"Kelly...Kelly..."

Severide felt something touching his shoulder and he half shot up on his bunk with a startled yelp even though his eyes had refused to open yet. When they did he saw it was dark in his quarters, but he was still able to make out the person who'd woken him up.

"Sorry," Casey whispered.

"Casey?" For a minute Kelly thought he had to be dreaming, "Wha'sit?"

When there was no response, that woke him up. He looked up at Casey, who it appeared for the life of him, couldn't say why he'd come in there, but all the same Kelly thought he knew.

"Alright, alright," he moved over so Casey could fit in the bed with him, "Come on, get in."

In all their years working at 51 and all the horrible things they had witnessed, and experienced, all the people they lost, the two of them had never slept in the same bunk. Maybe that's why it wasn't all that surprising to Kelly now, in 20 years' time they'd been through a lot and it somehow seemed overdue. It was a tight fit for the two men, made even tighter as Casey wrapped an arm around Kelly's ribs and pressed his head against Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly felt strange, not awkward because of how close the two of them were, or even the chance somebody would find them like that, he felt like he could physically sense all the emotions that were running through Matt's mind, in turn coursing through his whole body. Like every nerve, every pore, was suddenly an outlet for the inner turmoil he was in.

"Is this something specific, or just more of a general thing?" Kelly felt a need to ask, hoping Casey would open up to him instead of shutting down on him.

He felt Casey's grip tighten on him, he wasn't even sure if Matt was aware he'd done it. Very quietly, almost too quiet for Kelly to hear, Casey admitted honestly and shamefully, "I failed on that call."

He didn't have to ask which call, there was only one that was burning in everybody's memory right now. Kelly in turn felt himself wrap an arm around Casey's back he thought he could feel the vertebrae popping, "No, you didn't."

Severide knew it was only natural that everybody would be re-examining the events of that day from a thousand different angles and all find some way in which the outcome of the fire was their fault, something they should've done differently, Kidd had been the first who least of all admitted it, now it was Matt's turn. And Kelly knew everybody had to figure out for themselves that what happened was beyond their control, beyond anything they could've planned for, but he couldn't just stand by and let his best friend beat himself up over something he couldn't help.

He could tell Casey wasn't listening to him, or rather he heard but he just didn't believe it. "Hey," he said to get Matt's attention, when the blonde man looked up at him Kelly leaned over and lightly kissed Matt on the forehead, drawing a wide eyed response from the captain. "You did exactly what you were supposed to do."

"It wasn't enough," Casey replied. "I should've made sure we got everybody out."

"Matt, I know you think since you're the higher rank that everything falls on you," Kelly told him, "but Boden still outranks all of us."

"He wasn't in there," Casey said, "I was."

"We all were, Matt. We had no idea what we were getting into, we could've all died in the fire...I know that doesn't make this any easier, but to only lose one man in the fire, when we were all seconds from being killed...there's no rhyme or reason to it, Casey, all we can do is go on from here."

"I'm trying," Casey muttered into Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly nodded, "I know."

He had a good idea everything that was coming out now was everything that had been building in Matt since they were in the hospital waiting room and the doctor came out with the grim news. Casey always held it together for the sake of the men working under him, and after they'd left the hospital, when it was all over, and there wasn't anything that anybody could do, if they hadn't been sharing an apartment right now because Casey's had burnt down a year ago, Kelly might assume that Casey had found some outlet for his fears and grief, but he knew the man sleeping 10 feet away from him in the next room hadn't punched any holes in the wall or put a dent in the contents of the liquor cabinet or screamed or cried, any of Kelly's own usual outlets for dealing with the loss of one of their own. Of course he'd been the same way; especially with Stella, Kelly felt a double sense of responsibility to hold himself together because he had two people staying in his apartment who very possibly might need him to be the strong and sober one, a role he didn't actually have that much experience taking on. He was more used to self destructing somewhere off by himself, but he had to keep reminding himself those days were over, he was too old to keep running away from everyone and everything, especially in a time like this when other people needed him.

"I bumped into Cruz earlier," Casey's voice drew Kelly out of his thoughts. "He was just roaming the corridors."

Kelly sighed, knowing however bad losing Otis had been for the rest of them, it was worst for Joe because he'd lost his best friend.

"He asked me..." Casey's voice got quieter, "who's going to remember us when we're gone?"

Kelly didn't know whether he'd heard or felt the sobs first, but the next thing he realized, Casey had his whole face buried in Kelly's shoulder and his sleeve was getting wet. He hadn't really been expecting it, but he wasn't all that surprised either. Nor was he surprised when he started crying too. He held Casey in his arms and rested his forehead against Matt's for a minute, before pulling back and seeing the wet streaks staining both of Matt's cheeks. A ball forming in his own throat, Kelly brushed the tears away with his thumbs and used them to stroke over Casey's cheeks a time or two before putting his arms around him again and hugging him close. They stayed that way for a few minutes before either of them were able to actually speak, still with tears running down his face, still with every breath coming out as a hiccuping sob, Casey looked Kelly dead in the eyes and told him, "I love you, Kelly."

Severide was just as much of an emotional wreck as Casey was, but he managed a small sad smile as he met Casey's tear-filled gaze, and reciprocated, "I love you too," then he leaned over and lightly placed a chaste kiss on Matt's lips. Now was definitely not the time to worry about what was 'appropriate', or what was standard protocol for how two straight men should act.

This confession only made Casey cry even harder than before, he held onto Kelly with all his strength and buried his face in the crook between Kelly's shoulder and his collarbone. Kelly firmly placed one hand on the back of Matt's head and the other in the middle of his back and told his best friend, "It's going to be alright."

Casey shook his head and struggled to get the words out, "No, it's not."

Kelly forced himself to be the stronger one in that moment as he told Matt, "It never gets any easier, but we've had to do this before, we're going to be alright."

The loud wailing sobs escaping Matt told the Squad lieutenant that he didn't agree, at all. Kelly knew there wasn't anything else he could say that would do any good, so he just held his best friend in his arms as they both gradually cried themselves to sleep.

When Kelly opened his eyes the first thing he realized was how much lighter it was in his office than it had been.

"Oh crap," he muttered, he nudged the man half laying on him asleep, "wake up, Casey, it's morning."

Matt blinked his eyes open, slowly rolled over on his back and groaned as he sat up. He looked around the room and asked Kelly, "Think everybody else is already up?"

"Probably a safe bet."

Casey looked at him and asked, "Can we just forget last night ever happened?"

Kelly looked at him and asked, "Why? Because you cried, or because you said you love me?"

Casey wouldn't answer and just stared at his legs that were bent at the knee.

Kelly reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, "Matt...you know my door's always open, if you need to come here again, you can, I'm not kicking you out."

Casey still wouldn't look at him, but asked, "You ever get the feeling we're too old to keep doing this?"

Kelly let out half a laugh, "'Too' a lot of things, but old wasn't one of them."

"Maybe you were right," Casey turned his head to see him, "After Shay died, you said 51 was cursed...how else do you explain everything that's happened?"

Kelly managed a small smile and said cynically, "Don't start agreeing with me now, Matt. When you do, the universe stops making sense."

That got a small laugh out of Casey.

Kelly woke up and couldn't offhand remember anything, what day it was, if it was even morning, where he was, when he'd fallen asleep, he felt stiff and sore and tried to turn over on his side but somebody was laying right beside him making that difficult. He was expecting to see Stella, instead he found Casey laying beside him in the bed, Kelly picked his head up and his eyes doubled as he saw Stella laying on the other side next to Matt, with his knee bent and pressing against her thigh, and next to her at the end of the bed was Sylvie, half curled on her side with her head pressing against Stella's shoulder. Feeling very confused, Kelly lifted up the covers and saw all four of them had fallen asleep with their clothes on. Slowly he started to remember bits and pieces from last night.

Brett had been spending more time at their apartment, least of all the nights when Cruz was out with Chloe, and since their engagement was back on, the two of them spent a lot of time together going over all the details for the wedding. When that happened, Sylvie would come over, they'd have some drinks, watch TV, talk about anything except what was really on their minds, last night for a change of venue they'd played Scrabble and he and Casey got in a fight over who had the highest score, he'd accused Casey of adding the points wrong and Casey had accused him of not being able to spell to save his life. He faintly recalled the two of them getting each other in a mutual choke hold while the women sat back laughing and taking sides.

How the four of them wound up here though, that was still fuzzy. But, he wasn't going to complain. These days he didn't think too many people from 51 were sleeping alone. Trying not to move too much to disturb the others, he settled back in under the covers and went back to sleep.