my b about the delay for this, to anyone who was waiting

I recommend at least re-reading the previous chapter to refresh your memory. I would write a recap but it would probably be nonsensical (no offense to my own writing lol). Drop a message in my inbox or in the reviews if you have questions about the story :)

Pawns

"The best thing that happened to me this week was…" Katherine stared dully at Enzo as his sentence trailed off, trying not to roll her eyes. She twirled a lock of her hair around her finger, glancing to the clock to see how much more of this she had to endure. "Um…"

She had to grind her teeth to stop herself from yelling at him to hurry the hell up. Sure, maybe his week was as shit as he looked (which was extremely), but it wasn't that hard to bluster up some lie to appease Matt. They did the same "tell me the best thing that happened today and why it was good, and tell me the worst thing that happened today and what you would do to change it" thing every session. It was inexcusable for him to not have something to say and make everyone else suffer for it.

"They had porridge for breakfast, which is my favorite."

It was either an awful lie or Enzo had approximately two taste buds. It didn't matter.

"And the worst things that happened was," Katherine's stare turned even more venomous as she had to bite down on her lip to not bellow at him. Enzo didn't notice, rather, he swallowed, scratched his temple, shut his eyes, and said, "I don't– th– he… I was in the shower when the hot water through the whole center was out," his voice was bland and Katherine almost found herself feeling sympathy for him, because she knew how torturous cold showers were. "If I could change it, I would've had it earlier rather than later."

Matt, who had been peering at him with furrowed brows, nodded, and after a second more of concerned staring, said, "Thank you, Enzo. I'm sorry about the shower, but the renovation finishes in a few days, so it shouldn't happen again. I think porridge will be on the breakfast menu next week as well. We can discuss that in our session, and more." He turned to Hayley, beside Enzo, and nodded, once again. "Hayley?"

Hayley exhaled for a long while and then rolled her eyes. "The best thing that happened to me this week was…" and a smirk threatened to pull at Katherine's lips as she waited for her roommate to repeat what she always did when asked this question; a countdown to when she could finally be discharged from the facility, as to Hayley it apparently was always the best and worst aspect of her week. "When my mattress was upgraded. It's more comfortable."

Instantly frowning at the unexpected response, Katherine looked around the room to see that everyone else was shocked by the response, all having gotten used to Hayley's usual answer, with Damon letting out a "wow" that genuinely seemed accidental as he covered his mouth after it left his lips, while there was a frown between Bonnie's brows as she eyed Hayley with what appeared to be distrust. Matt's mouth just hung open as if he could hardly believe what he was hearing (and he probably couldn't) as Katherine wondered if the lumpy bed had been the cause of Hayley's attitude all along, almost wincing at the idea of her becoming a bucket full of sunshine now she got a memory foam mattress.

"The worst was that my pillow wasn't replaced. It's uncomfortable," Hayley continued, her usual derision returning to her voice as though she disliked all of their reactions to her break in character.

The room was silent for a few seconds, and it was only when Rebekah cleared her throat and parted her lips to speak that Matt finally snapped out of his astonishment, a smile now breaking out across his face as he regarded Hayley with proud, gleaming eyes. "Thank you for sharing, Hayley," was all he was able to get out, sounding choked up.

"The best thing that happened to me this week was that I didn't kill anybody," Klaus started casually and without prompt, and then pressing two fingers to his lips, looked off into the distance. "I believe this is good because it showed me that I can overcome even the strongest of urges, and also because I don't want to be stuck in this place for the rest of my life, unless I go to jail, however that doesn't seem like it would be quite fair considering I'm supposedly not in my right mind, and thus wouldn't be guilty by reason of insanity." Katherine couldn't help the bubble of amusement that formed in her chest when she looked at Matt and the dead look in his formerly delighted eyes. "The worst thing that happened this week was the hour long conversation I had with my brother over the phone, and if I could change it I wouldn't call him in the first place."

"Okay, perhaps we can discuss that later", Matt said, weary, and ran his hand over his face and called out "Katherine?"

"The best thing that happened this week was that my mattress was replaced with a softer one because the other one was uncomfortable," she smirked as she gave Hayley a small wink, then flipped her hair over her shoulder and pursed her lips. "The worst thing that happened this week was Nora and Mary Louise rejecting my offer of a threesome in the shower, and if I could cha–"

"–But they're women," Caroline blurted out, her hands immediately going to cover her mouth, and Katherine slowly turned and shot her an icy look. Everyone in the room was quiet, looking between the two women with baited breath, even Matt, who knew he should intervene but was still startled from Klaus' comment to even think of doing that.

"Congratulations Doctor Obvious," Katherine said, half a sneer, after a long pause, clapping her hands together twice, then crossing her legs and glancing down at her nails to show Caroline her true contempt for her. "I, in fact, don't care about the genitals of who I'm fucking. I guess that comes with the territory of being a 'nymphomaniac'," giving the blonde a mean smile, she leaned forward and asked, her voice now sickeningly sweet, "Is there anything else you'd like to share with the class?"

Caroline's mouth was pressed in a thin line, and her head tipped down as she slightly shook it, looking as though she wanted the floor to swallow her up. "Now I can think we– we all agree," Matt started, a thin but visible sheen of sweat forming at the top of his forehead as he smiled uneasily and let out an awkward laugh, holding his hands up as though in surrender and looking at everyone. "We are acceptant of all sexual orientations and gender identities."

Ignoring Matt's irrelevant drivel, Katherine had let her withering stare remain upon Caroline, feeling a slightly sadistic pleasure as the woman refused to meet her eyes. Her time in the institution had taught her to enjoy the misfortune of others, because it was everywhere in the clinic and there was nothing else she could amuse herself with. "If I could do it again, I probably wouldn't ask two people who hate me," Katherine said simply, shrugging her shoulders and smiling innocently. She would've reveled in the awkward silence that likely would have followed if someone else hadn't immediately started talking afterwards.

"The best thing that happened to me this week was that I was not once awoken by Caroline making sounds in her sleep!" Rebekah announced with wide grin, nodding towards Caroline and looking pleased when Caroline jerked her head up from her lap in confusion. Katherine watched the exchange with the ghost of a grin, now glad that Rebekah was speaking and already completely engrossed. "This was brilliant because I was able to sleep soundly without waking up due to my dear roommate making gagging and moaning sounds, somehow simultaneously."

Caroline looked absolutely mortified, and opened and shut her mouth, seemingly unable to find words to form a response, while Katherine found herself let out a giggle that was thankfully masked by Kai's bark of laughter. Bonnie sat upright, crossing her arms and scowling at Rebekah. "I've never heard anything. What the hell are–?"

"–The worst thing that happened to me this week," Rebekah began as though Bonnie hadn't even spoken. "Was that Seline the nurse once again smelt like a chain of Hollister stores–"

"–Not this again," Kol groaned, his head falling back to face the ceiling.

"Even in her hideous uniform!" Rebekah continued, again uncaring, her voice becoming shrill, almost making everyone wince, including Katherine. "Does she use it as washing detergent? Disgusting. This was awful because Hollister perfume on anyone older than sixteen is a crime against humanity and the person wearing it should be liable for damages against everyone around them."

Likely much to Caroline's relief, everyone's minds were now occupied with Rebekah's vendetta against Hollister perfume. Maybe a decade ago Katherine would've found herself agreeing with Rebekah, but after being in Ward D for so long, anything that didn't smell like vomit, shit or cleaning products was Chanel N˚ 5. "Jeez, what a piece of work," Damon loudly remarked under his breath, nudging Stefan in the side with a knowing look before turning to Rebekah, shaking his head and saying, "It's just perfume."

Rebekah's expression turned even more hostile at Damon's reply, rising to her feet and saying, so much conviction in her voice that Katherine almost felt respect, "And someone may just have an abnormal cell or two and then they have cancer! Little things matter!"

Damon recoiled at her response; there was a moment of silence; Katherine wished she had popcorn, and then– "That doesn't even make any sense!" Damon yelled back as his flung his arms out wide, whacking both Stefan and Elena and making Kai let out another peal of laughter. "It's smelly water, not a disease!"

"Okay, now, that's enough," Matt cut in sternly, pointing his fingers at the arguing two with a frown, and in the next second Rebekah actually sat back down. Katherine found his interruption to be quite the plot twist; was Matt finally growing a backbone before her eyes?

"Is there a problem here?"

At the new voice, Matt jolted upright as his terrified stare moved to the doorway Doctor Maxfield stood in, his white coat as bleached as his teeth, sunlight making his blond hair look gold, and light eyes locked on the head of the group, expectant and strangely patient. "Uh, of course not, Doctor," Matt said, the uneasiness in his voice not matching his words. "Just a bit of a heated debate, nothing more."

Doctor Maxfield shot a quick, sharp grin that was gone as soon as it appeared, and said, "Glad to hear it," then he glanced down at his watch, looked back up, but this time, at Katherine. "May I have a word with you in my office, Miss Pierce?"

Katherine, finding it likely wasn't a request, nodded and got to her feet, then sauntered over to him, calling out "au revoir" to the people left in the room, and the Doctor shut the door behind her. As she followed him through the winding hallways, Katherine's mind suddenly and wildly set off on the several reasons that she could've been called away to the office of the managing doctor of the center, whether it was the death of a family member or that she was being released, she didn't dare let herself dread or hope. It was likely just another one of those yearly interviews the leading doctor of the clinic liked to conduct with every patient each year, probably to make it look as though they were actually trying to do something to advance people's supposed mental health problems in the right direction rather than just leech money off of them.

Once in his office, the two of them sat down in their respective seats; Katherine in the translucent plastic chair and Doctor Maxfield in his plush leather armchair. She crossed her arms, trying to fight the shiver that ran down her spine, as it always did when she was in his just slightly too cold office. He didn't seem to notice, however, even as he leaned back and studied her with intent eyes. Katherine was silent but stared right back, her jaw set, trying not to squirm under his just slightly too probing eyes. Everything with him was just slightly something.

"You've been here longer than any other patient," he said as though she wasn't already aware of it, a gentle smile pulling at his lips. "How do you feel about that?"

Slowly running her tongue over her teeth, Katherine released a drawn out breath, looked to the ceiling as if in thought, and then, with a finger on her chin, said, "I wonder, what does that say more about? Me, or this place?"

His conciliatory smile widened, he chuckled a bit, and then nodded, "It's true, treating you has been based on a lot of trial and error, but my father said because everyone is different that is often the only way to find a treatment that will stick. And that is true, with most illnesses, but yours…" as the Doctor's words trailed off, as his eyes dropped to the desk, as his grin fell, as a solemn look took over his features, Katherine had to tightly grip the edges of her chair to stop herself from punching him in the face and screaming that I'm not a hypersexual, I was just a sixteen year old girl who made a mistake over the summer and lost nine years of my life as a consequence. That hadn't worked very well the first three times; in fact, it was what got her thrown into ward D in the first place. "Well," he continued, sitting up more and folding his hands on the surface between them. "That clearly hasn't lead anywhere for you."

"I wonder if your father regretted not going through with that sterilization threat while he still worked here?"

He grimaced slightly and ran his hand through his hair. "My father was old-fashioned, unfortunately sometimes bordering on archaic, but when the clinic was passed over to my leadership we made a series of changes and decided to advance forward in… another direction, one of medical innovation, rather than resorting to traditional methods," he said, his voice as smooth as his words, an assured smile on his lips once again. Before Katherine could come out with a rebuttal to his pseudo-PR statement, he continued on, "As such, I wanted to personally talk to you about something today, Miss Pierce."

She raised an eyebrow, let out a heavy breath and flicked a piece of lint from her sweater, feeling as though it would be impossible for her to be less interested in anything than she was in that moment. She didn't even respond; she didn't have to, because he took her dispassionate silence as permission to continue on anyway.

"If you are given intensive care additional to Mr. Donovan's treatment plan for you, I believe that you could advance forward and potentially be discharged in a couple of months."

Maybe six years ago Katherine would've believed whatever it was McDreamy was spewing out, but she had had such promises made to her time and time again throughout her incarceration that by the time she was twenty one she had already given up all hope that she would ever see the outside world again. Whatever faith she ever had in the idea of breathing free air in her lungs once again was drawn out thinner and thinner through the years until there was none left. And so, she didn't get too excited at what seemed to be yet another empty promise.

"I'd like to conduct the extra treatment myself."

Now this gave Katherine pause.

"I think that with the sheer amount of time you've been in here, normal treatment clearly isn't sufficient. I've devised a new psychoanalytic method, and I would be fascinated to see how the treatment would work with your condition. It would be carried out over an intensive period of three weeks, and then we'll review. The worst case scenario would be that it wouldn't be a good fit," he said, tilting his head to the side and looking at her. "I won't bore you with all the details now, here is a pamphlet that you can read to find out more," he placed a folded piece of glossy paper on the table between them, "But considering you are no longer the sixteen year old who entered through the front doors, I thought it'd be best to discuss it with you."

And Katherine saw it flash before her eyes, blindingly; her freedom. She saw it and she would've reached out to grab it if she didn't know it was just some indistinct memory of a vague feeling she had once felt, but she did know, and it made her want it more. The Doctor's words rung out in her ears, because even though she knew there was nothing wrong with her, even though she knew she was only there because of a mistake she made with a guy she barely knew during a vacation, even though she knew she couldn't be healed from what she didn't have, she wanted the cure, because it was more than just a cure, it was her freedom. It was an escape not only from the sanitarium, but also from the bitter and spiteful and cruel person she had become and come to, far deep down, loathe. Katherine envisaged seeing herself as she had been at sixteen in the mirror, rather than the nasty and inwardly ugly person the sanity that she had tried to cling onto told her she was. That mere idea, that flicker of a dream of a reflection of a happier self and life, was everything.

And even if he was wrong, even if whatever Maxfield was offering didn't pan out, Katherine decided that she was unlikely to be offered such a chance ever again, as it'd taken nine years for it to put forward in the first place, and she knew that if she didn't accept she would regret it forever. She didn't even touch the pamphlet.

"When can we start?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kol sighed heavily as he walked down the hallway towards Matt's office. The sky was cerulean and cloudless, the air lacking its usual chilly bite, the fourth chapter of Bossy Pants begging to be reread while lounging out on the sun-warmed grass. Yet he was forced to forsake such a simple pleasure to talk about his feelings for an hour in a practically windowless room. He sighed again, even louder than before, then looking to the side at the nurse escorting him to his therapy session, hoping that he had at least heard that. The man remained silent, and Kol's patience was gone.

"I just don't understand why this is necessary, Markos," Kol started, almost taking a breath to sigh again, but being interrupted before he could try.

"It's the reason you're here, Kol," the man said, his voice bland, stare remaining ahead. "Don't pretend you don't know that."

"Talking about my feelings makes me lethargic."

"Maybe we should have you tested for narcolepsy or encephalitis lethargica then."

Kol was quiet, and then– "I don't understand why this escort is necessary."

"You didn't show up for your last two sessions."

"I was busy."

"Doing what?" Markos's voice was dull, bored, and Kol had the feeling that he didn't even care.

"I had my book club." It was the truth, kind of. Kol had been discussing a book he had read, it just happened to be the only book he had ever read, Bossypants, and it just happened that his club was Bonnie, and the meeting had taken place in the garden where no one could find him. It was important to him.

"There are no book clubs here," Markos said, and Kol looked at him, with his stupid hair and his dumb beard and idiot face, and Kol wanted to kill him.

"I hate you, Markos," he said, instead of killing him.

The nurse didn't respond, but Kol thought he saw an eye roll. Instead, Markos stopped and opened a door, the door to Matt's terrifyingly orange office, and gestured a hand for Kol to enter, though not before giving the man a stare of daggers that cut the air before them.

The moment Kol set foot in the room and set his eyes on who was in there, though, his joints locked up, muscles freezing, stomach sinking. For once in his life, when he tried to find words to say, something, anything, he couldn't; the smell of the spearmint humidifier was painfully sharp up his nose. Matt rose from his chair, tentative, and the person sitting across from him turned to face Kol, and there was only one thing he could say.

"Davina?"

She looked as beautiful as the day he hit her.

What the fresh hell is this? Kol had to clutch his stomach because he felt very ill.

"Hi, Kol," she said, her voice gentle. Light from the lamp threaded golden highlights in the waves of her hair, and her eyes were as bright and lovely and looking at him.

"Wha– Wha–?" he stuttered, stopped, then turned around and made for the door, desperate to get out of there, but the handle was stiff and rattled instead. Markos had locked it, the bastard!

"Kol, Kol," Matt said, and when Kol turned around he saw his therapist standing, arms up in such a way so as to appear as unthreatening as possible, like Kol was a skittish animal. "I understand you may feel a bit ambushed–"

"Where's the key?" he asked, and then– "Help!" Kol started banging at the door, his heart hammering, palpitating, painfully in his chest. "I've been ambushed! Help me! Help, I'm being attacked! It's the–" he tripped over his words, trying to think of someone who could be attacking him. "Regina George is attacking me!"

He regretted it the second the words left his mouth. Saying the Norwegian mafia was after him would've made him look less crazy, and was actually a realistic scenario. Then, someone touched his shoulder and he recoiled, flipped around, movement violently jagged. It wasn't the gentle touch, though, that subdued him, but rather, the way Davina flinched at his turn, her hand hanging in the air between them.

"I'm sorry," Kol said, his voice scratchy, from the shouting and the acrid vomit that had risen up his throat. He saw a lump move down her neck, saw that her eyes were glassy. "I didn't mean to scare you," he said, and then he heard Matt's voice in his head, an obnoxious little Jiminy Cricket; 'Do you think it matters that you didn't mean it? It matters that you did it.' He looked away from her face, hating that Matt was getting to him.

"You didn't," she said, voice small, almost a whisper. He still stared at the carpet under their feet, and he noticed the dainty, jewel encrusted ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. Kol closed his eyes, pressed his lips together. "I was just– surprised."

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Why don't you two sit down? I have some tea," Matt said. Kol decided he wanted to do anything other than that, but did it anyway, as if he had a choice. Crossing his arms, Kol peered out the corner of his eye and noticed Davina folding her hands neatly in her lap, slouching, and then fixing her posture almost immediately; he nearly smiled at her quirk. "I'm sorry I ambushed you like this, Kol," Matt started, and Kol just stared at him, unable to fight the frown that was pulling at his lips. "But since you didn't come to our last two appointments I was quite sure if you knew Ms. Claire would be here that you would refuse to come."

Kol didn't dignify Matt with a response, because he didn't want to reward bad behavior, and also because he was quite sure if he talked it would be a flurry of yelling and curses. Instead, he wrapped his hands around the armrests, but when he felt the cotton patches on the fabric where he had torn holes what seemed so long ago, he let go, clenched his fists.

After a few seconds of stark silence and looking at Kol expectantly, Matt turned to Davina and gestured to the pot behind him. "I brewed some green tea. Would you like some, Ms. Claire? It's locally sourced," Matt said, and Kol had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"Of course, thank you, Mr. Donovan," Davina said, and Kol knew her well enough to tell that she was nervous; her voice would always go high, and she would smile, but not properly, her lips would just stretch out into a stiff, flat approximation of a smile. It was one of the things Kol used to love teasing her about.

"Oh please," Matt said, turning around in his chair to face his little porcelain tea station, "Just call me Matt."

"Okay, Matt, just call me Davina," Davina said, high-pitched.

Kol scowled slightly at how they were conversing as though he wasn't there even though he was the reason they were there, but he scowled even deeper as he watched Matt pour the tea into the cup, place it on a saucer, and then hand it to Davina, who accepted it with the same smile and a gracious thanks, also high-pitched.

"You monster," Kol couldn't help but say, shaking his head.

Matt looked to him, a frown between his brows, and said, "I beg your pardon," his baby blue eyes so earnest and innocent that Kol just wanted to burn the building down.

"You didn't ask her if she wanted sugar," Kol said, pointing sharply with a flat hand to the small pot of sugar cubes Matt had on the tray behind him. Matt stared at him blankly, so Kol continued, "Matthew, Davina has her tea with sugar, but she is too polite to say anything. You are truly an abominable host."

Matt looked bewildered, but Davina quickly said, reassuring, "It's fine," and then looked at Kol, and her expression seemed to be one of disbelief. "What is wrong with you?" she asked, voice breathy, awash with incredulity.

"I am the very image of perfection," Kol retorted, almost in an instant, though he wasn't sure why he said it, because he knew it wasn't true, because there almost certainly was something wrong with him.

She stared at him, let out a breath that could've been a laugh, and shook her head. "You know what?" she said, one of her hands rising up while the other lifted her handbag from the floor. "I don't even know why I came, you obviously haven't changed, will never change–"

Davina went to her feet, and Kol mirrored her movement, and Matt looked between the two, panicked, and started to say, "Wait, uh, I–"

"I don't know why you came here either!" Kol said loudly. He also wasn't sure why he said that, though it was true; why had she come?

The last time he saw her was in court, when he had been drunker than the night he hit her, the night she had kicked him out. Kol had smelt like the dregs of a keg and worn a pair of heart shaped sunglasses he had bought at a nearby 7-Eleven because every ray of light made his head throb. Davina had worn a flowing white dress he had never seen before and had her hair in a bun at the nape of her neck to display the ugly brown bruise on her jaw; her lawyer was positioned so that Kol couldn't see her properly, and he wondered if that was on purpose. The last moment he had seen her was when he was getting escorted out after being held in contempt of the court for refusing to take his sunglasses off. As officers pulled him away, he had yelled whatever he could to try and get her attention, even though it hurt it head. She didn't turn around, look at him once, and that's probably what broke his heart most of all.

"You have a fucking restraining order against me, you left me, you hate me," Kol said, voice raised but not hitting a yell, yet it cracked all the same at the end.

There was silence, and the longer Davina stared at him, the glassier her eyes got, the softer, and he hated it, because it looked like pity.

"I don't understand why you want to be anywhere near me, Davina," he said, this time nowhere near a shout, more a hum of words.

"I don't hate you, Kol," she said, her voice thick, and his heart jammed in his throat. He watched tears fall down her cheeks; he almost lifted his hand to wipe them away. "I know that it isn't your fault that you are the way you are. I left because you thought it was my job to fix that, and– and it wasn't. And then you did something to me that I don't think I can ever forgive," she said, and it hurt him beyond belief even though he already knew it. Breathing was hard, Davina was blurry now, and his eyes stung. "But I loved you once… I'll always care about you."

He stared at her, and other than the sound of his his stuttered breathing, it was impossibly quiet. It was almost hard for him to understand how she could care about him when he had done what he had done. But he thought of his parents, who had done terrible things to him and his siblings throughout his life, who had spat on him, derided him, locked him up, and who he, deep down, still cared about, maybe even loved, despite it all.

"I want you to get better, be better, Kol," she said. Kol looked down, shut his eyes, had the misfortune of this letting heavy tears drop down his face, though he hastily wiped them away.

"I'm glad you left," he said, voice strained, shaky, and he sniffed. "I was even glad at the time, though I didn't know it. We were awful, we… You deserved better than me and what I gave you."

She looked sad when he said this, tilted her head to the side, and said, "You're not a bad person, Kol."

And of all the things Davina had said to him, that was the one he found the hardest to believe. Yet even so, something that had sat in his chest for a long time, heavy and unreachable, something that made it hard to breathe or think in times it emerged, started to ease. It was slight, but in that moment, as he and Davina looked at each other, glossy eyed, Kol was able to breathe a bit easier.

Then the sound of pouring water filled the room, and the two of them turned to find Matt pouring another cup of tea; he carefully placed the cup down next to Davina's, and between the cups, the pot of sugar cubes. Matt spared a glance at Kol, looking all too pleased with himself, before leaning back in his chair, and picking up his pen and clipboard, which appeared to already have half a page of writing.

"Why don't you two take a seat again?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had been the third time that week, eighth that month, and fifteenth since he had arrived, that Stefan had been directed to lie down in a bed in a dark room that wasn't his own, hooked up to a bunch of machines, and told to sleep. Obviously, he found that quite a difficult task as sleeping was already basically impossible for him in a normal situation, let alone knowing that he was being monitored closely. Sleep therapy was supposed to figure out what the hell his problem was with doing what the vast majority of the humans managed to do every day, and remedy that issue, but as of yet they hadn't been able to do either of those things. He didn't know who was more annoyed, him or the doctors that had to watch him try to sleep.

Matt had told him that the doctors now believed his insomnia was a symptom of another illness, and Stefan wondered why it had taken them fifteen tests to consider that. Stefan didn't know what else could be wrong with him, and a part of him didn't really care; he just wanted to sleep through the night for once.

"I'm going to be blunt here, brother." Damon said the least shocking thing Stefan thought he could expect to leave anyone's mouth ever. He had voiced it suddenly, jumping to his feet from the sofa he'd been lounging across and looking over to Stefan, who was detailing in his journal the night he spent staring at the ceiling and tangling chords in his fingers. "You, quite frankly, stink."

A beat passed and Stefan just stared at him.

"No offense."

There was a pause before Stefan, bewildered and confused, said "What?"

"You smell, Stefan, bad. I can smell you from here," clasping his hands together, Damon stepped forward, looking almost thoughtful. "I'm surprised Barbie Klaus hasn't said anything, considering she spends most of her time hanging off your arm."

Stefan's mind quickly flashed back to Rebekah sticking flowers in his clothes, to the bars of soap he'd find on his pillow after she had been in his room, and the times she had told him he stunk, which he had thought she said simply because he hadn't been listening to her. Things suddenly made sense.

"Also, your hair is looking a bit limp. When was the last time you showered?"

Worryingly, he wasn't so sure. Stefan decided that he'd have a shower that night, because that was normally when the shower room was empty and he had encountered enough naked guys with no sense of privacy for multiple lifetimes. And for the most part it was empty, when Stefan walked past a nurse who was standing guard and pushed through the door. He couldn't see anyone else around and only heard the sound of water running from the last shower and a pile of clothes on the seat in front of it, but one person was better than ten so Stefan proceeded to the closest shower as fast as he could. Then he heard it.

"I need someone to talk to and a new hiding place, yeah! I feel like I'm knocking on heaven's door…"

And Stefan stilled because he recognized the pitchy voice of that song that echoed around the tiles, the voice of the person he had been advised to avoid. He dropped his towel on a nearby bench, undid the tie of his sweatpants and started working on the buttons of his cardigan as fast as he could, hoping to escape into the shower.

"Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door…" the water stopped and Stefan heard shuffling, cursing under his breath as his stiff fingers fumbled. "KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR!"

The shower curtain opened, and as Kai stepped out, a towel wrapped around his waist and his mouth open and ready to bellow out another note, a pool of mist escaped behind him. Stefan kept his head down and focused on the buttons, hoping that Kai wouldn't notice him, but that was to no avail, as from the corner of his eye Stefan could see Kai's mouth snap shut, and then a wide grin twist at his lips as he took a couple of easy steps towards him.

"Steffie! I had no idea you were here," he exclaimed, his voice smooth and light and friendly, and Stefan ground his teeth. "I don't think I've ever seen you in here before, actually."

Choosing to ignore him, Stefan continued, shrugging the layer off. But he should've known that Kai was the type who could easily hold both sides of a non-existent conversation, and he continued talking.

"And I'm in here quite often, the acoustics are ace. Also, I just love showering, it really get rid of the stink of people who have no idea what personal hygiene is, but I guess you can't expect a bunch of clinically depressed and psychotic people to really care if they have really bad body odor or it their hair looks greasy. But then again, I'm here and I care, so touché."

Sighing, Stefan gave up; both ignoring Kai and undressing, because he was pretty sure Kai would follow him into the shower. "Well, I guess not everyone is like you, Kai." Stefan shot him a sour smile as he placed his hands on his hips, but it just made Kai slap his knees and laugh.

"Don't I know that, Stef," and his eyes drifted down to the bench between them and to Stefan's stuff, and his blue eyes lit up as he grabbed for one of the many bottles. "Oh wow! My sister Leah used to use this stuff all the time! 'Peppermint, sage and rosemary'…" Kai shook his head as he read the labels, then placed it back where he got it from and looked at Stefan with awe on his features. "No wonder you smelt so familiar!"

Kai was quite obviously a compulsive liar and said whatever he could to shock people, but still, Stefan was perturbed. Yet, determined not to let him win in whatever pseudo power struggle they were apparently engaged in, Stefan, this time, let out an easy laugh and smirked loosely. "You close to your sisters, Kai?"

It really was minute, but Stefan didn't miss the bitterness that made its way into Kai's eyes and smile, the way his jaw clenched slightly. He clicked his tongue, titled his head to the side, tried for easiness but Stefan could see right through it. "Eh, not really, they're a lot younger than me and were more interested in their Barbie dolls."

Stefan let out a sound of interest. "Oh? Then who was the woman who visited you last week?"

He had seen the woman walk into the recreation room, seen her sit down, the scar on her cheek, and how she jumped when someone's chair scraped against the tiles. It was when he was explaining to Lexi how hard it was for him to try and sleep attached to a hundred wires that Kai had stormed in, seen the woman, and completely contracted; the way he had touched her face told Stefan she was someone important to Kai. And he was hard pressed to deny the resemblance between them, and he wondered if Kai had hurt the woman like he had hurt Elena.

"She looked like a relation."

Kai didn't even bother to mask his contempt at Stefan, this time, and instead almost let out a growl as his fists tightened. "She was just a friend," he muttered through tight lips as he took a threatening step forward.

Stefan wasn't afraid at all. "I didn't know you had friends."

For a few seconds, Kai just stared at Stefan, head tilted slightly forward, lips parted, no breath escaping his mouth, and then, he let out a sharp bark of laughter, and glanced around the room as he shook his head before zeroing his eyes back on Stefan. "You know what, Stefan?" he asked with a distant, genuinely amused grin. "I'm pretty sure you've only known me for a little past three months", and, faster than Stefan could really comprehend, Kai had slapped his hand down on his shoulder and pulled his face close to his. "There's a whole lot you don't know about me."

For as sinisterly calm as Kai looked, he was heaving his breaths loudly and clearly. He was so close that Stefan could see the water drip from his hair and how his pupils were fully blown, yet he stayed completely still, expressionless, not letting Kai win. Kai's grip on Stefan's shoulder steadily increased until it hurt but Stefan didn't budge, and he could only see the anger in Kai's eyes increase. Then, it was suddenly gone and with a small shove, Kai let go of him.

Letting out a breathy chuckle that would've sounded embarrassed if it had come from anyone else, Kai stepped back slowly. "You know, Stefan, if you want to get to know me, all you have to do is ask. I'm an easy guy." Kai threaded his fingers together in front of him, cocked his head to the side and gave Stefan, who stood still staring, a short nod. Then he turned around.

And God, Stefan practically gawked at the scars that crossed Kai's back, at the gruesome thickened lines that marred the skin from shoulder to shoulder and downwards to the small of his back. Even as Kai dropped the towel from his hips and stood butt-naked, Stefan couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes from Kai's back. He let out a long and heavy sigh as he bent and pulled on his boxer-briefs, then twisting his head to the side to glance at Stefan, who continued to shamelessly stare at him.

"All you have to do is ask," Kai said in a singsong tone as he turned back to pull on his sweat pants.

That pushed Stefan back into himself enough to clear his throat and say, measured, "Okay… what happened to your back?"

With a bit of a scoff, Kai draped his towel across his head and started drying his hair, then going to face Stefan. "Would you believe me if I told you it was self-flagellation because I'm a man of God?"

Rolling his eyes at the response because of course Kai would say that, Stefan crossed his arms and shook his head, which only made Kai smirk.

"Yeah well, you're going to have to," he pulled the towel around his neck and gave a quick shrug of his shoulders. "Really, anything's the truth if you believe it. Sic vita est, Stefan."

"Thus is life."

"You took high school Latin as well?" Kai asked with an amused lilt in his voice and raised brows. "All my siblings did, and my dad tried to stop me from doing it because I didn't deserve the holy tongue in my mouth but I did it in secret anyway. You know… less that I wanted and more that I needed to be closer to the man upstairs. When pops found out I did it he actually threw a bible at my face!"

And he let out a sharp yet twinkling laugh that disturbed Stefan, who wasn't sure if it would be worse if Kai was lying or actually telling the truth.

"Hardcover, Stefan, those things are heavy! Broke my nose," Kai wiped his hand over his face and shook his head, as though he was recounting the story with nostalgia. He looked at Stefan with wide smiling eyes and gestured with his hand. "Blood was gushing everywhere, it hurt like a bitch! I didn't really start crying until my father tossed a lighter my way and forced me to burn the bible. And I was, ha, crying and there was blood all over my hands as I burnt it, and those things don't burn easy. I felt like– like Pilate, but my father wouldn't let me wash my hands. I don't know if I stopped believing in God, then, to deal with the guilt of my blasphemy, or if it was… because of something else…"

The longer that Kai stared at him, the more the smile slipped from his lips and the more the amusement in his eyes dissipated, all until Kai was just staring at Stefan, face completely blank and stare distant. Feeling as though something was crawling up his spine, Stefan shifted on his feet a little, cleared his throat, and ran his hand through his hair, uncomfortable under Kai's gaze. "Is this one of your stories that needs to be believed to be true?"

It seemed like that brought Kai back into himself as yet another grin pulled at his lips. "You're a quick learner, Stef, not nearly as gullible as I initially thought you were. As for your question, well, that's up to you," Kai whipped the towel out and dropped it on the floor, then picking up his shirt, pulling it on, and slipping on his shoes. He hummed a bit as he did this, and Stefan really did wonder what the hell went on in his head, but he was also unsure if he even wanted to know.

Stefan just stood there, not sure if he should still try to have a shower or just leave. Kai then turned around and made for the door, he had decided upon the former (Damon's words coming back to his head), but before he could do that, Kai stilled and twirled around back to him with an unnecessary flourish, seemingly not done with their conversation.

"Quid pro quo, Stef?"

Releasing an invisible sigh, Stefan nodded before he could think twice about it.

"Here's one definitive truth, the first one you'll probably hear from me; my whole life I could never win," Kai was almost startlingly serious, "I wouldn't expect a golden boy such as yourself to understand, but I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't."

Stefan said nothing, not knowing how to respond and, most of all, not knowing why Kai was telling him this.

"And here's the thing, Steffie," he furrowed his brows and looked serenely incredulous. "Your friendship group can't understand the crime if you don't understand the motive. A human can only take so much until they crack. I couldn't move heaven, and so I had to raise hell."

"Are you the Goddess of love and marriage, Kai? Or do you read a lot of Freud?"

"Neither," Kai hadn't taken the bait, and instead bit his lip, and his eyes flickered to the tiles, and for the first time Stefan felt he didn't hold any disdain for the man in front of him. Then Kai looked up, something dangerous glinting in his eyes. "But I probably couldn't care less what you and your pals think of me. I probably just gave you more of an insight into my psyche than Matt has ever been able to get," a sharp whip of laughter left Kai's lips, and then he was serious again. "Now for the pro quo. Give this to Bonnie. I just can't seem to get close enough to her."

It was from the pocket of his sweatpants that Kai pulled out a folded piece of paper and extended it towards Stefan, who simply stared at it, wordless. Kai taking one step forward was menacing enough that Stefan came to. He grabbed the note, and said, nearly weary, half a sigh, "Am I… meant to tell her who it's from?"

Kai smiled, and Stefan didn't like it. "You won't need to."

Stefan glanced down at the paper for just a second, and was about to ask what the hell that meant, but when he looked up, a door slammed and Kai was gone. Stefan definitely wouldn't be getting a good nights sleep if he didn't know whatever the unholy contents the crumpled piece of paper held. And so, feeling only slightly guilty about possibly infringing on Bonnie's privacy, he unfolded it.

'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.'

Stefan frowned, not only at the pretty, cursive handwriting, but also at what was written. He turned the paper over to see if there was anything else, but it was blank apart from a little scribble that looked like Kai was testing if the pen worked. "The fuck?" Stefan whispered to himself.

In the shower (because he had decided to shower) Stefan racked his brain, scrubbing his skin red and half-raw, tearing himself apart, trying decipher what the hell Kai's note that wasn't even for him meant, and it made his head hurt. And like a magnet, one though was perpetually pulled to the forefront of his mind; there's something more between Bonnie and Kai.

He hated himself for thinking it, hated that he couldn't think of anything else, and he felt like a pawn in everyone else's lives, even his own.

Let me know what you think of this chapter. It took me, like, 2 years to write it. yolo

I haven't started the next chapter and have no idea when it will be out. Hopefully not another 2 years, but I'm not going to make any promises because looking back at my previous prediction in my last author's note made me cringe. Anways, thanks for reading, hoped you enjoyed. X