Just admitting out loud to a group of, well, not strangers exactly, but new acquaintances that he wanted to trust the Center took a toll and Harry broke out in a sweat that prickled under his arms. He tensed for a second waiting for the backlash from his peers. When nothing happened he hurriedly passed the staff to Gemma, remembering at the last second that he was supposed to say what he was doing so Aminah would know, "I'm passing the staff to Gemma," he added in a rush.
He admonished himself for opening up so easily. There was something about this place and Healer Jordan.
Archimedea—who names their child Archimedea?—wixen—no wonder she goes by Jordan—I thought Jordan was her first name—like Healer Andy, he thought.
He felt really good about the Center and that's why he was inclined to trust it. But trusting was scary and even more so was saying so. Out loud. To people. People who had violent outbursts.
Why did I do it?
The bells tinkled as Gemma took the talking stick from Harry's hand and then stopped. Harry imagined she held the stick between her knees as she signed.
"I'm Gemma Boot and I'm glad to be here and to be making new friends who don't shut me out because I can't hear and who don't cringe and turn away because of my scars."
Her magical voice said all these things without emotion, but Harry knew that there was emotion behind the words. He wondered if he would have turned away from her scars if he'd been able to see them or shut her out because she couldn't hear if he had met her before he was in the same boat. His first impulse was to deny that he would have been so cruel, but then he had to admit to himself that he didn't know.
I wouldn't do it knowingly, he acknowledged, but what about unconsciously? I might not have even noticed her.
But then he reminded himself that he did tend to notice the kids on the fringe because that's where he usually was. Though sometimes he was so caught up in his own stuff that he didn't notice what was going on in other people's lives.
Gah. This talking about feelings stuff is worse than venturing into the Forbidden Forest.
Harry's skin felt clammy.
"I'm passing the talking stick to Aminah," Gemma continued.
The bells rang gently as it was passed.
"Thank you," Aminah said.
Harry leaned forward in an effort to hear her.
"I'm Aminah Khan. I'm going to try to … trust the Center… and this process," she said quietly. "I'm passing the stick to Mei."
The bells rang quietly. They were silent for a second, then they rang gently again. "Mei, would you please take the talking stick from Aminah," Healer Jordan pressed.
The gentle tinkle of the bells became violent as if they were being shaken hard. Harry sat back and heard Aminah's feet shift on the rocky terrain.
"Mei, you can do this. It'll be okay," Healer Jordan encouraged.
Mei let out a big sigh and then gulped in a breath.
"You know that I'm Mei Lee. Obviously, I don't want to be here. I don't want to have a fishtail. I don't like this body that I'm in. I can't live in the ocean and I can only live a half-life on the land—using a stupid muggle wheelchair because my Jiāorén magic clashes with my witch magic. I didn't ask for any of this!"
She was shouting by the end of it. Her pain was palpable—it emanated in waves that crashed against the small group. Harry recoiled. He felt his staff in his pocket respond to it as if he were being stung by a stinging hex. He grabbed his thigh and cried out. Aminah shrieked and next to him he heard another explosion and Tony fell off his tree stump, careening into Harry.
Healer Jordan jumped up and cast a protection spell, "Protego!" and the sparking in his pocket stopped. Harry twisted and helped Tony get to his feet by leaning against him and putting his arm across Tony's broad back and grasping him by his torso, just underneath his armpits. Tony was quite a bit bigger than he was and heavy, so Harry was just able to support him. His hands had passed over what he realized must be the remnants of Tony's arms, stumps that contained bones and muscles, rotating within his shoulders as if they were trying to reach out, but too short to be effective.
"Sorry," Harry uttered when he realized what he was touching. When he felt Tony get his feet back under him and start to stand up, he let go.
"Thanks, man," Tony muttered.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Mei was yelling—her voice sounded like it was trapped under a glass.
"Mei, it is okay," Healer Jordan consoled. She was going around the circle and checking in with everyone to see if they were okay and collecting the staffs and wands from the teens. She explained that she'd put them at a safe distance from the discussion and give them back when they were done. Harry listened as she walked several feet away and heard the clatter of the wooden objects on a bench on the outer circle. When she got back to her spot, she sat down.
"Mei, is this what happened on the bench earlier?" Healer Jordan asked.
Harry wasn't aware of his staff sparking before, but remembered the sting on his thigh. He was going to speak up, but closed his mouth when he remembered that Mei still had the talking stick and waited patiently.
"Yes, I was mad because Tony sat down next to me when there wasn't enough room on the bench and he must have a wand in his pocket because there was an explosion and it burned my fin." Mei's voice was still coming from behind the shield spell, though it sounded like her anger had quelled.
"There was enough room!" Tony interjected. "How was I supposed to know that you'd set off my wand?"
"Tony, would you like the talking stick? Can you use I statements, please?" Healer Jordan patiently reminded Tony of the norms she had laid out earlier.
"I was," Tony grumbled under his breath. Harry was pretty sure he was the only one who heard it, but then the paper fluttered.
"This is a good time to remember that everyone is trying to do their best," Healer Jordan prompted.
Harry heard the tattletale bells on the talking stick. Healer Jordan narrated, "Mei is passing the talking stick to me, and I'm passing it to Tony," as the bells traveled from Mei to Tony.
"Tony, please tell us what happened from your perspective," Healer Jordan asked.
"I arrived late and saw that all my roommates were sitting together, so I thought I should sit with them and the only spot was a gap between Mei and Gemma, so I sat there. Gemma moved over to let me sit, but Mei scooted toward me instead of away. Harry and Aminah made room for me, too, and Gemma scooted farther away, but every time there was extra room it felt like Mei took it instead of letting me sit. So, finally I just sat before she could take up the room and that's when the explosion happened and the bench fell over. She did it on purpose to embarrass me. And then she called me an armless… " Tony trailed off, but Harry remembered and his mind supplied, "wanker," unwittingly. It seemed especially cutting and mean-spirited with the feeling of Tony's amputated arms fresh in his memory.
"Tony, while you may feel you know why someone did something, no one can really know except the person who did it. Let's keep our statements to the facts that we know and allow others to inform us of their motivation for their actions." Healer Jordan's voice was steady.
"I was telling you there wasn't room and to sit somewhere else and you refused to listen and just sat down anyway!" Mei shouted.
"Please use the talking stick, Mei," Healer Jordan reminded.
"You can shove it up your… " Mei stopped herself before she finished, apparently appalling even herself.
"Sorry," she muttered.
"Thank you," Healer Jordan acknowledged the apology in a terse tone.
"You can give her the talking stick, Healer Jordan," Tony suggested and Harry heard the tinkling bells as it was transferred to Mei.
"Here, Mei. Can you state what happened from your perspective?" Healer Jordan encouraged.
"I didn't want him to sit there, so I moved over so he couldn't when I felt like he wasn't listening to me. I'm sorry that I accidentally caused an explosion that made the bench fall over."
"Can I have the talking stick, please?" Tony asked, his voice low.
It was passed and he said, "I'm sorry that I budged in. I just wanted to feel like I belonged. I'm sorry that the bench fell over and that you all were hurt." His apology seemed heartfelt.
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe they could go soon.
Gemma's magic voice asked, "May I have the talking stick, please?"
"Sure," said Tony.
Harry realized that it was up to him to pass it and he reached out for it again, and Tony verbally guided him until he found it and he passed it to Gemma.
"Thanks," Gemma acknowledged. "I'm sorry, too. I should have realized what was going on, but I could only understand Mei's side of the conversation. I should have offered you the spot between me and Harry," Gemma's voice was almost mechanical in its emotionless aspect, but her words conveyed her feelings.
"May I have the talking stick, Gemma?" Aminah asked.
"Sure, here it is."
"Thank you, Tony, for your apology and you, too, Mei," Aminah said. "I'm concerned, though, that Mei's magic is so out of control and we're roommates. Will this happen every time she gets angry? 'Cause my staff got hot when she shouted earlier and it was sparking when the bench fell over. And I need my staff to get around, I can't just quarantine it while Mei's near me."
"Aminah, can you direct your question to Mei instead of asking about her?" Healer Jordan encouraged.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Aminah sounded embarrassed. "Mei, is there anything you can do to make sure this doesn't happen again?"
Harry heard the bells and knew that Aminah had passed the stick to Mei.
"Um, yeah. I dunno. Leave the Center?" Mei said.
"Mei, what are some other options?" Healer Jordan suggested.
"I really don't know," Mei sounded defeated and sad. "I mean, this is why I'm here because I keep having these outbursts and I can't be around magic things, even my broom channels my mermaid magic strangely. I was hoping that I'd learn some ways to control it."
"That's good, Mei. That's what we're going to try to do. What can you do about it in the meantime?"
"I can try not to get so angry, I guess." Mei conceded.
"It isn't that you shouldn't get angry—right? Because that's just how you are feeling. That's an emotion—it happens. It is what you're doing with that emotional energy that is hurting the people around you and yourself. What are some of the strategies we discussed earlier?" Healer Jordan asked.
"Counting to ten, breathing, leaving an area until I calm down… " Mei listed mechanically.
"Mei, can I have the talking stick?" Tony asked.
"Okay," Mei responded. It tinkled as it was passed and set between Tony's legs.
"Mei, I didn't know about your accidental magic issues. That's rough. I think the hardest thing for me about losing my arms is not what is so obvious— that everyone is pitying me about—like not being able to feed myself, go to the bathroom, get dressed, pick up something, but that I can't even use my wand so that I can do these things with magic. I think it would be hard to have to stay away from anything magical. It's like a double whammy." Tony's tone was filled with an empathy that Harry didn't expect from the Slytherin.
Harry wanted to add something… but he didn't know what. He was having a hard time finding the words.
Healer Jordan asked if anyone else wanted the talking stick. Harry hedged and then the opportunity was gone.
"Okay, I want to commend you all for your good work today finding a constructive way to talk about the events of this afternoon. We'll have many more opportunities for discussions like this. You have the rest of the day to relax and take care of your needs."
"Healer Jordan, what time is tea served?" Aminah asked.
"Oh, it's served at 3 pm," Healer Jordan said over her shoulder. She must have been walking toward the bench where she had put the wands and staves. She returned them to Tony, Aminah and Harry. Harry ran his hands over his and wondered if he'd be able to tell it apart from Aminah's.
He shook it out and summoned his bottle of water—when he felt the familiar shape of the bottle in his hand, he knew he had the right staff. He took a sip of water and thought about what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.
It'd be nice to sleep some more…
Gemma came over and asked him, "Do you want to go back to th… " but her words were cut off mid-sentence. Harry furrowed his brow and waited for a bit, thinking that she had been distracted by something she saw, but then her hand was on his arm, pulling his palm up, so she could write on it. She drew a question mark.
"Why did you stop talking?" Harry asked.
"S-O-R-R-Y" space "H. -J-O-R-D-A-N" space "G-O-N-E" space "S-P-E-L-L" space "E-N-D-E-D" Her spelling in his hand felt sad and lackluster.
"Oh well. It was nice while it lasted," Harry shrugged. "Yes, let's go back to the dorm."