Tweek x Craig Incan Warfare part3.
Someone slowly opening eyes looking above.
Scene bright blue sky with a condor circling above green grass everywhere and incan stone steppe temples in the distance.
Still looking at the sky while talking.
Tweek"Am I dead?"
Craig"No babe! Just been sleeping for a while."
Tweek"How can you casually call me that?"
Craig"Well If you'd rather kill yourself than fight me.I figure you'd still like me ?"
Tweek"Maybe you're right ? Help me up."
ART STYLE CHANGE SUPER HOMO BEAUTIFUL BOY ANIME STYLE WITH PINK HUE AND SWEAT SPARKLES EVERYWHERE.
With Craig helping him Tweek stands up . Tweek is wearing red and green striped pantaloons with knee length red leather boots and black velvet gloves . His beautiful blonde hair is gently blowing in the wind . Golden strands of his hair fall together to completely cover his left eye . His shirt is gone and his ethereal white skin shines in the sun . His chest is wrapped in blue bandages. Tweek looks and sees Craig's hand is also wrapped in bandages and his ripped poncho is lying nearby. Craig takes off his Incan headress he stares into the distance lifting one hand up to block the sun. His black hair slightly rustling as the wind starts blowing stronger.
Tweek reaches out to touch Craig's cheek with his finger tips.
Tweek"Craig I..."
Craig"Don't worry babe we can only move forward now?"
As Craig turns his head to face him Tweek immediately puts his hand behind his back his ears start glowing red out of embarrassment.
Tweek"Craig my face is all warm what happening?"
Craig who's taller than Tweek takes Tweek's hand that's behind his back . He pulls Tweek's velvet glove off in one movement and locks fingers with him he pulls him closer . Tweek's chest is against Craig's . Tweek closes his eyes Craig lifts Tweek's chin with his other hand he leans in they kiss.
Tweek"I feel something deep inside of me has changed."
Craig puts his index finger on Tweek's mouth.
Craig"Shh"
They start kissing deeply.
Moment pass.
Craig hangs both of his arms over Tweek's shoulders still kissing.
Tweek grabs the bottom of Craig's shirts . While putting his hands on Craig's skin he is slowly lifting his shirt .
He finally pulls off the shirt off . Craig's hair looks messed up they both laugh.
Craig hangs his arms over Tweek's shoulders again. They kiss deeply. Tweek touches Craig's chest moving his hands downward.
Tweek's ethereal skin is shining in the sun he puts his hand's on Craig's belt . Craig is standing up straight he kisses Tweek from above Tweek's standing on his tip toe's because of Craig's height he tries to say something but only mumble words come out while Craig's kissing him. Finally his feet give way.
He holds on to Craig's belt to try to stay standing it doesn't work he falls down Craig falls on top of him.
Craig puts his hand on Tweek's soft cheek.
Craig"Are you ready Tweek?"
Tweek immediately turns red face.
Tweek lifts himself up with his elbows to try to kiss Craig.
He whispers"Craig please be gen..."
Celine Dion The power of love start's playing.
"Your voice is warm and tender,
A love that I could not forsake
'Cause I'm your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can..."
Tweek"JESUS!CRAIG!WHERE'S THAT MUSIC COMING FROM?"
branches break.
Craig"TWEEK STAY BEHIND ME!WHO'S THERE?"
Unknown voice "Scheisse!I wanted to zee some boy on boy homosexual action."
click Celine Dion stops playing.
ART STYLE CHANGES BACK TO SOUTH PARK PAPER PEOPLE.
Man with grey striped suit appears holding a portable mini cd player he throws the cd player into bushes.
Unknown Man" EXCUSE me JA my name is Ulf Mark Schneider I am zee CEO of Nestle. Are you zee two homosexual children?"
Tweek"CRAIG!PROTECT!ME!"
Craig"Tweek don't worry babe I won't let anyone hurt you! But let's be calm for now ok?
Tweek"OK CRaIg."
Craig"Yes my name is Craig and this is my boyfriend Tweek . Can we help you?"
Ulf"Humor me if you will?"
Craig"I don't know what that means but okay."
Ulf"When a company get's as large as Nestle a CEO doesn't have much to do."
Craig"Well if you say so."
Ulf"What I've found myself doing is collecting ancient artifacts and on a trip to Germany I happened to stumble upon the Fuhrer's ballsack."
Kenny,Stan,Cartman,Kyle coming out of the jungle saying together "HOLY SHIT HITLER'S BALLS?"
Tweek"EHHHHHH!CRAIG WHAT'S GOING ON NOW!"
Craig"Honey relax it's Kenny , Stan and Kyle."
Cartman"I'm here too dipshit. OH MY GOD it's Ulf Mark Schneider the third. The CEO of Nestle!"
Ulf"Wonderful more children! Oh mein Gott what is that smell?"
Cartman"Please forgive me I was forced to. But there was no other way. I had to eat it Dark Chocolate 80%."
Ulf"Please mein Gott in heaven forgive these children. I'm sure they had no other choice!"
Cartman"It gets worse it was that shitty brand Cadbury."
Ulf gagging putting his hand over his mouth.
Ulf"Quick eat these before zee damage is permanent!"
Ulf quickly throws over bag with Nestle products to where Cartman is.
Stan"It was just shitty choco..."
Stan immediately jumps to where the bag is. Rips it open takes two Kit-Kat's start's eating them.
Stan "I'm dizzy what's going on? Everything's blurry, I can feel my eyes closing."
Fades to black.
Mr Mackey with full length leather coat, jumping slow motion through the air. Shooting twin machine guns at Terminator's with black Mexican style mustaches, wearing sombreros. Laser beams fly above and there are explosions nearby.
Mr Mackey "PC Principal we have to jack into the system mkay. The Matrix is trying to hack us mkay. We have to find a way inside before the Terminators get us mkay."
PC Principal"I'm already being hacked what are we gonna do? 80% no 70% Mr Mackey it was an honor working with you. I'd rather die than be forced to wear a sombrero."
PC Principal puts laser gun in mouth, pulls the trigger his head disappears.
Mr Mackey"Principal!...everything's wrong mkay. We just wanted to help Token pass on to the next world mkay. How could we know future Mexico was going to invade America mkay. We weren't prepared. No it's wrong we were arrogant mkay . Now I'm all alone mkay. If I surrender I'll have to wear a sombrero mkay. What wait...I know I'll just go back in time. I'll just stop Token from being killed by the police mkay. That'll end this nightmare mkay."
Mr Mackey takes out slim plastic device.
Mr Mackey This a Texas Instruments Nspire CX CAS Graphing Calculator mark 10 mkay. The most advanced calculator mkay it can solve anything, nothing is impossible for it mkay. I'll just use this calculator to go back in time mkay. Stop the formation of the police. Then Token won't be dead and the Mexican terminators won't exist. PC Principal will still be alive mkay. Let's see the first police station was established in Boston in 1838 mkay. Here let me type it in. God be with me! Here I go 1838 divided by zero MKAY!.
Light flashes screen goes white.
Light shining into Stan's eyes.
Ulf"He seems to be alright...Kyle you're next stand here let me look into your eyes. I see your pupils are dilating normally now."
Everything goes clear scene everyone on floor Craig holding Kenny up. Tweek's hiding behind Craig's back."
Stan"Why are my hands full of candy wrappers."
Ulf"No Stan it's not zee candy it's zee premium Nestle chocolate ja. For eons zee Dark Chocolate 80% has been used in various magic ceremonies but because zee Cadbury brand of products are exceptionally shit ja. It had a much more potent effect. Meine kindere you where very lucky to have survived."
Stan"How do you know my name? And why are calling you my kinder?"
Ulf"Craig told me everything and because I'm zee CEO of Nestle. I have to help Sinter Klaus on the holy holiday so I know you all."
Tweek"CRAIG did you hear that! That's amazing."
Craig"Yes it is babe."
Jungle rustling Token steps out holding a golden sword.
Cartman"You Egyptian prick almost killed me with your shitty Beacon brand. See I knew those homo's wouldn't kill themselves."
Token"SHUT UP!DICK WHEEL!"
Cartman"Oh...ok then no need to get upset."
Craig"You've got the sword I gave you? Token."
Token"Craig he's tricked you I know it! Step away from Tweek I'm going to kill him."
Tweek"NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!I DONT TO FIGHT ANYMORE?!"
Craig"I'm sorry Token I can't do that."
Token"Don't protect him! He'll only stab you in the back! If not now someday for sure. I need to protect you. You're my only real family my best friend! I won't let him take you away!"
ART STYLE CHANGE SUPER HOMO BEAUTIFUL BOY ANIME STYLE WITH PINK HUE AND SWEAT SPARKLES EVERYWHERE.
Tokens dark skin shines in the jungle he has two thick golden wrist bands made of metal on. He's wearing a gold jackal inspired head dress with ears standing upwards. There are designs painted in blue on his thin muscular body. He is wearing a pleated waist high papyrus skirt with an Egyptian eye signal painted in gold and also wearing knee high leather pleated open toe shoes. He's holding a gold blade and a leather shield with an golden ankh design on it.
Token drops but before his knees touch the ground he puts pressure on his feet and starts dashing off. He's holding his sword and shield behind him as he runs.
Token's thinking "I've fought many times together with Craig. I know his secret all his organs are reversed. I also know him well he'll probably defend Tweek no matter what I say. I'm sorry Craig but I have to protect you. I'm going to stab you left in the chest, push my blade through and kill Tweek with the point of my sword."
Token lifts up the point of his sword aiming for the chest immediately someone else is in front of him.
Blood starts dripping on the ground Token tries to pull his blade back but he feels immense resistance. He looks up it's Tweek holding the swords blade blood gushing down from the tip and from Tweek's hands.
Craig"Token please let's stop. Me and Tweek fought earlier he'd rather choose to die, than to fight me."
Token"But someday for sure."
Craig"Even if you can never forgive Tweek you're my best friend and my brother."
Craig embracing Token "Everything is going to be alright."
Token"How did you move so fast you where at least 5metres from me, you were never going to fight me?!"
Craig"Token 2000 years ago, I told you we are brothers forever I'd never hurt you."
Token tears dripping from his face "I remember. I'm sorry."
Craig"It's okay."
ART STYLE CHANGE SOUTH PARK PAPER PEOPLE
Ulf"Das ist wunderbar! But let is start again when I was in Germany I found the Fuhrer's ball sack. "
Token"HOLY!SHIT!HITLER'S BALLS!"
Ulf"Yes indeed zee Fuhrers balls sack! But what was even more amazing was inside!"
Everyone"WAS IT HITLER'S DRIED UP BALLS?!"
Ulf"Even better it was a coded message.!"
Everyone"WHAT THATS LAME?!"
Ulf"Don't worry zee Hitler's dried up balls were also in there. But don't worry they were disposed of safely and humanely."
Tweek with bandaged hands"That's amazing Craig!"
Craig"Yes it is babe but lets be quiet for now babe."
Tweak"Ok Craig."
Ulf"That was 10 years ago. For years our limited time flavor department have been working on cracking the code. When we were developing the Mild Curry 100% Beef Dog Food flavored Smarties for the Japanese market, we made our first discovery!"
Tweek"What was it it?"
Ulf"Three words they were mentioned multiple times SHIT , DOG and ANUS. "
Cartman"I knew those Mild Curry 100% Beef Dog Food flavored Smarties were special, but I didn't think they were used to crack a secret Hitler ball sack mystery!"
Ulf"But after the initial success for years there was nothing just when thought we breakthrough we'd hit zee wall. Until we were developing the Deep Sea Killer Squid flavored Kit-Kats for zee Japanese market."
Cartman"I thought those Kit-Kats were a myth my research and hacking couldn't find any proof."
Ulf"We've known for years of your hacking FartFace51. This was a black project only me and Sinter Klaus have access to zee forbidden flavor.
FartFace51"OH MY GOD! So my source ChocolateCum21."
ChocolateCum21"Yes it was me all along!"
Kyle"FORGET ABOUT THAT BULLSHIT WHAT DID YOU FIND!"
Ulf"Oh sorry! Yes it was coordinates and a message and that's why Tweek I've come to meet you!"
Meanwhile.
PC Principal"What is with this fog and this radio I'm only getting static but I cant throw it away I have to find the owner."
Fog gets thicker radio static gets louder.
PC Principal" Excuse me ma`am. I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume your gender. Why is your head shaking like that please respect my personal space. Holy shit you have no eyes! I'm sorry I meant you're ocularly challenged. "
PC Principal makes a tactical retreat.
PC Principal"I have to find Mr Mackey and formulate a plan to help Token pass on."
Static get's louder fog get's thicker.
PC Principal"Is that person wearing a triangle hat? Must be a frat boy what's he dragging an axe and a sex doll?"
Frat boy pulls axe and legs around corner of big rusted building into dark room.
PC Prinicipal"Excuse me bro I need some help."
PC Principal looks at huge rusted door with rust flakes falling off.
PC Principal "This radio is so loud dude probably couldn't hear me. Sorry bro didn't see a sock so sorry if your busy. Can you please help me bro..."
Door immediately closes behind PC Principal radio goes silent.
PC Principal"Thank god that thing was driving me insane...what the f#ck those legs are real and these are real body parts..."
PC Principal starts gagging. He sees something he automatically dodges his ray-bans are ripped from his face and a giant rusted axe is planted 10 cm from his head in an all metal rusted wall.
PC Principal's eyes adjust he's in a 10m x10m room to the left in the corner there is a ditch thats about 2m long, 2m wide and 2m deep. With 5 stairs leading out of it up to the floor, he is standing on in the opposite side to that is a huge table with body parts. Automatically he turns around but the door is flush against the wall with no gaps and no handle or knob.
Suddenly the axe starts to move and a giant figure that's kneeling on the ground pulls it closer.
PC Principal "Dude bro just chill I'll just say I saw nothing here. Here is a free radio. Just let me go."
The kneeling figure stands up it's a 3m tall humanoid figure, without a head or neck just a rusted triangle, that looks like it's barely attached to the flesh on top of it's shoulders somehow."
PC Principal immediately empties the entire contents of his rectum into his pants.
PC Prinicipal "Oh...no...bro."
The figure starts moving PC Principal jumps instinctively into the ditch. He hears a squeaky valve open somewhere gushes of liquid starts falling on him. Not even two seconds and the ditch is full. The figure starts swinging its axe, he starts to run he slips the axe misses his head barely. PC Principal stands up massive amounts of liquid on him. PC Principal smells the liquid its oil. The figure jumps into the ditch behind him. The oil splashes out off the ditch almost emptying it. PC Principal is standing in the shadow of the figure. His rectum has recovered he empties the rest of his intestines contents into his pants.
PC Principal"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuu..."
He screams so loudly no noise starts coming out anymore.
PC Principal thinking while pissing his pants and running"I MUST HAVE BEEN BRAIN HACKED!"
Finish.