It was late and the kids had gone to sleep a long time ago. Laura found Clint out by the barn. He was alone in the dark under the stars, training with a wooden katana. She could hear his measured breaths against night sounds. The wood creaked in his grip as it whirled through the air with each precise movement. When she had blinked and found her husband altered, the sword was one of the new things she learned about him. It was the only one that didn't take adjusting to. She liked the new hair and had been sure to let him know. The kids not so much, but that was ok. His tattoo and all the new scars on his body she would often brush her fingers over, trying to get used to them. She wanted to get to know the unfamiliar shadows that followed him, wanted to understand. His recent habit of being alone was something she learned about a little more gradually. She knew what he'd been through. Trying to understand was something else. He'd always needed his alone time, space to see life from a distance, but this had a different character. It was a nighttime disappearance and it had a mood. Two short weeks had passed since... Well, since life was dusted off and restarted. Most nights since then Clint would sit on the edge of Nate or Lila's bed until they fell asleep. Or, he'd lean in Cooper's doorway, quietly talking with his older son about anything. Often, he and Laura would just lay together on the couch. He wanted to hold her all the time and she understood why. But she had never lost him, never missed him. It was such a strange thing to know but not really know.
Tonight he had disappeared not long after dinner. Laura didn't find it hard to explain it to the kids. The whole world was different now. Their dad needed to be alone sometimes. For now, that was enough.
"So you've retired the bow permanently?" She asked him. He didn't answer. "Lila hopes you'll help her with archery again."
"I know." he said. "Can't do it." The katana sliced through the air and stopped clean at waist height.
"Why?" she asked gently.
"You know why." He wasn't in the mood.
She didn't care. "Tell me."
Clint stopped short, brought the sword down to his side and turned to look at her.
"The last time she had a bow in her hands she vanished. You vanished. The boys vanished." He closed his eyes. The memory still hurt so bad. It didn't matter that Laura was right in front of him now. He had lived through losing her.
Laura wouldn't push him further. He had barely said this much about in two weeks. She closed the distance between them and kissed his cheek. "We're not going to disappear." She stepped away again to let him continue.
The truth didn't matter. He was terrified of that memory. He lifted the sword and repositioned his feet. His whole body snapped to life again in a deadly dance. Laura watched in silence for a another moment then turned and headed back to the house.
She went to bed alone, but woke sometime in the night to feel him putting his arms around her. He tucked his face against her neck and breathed in deeply. Her fingers curled around his forearm.
"I'm sorry." he whispered.
"Don't be." she said.