As Harry was navigating to the bathroom in his stocking feet, he stopped a moment in the middle of the room to get a description of it—trying to figure out where he was. He was certain that it was not the part of Healer Jordan's office that he had visited before. He figured out that it was a small room adjacent to the room he'd been in before. The way the staff described it, the room was sparsely furnished and sounded a bit clinical. It smelled like the hospital wing, but it was definitely smaller. The toilet was just outside the door.
Returning to the camp bed, he wondered if he should be calling Besel something else.
"Should I be calling you Mind Healer Geller?" he asked as he returned.
"What are you comfortable with?" was her opaque response.
"Er—I dunno," Harry muttered. "I like Besel."
"I do, too, and while Healer Jordan might frown on the informality of it, I feel like it is more important for you to feel comfortable."
"Okay," Harry agreed. "Is there somewhere more comfortable where I can sit? The camp bed…"
"Sure, directly to your right and about a yard from you is a chair that you can sit on," she informed him as she adjusted her chair so that she was facing it. "Does this mean that you want to continue talking now?"
"Uh, I guess so? Maybe just a little?" Harry asked, as he found the chair and sat down.
"Yes, we could talk for about bit—however long you'd like," Besel said. "Is there anything you'd like to discuss?"
"I dunno," he said, then cringed—it seemed like he kept saying that. He hurried on to the only topic that was kind of really bugging him. "I was wondering if there was a way to keep my bed dry? My roommate keeps splashing my area."
"Oh, well, sure," Besel said. "There are a number of ways to handle that. A shield charm, a physical barrier, a drying spell. What do you think would work best?"
"Maybe a physical barrier? Mei seems to want some privacy, too. She keeps thinking that I'm looking at her."
He must have conveyed some emotion in that statement because Besel asked, "How do you feel about that?"
An anger flashed across Harry's chest and rose in his voice, "Really mad."
He surprised himself with that and clamped down his lips and sat on his hands, afraid that more would erupt.
Besel was quiet and Harry wasn't sure what it meant.
Is she upset with me for getting angry?
He blinked. In these silences, he ached for sight to be able to read people's emotions on their faces. He had always been able to tell from the slightest twitch in Uncle Vernon's mustache or the way Aunt Petunia's lips were compressed into a tighter line or if there was a manic quality in the way Dudley's eyes widened just how much trouble he was in. He was learning to listen to the noises people made, but he didn't really know anyone here well enough to be able to read them as effectively by sound as he had read people by sight before.
This silence is really long…
Harry shifted uncomfortably.
"Do you want to elaborate on that?" Besel asked. She didn't sound angry or upset, just curious.
"I mean it is bad enough not being able to see, but then when she accuses me of looking at her! It just feels so mean. Like she's trying to poke me—get me where it already hurts really badly. And she knows what it is like. I mean, she told me that she misses her legs and being able to walk." Harry gestured toward Besel and then realized what he was doing and dropped his hand.
"Sorry," he said.
"It's okay, Harry. I know what that feels like, too," Besel said.
"It's just that I guess that I don't know why she wants to hurt me. Well, and it's not just me. It's our other roommates, too. She's said some stuff that is really cruel."
"That sounds really hard."
"I mean, I know she's angry, too. Like me, like Tony, even Gemma. Aminah's the only one who doesn't seem angry, just sad." He paused for a moment. "Maybe Aminah's angry, too, just it comes out sad."
"It sounds like you all are experiencing a lot of big feelings," Besel said.
"Well, who wouldn't? Right? I mean, we're all just broken and if magic can't bloody well fix us, then what can?" Harry's throat felt raw as the words exploded out of him, despite his attempt to keep them in.
"Harry, it is okay to be angry."
"It's just… ." he wasn't able to finish the sentence.
Besel waited quietly.
He tried again. "It's just… "
The word was there, just on the tip of his tongue. He didn't want to say it.
"I dunno," he sighed.
"It's okay, Harry. We've got time. When you're ready to say it, just let me know," Besel said.
"Okay. Thanks." He heard, distantly, a big clock tolling the hour. Big Ben. It was 9 o'clock.
"I'm really tired. Can I go to bed?" Harry asked.
"Yes, of course. We'll get the barrier in place so that your area doesn't get wet. Thank you for your hard work today."
"Er," Harry paused, "I didn't do anything."
"You actually did some really big work. And you don't seem broken to me. Maybe changed, but not broken."
Harry let out a breath as he thought about that.
Besel's chair made whooshing noises as she left the little room. He wiggled his stocking feet and wondered where his shoes were.
"Navigant my shoes," he tried and was surprised when it worked. He put on his shoes and then asked his staff to direct him to his dormitory. When he reached the corridor, he got a whiff of the owlery and decided to nip inside to see if Hedwig had returned.
It's possible, right?
He realized that the reason he had smelled the owlery out in the corridor was because someone else was in there. He heard a low voice speaking in crooning tones as he entered the owlery. He didn't recognize the voice.
"Oh, hi. Are you here for your owl, too?" The voice was female, Harry thought.
"Yes, have you seen a big snowy white owl?" Harry asked.
"Oh, yes, she's beautiful! She's yours?" she responded.
"Yes." Harry smiled as he heard Hedwig's hoot and her great wings flap as she flew down to him.
"Hi, girl!" He had asked his staff to take him to the owl perch and Hedwig alighted on it, cuffing him around the head with her wings as she settled on to the perch. He collapsed his staff and stuck it in his pocket so that he could run both his hands through her feathers.
He could understand how an animal could provide comfort to people who had suffered trauma. He felt some of the anxiety he had been feeling talking to Besel slip away as he ran his hands over Hedwig's silky form.
Scared.
The word that he hadn't been able to say out loud to Besel. He allowed it to form in his head as he buried his hands in Hedwig's feathers. He felt some of the rings of tension in his throat lessen as he let the word out, even without uttering it.
He nuzzled her beak with his face and she nipped at his earlobe. He pulled back afraid she'd eat his aftí.
The woman had turned her attention back to her owl and Harry was glad for the bit of privacy it afforded him with Hedwig. He found two scrolls and slipped them off Hedwig's leg. He had thought she wouldn't be able to deliver all of them in one day, let alone get answers. He wondered, nevertheless, what happened to the third one. He pulled out his staff and got his anagnóstis out.
I'm not going to put off reading my messages again.
After a bit of awkwardness trying to read the scrolls with his anagnóstis, he also summoned a notebook out of his staff for a little bit of structure behind the scrolls so he could read them. He also realized that because he had missed dinner, he didn't have any food scraps in his pockets to feed Hedwig. He remembered he had part of a sandwich left from yesterday and got it out. It was not in great shape and Hedwig turned up her beak at it.
"Sorry, Hedwig. I'll get you something at breakfast, okay?"
He shook out his staff and asked it to take him to a bin so he could throw away the sandwich. As he was throwing it out, the woman left, saying goodbye to Harry cheerfully. He noticed that her footsteps were uneven—she limped heavily—and one footstep sounded wooden.
The first scroll was one of the ones he had written, so he reattached it to Hedwig's leg. The third one was from Ron. It made him smile to hear Ron's voice.
"Harry—How'd you manage to 'accidentally destroy' my note before you read it? And Ginny's? Your cousin didn't burn them, did he? The git. I just wrote to you inviting you to visit the burrow. Mum says you can stay with us as long as you like… the whole summer, if you want. Wouldn't that be brilliant? Hermione wrote and told me all about your training at the Center (and I mean all about it)—so I guess you'll have to come after you're done there. Oh, and I was also telling you about this bloke that dad knows at the Ministry—Mad-eye Moody. He has a magical eye to replace the one that got cursed in a wicked battle during the last war. I guess he can see out of it better than a normal eye. That's what dad says anyway. Maybe you can get one or two of those? I guess they have X-ray vision. That could be interesting. If you know what I mean.
Anyway, mum says that we might be able to come visit you this weekend. Like all of us. So be prepared. I hope you're doing okay and that you're learning lots of things. Hermione said the library is bigger than Hogwarts'. I think she was actually jealous." Harry could almost hear Ron roll his eyes.
"So, maybe we'll see you on Saturday. Ginny's still working on re-writing her note, so I'm going to go ahead and send this as Hedwig is getting demanding. Ginny will send hers later.
Ron."
Harry had a fleeting moment of worry for Ginny. He wondered how she was doing, but it was hard to imagine her not doing well with all those boisterous redheads clambering around her. He was sure she was fine. He thought about all of the Weasleys coming to visit on Saturday and felt warm at the thought.
Good warm, he concluded after thinking about it for a second.
He rolled up the scroll and put it and everything else back in his staff. He took a moment to stroke Hedwig again and thank her for her trips.
"Don't worry about flying out tonight with that letter—okay, girl? It can wait until morning. It goes to the person who wrote me. I guess you know that. You're a very smart owl."
Hedwig nuzzled him and nipped him gently again and then burst away from the perch in a shower of feathers that deafened him for a second. Harry stood and listened until she found a perch high in the rafters and then he asked his staff to take him to the dormitory.
He was wiping his feet on the mat by the door when a droll voice spoke to him. He started until he remembered the portrait by the door.
"That snowy white owl sure is busy."
"Yes, she is," Harry replied and left.
oO0OooO0OooO0OooO0Oo
Harry entered the dormitory and smiled when his roommates called out to him before he was across the threshold.
"Hey, Harry. You alright?" Mei called out.
He could hear Tony as well and Aminah. Gemma's hand fluttered on his arm, gently guiding him to his area.
"Thanks, Gemma," he said. "Yes, I'm alright, thanks."
"Man, Harry, you did a total faceplant! I don't think I've ever seen anyone just keel over like that. It was smashing!" Tony sounded a little too excited about it as he approached Harry.
Harry didn't know how to respond. "Er, thanks?"
"It looks like they did a good job of healing your face," Mei observed.
"Um, actually, I wasn't aware that I hurt my face," Harry admitted, running his fingertips over his cheekbones. It didn't even feel sore.
"Check this out! I have arms!" Tony exclaimed and he reached over and touched Harry on his hand. His touch was cool and smooth—more solid than flesh, but not metallic or plastic. He grasped Harry's hand a little clumsily and Harry grabbed it back, trying to understand what he was feeling.
"Hey, that's great, Tony! They feel cool." Harry stopped himself before he said more, afraid that he'd step over the boundary of what Tony was ready to hear and glad he was able to repress the shudder that gathered in his belly.
"Check this out… I can pick up stuff!" There was a clunking noise followed by a splash and Harry felt water spray his face.
"Was that my water bottle?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm still getting the hang of it," Tony said as Mei guffawed.
Gemma scampered off and Harry heard the toilet door slam. Moments later she was dabbing at his shirt with a towel.
"Sorry, I'm pretty excited," Tony apologized, setting Harry's bottle on his desk again.
"I can tell," Harry replied. "And you should be. I'm really glad for you."
Gemma's hand was resting on his other arm and she tapped at his hand, indicating that she wanted to say something. He opened up his palm and waited.
"Y-O-U" space "R-E-S-T-?"
He nodded in response, giving her a weak smile.
She squeezed his arm.
"What were your classes this afternoon?" he asked her.
"B-A-L-A-N-C-E" space "+" space "N-O-N-V-E-R-B-A-L :)" space "S-P-E-L-L-C-A-S-T-I-N-G".
"Balance?" Harry questioned.
She made a motion in his hand that he realized was writing and he got out his anagnóstis, notebook, and pencil from his staff.
As she wrote, he sat on his bed.
"How was the Toad in a Hole at dinner?" Harry asked Tony.
"Oh, well, it was a bit of a disaster," he said. Mei snorted. Aminah giggled—she'd come over, too, apparently.
"Sounds like an entertaining dinner," Harry said, a bit relieved that he had missed it. The nutrition potion must have worked because he wasn't hungry.
"Hey, Mei. They are going to put up a barrier between our areas so that I don't keep getting wet every time you come out of your tank," Harry mentioned, thinking it would be better if she had a warning.
"Oh. Okay. I guess."
Harry listened carefully. He still felt some of the anger he had felt when he was talking about how Mei was behaving toward him and his roommates. He wondered for a second if he had been trying to hurt her back with the whole barrier thing and he felt a little ashamed at the same time that he felt justified.
He was straining his ears, trying to tell if she was upset by the news when Gemma tapped his hand with the notebook.