CHAPTER THREE:
FORTUNE TRICKSTERS
Unbeknownst to the princess or her escort, a pair of thieves were observing them from the bushes further up along the road.
This time, though, Ladybug and Rena Rouge didn't look like thieves. Both girls had traded their worn-out leathers and hooded cloaks for dresses, shawls, and bandanas. Now they looked like a pair of peasant women taking a stroll in the woods.
Ladybug had gone for a simple dress with a white, off-the-shoulder top, a black leather corset, and a milky pink skirt that fell down to the ground. Calfskin shoes adorned her feet, and a black, threadbare shawl was wrapped around her shoulders. A grey wig covered Ladybug's midnight-blue hair, with a red bandana and a pair of large, golden-hooped earrings to go with it. Lastly, her face had been painted with streaks of white and brown, making her skin look wrinkly and saggy – like an old lady.
Beside her, looking absolutely miserable, Rena Rouge readjusted her orange bandana over her own grey wig, frowning in matching makeup. Her dress was entirely green with thin shoulder straps and a dark-grey, long-sleeve tunic underneath. Her burlap shawl was not a shawl at all, but a large bag.
Needless to say, these weren't the girls' best disguises. But who in England would ever suspect a couple of cooky old ladies to be outlaws?
As the parade marched on and the golden coach came into view, Ladybug beamed with roguish fascination. I knew it, she thought. It is her!
This would be their greatest heist yet!
Rena, apparently, didn't think so. She eyed the coach with disappointment. "Now what about that for luck?" she grumbled to her partner, her makeup making her look like a grumpy crone. "We got gussied up for a circus; a juvenile marching band."
Ladybug blinked at her. "Juvenile?" She giggled. "Look closer, Rena. Only one person in the kingdom rides around in a golden coach." A sly grin rose up in one corner of her mouth. "It's Princess Chloe herself!"
Suddenly, Rena looked paler than her makeup would allow. "The princess?!" she rasped. "You mean that's the royal coach?!"
Before Ladybug could answer, the redhead scrambled hastily out the bush.
"Uh-uh. No way!" Rena stated. "There's a law against robbing royalty." She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture and turned away. "I'll catch you later!"
She took a few healthy steps away... before Ladybug ran right over and blocked her path with her outstretched palms facing Rena.
"What?!" Ladybug said incredulously as she straightened with a frown. "We've robbed from more heavily-guarded convoys than this. Now we've found our biggest score ever, and the first thing that comes to your mind is "I'll catch you later"?!" She bent her two forefingers on both hands for emphasis.
Rena looked even more worried now. Not just for her, but for her adventurous best friend who could never ignore a challenge. "Ladybug... Even if we get away with this, there's only one way Her Royal Greediness will make peace with us." She drew a finger across her throat and made a sick, gargling noise. "That's worse than a hanging!"
Ladybug sighed, her face softening, and placed her hands on her hips. "Come on... When has that kind of fear ever stopped us?" she said with brave assertion. "When we teamed up, we promised we'd do anything to help Nottingham, even if we had to swipe Princess Chloe's crown from her own bedside." Ladybug beckoned to the coach with a smile. "Think of how many mouths we can feed with all that gold in there! Besides..." She grabbed the side of her dress and swept into an elegant curtsy. "Would we really miss this chance to perform before royalty?"
Rena Rouge glanced heavenward with a groan, though her lips twisted with amusement.
No matter how dangerous a heist was; no matter how rich their unsuspecting victim was, Ladybug stole only for other people. She never did anything for fame or glory. She had spent the last four years watching Nottingham rot away like a field of vegetables in autumn. All she wanted to do now was bring life and joy back; to see hope and happiness in the people's eyes again.
That dream alone was enough to convince Ladybug to never give up, and it eventually convinced Rena Rouge too. Here we go again, she thought.
She looked back at her partner. "All right," Rena moaned playfully before drawing up a sly smile. "Then let's give Queen Bee a show she'll never forget."
Ladybug's delighted grin was a wondrous sight, even with the wrinkly makeup.
Just when Sabrina thought the rest of the ride would be smoother, she hit another bump on the road.
For at that moment, a croaky voice called somewhere outside, right over the repetitive orchestra:
"Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally! Fortune tellers!"
Sabrina stiffened.
Princess Chloe, on the other hand, perked up in her seat like a puppet on a string, her bags of gold forgotten.
A different voice sounded, bolder but still old and feminine like the other. "Fortune's forecast! Lucky charms!"
"Get the scoop with your horoscope!" the first one announced.
Chloe stood up at once, her face as bright as a child's on Christmas. Before Sabrina could stop her, the princess shimmied to the open window of the coach and peered out towards the front.
Sabrina did the same, her teal eyes narrowing.
Two old women were waving daintily at the royal entourage, their clothes colourful but dull. The shorter one with the black shawl held a scroll, while the taller woman tossed a crystal ball up and down in her hand.
"Ooh! Fortune tellers!" Chloe exclaimed, shuddering with excitement. "How droll!" She leaned out further and called out sharply, "Stop the coach! Stop everything!"
The coachman tugged gently on the reins, and the horses and their cargo came to a slow stop. The marching band and the guards with the copper chest also stopped in their tracks, and the music died instantly.
The herald, oblivious to everything behind him, kept on walking... until one of his companions whistled. The stout man finally stopped, turned, and scrambled back over with an awkward smile.
Princess Chloe exited the coach, being careful not to drag her beautiful dress along the road dirt.
Sabrina, however, stared suspiciously at the old women as she stepped outside. Fortune tellers out in the middle of nowhere? Something didn't feel right.
"Your Majesty," Sabrina whispered into Chloe's ear, keeping her eyes locked on the new arrivals. "I don't trust them. They may be bandits."
"Oh, poppycock," the princess scoffed, also in a low voice. "A couple of old hags? Why, that's utterly ridiculous. What next? A bear is actually a prince in disguise?" She snorted and patted her companion on the cheek. "You're such a tease, Sabrina. Don't you want to learn about my fortune?"
Sabrina rubbed her cheek with a frown. What's there to learn? she thought. "What if they demand payment?" she whispered.
Chloe rolled her eyes. "Oh, what's the worry? A gold piece each is more than enough. Besides, if they're from Nottingham, they'll be paying tax on that anyway."
The princess giggled and turned back to the fortune tellers, who curtsied before her. A little more elegantly than older women should, Sabrina noted.
"My dear ladies," Chloe addressed them, holding out her jewelled fingers. "You have my permission to kiss the royal hands, as a blessing from your future queen." She lifted her chin proudly.
Sabrina swore the old ladies' eyes enlarged to the size of apples.
The shorter one inched over and eyed the hand with a single, fat ruby on the princess's middle finger. "Oh, my child, how gracious of you!" she wheezed sweetly, taking Chloe's hand in both of hers – one on top and one on the other.
Again, Sabrina noticed something: the woman's hands. Though they were dry and calloused, they were undoubtably the hands of a young maiden.
But before Sabrina could say anything, the fortune teller hastily drew her top hand away and planted a kiss on Chloe's fingers.
Her empty fingers. The ring was gone!
Sabrina gasped.
"The pleasure is all –" Chloe began.
"Princess! Did you see what she –?"
"Sabrina! Don't interrupt me!" Chloe snapped coldly, glaring at her lady-in-waiting.
At that moment, the taller fortune teller gave Chloe not one, but three quick kisses on her other hand – one for each glittering ring.
When she straightened and cast Sabrina a sly glance, she smiled... revealing three jewels between her teeth!
Sabrina gulped, her heart hammering, and she grabbed frantically onto an unwitting Chloe's sleeve. "D-Did you see?! D-D-D-D-Did you SEE?!"
The princess shrieked and yanked her arm away, red-faced. "You wrinkled my sleeve!" she shouted. "You stupid, suspicious servant! Wait outside the coach!"
Sabrina's breath caught in her throat. "B-B-But...!"
"Out. Side. Sabrina," Chloe growled through gritted teeth, her glare turning frosty.
The redhead hung her head, fighting back her anger and embarrassment. "As you wish, Your Highness," Sabrina said.
So, with one last beady-eyed glare at the fortune tellers, Sabrina stomped away and slipped around the other side of the coach.
If she couldn't warn Chloe about it those gypsies, she'd catch them in the act instead. Then the princess would believe her.
All Sabrina needed to do was be quiet. And patient.
Princess Chloe sighed and laid a hand on her forehead. "This summer sun is making my head swim." She forced a smile at her guests. "Please, come inside my coach. You can tell me what my future holds."
"Ooh, I'd be delighted, Your Excellency," Ladybug said in her croaky accent. "Such generousness. And from our very own princess too!"
She resisted the urge to gag, but the blunette knew that kissing up to a self-absorbed royal like Chloe would allow her to play her part better.
Ladybug followed the princess into the coach and sat down opposite her, right across from a tiny table.
Whoa! Those cushions were so comfy you could sink right through them!
Readjusting herself, and making sure her disguise didn't slip off, Ladybug pulled the purple curtains together, pitching the interior into darkness.
"Now then," she said, turning to Chloe. "I must ask you to close your eyes."
The princess blinked curiously.
"Concentrate on the future you wish to see," Ladybug emphasized in that wise, old tone. "Come, now. Tight shut. No peeking."
Chloe lifted her chin in a dignifying manner, but she did as she was bid and squeezed her eyes closed.
Showtime, Ladybug thought with a grin.
She waved her arms and called out spookily but clearly, "From the mists of time, come forth, spirits of fire and light! Yoo-hoo!" She tried not to giggle.
But nothing happened.
Ladybug glanced nervously at the oblivious Chloe before clearing her throat and singing, "We're waiting!"
Rena, that means you, her mind called out into the dark coach.
At that moment, her partner's "crystal ball" popped through the closed curtains, carrying a tiny swarm of fireflies that were so bright, they looked like stars. The ball was tied to a string that couldn't be seen in the dark, and the whole thing dangled from a pole that Rena held outside the carriage.
So, from an unwitting person's perspective, it looked like the ball was flying on the will of some divine power.
Ladybug gasped big. "Look, princess! Look!"
Chloe snapped her eyes open, and they went big at the glowing ball floating down towards the table. A hand flew to her heart, and she smiled as though in a trance. "Oh... Incredible," she breathed. "Floating spirits..."
She reached her hand towards the ball... only for Ladybug to smack it away.
The look of appall on Chloe's face made Ladybug burst into laughter. She was having way to much fun with this!
"Oh, no, naughty, naughty," she said between giggles, waving her forefinger back and forth. "You mustn't touch, young lady."
Chloe rubbed her stinging hand with a dirty scowl at Ladybug. "How dare you strike the royal ha–!"
"Shh!" Ladybug leaned forward and put a finger to the princess's lips. "You'll break the spell," she whispered, lowering the ball onto the table. "Just gaze into the crystal ball, and I will tell you what I see."
The princess blinked with surprise. Obviously, no one had dared to silence her as well. But to Ladybug's relief, she was too obsessed with learning her future to bother with the matter any longer.
Ladybug waved her hands again and began chanting in a sing-song voice, "Oooo-de-lally, Oooo-de-lally... Oh!" Her face brightened.
Chloe leaned over in anticipation. "What? What do you see?"
Ladybug wiggled her fingers over the sides of the ball, pretending to squint at something inside. "I see... a queen. Yes! A young, beautiful queen, with a golden crown on her noble brow."
Chloe squealed. "Is it me? It's me, isn't it! Oh, how exciting!" She rested her head in her hands. "Carry on."
Ladybug smiled into the glowing ball and said, "She is very regal, majestic, loveable... and with such an adorable face."
Just then, the blunette caught a barely-audible gagging noise behind the curtain.
No doubt Rena Rouge was listening to the whole conversation... and finding it perplexing that Ladybug would be brave enough to actually say those things.
Chloe hummed to herself, "Regal... Majestic... Lovable, yes, yes... Adorable..." She brushed her golden ponytail from her shoulders like a proud queen. "Ah, that's me to a "T"," she sighed.
Ladybug took this opportunity to eyeball the large bag of gold lying nearby. She reached for it...
... only for a hand to shoot through the closed curtain and grab Ladybug's wrist harshly.
She let out a small "Ah!" before she could stop herself.
Luckily, in that exact second, the hand that no doubt belonged to Sabrina released her and was wrenched back with a muffled cry before Chloe noticed.
"Now what?" the princess snapped at Ladybug.
The blunette stopped rubbing her wrist immediately, and sweat beaded down her neck. But she refused to panic.
Ladybug pretended like she was about to feint. "Oh! I... The spirits are calling!" she rambled. "I... I see... your... illustrious name..."
"I know my name!" Chloe snapped with a raised voice, her face scrunched like a lioness baring her teeth over a scrap of meat. "Tell me what I don't know! Get on with it!"
Thankfully, Ladybug had the perfect response – so perfect that it was quite truthful. "Your name will go down in history," she proclaimed, "as one of the most in... famous monarchs of all time!" She hoped the princess wouldn't notice the subtle change of vocabulary.
She didn't. Chloe raised her manicured hands into the air in triumph. "Yes! I knew it! I knew it!" she cheered. "Did you hear that, Sabrina? I'll..." She frowned with distaste. "Oh, bother, she's outside. Don't forget it!" she hollered with a sharp glance at the curtain.
A clearing of the throat. "Will do, Your Highness!" came a sweet, girly voice.
Ladybug smirked. Rena needs to work on her voice impersonations, she thought.
Chloe sighed into her cushions. "Ahh... The fruits of being royalty," she mused. She straightened up and looked over at Ladybug again with malefic curiosity. "Perhaps, you could tell me how my... darling older brother will fare in the future?"
Ladybug could tell the blonde snob was hoping for a grim answer. She just offered a smile like a grandmother offering cookies. "But of course, my dear. Close your eyes."
Chloe did so with a dark giggle.
Ladybug stood silently and tiptoed around the table and behind the princess.
Then, she grabbed Chloe's head and slammed it down semi-forcefully onto the table.
Chloe bounced back up, cross-eyed and tipsy, before collapsing onto her plush pillows and breaking out into snoring.
Ladybug sighed with relief and ripped the itchy grey wig off her head, freeing her suffocating blue hair.
She stared down at the unconscious princess with a small shake of the head. "Well, she went down, that's for sure," she said.
She glanced at Chloe's glamorous blue dress. Then back at the heaping bags of gold. Then back at the dress.
The seeds of a naughty idea sprouted, and Ladybug grinned.
Rena Rouge was glad she caught Sabrina before the nosy handmaiden ruined the whole plan. All she needed was a tiny rock.
Now, the dainty redhead was sleeping like kitten against the back of the carriage. She would feel a bump on her head once she woke up, but nothing serious.
Rena brushed her hands off and began walking to the front ... until something caught the sunlight in her peripheral vision.
She looked, and was surprised to see that the gleam was coming from the two, round hubcaps holding the coach wheels in place. Curious, Rena flicked a finger against one of them. It gave off a tiny, metallic chime.
Rena huffed a silent laugh. "Well, whaddaya know?" she murmured to herself. "Solid gold hubcaps."
That gave the sly outlaw a clever idea.
Checking over her shoulders, Rena casually stepped in front of the back wheel, keeping her back to it. Then, with a quick reach behind her and a squeaky twist, she unscrewed the hubcap. Rena then walked over to the front wheel and did the same, looking innocent the whole time.
Rena unfurled her burlap shawl-sack and popped her two treasures in. She could go for the two wheels on the other side, but half of the carriage was more than enough. Besides, it would give Her Short-Temperedness something to think about once Ladybug and Rena made their quick getaway.
But one thing among the royal parade was still waiting to be robbed: the copper chest. The jackpot.
Rena knew she could easily slip underneath the noses of the stone-faced guards, cut a hole into the bottom of the chest with the dagger Ladybug had given her, and collect all the gold in her sack. But Rena knew would be too exposed once she was finished, and a heavy bag of coins would weigh her down if she tried to scurry away.
So she decided on a more... delicate tactic.
Securing her bag back over her shoulders, Rena ran over to the guards, waving her arms. "Oh, my heavens! Someone help!" she pleaded in her croaky voice. "The lady's fainted! Over by the coach! Please, someone help the poor girl!"
The guards turned their heads, and then looked at each other. Without a word, they lowered the huge chest onto the ground.
Three guards rushed over to the carriage, but one – an older gentlemen with some grey stubble – stayed behind.
Well, three out of four ain't bad, Rena thought. She would have to be quick with this one.
Luckily, all soldiers, no matter how old, shared one thing in common: their adoration of women.
Rena walked over to the lone guard, swaying her hips and batting her eyelashes.
He grinned wide and gave her a two-note whistle.
Rena giggled behind her hand before slinking up to the sturdy old soldier. She tapped her two fingers on his uniformed chest, walked them up to his chin...
... and slugged him square in the jaw.
The soldier plummeted onto the soft earth with a small grunt.
Rena rolled her eyes with disgust. Men. Then, she got straight to work.
It wasn't long before she was racing back to the carriage with her stolen bag of loot, grinning like a drunken fool.
That is, until she bumped right into a someone wearing a royal blue gown.
Both women fell onto their backs, spilling gold coins everywhere from both their bags.
Rena's wig and bandana fell clean off in the collision, and her auburn hair spilled out past her shoulders.
When she looked up at who she collided with, she frowned. "What took you so long?" she hissed.
Ladybug shrugged awkwardly, indicating to her new dress – Chloe's dress. Her makeup had been smeared off earlier, so now the blue-haired outlaw looked like a beautiful princess.
"You know me – I can't resist lovely fabrics," Ladybug whispered, gathering as much of the spilled gold as she could back into her large, rose-pink bundle.
Her fortune teller dress, Rena realized with intrigue. Clever. The redhead then helped her partner collect the rest of coins.
The hard part was over. Now came the fun part.
"Ughhh... Why do I have such a splitting headache?" Princess Chloe groaned sluggishly.
She rubbed her forehead as she sat up and looked around.
It was still dark inside the coach, but the old fortune teller was gone. The crystal ball was lying on its side on the floor, open on one side, and tiny little lights were buzzing around everywhere.
Wait... Those weren't lights. They were... fireflies?
And... "Where is my gold?" Chloe said aloud, finally noticing the bare, carpeted floor. Even her cushions were gone! The only thing left was her large hand-mirror, lying on the table.
Panic and confusion crunched together in the princess's chest. Was this all some kind of a joke?
"Sabrina?" Chloe called out irritably as she stomped over to the curtains and ripped them apart. "Is this your doing?"
Two people were standing on the road in front her – two women; young and in their late teens, by the looks of them. Neither of them were Sabrina.
They looked up at the princess with defiant grins; one with eyes like fire and hair like red-streaked maroon, the other with eyes like the sea on a clear day and shimmery locks of midnight-blue.
It wasn't until Chloe saw the dress on the blunette when her eyes widened with horror.
That dress... MY dress!
The temperature in Chloe's cheeks rose several degrees, and she looked down at herself.
She shrieked when she saw that she wore only her white, frilly-sleeved chemise and matching, short trousers. She covered herself up her arms and stomach, even though she knew that wouldn't do anything.
The blunette smiled amusedly at the princess and spoke in a younger, more melodic voice, "Looks like your fortune's run out, Your Highness."
Chloe wasn't sure how she figured it out then. Maybe she had seen a wanted poster somewhere, or that Duke of Hodcot had been descriptive of the outlaw who had robbed him.
All she knew at that precise moment – glaring with immense hatred into those cool-blue eyes – was that this was the girl everyone talked about. The traitorous peasant. The scheming "witch of the woods".
Ladybug.
With a final curtsy to the princess, the notorious rogue and her partner took off down the road with their two bulging bags.
My gold!
Only then did Chloe scream, "ROBBED! I've been robbed!" She glanced around feverishly. "Sabrina! You're never around when I need you!"
A low groan sounded from the the right, near the back of the coach.
Then, Sabrina waddled over to Chloe, rubbing the back of her head. Her hair was a bit frazzled, but she smoothed it down quickly and came up to the princess.
Only then did Sabrina notice Chloe standing there in her undergarments. The lady-in-waiting frowned with mortification and folded her arms.
Chloe pouted, embarrassed to be seen in her frail state. "I've been robbed," she whined like a child.
"Of course you've been robbed!" Sabrina spat, pointing in the direction of the thieves. "And now you're letting them get away!"
Chloe peered over.
As the two girls sprinted away, the blunette wearing her dress cheered, "Oo-de-lally!"
The taller one waved back at the astounded soldiers, including their fallen friend. "Fortune's forecast! Lucky charms!" she called playfully.
The old guard, who was coming back to his senses, stared in amazement at the redhead. Then, he sighed happily and waved back.
Chloe made a furious choking noise. What are these idiots waiting for?! "After them, you fools!" she ordered.
The musicians and the troops immediately sprang to attention, lifted their weapons (or instruments) and chased after the two thieves.
As soon as Sabrina climbed back into the carriage, the coachman whipped his reins, and the four white stallions broke into a furious charge.
They hadn't gone more than twenty feet when the carriage suddenly jerked sideways.
The princess saw the two wheels on the right popping off before she and Sabrina fell out the open window with mixed screams.
Chloe tried to hang onto one of the curtains, but it ripped right off. She hit the ground and rolled onto her stomach... right in a puddle of mud and rainwater.
Spitting out the nasty earthy concoction, Chloe rose onto her knees, wincing from the pain of the fall. Then, she gasped at how utterly filthy and wet she was. Her hair was sloppy and streaked with brown, and her white undergarments were now the colour of wet sand.
Sabrina was no better. Her whole dress was soaked, there were dirt marks streaking down her face, and her hair was spiked up with mud.
Chloe looked up, only to see her carriage resting on its right side. Her mirror was lying beside her – the last thing she had left from the heist.
Her dress. Her gold. Her coach. Everything else had been taken from her! And a couple of wretched, low-life peasants had done it!
No... Ladybug had done it!
Chloe howled. In her fury, she pounded her fists in the puddle, splashing water everywhere. "No, no, no, NO!" she hollered, tears cutting through the dirt caked on her cheeks. "It's not fair! I've never been so... so... AAAHHH!" She slammed her fists again.
Sabrina lifted up into a sitting position and brushed herself off. In this rare moment of courage, she forgot her courtesies and glared at Chloe. "I knew it! I just knew this would happen! I knew those two girls were trouble! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no! You wouldn't listen! You just had to go and let them walk right into your –!"
Chloe didn't know what came over her, or even what she was doing.
But as Sabrina rambled on, a burning anger ignited in the princess's veins, and she reached for her mirror before brandishing it over her head like a sword.
Sabrina stopped talking the moment she saw Chloe's twisted face. And the mirror. "Ah, Ah! AH!" she cried, shrinking away while lifting her hands. "Seven year's bad –!"
The mirror came down, but the maidservant veered out of the way in the nick of time.
CRASH!
The glass shattered into jagged pieces on the ground, and Chloe – realizing she missed – dropped the mirror with a grunt.
"... luck," Sabrina squeaked, her eyes wide as she beheld the mess of broken shards. Her head sank into her shoulders as she gazed over at Chloe with pity. "And that was your mother's mirror you just broke."
Chloe's face fell, and then she burst into tears again. "Ah...! Mommy!" she bawled. She stuck her thumb in her mouth again, only to spit it out with disgust. "Oh," she whimpered. "I have a dirty thumb."
Sabrina let out a sigh to the heavens that said, Why me?