Harley's Magikal Mystery Tour
Author's note: Tsk tsk… such a naughty story, oh well, suffice it to say that I find it a guilty pleasure to write. Thanks to LordGrise for suggesting… well… you'll see; but the impacts should be deliciously fun.
Part 2: The bar with no doors
Darkness… and then a glimmer of light and sound. Then a great deal more light and sound as a blast of music shook Harley and Pamela's bodies. Each started awake, only to find that that they were standing in a crowd of people.
Dancing people.
Dancing weird people as all of them were dressed extravagantly, or oddly, or barely dressed at all.
Anto took me down to Whistler's place
It was like a scene from a dream
Tarantulas, drapes, magic mushroom cakes
Sharks hanging from the beams
…
…
A shark swam by, yes it was swimming in the air, with a tray of drinks balanced on the top of its head; looked like a small great white but Harley wasn't sure. And trays of little cakes and pastries were also floating by.
The two women spun around, which allowed them to notice each other. Pamela was dressed in her usual poison Ivy costume of green leaves that did not leave much to the imagination; it did accent her red hair quite well. Harley was dressed pair of red and blue micro short shorts (she was commando for those want to know), a white tee-shirt that had a few tears, fishnet stockings, high heel tennis shoes, and a red and blue jacket that matched her micro shorts, plus a baseball bat to complete the ensemble (the perfect collection for a night on the town, and yes… just like the movie Suicide Squad).
…
Dave Ruffian was there with a sad-eyed girl
And the son of Ringo Starr
It was a night like any other, man
At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead Bar
…
The music was coming from a small stage where a band was playing (The Waterboys for those who want to know and the song was Hammerhead bar). Song by Mike Scott, full time rocker, part-time wizard.
"Excuses us love." Said an English fellow who was the splitting image of Ringo Starr, as he passed by with drinks in both hands.
"What the hell is going on Harley?" Stated Pamela as she went back to back with Harley in a defensive posture.
…
Four beer-bellied roadies from Uriah Heep
Were comparing stomach tattoos
Two had Satan, one had Tam Paton
One had a belt-shaped bruise
…
Harvey was wide eyed looking at the four enormous men comparing stomach tattoos. "No idea Red!"
..
In a spotlit corner a famous DJ
Was showing a starlet his scars
Yeah it was all for one and one for all
At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar
…
"Harley… checkout Elvis." Whispered Pamela as she tried to point with her eyes without looking like she was pointing.
Harley snuck a quick glance behind her. By gosh, by golly, now that was a great Elvis costume, apart from the red cloak… Red cloak? Wait a second, Elvis looked like…
Harvey blurted out. "That's Dr. Strange! The fella from the comics!" Who incidentally was dancing with a Purple headed woman had on one of those postage stamp sized bikinis.
…
Three groupies were gargling umbrella drinks
Under the eye of the Ox
The first said to the second about the third
"She's as square as a fucking box"
…
Harley glanced back, off in the corner there was an enormous ox headed man dancing with three gals, and yes, the third gal's head was rather box shaped.
…
Viv Stanshall turned up on cue
With a pickled skull in a jar
There was always something intriguing to do
At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar
…
"You're new." Inquired a sudden voice to the side of them, which just caused the both of them to stare at the head in the floating jar. It was an older man (he's Chondu the Mystic, bartender at the Bar with no doors).
History was made as both Harley and Ivy had nothing to say, Harley almost took a swing with her bat but managed to restrained herself.
"I said you're new, never seen you before, who's guest are you?" Inquired the head as a small radar like dish unpacked from the base of the jar and made some beeping noises at them. "Hmm, magic… and rather chaotic at that… Well you qualify for the club so, what would you like to drink?"
"Drink?" Stated both Pamela and Harley.
"Why else would you be here? Biggest Halloween party the Bar with no doors has ever hosted. Man that treaty is good for business. Hopefully we can make it a tradition."
"Um… a Tom Collins?" Answered Pamela. Note: two ounces gin, 3/4 ounce of lemon juice, two ounces club soda, one lemon wedge; mix with ice and serve cold.
"One Tom Collins." Stated the head in a jar, which then addressed Harley. "And you missy?"
…
The local MP, a Tory grandee
Sir Bufton Fairbairn-Smart
Who dressed like a cross between Robert The Bruce
And Napoleon Bonaparte
Was busy murdering Billy Joel's
"Just The Way You Are"
It was business as usual, sunny boys
At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar
…
Harley was watching an giant octopus dancing with what looked like six sailor moon dressed ladies who were all twerking against him, and that was far from the strangest thing, or things, dancing.
"Missy?"
Harley decided to just go with it. "I'll have a Screaming Orgasm." Note: 1 shot Vodka, one shot Coffee Liqueur, one shot Amaretto, one shot Irish cream liqueur, one shot cream, one shot milk; shake all ingredients with ice and serve in a glass with ice and garnish with a dust of chocolate powder.
There was a cry of female pleasure from the somewhere in the crowd, which just motivated Harley to get extra naughty. "Make it a double and keep them coming!"
The floating head was unimpressed as he had heard most of the jokes related to the name of that drink. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and half the women here." Of course this was the Bar with no doors and the drinks were very good, and sometimes… correct per their name (which was why the Screaming Orgasm drink was so popular that night with the ladies).
…
On the stroke of midnight Whistler said
"Let us now toast the deceased!"
And he sank his snout in a stained-glass keg
Of alcohol and yeast
Nine Lithuanian dancing girls
Each sucking a fat cigar
Jitterbugged along the beer-strewn top
Of the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, of the Hammerhead Bar
…
That's when Harley turned and started dancing the Jitterbug in front of Pamela. "Come on Red… Let's dance!"
Pamela, being (usually) the more rational of the two voiced her concerns. "Har… we don't' know where we are or how we got here, not to mention not having any money."
"Pfff…" Was Harley's reply. "Two gals like us in a joint like this paying for our own drinks? Even if this was an all guy gay bar, that aren't happening." Likely because the guys would be all ga-ga over what they were wearing rather then their actual persons.
Pamela did have to admit that Harley had a point. Oh… what the hell… When in Rome and all that stuff. With that Pamela likewise began to dance the Jitterbug with Harley.
…
Those days are gone, those dancing days
Of bacchanal, of drink
Whistler sleeps with mermaids
Groupies are extinct
The famous DJ is doing time
For acts lewd and bizarre
And only dust remains, boys,
Of the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead Bar
Of the Hammerhead Bar
Of the Hammerhead Bar
Of the Hammerhead Bar!
With the ending of the song a roguish young man, dancing by himself, made an appearance. He was tall, thin, dark haired, dressed in brown and green leathers with knee high black boots, and was wearing a golden helm with two little horns. "I have heard the tale of your tragic plight, might I assist the two of you in the question of your libations?"