CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

THE PHONEY QUEEN OF ENGLAND

It was almost midnight when Adrien and Marinette arrived at the entrance to the outlaws' hideout.

The high waterfall glowed in the light of the moon; a glistening curtain of blue and white. Around it, the high ridge of wet, lichen-covered rocks shimmered darkly – too slippery for anyone to climb, and too broad to go around.

But there was a way through it.

Marinette took Adrien's hand with an assuring nod. "Follow me," she said.

He followed right at her heels, stepping everywhere she did as she manoeuvred through the sharp rocks along the edge of the great pool.

The sound of rushing water drowned out all other noise, so Marinette relied on expressions and signals to communicate with Adrien. She led him through a stretched opening between the water and the rock wall, where the spraying mist moistened their faces.

Careful not to slip, Marinette tugged Adrien over to her until they were both concealed by the shroud of the waterfall. Then, she pointed to another opening in the wall behind her: a dark crevice that looked like a narrow mouth.

It was pitch-black inside, and wide enough for only one person to go in at a time. Moreover, the lovers had to bend forward just to fit in. But Marinette knew every inch of the walls and ceiling. She felt her way through the darkness with one hand and pulled Adrien behind her with the other.

The further they went, the more the sound of the booming waterfall receded. Eventually, Marinette could smell pine trees and drying laundry, and she smiled.

Finally, moonlight showed up ahead – the way out.

Marinette breathed in the fresh air as she stepped out onto soft grass. Then, she helped Adrien inch his way out of the hole.

The lordling shook his mop of dripping hair with a sideways grin. "Now I know why the Sheriff and his posse haven't tried looking here," he noted. "The soldiers hate getting wet more than anything."

Marinette smirked at that. One of Princess Chloe's biggest mistakes was choosing guards for their style rather than their stamina.

Adrien swept his eyes over the hideout. Next to the makeshift camp, there was a small clearing where several targets were set up. The bordering wall of trees and bushes provided perfect cover from the elements... and the prying eyes of nosy sheriffs. Adrien whistled with a grin. "Spacious and secretive," he said. "I could get used to being an outlaw."

Marinette shrugged with minimal enthusiasm. "Its kept me and Alya safe this long, but Chloe might get smart now and have her men do a more thorough search of Sherwood." The blunette looked at her hideout – her home away from home – and her shoulders sagged. "We'll have to move around and cover our tracks; stay on our toes until we can figure out a way to kick Chloe out of Nottingham for good."

Adrien slid his arm around her, and Marinette took comfort in his embrace. She turned to face him with hopeful eyes.

"We'll worry about that tomorrow, Milady," her Cat Noir said, still smiling. "Tonight, I just want this."

He pulled her into his arms and held her ever so closely. Protective, but not overwhelming. Strong, but delicate.

Marinette held him the same way, smiling from the warmth of his body. "I wish this night could never end," she whispered.

They stood there in silent harmony, finding peace and solace in each other's company.

Until...

"SURPRISE!"

Marinette yelped, and Adrien instinctively spun around to find the threat, keeping his arms around his lady.

To both of their heart-stopping bewilderment, standing in one of the bushes was Alix.

Her arms were spread open and she had a mischievous, beaming smile on her face. "Long live Ladybug!" the fourteen-year-old girl declared, just as loud as she had back at Stonefield.

The responding applause from the foliage made Marinette gasp with shock and delight.

There was grumpy old Otis the Blacksmith, leaning proudly on his crutch as Alya (now back in her orange cloak and brown leathers) helped him out.

Nino rose out from the bushes with Kim and Max, all three of them cackling over Adrien's astounded expression.

Friar Fu chuckled warmly as he came out from behind a rock with Nadja and Manon.

Then there was Nathaniel and his musician friends, all with their instruments in hand.

Rose and Juleka cheered from up in their perch in a birch tree.

More and more faces emerged out of the forest – familiar faces of friends and acquaintances, all of them cheering and laughing. Farmers and their families, woodcarvers, shepherds, the cobbler and his wife, the village children, the bookkeeper and his apprentice, Friar Fu's acolytes, and even the street urchins.

It seemed as though all of Nottingham had showed up!

Marinette was overwhelmed by the growing crowd as they stepped forward, and she placed a hand on her heart. Everyone she had helped; everyone she knew and loved like family... they were all here!

Beside her, Adrien was just as speechless, but his smile was broad and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

Once the clamour died down, Marinette looked to Alya with a suspicious but friendly gaze. "You always were a crafty one, Rena," she quipped.

The redhead lifted her hands in a shrug. "Hey, don't look at me, sister. We found them all gathered at the borders of the forest while you and Prince Charming were... occupied." She winked, and that only made Marinette's face redden even more.

Friar Fu chuckled as he strode towards Marinette and Adrien. "Given all that's happened today, we thought a little celebration wouldn't be unappreciated. Especially..." His mouth crinkled into a fatherly smile. "... now that the two of you are engaged."

"Congrats, by the way!" Nino chimed in, raising an invisible toast to Adrien. "Long live Ladybug and Cat Noir!"

Everyone clapped and whistled. A chorus of praise filled the air, including occasional shouts of "Bravo!" and "Congratulations!" and "Oo-de-lally!"

Adrien dipped his head to all of them in a nod of thanks. Marinette did the same with a bashful laugh.

Nino came over and clapped Adrien on the back in a brotherly manner, murmuring something like "It's about time".

Alix and Manon ran into Marinette's open arms, and the blunette lifted them both off their feet giggling.

"I told ya!" Little Manon boasted, showing off her little buck teeth. "I told Sir Adrien he was gonna marry Ladybug, and he is!"

Alix just rolled her eyes at her baby sister.

When it was Nadja's turn, she kissed Marinette on the cheek. "Your parents would be so proud, my dear," the magenta-haired widow said teary-eyed. "Adrien is a wonderful man, and I know you'll be very happy together."

Marinette tried to hide the hint of uneasiness in her eyes. "I doubt Chloe will think so," she admitted. She eyed her circle of friends with renewed vigour. "And I think it's high time we bring her down to our level."

"You got that right," Alya said, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Down with that scurvy Princess Chloe!"

"YEAH!" the townsfolk shouted in unison, fists raised.

Friar Fu lifted his hand to silence the riled crowd. "Patience, my brothers and sisters," he declared calmly. "Retribution will come, and Nottingham will be freed from this reign of oppression. But we must be vigilant." His tone became grim, like a fortune teller predicting bad weather. "Violence cannot be undone with more violence. Only through wisdom and cunning can we hope to defeat Chloe."

"He's right," Adrien stated, and all eyes fell upon him, including Marinette's. "My cousin has an entire army at her disposal. Stonefield was just a taste of it." His tone carried the strength and softness of a current in a river. "We can't risk an all-out war against the soldiers. It would only bring Nottingham to ruin."

Many among the crowd sagged with painful realization at the lordling's words. As much as they wanted Chloe to pay for driving them into poverty, Marinette could see in their eyes that they knew what their odds would be against heavily-armed and heavily-trained guards. Even if they found the courage to face Chloe's brutes, too many lives would be lost.

Marinette grasped Adrien's hand as she addressed the people. Her people. "It will not come to war," she said boldly. "Chloe may have an army, but she's lost one advantage today: her ability to rule through fear."

In the corner of the blunette's eye, Alya grinned.

"Then let's prove to Queen Bee that we're not afraid of her!" The redhead raised her fist to the heavens. "A pox on the Phoney Queen of England!"

More cheers and shouts, and both Marinette and Adrien found themselves joining them.

The merriment lasted long into the wee hours of the night, accompanied by music, dancing, games, and stories.

Nathaniel and his fellow musicians played a midsummer jig, and lots of people spun and stomped around each other in a broad circle, clapping to the beat. In the middle danced Marinette and Adrien, never once taking their eyes off each other while their friends looked on, touched by the endearment.

Alya was sitting on a rock before a group of adults and children, telling them stories about Ladybug and Rena Rouge's adventures. The little ones laughed at the story where the outlaws had snatched the clothes off the Duke of Hodcot, and also the time they had caught three royal guards in a net and sent them rolling down a hill.

Nino leaned against a nearby tree as Alya spoke, smiling at the way her face lit up at the exhilarating parts of her tales.

Beside him stood Otis, who occasionally break the silence with conversation. "She's always been a troublemaker, my Alya," the blacksmith told Nino with a smile at his daughter. "But she has her mother's kindness and spirit."

Adrien's dark-skinned attendant gave the old man a sideways grin. "And her father's stubbornness, from what she told me," he noted. "It's no wonder she has so much steel in her, since she has to put up with you."

Otis blinked at that... and then shook with laughter. "Aye, and don't you forget it, boy! Mark my words, you'll be the one putting up with her soon enough!"

Nino just cleared his throat and shifted in his spot while the crippled blacksmith hobbled away with a mischievous chuckle.

Meanwhile, Alix and her gang were reenacting the "Battle of Stonefield", as they called it, for Manon and the other kids. Being blonde, Rose got to play the part of Princess Chloe. Her impersonation of Chloe running for her life from Ladybug (aka, Alix) sent everyone – including the actors – bending over from laughing too hard.

Friar Fu had brought a few kegs of his famous honeyed cider, which he brewed himself and spiced with honey from the bee farm in his church garden. Everyone drank and toasted and drank again, praising friends, family, and heroes.

Finally, Nathaniel rang a little bell that caught everyone's attention, and silence swept over the hideout like a heavy curtain.

The redheaded minstrel picked up his lute as he addressed the crowd. "And now, ladies and gentleman, folks and young-ins... I'd like to make a special commemoration for our dear Princess Chloe." A sly smile stretched across his face. "A song of my own composition that, I believe, really brings out our ruler's most renowned qualities."

Many people chuckled under their breaths at the prospect of this song, and they all waited in anticipation.

Nathaniel signalled to his friends: the drummer, the piper, the harper, the trumpeter, and the violinist. "One. Two. Three. Four!"

The minstrel immediately strummed on his lute while his friends provided the upbeat, fast-paced background.

As everyone clapped and started dancing, Nathaniel sang in deep tenor:

"Oh, the world will sing of an English queen

A thousand years from now,

And not because she passed some laws,

Or had that shifty brow!

While bonny good King Felix rides

For the Holy Land beyond,

We'll all have to slave away

For that good-for-nothin' blonde!

Incredible as she is inept,

Whenever the history books are kept,

They'll call her the Phoney Queen of England!"

Then the musicians sang in unison: "A pox on the Phoney Queen of England!"

All the while, Friar Fu's two acolytes – burly Ivan and sweet Mylene – put on a puppet-show for the children using Alya's laundry hanger and two blue blankets for curtains. The two large straw puppets were made to look like Princess Chloe and her handmaiden Sabrina.

The two acolytes put on a performance while Nathaniel kept singing:

"She sits alone on a giant throne

Pretendin' she's the queen!

A little brat, so spoiled that

She always makes a scene!

And she throws an angry tantrum

If she cannot have her way!

She calls for Mum while suckin' her thumb

Cause she doesn't want to play!"

At that moment, Puppet-Sabrina started whacking Puppet-Chloe. Then, Mylene appeared (wearing a paper crown over her eyes) and pretended to suck her thumb – just like Chloe.

After that, no one could stop laughing. Not Alix, Manon, or their friends. Not Friar Fu. Not even Marinette, Adrien, Alya, and Nino.

Then Nathaniel finished with his next chorus:

"Too late to be known as Chlo the First,

She's sure to be known as Chlo the Worst!

A pox on that Phoney Queen of England!"

Alya pointed at the minstrel and chanted, "Lay that country on me, Dale!"

Nathaniel grinned and played a wild instrumental solo for the intermission. His fellow musicians followed in perfect harmony.

Little by little, the dancers broke off into pairs or groups. Marinette was stolen away by Alix and her friends, and they all took turns linking arms with their red-hooded saviour and spinning around. Adrien watched with a smile as he clapped to the music.

Just then, Nino appeared at Alya's side and immediately took her hand. "Come on, Rena!" he urged with a challenger's grin.

The fiery outlaw happily accepted, and the two of them linked hands and did a fast-stepping jig around each other. At one point, Nino surprised Alya with a twirl and a dip, leaving her both breathless and smiling.

The trumpeter blared. The piper tooted. The drummer hammered. The dancers stomped. The audience clapped.

Then, Nathaniel sang once more, strumming lightly on his lute:

"While she taxes us to pieces

And she robs us of our bread,

Her brother's crown keeps slippin' down

Around that pointed head!

Ah! But while there is a merry man

In Ladybug's wily pack,

We'll find a way to make her pay

And steal our money back!

The minute before she knows we're there..."

The music paused. Everyone in the hideout paused, wondering why Nathaniel didn't finish.

Then, the grinning minstrel gestured to over the people's shoulders and spoke, "Ladybug will snatch her underwear!"

Everyone snapped around.

To their delight, Marinette burst through the puppet-show curtains wearing Puppet-Chloe's dress and paper crown.

As the townsfolk laughed and cheered, the blue-haired heroine took a bow and then threw off the silly disguise.

Only once the crown was off did Adrien rush over and lift his fiancée into the air, earning another cheer from the crowd.

The music picked up again. Now everyone joined in on the dancing circle as Nathaniel sang the grand finale, accompanied by an echoing melody from his violinist after every verse:

"The breezy and uneasy Queen of England!

The snivellin' grovellin'...

Measly weaselly...

Blabberin' jabberin'...

Gibberin' jabberin'...

Blunderin' clottin'...

Wheelin' dealin'...

Chloe, that Phoney Queen of England!"

A unified cheer sounded.

But Marinette and Adrien – still smiling and laughing in each other's arms – didn't stop. Nor did the music.

Together with all of Nottingham, the happy couple danced the night away, and the trees of Sherwood Forest danced with them in the swaying breeze.

Well, good readers, as wonderful and merry as that moment was, I regret to say that it did not last.

The song was like a stone being thrown into a pond, and the ripples it created ultimately changed Nottingham forever.

Over the next few weeks, every living soul in Nottingham was whistling, humming, or mumbling "The Phoney Queen of England" day and night. On some nights, my fellow musicians and I would slip into taverns and inns and play for the locals. Then we would flee just before Chloe's guards stormed in.

It wasn't long before the song got into the soldiers' heads as well, and they too started singing it whenever they thought their officers weren't in earshot.

While this brought some amusement and hope to the folks of Nottingham, looking back on it now, that song marked the beginning of the end.

But the end of what, you may ask. The end of Princess Chloe's tyrannical reign? The end of Ladybug and the fall of Nottingham?

That, my good readers, is what you must read for yourself.