South Park Tweek x Craig Incan Warfare

by Blu3Sn0w

With Token killed. The class head to Peru to fulfill his dying wish.

2. Craig x Tweek: Fated Enemies?

South Park : Tweek x Craig Incan Warfare

Scene white tents with red crosses with guards armed with automatic rifles, piles of white bricks being loaded on trucks.

Mr Mackey "PC Prinicpal are you sure this will work? This isn't how the movie worked."

PC Principal "Mr Mackey trust me there was a guy in my dorm who said he ascended to the astral plane using the International Red Cross's powder. If we go there we will be able to free Token's soul."

Mr Mackey "Well I don't know about all this it seems kinda..."

PC Principal "DO YOU WANT TO GET GHOST RAPED!?"

Mr Mackey "No, PC Prinicpal I see let's do it."

Suddenly armed men appear surrounding PC Principal and Mr Mackey.

Mr Mackey "uh-oh."

Meanwhile...

"Hello children my name is Mrs Abbey I'll be supervising you from now on. Mr Mackey and PC Principal are busy at the moment so let's get along okay."

Everybody "Yes Ma'am."

Kyle "I knew it "equipment" PC and Mackey are probably busy."

Cartman "Not gonna lie pretty funny for a little bitch."

Kyle "What say that again!"

Cartman "What say that again."

Mrs Abbey "Now now lets meet up with guide and explore more of the temples today."

Kyle "Its Tweek."

Tweek walks past staring blankly at the floor.

Egyptian Token walks by...

Everyone "HOLY SHIT!"

Stan "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

Egyptian Token "Just be quiet and follow me. Tweek it's time for you to meet Craig."

Tweek "REALLY WHERE IS HE?"

Egyptian Token staring sadly into distance.

"Lets go."

He grabs Tweek's hand.

Tweek "Alright! Let's hurry."

Guide "Now children there is some thick jungle coming up. But don't worry there is a lighted path so if you get lost just look for the lights or wait where you are we'll come looking for you do not worry."

Egyptian Token "Tweek let's turn here."

Kenny muffled voice "The guide said we should stay on the path."

Egyptian Token "If you want to come you can. If not then just follow the guide. Actually that may be a better choice."

Tweek "I'm scared Token. Where's Craig?"

Egyptian Token sighing sadly "Don't worry Tweek soon you won't be scared of anything anymore."

Tweek twitching "WHAT?" twitching "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" twitching "WHERE'S CRAIG TOKEN?"

Egyptian Token "Turn here."

Stan "Token enough with your bullshi...WHAT?!"

Scene full on jungle with broken temples skull shaped ruins, birds flying away, vines everywhere, snakes and reptiles scurrying in the foreground.

Kenny muffled voice "Let's go back guys."

He turns around.

Kenny "What where's the path?"

Egyptian Token "I brought you in and only I can bring you out. Until Tweek meets with Craig I'm not leaving."

Egyption Token walking to a skull ruin presses a hidden stone lever.

Slowly the stone door opens.

Egyptian Token "This way Tweek."

Tweek "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I DONT WANT TO BE HERE AGAIN! I WANT TO LEAVE!"

Stan "Tweek what's going have you been here before?"

Tweek "Yes, in my dreams. Siempre estoy solo y todo huele a sangre!"

Tweek"¿Por qué hablo español?"

Kyle"What the f#ck ?Tweek why are you speaking spanish?"

Tweek "No, se porque donde esta Craig."

Egyptian Token "I see so even with the ritual some things cannot be changed."

Tweek "Qué significa eso?"

Stan "This going to be bad, if Tweek starts really freaking out. What are we going to do none of us can speak spanish? We're lost and Token's insane!"

Egyptian Token "Don't worry I'll just use magic, then we can all speak spanish?"

Kyle "What? Maybe you are really dead and we've been imagining you all the time?"

Stan "What if we are crazy?"

Egyptian Token "F#CK YOU! I'M NOT DEAD EAT THIS YOU ASSHOLES!"

Kyle "What is it?"

Egyptian Token "It's chocolate."

Cartman "Alright now we're talking hand it over! What! You trying to kill me! I'll rather not speak spanish, thank you very much."

Kenny muffled noises "What's wrong? Is it poison?"

Cartman "Even worse, it's Dark Chocolate 80% and it's that shitty Cadbury brand."

Everyone "Eeeeewwwwwwww."

Egyptian Token "Well whatever have some. Here I'll go first...ver Cartman culo gordo funciona."

Cartman "What you say bout my asshole?"

Scene changes walking down temple corridor.

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Thanks Kenny for carrying the torch."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "No problems how's Tweek?"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "I'm not sure, he's got a blank look on his face and he seems to know where to go."

Cartman speaking magic chocolate spanish "Star date 4513, we have discovered a strange new land. We've come upon an ancient civilization, we are exploring a foreign temple. It's been 10 days now. We have no food or water very soon we'll have to resort to cannibalism. Stan seems to be the weakest one. We will kill him first then..."

Stan speaking magic chocolate spanish "We have only been walking for ten minutes and you're already hungry. Why don't you eat the rest of that chocolate fatass!

Cartman speaking magic chocolate spanish "Stan why do you always have to be a wet blanket and just for your information. I'm filing a police report. Forcing someone to eat chocolate, even if it's magic spanish chocolate is a crime. I hope you are prepared for the ramifications of your actions."

Kyle speaking magic chocolate spanish "Shut up."

Tweek suddenly stops turning to a wall.

He searches the wall "click" it opens.

Light shines out of room.

Everyone speaking magic chocolate spanish "Woooooooooaaaaaaahhhh!"

Scene changes inside huge room gold coins everywhere, huge rubies, gold crowns, large jewels and treasure chests full of gold bars.

Cartman speaking magic chocolate spanish "OH MY GOD! GUYS COME CHECK HERE! THESE COINS ARE CHOCOLATE COINS WRAPPED WITH GOLD FOIL!"

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "Is everything fake here?"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Depends on what you want. Look over there."

Everyone looks sees skeletons, holding very large treasure chests full of gold bars.

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "There is an African story about a baboon who found a pot with a fruit inside. He immediately put his hand inside the pot and grabbed the fruit. But couldn't get his hand out so instead off letting go and trying something else. He kept holding on till he died of starvation. This room is like that. Those people wanted the treasure so much. They kept on hoarding it, till they couldn't lift it anymore. Not wanting to let go they starved to death."

Cartman speaking magic chocolate spanish "Well thank you for your history lesson. Hey guys these weren't coins they where those expensive swiss chocolate balls you can have some I'll only share this one time. God they're deliciou!."

Stan speaking magic chocolate spanish "Dude look at all these computer parts. Dude Kyle that's a Nvidia TITAN 8! I thought it was still experimental look there Nvidia Geforce RTX 3080's. Dude check that monitor it's a LG UltraGear 38GN950. What the golds gone!? I have to fill up one of these chests."

Kyle speaking magic chocolate spanish "What! a Neo Geo Pocket Color these things go for like 100's of dollars. That's a Nintendo World Cup edition Gold SNES cart, that things worth $20000 and all these weird consoles. I need to get a chest Stan help me. Oh the golds gone sweet! Ill use one those empty chests."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "I only see a doll I want to buy for my sister!"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Then why don't you take it?"

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "If I don't work for it. Then it means nothing."

Egyption Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "I always knew you had a pure heart but I didn't think you were like this."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "Why are we here Token?"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "It's to save my friend."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "It's Craig isn't it."

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish shedding magic chocolate spanish tears "Yes, it is do you want to know the story?"

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "Yes, please."

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Me ,Craig and Tweek. Have a long history together or rather Craig and Tweek. Can I tell you about me and Craig first?"

Kenny nodding head in muffled magic chocolate spanish way.

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "It was 2000 years ago in a war in Egypt that I first met Craig. I was an orphan and I never had a single friend. When the enemy was approaching our city I tried to find a place for shelter but because no one cared I was left alone sitting in the street crying just waiting to die. It was then I saw him riding a horse throwing a sword at my feet "Rather Die standing" I'd never held a sword but somehow I felt strength in my hands . Jumping of his horse he rushed to me and put his back against mine "Let's do this" somehow we managed to get out alive. He was a travelling merchant when he was leaving after the battle I felt a massive hole in my heart . He turned around and said we fought together we're brothers forever now and then we went together on all our adventures And each time my soul would pass on to the next life he'd be there for me waiting for his brother."

Egyptian token shedding magic spanish tears "Sorry excuse me."

Kenny speaking muffled magic spanish "Its fine don't worry. What about Tweek and Craig?"

Egyptian token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Well like me and Craig have always been friends. Tweek and Craig are bitter enemies it doesn't matter how many lives I've lived. They always end up in mighty wars at the final battle they're always the last one's standing and it always ends with either one winning or both dying at the same time. And like that dick Cartman said even the Illuminati maybe involving themselves in this conflict."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "WHAT THAT WAS REAL!"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Yes, most likely but Cartman was just talking nonsense. So don't worry about it."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "And Tweek and this room?"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "When Craig was an Incan warrior we never met. I was contacted by a certain organization, that would help me with a problem I had in exchange for a certain something."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "What?"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "I'm sorry Kenny. I can't say anymore but this room was a trap for Tweek he met Craig when he was Incan.."

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "He was a conquistador that's why he's speaking spanish and the gold we saw earlier was his desires from a previous life!"

Egyptian Token speaking magic chocolate spanish "Yes, Kenny that is why I have to keep him in here. No matter what you understand? I want to protect my friend no my brother!"

Kenny speaking muffled magic chocolate spanish "I understand but still he's our classmate and my friend what about Stan, Kyle and even Cartman?

Egyptian speaking magic chocolate spanish "They'll be fine let's just hit them on the heads with rocks and drag them out."

Unknown voice "That's a pretty good plan Token, but don't think things are going to go that smoothly."

Egyptian Token "That's english who..."

He is knocked out.

Unknown voice "Kenny we're leaving. I think me and Craig need to have a chat!"

Kenny muffled "What!? Tweek stop put down the sword!"

Scene fades to black.

Everybody waking up.

Stan "My graphics cards? Wait what! There are just some old broken boxes in here."

Kyle "We're not speaking spanish anymore."

Cartman "Ugh..no ways I'm eating that 80% Beacon shit ever again. Not when I have these swiss balls wait these aren't swiss balls! These are rat turds! Eeeeeeewwwww!"

Kyle "Look it's Token and he's bleeding."

Stan "Token what's wrong?! Where's Tweek and Kenny?"

Token "Please stop Tweek. He's going to kill Craig."

Cartman "No, way those homo's will kill each other."

Kenny comes stumbling in falls on his face blood everywhere.

Kenny speaking muffledly "It's true they're fighting now, one of them is going to die we have to stop them."

Token "Where are they? Show me Kenny. Stan help Kenny."

ART STYLE CHANGE SUPER HOMO BEAUTIFUL BOY ANIME STYLE WITH PINK HUE AND SWEAT SPARKLES EVERYWHERE.

Scene changes to open green field sun shining.

Tweek is wearing an oversized spanish helmet. With a white button up shirt with a puffy neck collar. Tight green and red striped pantaloons. Black velvet gloves and knee high red boots . In his left hand he has a silver rapier and in his right hand a small dagger. Tweek's long beautiful blond hair is peaking out of his helmet and a few strands stand together completely obscuring his left eye. As he moves his sweet falls and shines like stars and there is pink hue behind him. Craig is facing him wearing a blue poncho with a white phoenix design on it. He is also wearing an Incan headdress with black feathers. In his right hand he has a wooden Incan sword with jagged edges made of green glass. In his left hand he has a small round leather shield with the same design on it as on his poncho.

Craig charges forwards he starts dragging his sword on the ground. Where the glass shards touch the ground sparks fly. He stops 2 meters from Tweek lifting his sword slicing diagonally for the head. Tweek drops to his hips lifts his sword to his left and braces for impact. But suddenly Craig starts lifting the sword it goes up missing his head completely. Craig changes grip pulling with all his might the sword goes straight down, aiming to split Tweek's head from top to bottom . Tweek puts pressure on his back foot charging forward, immediately he is in front of Craig's face. He clenches his hands but he is still caught up in a guard and can't move them fast enough. He goes for a kick. He connects stumbles backward and falls comically on his ass. Meanwhile Craig flies back about 3meters before rolling for another 2metres grass flying everywhere.

Tweek "If you're not going to fight seriously you're going to die."

Craig "Who says I'm not serious maybe I'm only pretending."

Tweek is thinking this is bad. He's a lot stronger than when we last fought. I definitely have the speed advantage but with my shit parents feeding me all that coffee. If I get withdrawal now I'm f#cked. There has to be someway to turn this around.

Craig is thinking shit he's definitely got me on speed but I only have to hit him once. If I break a bone, then it's over. But with his endurance, he'll be able to go all day and swinging this sword isn't easy.

Tweek "Well looks like it's my time to take the lead."

Tweek rushes forward.

Craig "SHIT!"

Craig's still on the ground he rolls backwards. He sees Tweek's rapier's blade 30cm from his face, he lifts up his arm that still has his wooden sword in his hand. He hears a sharp thud on the swords thick side in front of his face. He pushes backwards along the ground, blocking Tweek's rapier strikes with his shield until he's on his feet.

Craig is thinking "Is he injured there's no strength in his strikes. It might be his coffee withdrawal those shit parent's of his raising him to be a coffee crackhead. No this isn't time for that it's kill or be killed."

Tweek lunges forward again Craig has regained his composure. Craig dodges left he lifts up his sword.

Craig "Tweek its over!...Ow shit!"

Craig's shield drops to the ground blood running down his hand. Craig looks at Tweek's hands. Tweek's dagger is full of blood.

Craig's thinking shit! It was a fake he was aiming for my shield. I cant hold it anymore. This is really bad he's way much faster than me. It's over now. I just have to hope he makes a mistake somehow.

Tweek "Yes it is over for you Craig."

Craig lifts up broken shield.

Craig "F#ck it all."

Craig throws his shield at Tweek.

Tweek automatically guards the shield hits him on top of the helmet, his head disappears completely into oversized helmet.

Tweek's voice echoing inside "I'll get you for this Craig."

Tweek running around with head completely in helmet swinging both arms with blades around comically.

Craig "Hahahahahahahahahaha that's hilarious! Hey say ba..."

Tweek finally pulls head out of helmet blond hair flies out of helmet he shakes his hair the sweat flies and you see them shine like stars. Finally some his hair strands settle covering one eye.

Craig "...Tweek I've lost my shield you're faster but I can see you're starting to get coffee withdrawal let's stop playing put everything on the line."

Tweek "I was just thinking the same thing."

Craig "Okay let's go."

Craig thinking I'm going to break his right shoulder with the broad side of my sword and when he drops I'll turn around his back and cut him in half."

Craig closes his eyes and charges forwards "His sword is too fast. If I look and get distracted I'm dead I can fight in total darkness I know where he is 5 meters, 4 meters 3metres, 2metres, NOW."

Something falls gently against Craig's chest.

Craig opens his eyes he sees a bloody sword sticking out of his chest.

Craig I don't feel any pain did I lose? He moves the sword moves and falls. His eyes adjust to the light he sees a figure on the ground with the sword sticking out of his back

Craig "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Tweek "Be quiet you won didn't you now leave me be."

Craig "WHAT!WHY?"

Tweek "Jeez your annoying let me die in peace."

Craig "WHAT?!WHY TWEEK!?"

Tweek coughing up blood "Looks like at the end I just didn't want to hurt you..."

Craig crying "TWEEEEEEEEEEEK! NO COME BACK!"

Craig takes Tweek holds him close hugs him.

Craig still sobbing "No, Tweek why? PLEASE COME BAAAACCKKK!"

Tweek "JESUS FINE! Just pull this sword out of me!"

Craig "Oh ok."

Fades to black.

ART STYLE CHANGES SOUTH PARK PAPER PEOPLE

Fidel Castro looking drug dealer with an International Red Cross name tag which says Santiago.

Santiago el Diablo "So you are sure it's a African American ghost boy?"

Mr Mackey "Uh-uh definitely."

Santiago el Diablo "I see we are very superstitious so we have to get rid off this African American ghost boy! But are you sure the movie is Inception with senor Di Caprio and not Existenz with senor Law and senorita Leigh or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with senor Carry?"

PC Principal "No, definitely Inception!"

Santiago el Diablo "I see none of us want to get ghost raped. Please come with me."

Scene changes to tent with blood everywhere and two dentist chairs in the middle, bright lamps are shining on them.

Mr Mackey and PC Principal sit down.

Santiago el Diablo "Thank you senors please exorcise this vengeful ghost."

Strong females "We strap you in si?"

Camera looks at needle injecting Mr Mackey and PC Principal.

PC Principal "Here we go Mr M..." passes out immediately.

Mr Mackey "Let's do thi..." passes out immediately.

Finish.