I don't own anything Inuyasha.
…
Though animals were her life, Kagome never had a pet of her own. She worried she would never have enough time for the proper attention that they needed as there were many parts of being a pet owner that didn't align to a workaholic lifestyle. She longed for the companionship, but not at the detriment of another living creature.
However, considering Sesshoumaru was a timeless demon, Kagome was sure she could make it work. He probably knew countless ways to keep from being bored by now and she hoped none of them involved chewing through her shoes.
He was standoffish for the first few days, mostly hovering by the sliding glass door that led out to her small patio. She felt his loneliness, that wasn't quite loneliness, and knew it well. It was a feeling that you didn't quite belong. You can't tell if the world around you is too small, or too big, or if you are even truly supposed to be here at all. You just know you don't quite fit. It was odd to feel a kinship over displacement. There's not much to do to than to be with them in that darkness- to share it without solving it- and she hoped just standing with someone through that could be healing.
For weeks, she felt as if her hopes were in vain. Sesshoumaru was despondent, as much as a dog with food and shelter could be. Kagome tried to raise his spirits with frequent walks and bringing him with her to work, but he still gained weight and pouted. The guilt of letting his his little puppy ward go, even to her best friends, weighed heavily on her as he sulked while staring up at the moon each evening. Nami was a comfort and now she was gone.
She had said goodbye to all of the fantasy and found a reality where she was useful. There was nothing to miss, just look back fondly on, because there was nothing she could do about it. While those memories healed, she had to keep reminding herself she wasn't forgetting those that once meant so much to her by moving on. That was the truth, but seeing Sesshoumaru in his pain now brought back the guilt she once felt. Kagome wished she could help him let go, like she once had to. For her, the thing she wanted the most through those times was just someone with her. So, she did that for him.
One night, as she sat reading medical journals, he silently come up and rested his head on her leg.
Kagome startled, then smiled as she ran her fingers through his warm, soft fur. The demon didn't meet her eyes, but did relax under her touch.
It wasn't long after that he was sleeping in the hallway instead of by the window. Then, he was at the foot of her bed. One night she experimented and tapped her covers to welcome him up.
He snorted, and Kagome huffed in annoyance as his claws made steady 'clacks' on the floor as he walked away.
She woke up the next morning, however, to find him curled up next to her, quietly barking in his sleep. After a few moments of rubbing his ears he had settled.
She expected to get used to the amount of space he took up after a while, yet every night it felt like he took up more. His warm body kept her feet cozy, but her neck and back were protesting from the awkward sleeping positions she assumed to cater a large, ex-demon in her bed.
Maybe it was the uneasy sleep, or because of who she shared a bed with, but a fear that hadn't been with her in a long time grew as she slept into an old nightmare.
Every breath made her chest burn. The forest was so dense it felt like trying to run through water. And dark... why did it always get so dark when she needed light the most?
She felt the snagging grips of greedy branches rake across her arms and thighs as she raced forward, running. Always running. Never getting far. Never escaping. Always back to the forest. To the danger.
Somewhere in the distance, her name was called. A harsh, warm voice. It was panicked. So was she. The trees around her were closing in. She could barely move. Her cuts burned. Everything was burning. The surrounding bushes and pines wrapped around her. Kagome couldn't move. She couldn't call for help. She was on fire and the unseen smoke smothered every breath-
A sharp jolt woke her. Kagome bolted up, tangled in her thin quilt and Sesshoumaru's imposing form. Grabbing onto her covers on instinct, she only fell halfway off the bed. The tendons in her shoulder pulled, the same overworked shoulder that had controlled her Feudal Era bow as a teenager, and she cried out.
With the scream, the air finally came to her and she breathed deep, trying to calm herself while sprawled awkwardly on her bedroom floor. Her shoulder pulsed, but as she leaned against the side of her bed, the pain quickly receded. Too quickly...
Kagome's eyes were still cloudy from fitful sleep, but she could make out the warm, pink glow of her healing reiki radiating from her injured shoulder.
"...It can't..."
She still couldn't move fast enough, with her limbs still waking from sleep, but she was desperate to get to her mirror. Before she even stood in front of it, Kagome could see the intensity glowing from her.
There it was. Her powers. Sure, since returning from the Feudal Era as a teenager they would spike and wane, but she had a harder and harder time targeting them. Her control over them faded, as well as the intensity. The most she felt was when she came across Sesshoumaru in the warehouse, and now this. Its rare showings were spontaneous and not at her command, so much so that she rarely thought of them as her own anymore. But this was a specific response.
The pain subsided and the glow faded. It was then that Kagome finally noticed the light trail of tears that down her face. Her hand moved to wipe them away, to dismiss their existence, but her attention was shifted to the reflection of her bed in the mirror. Lazy yellow sunlight spilled into her room, warming everything it touched, including the massive form taking up most of her bed.
Kagome choked. Her jaw clenched. She felt ice water flow into her limbs and her heart froze.
Sesshoumaru's demon red eyes stared back at her.
With a strangled gasp she was able to turn around. A fear she had repressed since first seeing him in the warehouse was laid bare, dropping in her stomach like a stone.
In response, Sesshoumaru only lowered his head, his ears flat and nose flared. His actions were very canine, but he was easily the full size of the bed. More alarming were the bright, magenta stripes that slashed across the bright white fur on his cheeks.
Kagome's fear and shock grew and her reiki reacted. The large dog's hackles rose in kind and an old feeling took them both. It was burning... like the burning she had felt in her dream...
It was his youki was sizzling against her faint power.
It had felt so powerful a second ago as it healed her. Its presence made her feel strong in a way she hadn't been able to in years.
But as Sesshoumaru stared her down, she was reminded on how it wasn't enough.
A weak sob escaped her. "Se-," she started, choking on his name. She conjured any bravery that was once in her; the part of her that would run into fatal danger because someone needed her, the part that was able to approach him in that warehouse in the first place- the part that challenged him when they first met in the feudal era- and tried again. "Se-sesshoumaru..."
The next breath that passed between them took an eternity. Her room was thick with tension and confusion. They stared at one another, his intelligent eyes assessing her own, and Kagome thought, "I believed that I remembered him, but I had forgotten what he was completely..."
He stood on the bed and almost completely obscured the sunlit window. His shadow covered her. One paw thumped against the ground and her knees went weak.
"Don't run," she thought, and in her memory heard Inuyasha call her name.
The demon stalked closer, his imposing air tightening her throat, but her hand rose.
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome said again, reaching for him. "It's me."
He approached slowly, and it was then she noticed the red had already vanished from his eyes. Her outstretched hand steadied right when his wet nose nudged it. He leaned into her touch and gave the softest whimper. Kagome finally noticed that he was shaking too.
"Oh my... you don't know... You're scared."
Forgetting about her own fear Kagome wrapped her arms around him. Her soft shushes and gentle brushing soothed them both. "It's okay," she tried to reassure him. "I'm not going to hurt you. We'll figure this out. It's okay."
.
The morning grew late before Sesshoumaru seemed back to his aloof dog self... or his lying-in-wait enigmatic self... Kagome didn't know what he was going to be anymore. She felt as though she had been treading water since the warehouse and this was the moment she didn't realize she was dreading. She was tired, mostly of holding onto this fear on her own, but who could she call? Sota would drop everything to help and that was the problem. With college and him trying to build his own life, she didn't want to bring him back to the world he was always envious of never really being a part of in the first place. Her mother was out of the question as well. When the well wouldn't take her back, it took tough love from a gentle woman to get Kagome to start letting go. Dropping all of this on her now would seem like a betrayal. Kimiko...
Kimiko would think she had gone insane due to stress, but would at least entertain her without Kagome feeling like she was failing somebody.
Kagome paced and practiced what she was going to say in her head, knowing no matter her words it would sound like make believe. Sesshoumaru huffed at her anxiety.
"You're a terrible roommate," she quipped before realizing there was a chance he might understand her. He didn't seem to acknowledge the comment, but Kagome picked up her phone anyways to not feel as awkward.
"Hello, Kagome," a deep, American voice welcomed. "Kimiko is in 'case-mode' right now. Can I pass her a message?"
Nathan... his jovial, never fully serious voice made her feel steady in a way she wasn't expecting. He is just weird enough to help me...
"Can you get to my place quick?" she asked in a panicked tone.
All levity left his tone. "What's wrong?"
She flustered. "Don't think I'm crazy, but I think Sesshoumaru is changing." What was she going to tell him?
"Your dog? ...Into what?"
The pause lengthened, but Kagome couldn't seem to get her mouth to form the words. It was insane. What had she brought into the world? Would saying it out loud make it real?
Nathan broke the silence. "Kagome, are you-"
"Into a demon!" she blurted, immediately feeling a burn in her cheeks.
"Ah," he responded, and to her surprise he didn't sound too surprised at all. "Alright. I'll be right over."
He hung up his line, leaving Kagome more bewildered than she had been before.
.
"Holy shit that is a massive fucking dog."
Nathan had froze at the door and Kagome was nonplussed at his uncharacteristic reaction. It was so abrasive, like the American he used to be.
"Just get inside," she said under her breath. "The last thing I need is him getting out."
"You think you have any chance of stopping him?"
She finally smiled a grim sort of smirk that made her feel comforted. "Just get me a big sword and watch me."
He stared at her for a few seconds before finally realizing, "I really don't know much about who you are, do I?"
Her smile warmed, "There are very few that do. Please, sit. I'll make tea and catch you up."
While the kettle boiled and dishes clanked, Nathan found it hard to take his eyes away from the almost horse-sized white canine sunning himself in the weakening light. That is, until Sesshoumaru slowly turned his head and stared back. The man submitted immediately, his legs bouncing restlessly, until the once taiyoukai huffed trotted slowly to hide in Kagome's bedroom.
She closed over the door to her room before setting the tea down and resting across the small table from her guest. They sat in silence for a while, the hot mugs held tight in their hands, and waited for the other person to talk.
"So..." Nathan graciously started, "A demon?"
With a large sigh, Kagome resolved herself and began telling him of Sesshoumaru's changes since the warehouse. Thankfully, he remained silent through it all and only broke eye contact to glance at the bedroom door, as if to make sure the dog wasn't eavesdropping.
"So," she finished, "This morning the markings showed up and his eyes... they were red. The red of a predator. Of someone close to losing control."
"Someone?" Nathan questioned.
Kagome looked sheepishly at the ground. "Yes. Like I said. I think he is turning back into a demon."
"Wait... back?"
"Back. Back into the deadly, ruthless, cold Demon Lord of the Western Lands." She couldn't help her sardonic tone. It was the truth, but trying to tell it to someone with no knowledge of her past felt clumsy.
The room was the unnatural quiet of anticipation, where the normal ambient noises never reach your attention through the cluster of thoughts racing in your head. It buzzed and only heightened her anxiety. She was glad to have a friend there, but the adrenaline that came with trusting anyone else with this information kept her fingers cold and shoulders tense.
"And you have spiritual powers?"
"A true miko, it's called," she couldn't help but downplay the role with sarcasm in an attempt to be humble. "The reiki is to fight against demons and heal the needy."
Nathan nodded, coming to some sort of conclusion Kagome couldn't piece together yet. "And it acts as an opposite energy of these demons?"
"... I suppose..." she never really thought about it like that before.
"Well, that's probably it." He smiled, self-satisfied, and it peeved Kagome.
"If you couldn't tell, I'm not in the mood for guessing games."
His hands raised in a playful sign of appeasement. It was so reminiscent of Miroku her heart unexpectedly dropped. Was it the gesture, or Sesshoumaru that caused all these thoughts to be at the front of her brain?
With one more look towards her bedroom door, Nathan began to explain his theory. "From what I have understood about Shinto, youkai might have been the embodiment of natural energy. That's why their forms were things like caterpillars, bears... dogs. They weren't separate from these things, just heightened version of them imbued with this spiritual energy. But, they would need a counter energy to remain balanced. Spiritual places, humans; what might have been called Holy by us because it is the side of the energy we were granted with. Neither is evil or good, because any sort of power can be used for both, but they were opposite and, therefore, balanced."
Kagome didn't realize she was nodding until she began to speak. "That might make sense. I know both sides could be corrupted by the same malevolence. So, it can be affected because they are essentially different sides of the same coin."
"Yes!" Nathan exclaimed. "So, when holy places became tourists attractions instead of pilgrimages, and healing advanced, and the general wonderment of humans began to decrease, the powers had to stay balanced."
Kagome almost knocked over the rest of her tea as her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh no, so the youkai..."
"Reverted back," Nathan finished, then shrugged. "At least in theory. When demons became 'lesser', fewer people believed in them- believed in this energy- and it decreased across the board."
Somewhere in the back of her awareness her cell phone was buzzing on her nightstand table, but her thoughts were on the implications of Nathan's theory. "Okay, so what is making that reversal... er... reverse?"
Nathan chuckled, then stared at her pointedly.
"Me!?"
"It makes sense," he answered, which didn't answer anything.
Kagome sputtered, "No it doesn't! Why would I... But I'm not..."
Again, the man rose his hands up in gentle submission. "Just, hold on. How much of this power do you have in you?"
"Eh..." She dragged out the sound, unsure how to answer. "It depends."
Finally, he had the courtesy of looking confused by the situation. "I guess," she tried to explain, and looked off into space, into memories, "It was stronger when I was younger. It hasn't really been prevalent since-" I left the Feudal Era.
A cold tightened her throat.
"And I didn't even knew I had anything until-" The jewel.
She swallowed hard. "I really didn't feel much again until," she brought her eyes back to his. "The warehouse."
"Really?" Nathan cut in, clearly excited. "So, you felt something even then?"
Kagome sighed and thought deeply about the depth of the situation she was in, and how it compared to the darkness of wells. "So, being around me, then, is changing him back." She took another minute staring off into nothing while he waited, though not as patiently. She could feel his excitement. When she finally looked his way, Nathan was grinning.
"It is awakening his own youki, and it sounds like your energy as well. It's like a fairy tale or something," he remarked, not understanding how ignorant he sounded.
The table suddenly felt very inviting and she lowered her her to the cool wood, careful to avoid her teacup. "Fairy tales are just the remnants of nightmares."
She could almost feel the smile start to drop as a doomed certainty sank into his voice. "You named him Sesshoumaru..."
Kagome was glad for the quiet that followed. She hoped he was starting to realize the severity of what was happening. "I didn't name him. That is his name. Without going into too much detail," she choked out, her head still resting on the table, "I know who this is. I mean, I met him when he was a demon... about five hundred years ago."
His silence continued to stretch. She let it weigh them both down, let it sit with her so she could really feel it. She was musing not too long ago that the past was gone and now it was catching up. There were so many fond memories from then, however, Sesshoumaru did not come with many of them. She was reminded of just how dangerous it all was. He used to embody that danger. Her instincts told her to be afraid and her conscience berated her for it. Kagome had felt pity when she saw him trapped as a dog. The opposite of pity should not be fear.
When she brought her head back up into the conversation Nathan's eyes were wide. It was another rare instance of the usually easy going man being caught off guard. "But, how-"
She immediately cut him off with a sharp wave of her hand. "I know it sounds outlandish, but hundreds of years ago I met, and befriended, several demons. I'll buy you a beer and go through the whole story later... many beers. Now," she sighed so deep it reached the empty part of her. "I'm worried about him turning back. He wasn't exactly the nicest of demons."
As if to reassure her, his words were forcefully light. "He doesn't appear to be the nicest of dogs, either."
"This is serious!" Her increasing anxiety was making her fingers cold, legs bounce, and patience thin.
The fear that streaked across his eyes took her breath. "That is an understatement."
They stared at each other for a long moment. So, he might just understand a little. No sounds came from her room, but another insistent buzzing of her cellphone broke the quiet.
A tear fell from Kagome's uneasy eyes and Nathan realized, "You are trying to decide whether or not to keep him around; whether or not you should allow him to return to who he really is."
She nodded, suddenly overwhelmed and very, very sad. "Why does it have to be up to me? I don't know what is right." She wiped the tears off her cheek with shaky hands and sniffled back another wave of apprehension. "He was once a king. A dangerous, powerful conqueror. He was calculating, ageless, and scary. Now, in this time, with everything he knew gone, I don't know what he will do." She tried to take a deep breath in, but it shuttered passed her lips. "What if he is angry? What if he hurts people?"
Another long moment stretched between them. Nathan pursed his lips and stared at the center of her table, his thumbs making inconsistent soft beats. They lulled her easily, mostly because she was tired and so unaccustomed to dealing with the unique moral dilemmas of the supernatural. Was it always this tiring? Or, was it age that drained her energy faster?
"Have you ever heard of the poem 'Ozymandias'?" Nathan asked, breaking the silence.
Kagome wrinkled her nose and shook her head.
Resolute, he sat up straighter. "How is your English?"
"Ozymandias is English?" Why that mattered, Kagome didn't think she would ever know.
"No," Nathan answered. "Egyptian. But, regardless, the poem is in English.
With a shrug she settled into her seat, readying herself to concentrate. "I think I can manage."
Anxious with purpose, Nathan took a moment to search for the poem on his phone and began reciting.
"I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."
She tried to let it sink into her, and only needed a couple phases related to Japanese ideals to fully understand it. Brow furrowed, she thought through the message. "That's... kind of nihilistic."
Nathan brightened. "Exactly!"
Kagome glanced at the bedroom door again, unsure if she actually saw movement from the corner of her eye or if a growing paranoia was playing tricks on her senses. "How do you think it pertains to Sesshoumaru?"
"Well," her best friend's husband rubbed the back of his neck and reclined in the chair. He always seemed to fit in easily wherever he went. Apparently, that also meant fantastical situations. She figured it was partly because he was American and most of the country could excuse the informality out of their own strict sense of it, or because of the confidence he carried with it. He was a man who decided that wherever he was he belonged there. Kagome could never decide if it was admirable or a new form of socially awkward. Regardless, she wish she had more of that trait.
Thoughts gathered, he continued to explain. "Not one king has ever lived long enough to witness that their violent triumphs, in the end, just amounted to dust at their crumbling memorials. Not only has he seen this," he stated, blindly pointing to the bedroom, "but, hopefully, he has witnessed the futility of such supreme conquests."
Kagome started to worry at her brow. "Don't you think seeing everything he lived be disintegrated into nothing make him angrier?"
Nathan shrugged. "Look how protective he was of his pack. Does that seem like he has turned his back on the world as it is now? If he is as smart as you are implying, I think it will temper his anger. Possibly even make him wiser."
"I don't know," Kagome fretted. "You didn't know him."
Nathan pushed. "Eh... exactly how did you know him?"
A loud, whooshing sigh escaped her and she deflated with it. What the hell. "I time traveled to the Feudal Era, tried to kill him, loved his brother, then defeated the world's greatest evil at his side." She suddenly chuckled at a once forgotten memory. "I also babysat his adopted human child once."
His mouth dropped open. "I can't tell if you are joking."
Her lips curled and she shrugged with her bow shoulder. "There are days it doesn't seem real, either."
"We might need something stronger than beer when you tell me this story." His chair squeaked sliding across the floor as he moved to get up.
Wincing at the sudden harsh sound, she stood as well. Her joints ached and she thought to look at the time. It was already mid afternoon. Time flies when your world is changing dramatically. "Deal," she agreed, ignoring the urgency re-surging within her. "Until then, I think I have to figure the next step on my own."
"Well, when you do, let me know?"
Kagome nodded genuinely, but from her new vantage point could see Sesshoumaru's golden eyes just beyond the incoming light to her room. Her smile and heart dropped when they made eye contact. She could not tell if he understood anything they had said, but she saw cold reserve in his glare. He rose. The dog's large, silhouetted frame kept rising; to the doorknob, passed it, almost shoulder height.
Nathan saw the apprehension in her eyes and followed her gaze to the beast that loomed out from the dark threshold and into the now seemingly smaller dining area. "I don't think you have long to decide."
…
A/N: Yeah, I'm terrible. I have been away for so long and I honestly think about these stories all the time. In my defense, the laptop that held all my stories died over 5 years ago before I got anything uploaded to a cloud. So, all my notes, progress, and chapters... EVERYTHING on every story was lost. It is very disheartening.
There will be errors. I'm still struggling to find my voice again, or maybe find the voice of who I am now, but one thing that hasn't escaped me is my interest in telling these stories. The biggest barrier is my own hurdle of feeling like it has to be RIGHT before posting... and that's not right, is it?
Thank you for bearing with me.