying her arms to her sides. This was because she was on, as the nurse earlier had told her, "suicide watch". The reason she was on suicide watch was because she had supposedly tried to kill herself. It was 'supposed' to Elena because she couldn't actually remember doing it.
She never did.
She had woken up to the same scene she did every time, Alaric and Jeremy sitting in armchairs to one side of her, looking completely wrecked. A lump immediately formed in her throat (as usual) and she moved to sit up but couldn't, of course, so instead staying lying there, stupidly looking between the two people she loved the most in the world. Alaric placed his hand gently over hers prompting tears to prick her eyes and Jeremy just watched, all going as usual. Although, the other times she hadn't been in hospital unable to sit up but instead in her bed at home, it was the same visual nonetheless.
Her mouth opened the croak out an "I'm so sorry" yet nothing came out. Rick brought the glass to her mouth. She gulped it down. Then, began crying and blubbering out apologies as Rick stroked her hair and Jeremy watched. Elena didn't really need to bother explaining herself because they knew why what had happened happened, although they hadn't expected it to ever happen again since admitting her to the Augustine Center, they thought she was safe, that it couldn't happen again. They were wrong.
"I had been doing so well, better than I've ever been before-"
"-Elena, I understand-"
"-No you don't, Rick," her voice cracked and he used a tissue to wipe away at the tears tread marks on her cheeks and the snot at her nostrils, "I had never been as good as I have been here. And I just thought, maybe if I stopped… I'd still be good, and that it was the place not the medication…"
"It was a mixture." Alaric supplied, giving her a small smile, however she saw the muscles in his jaw tick and the flicker in his eyes, the agony. He didn't deserve what she put him through, she knew. "Now you know. And you won't do it again."
She gave a small nod of her head. Yet she still frowned, her heart heavy. "I hate having my sanity controlled by pills." It was a sliver of a whisper, but heard nonetheless.
Rick swallowed and let out a long breath through his nose, causing Elena to suddenly become acutely aware of the tubes going up her own nostrils, providing her with oxygen. "You have a chemical imbalance in your brain," he began, tightening his grip on her hand to grab her attention, "millions of people do. And it's not your fault, and it's not their fault. Taking the medication isn't a bad thing; it helps you survive life, just like drinking water and eating food does. There's nothing wrong with it, Elena, you need to understand that."
She did, she just forgot sometimes.
Alaric left the room to grab a cup of coffee and some pudding for Elena from the cafeteria, and so leaving her alone with her brother. And there was a silence, one that was awkward, potently so, making even the oxygen in her lungs feel stale and stagnant. Her skin prickled as he checked the watch on his wrist. Then, he made the mistake of chancing a quick glance at her, only to find she was already watching him, making their eyes meet.
"Jeremy-"
"-Don't."
A pause; he tore his cold eyes away and to out the window, some ugly vista of a semi-empty parking lot, and her heart was quickening, so much so she was shocked he couldn't clearly hear it. "I can't help it, Jer." She started, but his expression showed no indication that he heard her, even though she knew he did. "You heard Rick, I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, okay? I'm sorry-"
"-You're always sorry, Elena." He toned back, swinging his head to look to her, his upper lip curled back in a look of distaste and spite. Her brother let out a breath at her shocked silence, because he normally just ignored her, usually, and he shook his head with a bitterly weak grin. "Sorry is all we hear, if you're not going through manic episodes of going missing for days, or depressive cycles where you try to kill yourself, you're always sorry but you never show it, Elena, never do anything about it."
There was a sharpness that cut through her heart, and her stomach jumped to her throat, making the next words that escaped her mouth come out thick and muddled. "I can't help it, I don't mean to hurt you."
"But you do! Elena, you do!" He rose up like his voice, the chair clattering to the floor behind him. It wasn't clear, his face, because tears blurred her vision, but she didn't think she had ever seen him so angry. "You hurt everyone you love! You hurt Alaric so much he became an alcoholic to cope with the shit you put him through. You hurt me so much growing up that I'm as fucked up today as you know I am. And Aunt Jenna? Well, she didn't live long enough for you to hurt her substantially but I don't doubt you would've."
The pure, unadulterated spite in his voice, in his words, made her gasp. She couldn't move her hands to block her ears, she couldn't stand to run away, all she could do was lie there and take it.
"Mom and Dad-"
"-Jeremy, please…" She begged, knowing she wouldn't be able to bear the next words that left his mouth.
"You hurt them so much that it killed them."
All breath escaped her. She knew it was coming. It still hurt like hell.
"If they hadn't been driving that car after picking you up from one of your little stints, they would be here right now, and you know it, Elena." He wasn't yelling anymore, although she wasn't too sure if that helped or made it worse. And she was crying but so was he. "They are dead because of you." Jeremy's jaw wobbled like his words. "I don't have a Mom and Dad because of you."
"Jeremy-" Her voice broke off. She was limp, exhausted from just lying there, she could hardly speak the next words but had to. "If you hate me so much, why are you here?"
It was the first time he looked her in the eyes since the glance that started all of it, and she almost couldn't believe it when a laugh escaped his lips, but she could. And he shook his head, his hands on his hips, face bowed, voice low. "You know I don't hate you Elena."
"I don't."
He looked up. "I don't hate you Elena. I could never hate you. But I don't know if I can forgive you."
She gripped the sheets beneath her in fists, wanting to fight the wobble she knew would be in her voice. "I love you more than you could ever know, Jer."
Jeremy's nostrils flared, but more tears escaped his eyes, ones that he didn't even bother wiping away, and he finally crumbled up in front of her, collapsing into the chair he had been in when it all began. And he sobbed into his palms. Great, wracking cries, which were silent but heaved through his body. Unable to do anything, Elena looked at her brother, her big little brother, who despite growing so much was still the same scared thirteen-year-old inside that he had been when their parents died. She hadn't been there for him when she should've, and while it was because she was suffering immensely, she had forgotten that Jeremy was too, just in a different way to her.
"Oh, Jeremy," her voice had been thick with tears, and she hated herself for it because she had already had her times to cry. "Please, I'm so sorry. I'm just so fucking sorry."
He looked up, his face blotchy and red and wet and so like the kid she had had to comfort oh so long ago when he had stubbed his toe on the corner of the table or scraped his knee playing at the park. "You can't help it." He responded, raw and hoarse. "It's just who you are."
That had been two days ago.
After that, she Alaric had come back, somehow coffee and pudding-less, not really upsetting Elena too much as she had long lost her appetite. Later on in the day, she had been administered a psychological evaluation to see what ward she would be placed back into. The next day, she learnt she had been cleared ("albeit warily", as the nurse had said) to return to ward A, but had to stay in the medical wing for another couple of days to make sure that her body had once again gotten used to her prescribed medication, as after not taking it for weeks it would have some initial side effects once she started it up again. However she was now allowed visitors.
"Your hair's looking a bit dull." Bonnie commented casually, leaning back in the armchair as she regarded Elena, causing the latter to scowl at her, because as if she didn't already know.
Damon waved his hand about. "Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Stefan can give you something for that."
Bonnie rolled her eyes and let out a scoff, crossing her arms and turning to look at him through narrowed eyes, "what is it with you and your brother's hair?" And when actually thinking about it, Elena nodded as well, because she, too, had noticed Damon's strange… feelings, about Stefan's hair.
Damon briefly looked between them accusingly, before schooling his expression into one that was cool, with his lips pursed. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He paused, then running his hand through his own hair with a smirk. "Why would I be obsessed with Stefan's mere mousy mop when I've got a mane like this?"
Both of the women in the room groaned, but it was Elena who gave him a backhanded slap on the shoulder. He didn't take too kindly to that.
"Hey! Don't think about getting too violent, otherwise we'll be forced to detain you in those straps again!"
His threat was empty, as the restrains had since been removed from her bed, and Damon didn't have the kind of power or trust in other nurses to get them brought back. Instead of heeding his ridiculous warning, Elena just snorted, and said, "you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
And like that, the furrowed brows, jeering lips, and pinched expression that was Damon Salvatore's irritation turned into a wolfish smirk, his cyan eyes twinkling. He leaned forward in his chair, gazing at Elena, a suggestive glint in his stare. "Would I? Well-"
"-Ew! Stop! No!" Bonnie screeched through his words, her face contorted into repulsion as she physically jerked away from the two of them. "No!" A pause, and she took in the blank looks of Elena and Damon, before another, softer, "no."
Neither of the two even had the decency to be embarrassed.
After a quick shudder, Bonnie crossed her arms tightly around herself, then raising her eyebrows pointedly as she turned to Elena. "Anyway, that's not why we're here." She gritted out between her teeth.
"Not why you're here." Damon muttered snidely.
"Whatever, Damon." Meeting Elena's confused gaze, she gave her a small smile. "Other than to see you and spend time with you, we- well, I, wanted to see if you remember anything about the day when you tried to… uh…" Her voice trailed off, because she hadn't been in the room long enough to gauge Elena's comfortableness with discussing what she did.
"Kill myself." She supplied almost too easily, and Bonnie was thankful.
"Yes."
Then, her expression turned doubtful. "It's all a bit hazy…" Her eyes drifted away to stare at her blanket-covered feet, as she threaded her fingers together. "Bits and pieces come back to me when I'm not thinking about it, but they're scraps of irrelevant information. I remember swallowing down the pills all at once with a whole bottle of water. The water was spilling down my chest but I remember not caring because… I was going to be dead. It didn't matter if I was wet."
She felt Damon's large, warm hand rub up and down her arm gently, and she could feel their eyes on her, although she daren't meet them. Elena just stared in one spot, the starkness of the cotton, and willed memories of that day to resurface through her mind, but it was difficult.
"I hadn't eaten breakfast. I got past by swapping trays with… Kol, I think, and he didn't notice that his empty bowl was suddenly refilled. Everyone knows he eats like a horse. And…" They wouldn't come. The memories that she was trying to conjure up. It was as though they didn't even exist, because as she searched for them, all her mind saw was black. Nothingness. She shook her head. "Like I said, irrelevant stuff. I don't remember anything else. "
Elena didn't miss the crestfallen looks that slapped Bonnie and Damon on the face. It was odd.
"Why?" She asked, now skeptical, wondering why they even cared. It didn't matter anymore what she did on that day, just that she made it through. "Why do you want to know?"
Damon instantly turned to Bonnie, and it was as though he was seeking approval, which was even weirder because Damon most certainly did not let anyone dictate what he said, and yet, there he was. Bonnie didn't spare him a glance, and instead was regarding Elena steadily, a thoughtfulness to her eyes. Then, she clicked her tongue, and shook her head. "We know someone visited you before you tried to kill yourself. We just don't know who."
There was a moment of silence. Elena frowned, let out a sound and "what?" It was genuine confusion in her voice, because she didn't fully comprehend what Bonnie was saying.
"A nurse said that some guy visited your room right before you tried to kill yourself, only it wasn't Damon, Stefan, Enzo, Kol, or Klaus. We've asked them all. It could be another patient, one we don't know, perhaps. But what reason would he have for visiting you? We don't know who it was. However, Damon and I think he may have… helped you."
What they were saying… It made no sense, because, well, helping her meant someone had tried to kill her and… "Bonnie, that's ridiculous." She blurted out, laughing a little, wondering if her friend was trying to play some shitty prank on her. "That- that doesn't make any sense."
"Elena," until he said her name, she hadn't noticed that Damon's hand was holding hers, and he squeezed it. She looked to him, almost frantic, desperate: unable to grasp what was being brought up, what was being suggested. "It's true, a nurse said so. She let him in because she thought he was me, but it wasn't me."
Her eyes widened. Elena felt as though she had been doused with icy cold water. She felt her heart beat begin to race in her chest. The darkness in her mind that was where her memories of that day were supposed to be became dread that enveloped her, that was pulling her down and down into a nothingness that she couldn't return from.
"Hey Elena! Look what I- Oh!" Caroline's squeaky voice cut through the silence in the room, and the tension between the three quickly dissolved as they all, simultaneously, put up happy fronts to hide what was going on from the blonde who had just walked in on them. She looked to Damon, who sat hunched in his chair, hand on Elena's tight, but what seemed to be a weird smile on his lips as he looked to Caroline. "Damon."
Furrowing his brows, he tilted his head to the side and widened his eyes. "Yes, Blondie?"
Caroline almost growled at the nickname, disturbing Damon as those kind of sounds weren't supposed to escape someone like her. The usual glare that her face was in when she was talking to Damon regained her features, and she walked to the end of Elena's bed. "Stefan was looking for you." She spat out, glowering at him.
He rolled his eyes, then turned back to Elena, kissing her hand, and jumping up. "He's probably just going to ask for some tips on how to style his hair, I'll be right back." He remarked, nodding to Bonnie and giving Caroline a gracious smile.
She ignored him, instead smiling almost manically at Elena and Bonnie as she held up some nail varnish bottles between her fingers. "Look what nurse Sophie let me borrow!" She squealed, almost shaking in her spot.
Elena and Bonnie smiled back, laughing enthusiastically, but they didn't forget the moment that had previously happened. Elena certainly couldn't.
Hi.
'Tis me, the shit piece stuck to the bottom of your shoe from that one time you stepped in a dog turd on the street and couldn't get off. In all seriousness, though, what can I say? Sorry? Would that really remedy the wait for this chapter? I could justify myself by saying other authors have taken even longer unannounced breaks but I like to think I'm better than that even though I'm obviously not. As you very well know from this story, life's a bitch. Also I'm lazy. At least this time I'm not publishing a chapter without having zero plan of what the next one will be about. In fact, I have two plans which I need to decide between. I shouldn't and thus won't be making promises, though. However, please stick with me, I swear it'll be worth it.
Thank you so much to everyone that has hung around with this story, you guys are the wind beneath my wings, and welcome to any newcomers. Follow and/or favorite this story if you haven't already and like what you've seen, and please leave and review if you enjoyed the chapter and wanted to tell me your thoughts! It'd mean a lot. X
Next Chapter - Stefan relaxes in the recreation room, noticing Nora reunite with a blonde. The two women sit down on a sofa across from him, between Valerie and Enzo, and Stefan is somehow roped into a conversation about two people they all know, but the blonde knows particularly well.
A group therapy session follows, where they not only do the usual stuff, but also get an update from Matt on some other patients.
We see more behind the relationship between Kol and Bonnie.
(This is a rough idea, some details may change)